Video Transcript: Protect your Marriage

So we're restoring people so that as we look at society in general, we can contribute to healthy, living, wellness, self awareness and so on, biblically, God's way, so marriage. What does this look like? What we're going to be doing is we're going to look at the principles brought out from Scripture to begin with, of course, and you'll see this in the PowerPoint that is being presented today, and also how we learn from the His Needs, Her Needs material and check this out: http://www.hisneedsherneeds.com/. http://www.hisneedsherneeds.com/. You could please look that up. That'd be great. Perhaps you're at your computer, you can watch, you know, both, if you have a desktop, laptop or whatever on your your smartphone, go right to it. http://www.hisneedsherneeds.com/ All together, lowercase, and I'll take you to Dr Harley's material. Dr Harley and his wife have done excellent work in helping people to affair proof marriage. So how do we protect our marriage? Exodus, 20:14 says, Do not commit adultery. Do not commit adultery. And of course, Exodus 20 is that famous passage where we look at the 10 Commandments, or the top 10, as some people say, or and of course, God's law, the Torah, God is saying to you and me, I love you, don't commit adultery. Give life to someone else who you're called to be married to, one husband, one wife, man and woman. That's the biblical model for marriage and design for marriage. It's all spiritual as well. It's the perfect embodiment, an example object lesson, if you will, between us and God, where God's relationship with us is like a marriage between us and the you and the opposite gender. If you're a woman watching today, then again, that man of God that God called you to, or if you're a male watching this today, that woman of God that He has called you to, to protect and provide for marriage. Do not commit adultery. And how we look at this where we don't enter, we don't enter, we go there. And Dr Harley, in his book His Needs, Her Needs. It came out over 25 years ago, he talked about how to affair-proof marriage, not to go there. What happened in the scenario, he paints the first part of the book. The story about, well, let's just call them Jack and Jill, and Jack, he's working every day, providing for his family, his wife. She's in her PhD program, and she is into her books as time goes by. So the story goes, Jill is in love with her books, oh boy. And she's constantly working, focused on that and even skips dinner time and and doesn't come home luntil late every single night for weeks on end. And Jack is getting a little lonely. Know over there, and as he comes home from work, and as he is there in the evenings, and of course, when he gets up in the morning to go back to work, the tough thing two ships passing in the night, and eventually Jack, well, he received some more attention from Denise, who's over at the workplace. She starts to pay attention to him, starts to give more outward and external respect to him and they begin to spend time together at lunch breaks and and other breaks, and eventually even after work hours. you can tell where that's going. Jack does enter the danger zone, the adultery zone. Eventually he runs off for Denise. Not the real names. Of course, it's just a story, but the point is, God said, Look, don't go there.

And Jill, of course, in this story, she's bewildered. She's being beside herself. How can this happen? Well, time was spent in other places. Intimacy was sacrificed. Connection was disconnected. So the marriage we look at our world around us, what messages are we receiving? Honestly, we get it from both sides, both from the female side and the male side, from the human experience in the media. It's been said that women's magazines, by Katie Royfee in New York Times, she says women's magazines practically recommend adultery to the readers as a fun and healthy activity. You're thinking to yourself, what I want is to follow Jesus. I don't want to go there. But also, the magazine has said an affair can be a sexual recharging, an escape from a worn out relationship, a way into something better. Well, my friends, that's deception. That's a lie. That's not true. Absolutely not true. Marriage is not sex. Sex is not marriage. The sexual act is an outflow of the marital commitment, agape love, as I'm sure you've examined that word before, compared to eros and philios and storge, those Greek words for love, especially eros, which you know, the word that gives us the word erotic, from the Greek to the English, agape, though, meaning commitment love, laying your life down for that person. And that's what marriage is all about. Jesus laid his life down for us. We give Him our hearts and our lives. And so this is deception. This is not true. Also Harper's bizarre of the same opinion, women's marriages are improved by their affairs because they think they get their fill of rapture elsewhere. What goes back to Jack and Jill their story? Jack is over here, Jill is over here, and Jill is sacrificing those times that she needs with Jack to build an intimacy, to build the marriage.

Media, yes, of course, an outdated television set on the script on the slide. But of course, we get the point the true power of mass media is the power to redefine normal. Redefine normal because it's so visual. And of course, with other messages we receive from the visual to the printed text and from the verbal media and example that's modeled to us by people around us. It redefines the normal that God has given to us, which says God's normal is marriage, commitment, life, because the media says, Oh, this is what's accepted. This is what's accepted by whom, and by what? Who defines our normal? we say, God. Those we see in the media, they go elsewhere, and because they also create a whole new set of expectations. Prime TV and films. Here's one statistic that I'm sure and probably larger they always are, but this statistic says sort of Prime Time TV. 65,000 sexual references are made every year. It. And, of course, seven out of eight of them involved extramarital relations and affairs. Of course, here's the film "indecent proposal." That was a major motion picture from the from Paramount, and Robert Redford, Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson, saying, oh yeah. Well, if I pay you this much money, and you do this with my wife, and then we, you know, take care of this plan and isn't it great? That's just sick stinking thinking, not God's way. Marriage needs to be protected. Adultery does this? I could probably bring it back. You see the animation some of you may have been a victim of this, and we hurt with you. Some of you, of course, are looking at perhaps a choice you made. God forgives. God forgives. Tranquility in God's economy is Jesus Christ, who laid his life down for you to give you life, because the word adulterate means to contaminate make impure. Hebrew root, no, not off. No, no. Apostat No. Apostatizing To abandon one's principles or promises. And so as we're scratching the surface here, we're also getting a little deeper too into what marriage for marriage needs to be. Don't be controlled by your body. Kill every desire for the wrong kind of sex. Well, don't be immoral or indecent or have evil thoughts. Colossians, 3:5. In addition, Hebrews 13:4, give honor to marriage and remains faithful to one another in marriage, God will surely judge people who are immoral, those commit adultery. Of course, thanks be to God. As we confess our sins, Jesus Christ is faithful. 1 John 1:9, and he will forgive us of our sins and purify us from all righteousness. But as we are in the act of any sin, and sin is equal. There's no level different levels of sin. Sin is equal. There may be different consequences, but sin is sin. Scripture also makes clear too that we need to look at who we are in Christ and and the choices that we make individually and also relationally., as we look at the goal in this lesson today about healthy marriage.

So six ways to affair proof your marriage, six ways. That's really an affair, not only between you and another person, but also you and maybe work, of course, you, and maybe cocaine addiction, you, and maybe shoplifting addiction, maybe you and too much alcohol, you and spending time elsewhere where you ought to be with your spouse. We're all guilty of it, and there's not moderation, there's not balance, but we're really committing the affair. So the first step is to make a commitment. We said, I do,. I will make, When we say I do to our wife or she says I do to her husband, we then say, we're thinking to ourselves, now you are my wife. Of course, then she's thinking, Now, you are my husband. What do I mean? The expectations that you've always had of what a husband ought to be, or a wife ought, to me, finally rise to the surface. They bubble up to that surface at the top of the of the water, if you will. And so when you finally move in with each other, move in to be with each other, or even if you you are living together, let's say that's the choice you've made, I don't recommend that, it's not what God intended. Marriage needs to be that sweet surprise of new life together. But for those of you who have crossed that line already, and you finally do get married, then you say I do psychologically, mentally, a switch is flipped in the brain, and what you expect of your spouse comes from the family of origin, like we talked about in previous videos. Remember the story of Dr Les and Leslie Parrott when she is there that Christmas morning and he is still sleeping in 9am and she is, course, working on all the vegetables for the lunch and and is thinking about getting ready for church here pretty soon, and she's with her mom and and the whole expectation is, you get ready for the dinner that is at lunchtime, but church first, and then then lunch, and  then we do presents. And of course, she bursts into her husband, her new husband, this is their first Christmas together, and she says Why aren't you up yet? And whacks him with that pillow. Ah, the expectation about Christmas was not communicated prior to saying I do. And there are other pillow whacking expectations, perhaps, of how you buy a car, or how you do your budget, or how you decorate the house. It's good to talk. It's good to listen, first, speak next, hard to do because we we want to be heard so badly, and that's truly why we take the first step of making a commitment. Making a commitment, saying II'm committed to you. I am. And of course, we always had that first part of a marriage to it with marriage, it's that, commitment such that we are committed to saying, I love you, I love you, I love you. Oh, isn't this great? Oh, wonderful. I love you. I love you. I love you. And man, we just have the best ever relationship. Now, as married people and I can't wait to live life with you.

I commit myself to you, but as we know that with marriage, you have what's called that honeymoon period. Honeymoon period, life is great. Oh, I'm so in love. I'm in bliss. Oh, and now we are able to have sex together, and wehave joy together and have a house together, no more pressure about, you know, people looking over our shoulders before we're married, saying, Hey, what are you doing now? We have the freedom within marriage to do what we're blessed to do, and life is just grand. Then after that first year, for some that first month, maybe even that first night, maybe something you know I'm talking about, or maybe after that second year, or on average, as the researchers have found, at that third year, as that honeymoon period begins to wane and all of a sudden, boom, something happens, that argument. And we have chaos, usually years one to three, and then we have chaos where life, well, it's just upside down. What happened? I don't understand. She says, and he's been disillusioned. I don't understand either. I thought we had it all figured out. But why don't you like blue curtains? She says, Why don't you let me drive the car? She says. And then he says, I want to do the budget. Why do you why do you feel you have to always have the checkbook, or even you do or why should we do everything online? Don't you know about identity theft? Oh, and she says, No, it's a practical way to do it. And you have conflict. Remember the video on conflict, and we get into the red zone, blue Zone, emotion versus the real issue. Yeah, for in this, this chaotic stage during that first year, that's her third year, or however that works out over here, and then that chaos time. And  that depends on how you finally hit the bottom, you hit the bottom, you then are in that place where it's 'It's okay.' I think we are gaining clarity, but you have to stay committed. Stay committed, and commitment takes perseverance, and perseverance character, and with character, there is hope. So says the Scripture.

Let's go to the second step about affair proofing the marriage. Psalm 119, of course, how can a young person stay pure by obeying God's word and following God's rules? Of course? Proverbs five, be faithful to your own wife and husband, and give your love to her or to him alone. I magnify the consequences. Okay, you're in the chaos state. Are we going to hit some kind of bottom here? And we feel like we're spiraling down. It's just not that fair. I feel out of whack and like a fish out of water. But we do, of course, I encourage you to get help with God. All begins a prayer, with a pastor who cares about you and will walk with you, as well as perhaps an accountability partner and another couple, let's say. who's been in marriage a long time. That's a great way to go. And, of course, help from the family and community, if that's Lord willing, that's available and and we assume, hopefully, that is available for you, but to look at the consequences saying, you know, we've got to look at what this bottom could look like. And hey, we're committed. Divorce is not an option, no way. And we will stay faithful. We will stay committed, because we don't look at this, look at that. Divorce, hurt, pain, that's not where we want to go, like the 'do not enter' slide we saw. Don't enter that way, wrong path. It's not about feeling. It's about fact. Feelings are different than facts. The fact is, you said I do and we want to look forward to the I Will getting through the issues, not go around the issues. Oh no, not to avoid, say the couch is the issue, and you're not there to go around the couch. To go around the issue, is to say, I know we're in this chaos stage. Usually this hits about year four, year five, for some people, about year seven in their marriage. Or, of course, as I said earlier, maybe into the first year already. And we need to look at what bottom we need. 

It's like an addiction. If we surrender, because we've hit that bottom. We've hit the bottom so strongly and extremely that all we can do is look up to God so he could fix us. I can't fix my wife. She can't fix me. You can't fix your spouse. That's step two, magnify, understand, clarify what the consequences are. As you go forward through the issues, six good reasons not to commit adultery. With these consequences, incredible damage to to your spouse. First Corinthians 6. Don't you know that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her. He marries her. For the scripture say the two are united into one. Also, you do incredible damage to you. For example, in with community recovery, I've told you about other videos how we have recovery nights, and we have 10 groups that meet at the same time and and one group we've had in the past is divorce recovery, or relationship recovery. The truth of the matter is that, as one of my leaders from the from the past, that she was on my first leader, she said, and she had been through a few, a couple of divorces, and she said, you know, as I've come through my recovery, and Jesus has healed me, but during that first year, second year third year, for the first five years for me and for many, you are not you. You damage you. You need to work on you. See, get back to square with God, yourself and the community. Proverb 6 says, But the man or woman who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he or she destroys his own soul. Don't lose yourself. God has a plan for your life. God will use you, as I said, with dark sides. He'll use the shadow side and the raw material, the mistakes we make, and falling down, getting back up. He'll use that. But that's not where we want to major in; we want to major in life to the full, as Jesus promises.

Also, you do incredible damage to your kids, provided you have children. Exodus 34: even so I do not leave sin unpunished. God says, I punish the children for their sins of their parents to the third and fourth generations. And what that means, here in our modern day terms, is that we saw consequences that are felt after the divorce, and so often we have kids who are seeking help and at community recovery because of a mom and dad who's split up for whole variety reasons, and they're trying to heal. They're trying to heal with God's help, through Jesus Christ.

Now we can we do number four, incredible damage to the people of God, the church. If there's a divorce between husband and wife, it's difficult to know how to relate to the husband and relate to that wife. How we reconfigure our relationship in the course that there's hurt and trust broken, because often we do life in community. We can't run islands to ourselves. We are united with the body believers. Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 5, don't you realize that if even one person is allowed to go on sinning, soon, all will be affected. We need to really address the need, and also address how there needs to be again, admission of sin and admission of forgive and need to be forgiveness in the whole context of grace. Grace, not judgment. Be non judgmental here, but to offer grace and to walk with and journey with those who have chosen that path of divorce, and adultery for that matter, because also too as husbands and wives, not only are we modeling Jesus Christ to each other, but also to our children and also the people around us. Again, that marriage relationship is about it. It's a perfect reflection albeit imperfect. But you know, I'm trying to say if it's where our marriages need to reflect, our relationship with the Lord, loving, unconditionally, non judgmental, forgiving, uplifting, empowering.

Well, another consequence is doing credible damage to your witness. I thought you were a Christian, people might say. Yeah, I still am, but I am broken, and I need the help of Jesus as much as everybody else. I surrender the Lord, and so we need to continue to work on ourselves Second Samuel, but you have given the enemies of the Lord great opportunity to despise and blaspheme him. In context, of course, to saying, hey, work on your relation to the Lord. Work hard and affair proof in your marriage. Work on godly marriage and make your mistakes. Work on the chaos stage, as I wrote that, wrote that in the board here behind me, and work on the witness of marriage and family

Also you sin against the Lord. And that's goes without saying. Genesis 39 How could I ever do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God. And of course, you know we see that lamented throughout Scripture with many of our our Bible characters, people, God. Yeah, they were stinkers. Were stinkers. We need help. But, of course, with God's power, we can achieve healthy married life.

All right, maximize your marriage. Now, coming back to our illustration about honeymoon, period chaos, period hitting a bottom. Often it will be that well, we then go into that state, that stage after you're again, going into year four, year seven, maybe or or whichever, we kind of go through and go help, hopefully, Lord willing, look up to God and look, go further. Go north, finally, where it's their time of reality, reality. I think we're back on track. Yeah, I think we are. She says, and he says, Yes, come on, honey. I help me understand. I hear you saying, and with a lot of reflective listen prayer first, and reflective listening the Holy Spirit heals and mends. And see growth. Ever been in a Bible study, and people say, Oh, I grew today. And they're in the Scripture, and they say, oh, so what it means to me as it looks through Scripture and so forth. Boy, we really grew tonight. Well, actually, you had just a good feeling. That's part of growth, good feelings, but also it's where we get convicted, too. So God brings us through that process of being convicted about  the choices I make. Me and the choices I make can really either mess me up or embolden my faith and also embolden my marriage, empower my marriage to get back to reality and come back, get to that place of, Well, we do love each other. Yes, we are committed whatever it takes. But then, of course, we've got life that goes like this, and and then we are up here, then we go down here. And then, you know that drill, and, Lord willing, we will have more and more opportunities where we learn from our low points. But then we're able to get back to the mountaintop and be able to go this way, God's way, so that we know the cycle, we understand the process of how with marriage, we need to continue to work on expectations.

Don't blame shift, and where we're blaming our spouses for what we've done, and always ask the questions I've said in other videos. How am I the problem? How can I listen? How can I hear? How do we maximize our marriage? How do we get through this, this honeymoon, or being back on track to dealing with life and its realities, and we recover, we grow, and it's painful. But how can we maximize marriage?  Well, 1 Corinthians 7 says a man should fulfill his duty as husband, a wife should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs. Of course, that's sexual in nature, but it's also emotional. And everything is spiritual, everything, and not only is it about duty, I think that the word, the English word there in the Scripture about duty, yes, there is duty there, but also it should be desire. I want to. God makes it so that we, Ephesians2:8-10, For by grace, we've been saved by faith, not by what we do or works, lest or that any person should boast, saying, I did it. Yet look at me. And then we go to that place where we say, but then Ephesians, 2:10 says, For we are God's workmanship created in Christ. Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Of course, that that correlates well with First Corinthians, 12 of being a body of Christ, head, feet, hands, arms, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, of Christ. So to desire God when we say thank you for saving, me Jesus, I'm yours now. I want to, I love you: same way with our spouse. I want to, they want to do God's way, to bless you. How can I bless you more? For some of you, you're there, and others of you, you're working towards that again. So desire and duty. Okay, now we get into basic needs, his needs, her needs. Marriage is all about that.

The realities are there based on the research that Dr Harley did, and with his wife's help in this as well, they both contributed to this research and and data and, of course, experience. And if you go to his needs, her needs.com. You also see for some great videos, about 25 minutes per video, about six of them with Dr Harley, his wife, in those videos, and they're well produced, and he has a number of couples with him and the video, and they talk about these needs, let's take a look. So sexual fulfillment, that's the number one for the man, according to the research. Now some of you guys saying, Yeah, sex probably number two, maybe or maybe it's companionship, watching TV together at night before you  go to go to bed. Or maybe it's, you know, going out and bike riding together, or running together, or taking that walk together, companionship and having the attractive spouse as well. But for many guys, sex is number one. And then with these other needs, they come at different places or at different places. In general, attract a spouse, very important for the man, domestic support, where she is there to support, but also God's created us as men, as as husbands, to provide, to protect, provide, to protect, as well as admiration. And I might add in there respect and admiration. And so with these five needs, top five for a male. Ladies, please take note. Take note as you want to bless your husband and or as you're looking forward, if you're engaged, you're looking forward to blessing your husband and so forth.

Now the lady. Basic needs of a lady, of a woman. Surprise, it's not sex, it's affection. Affection: hugs go a long way, guys, affection, emotional connection. Sex comes later for the lady, which makes us as men and women, very, very different, different as God has created us different. It's obvious. Affection is that number one. Need conversation. Do you hear me, she say., So guys, you come home after a long day at work, your plumber or construction, or you're in ministry full time, or your counselor or or you're you're working with the people in social work and and other community work, or you're volunteering a lot too, and you're coming home, you say, oh, man,  I'm still in go mode, and I'm still at work in my head. And she says, Honey, come here. Come here. She's home and and she's gotten back from work too, and has a lot to say. And what she expects in this need for conversation is that you, as a husband, are to sit down, and she sits to say, she sitting here and says, Honey, I had a big day, and did you know and this and that? And she said, I can't believe it. Oh and then the boss, what was he thinking? Or what was she thinking making that decision about our corporate budget or hiring that new person who I wanted, the other candidate, or whatever, she just goes on, and see guys, we go into fix it mode. We want to take out this, our imaginary toolbox full of emotional tools, if you will, in our minds Anyway, yes, I'm the guy. I can fix it. Yeah. And then we try, we interrupt. And she gets frustrated. You've been there. She gets frustrated. She says, Ah, stop. Will you just listen? And for the next 30 minutes, we as guys, finally do, I hope or longer. And she says, Oh, thank you. Oh, no, I hope you understand. I feel as if to say, and sometimes she will say, I feel heard. I feel heard. That's really what the wife is saying. Conversation, really the top two of a woman's need.

What's the third one? Thirdly, honesty, openness, honesty, openness, so that you say what you mean, you do what you say, be open, don't hide. Sometimes, as guys, we can we tend to close ourselves off. It's how we're built, and depending on our temperament, of course, remember the temperament video his my way, fun way, peaceful way, doing the right way, or for doing your way same time. We need to be folk, be open. We need to be available, emotionally and mentally, to our spouse, to her as men.

Fourth, financial support, provide, and that's what we learned in Genesis chapter one and two. Adam, man, is to provide for his wife, Eve, or whoever your wife's name is, Adam and Eve, He was there to provide support and also commitment, family commitment. So those are the needs. And these needs are, of course, addressed by Dr Harley, his wife. And on the videos that you'll find on the website, his needs, her needs.com, and as we look at these needs, we also look at the love bank. It's a fun picture about looking at love banks as if you go to the ATM, and I'm going to get some love, or source withdrawals, or I'm gonna put some love in. And when we're looking at the whole thing of honeymoon to chaos and of course, going God's way and going through ups and downs in marriage and life, a love Bank is a good analogy, good metaphor, where your heart is like a love bank, or your heart is the love bank, and a person's five basic emotional needs are so demanding that if any of them go unmet at home, and that spouse becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair, that's the bad path. Jack and Jill. Jill was doing many withdrawals with her emotional ATM card, then doing deposits, deposits, that tragic result is almost certain if someone outside the marriage begins to fulfill the need that is not being met within the marriage, as we've discussed, sex versus affection, I said it already. Sex is not affection. Affection is not sex, and marriage is not sex, and sex is not marriage. 1 Corinthians 7, but because there's so much sexual  immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. Period. And the husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman. Nor should the wife deprive her husband. Now, that doesn't justify rape. It does not justify power, control, moves using sex. No, this is out of love, grace, commitment, desire, and to help one another connect with God and with each other as we are focused on Christ centered marriage, the wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband authority to order to his body, to his wife, which means to empower, to support, to lift up, to be a lifter, to put deposits in the law bank. So, do not deprive each other of sexual relations. Of course, you can give yourselves more completely to prayer and afterward, you should come together. If you need that time apart, the Scripture says so that Satan will be able to tempt you for lack of self control. But again, in husband and wife, time with sex, sexual intimacy, sometimes you need that time away, but also having that time to come back. God first and then each other. And of course, to look at sexual temptations due to sexual immorality, each person should marry. Marry partners are to fulfill their sexual duties. And as I said, already, desire and God commands you to stop depriving each other of sex as husbands and wives. So we do deposits. Affection is the environment. Sex is the event, and marriage is where there's commitment, that's the foundation. Come from Christ and to the Holy Spirit into each other. As Mary Elder said, it's really easy to leave your spouse. It's not easy to leave your best friend. It's very true, the husband must give his wife what she has the right to expect. So to the wife, to the husband.

Manage your mind. Fourth thing, manage your mind. There are four steps to an affair, accepting sinful thoughts in your mind, emotional, non physical involvement, physical involvement, and also rationalizing the affair. As I said, not just a person, but also work, also that drug, also, well, that choice. James one says temptation is the pull of a person's own evil thoughts and wishes. These evil thoughts lead to evil actions and afterwards to death. Romans 16, I want you to be wise about what is good and innocent and what is evil, and we need to look at maintaining proper relationships. Don't listen to someone else's marriage problems. Okay, you may be there to support and to maybe help, but not to fix. And don't listen to those problems so they become your problems. That's what we call codependency. And also don't go fishing for compliments. Beware of the sense of electricity between you and the opposite sex when it comes to those outside of the marriage, and avoid a prolonged stare or lingering tongue. Much again, when needs are not met, that's where we can get into the danger zone. And number four can lead to a downward spiral tha takes to that bad path of an affair with another person. Ephesians5, of course, but among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual morality or any kind of impurity. Guard your heart. Guard your heart. Minimize the opportunity. Be careful. Oh, I would never behave like that. Let this be a warning to you, for you too may fall into sin. First Corinthians 10 and First Corinthians 15. Don't be fooled by those who say such things. For bad company corrupts good character. How true. And in Malachi 2: 15, guard yourself in your spirit, then break faith with your wife or with your husband. The pathway back to purity. Pathway back to purity. Maybe you have fallen, maybe you need to get back up. And there needs to be reconciliation. God is a God of reconciliation.

Yesterday, we're looking at healthy marriage, but also we are looking at reconciliation and and one of the things that Dr Harley and his wife said in one of the videos is, you take time to watch those videos, if you are in a compromising place with you and another person. Or, of course, as I said too, about another choice, other pattern in your life that's taking over. End it. Stop it. They said you see them right there on the recording. Stop it. End it immediately. Thirdly, avoid all contact with that person that you were crossing the line with. John 8, neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more. Jesus said that to the woman who was caught in adultery. Of course, we could do more Bible study on that here, but the main point is Jesus said, I forgive. I lift you back up. Yes, you fell down, but now go on and sin no more. God puts you back on your feet and can keep you going God's way again and again. Protect your marriage. Protect your marriage. God loves you. We do too. We're praying for you. And again, work with God's word right there in your midst. You begin with prayer and also with your spouse, as God has given you the roadmap for successful, healthy married life and.