Video Transcript: Christ-Centered Families

Some of the very worst sermons in the world are preached on Mother's Day. This might be one of them. That's always the danger one risks, especially with an opening sentence like that. But it does remain true that some of the worst sermons in the world are preached on Mother's Day. And there are a number of reasons why that is so. One reason is that many Mother's Day sermons aren't very biblical. They're preached in praise of mothers and a stab is taken, grabbing a text from somewhere that might fit the occasion. And sermons usually aren't that great if they're not based on the Word of God and use the Bible kind of more as a pretext than as a text. So that could be one hazard in Mother's Day preaching. Another hazard in Mother's Day preaching though is that motherhood and family life are presented in a very sentimental and unrealistic approach. The praises of motherhood are sung to the heavens and and maybe rightly so. But it can leave kind of a misleading impression and the wonders of the family as this haven of peace in a difficult world, as this place of of unending joy where we all just have a fabulous time together. That has a couple of problems. One is it's mostly a lie. And another is that it does leave other people not realizing that it's a lie, quite discouraged. 

Some know it's a lie, because our families aren't like that and it undermines the credibility the gospel to say Oh, homes are always a ton of fun and motherhood, isn't it just wonderful? Motherhood is really hard, and it can get very discouraging sometimes and kidhood isn't all that fun when mama is crabby. My all time favorite Mother's Day card remains that will never be surpassed the one that my brother gave to my mom on Mother's Day. It was much better than many sermons at least more realistic. It started out on typical Mother's Day serving fashion with. It was a homemade card but he copied it out from another card, you know, saying all sorts of gooshy  and mooshy things about mom. And then at the end he thought he had to add a personal note but sometimes you're crabby, love Tim. So okay, that will always remain my favorite one and with pride I mentioned here with some regularity because that's Mother's Day with a little more realism. We appreciate mothers and we love them very much. But sometimes you are crabby. 

And home life is a great gift from God and we're gonna see just how important it is in many ways. But home life can be the hardest place in the world, the place of the most intense struggle of the biggest heartache. It's not this sweet little haven from kind of a tough world. Many people find it more of a haven to get out the door than to get back home again. That's not true of everybody, but it's true in more than one place. And so the difficulty of of an unrealistic sermon that just makes home sugary and sweet and unrelenting happiness at all times. One is that it can undermine the credibility the gospel if you know that's kind of a crock because the preacher talks that way on Mother's Day. Are you going to believe him the rest of the time? The other problem is that you may think that boy my home is I get crabby sometimes. We have our difficulties; our kids bicker, or they do stuff they say words they shouldn't say, they do stuff they shouldn't do. I do stuff I shouldn't do. I fly off the handle, but man I go this church and everybody has it together with me. Man, you know, we just kind of lose it. We fall away far short of what real Christian families are. 

And so that can be kind of a hazard and I've heard that sometimes stated from people here and they say, Oh man, you know, I wish we had as good a family that's good America has everybody else in family of faith. Boy, then you need to get to know us a little better. Because you know, I've been around for 10 years and you know, I don't be rude. But sometimes you know, there's more hangups in the phone company. We have a lot of struggles in our individual lives and in our lives as families and we have to, the sooner we're just kind of honest about that rather than pretending everybody has joy, uninterrupted the better off we'll be. So again, this may be one of those disastrous Mother's Day sermons. But I hope to at least avoid the false sentiment and just the unrealistic portrayal of family life is like. 

Now, as we look at this passage, I want to focus mostly on just a phrase that gets repeated twice, in the Lord. There is specific instructions about how wives are to relate to their husbands and husbands, wives, children, parents, parents or children and we'll look at that. But I want to do it above all thinking about it in the Lord. It is not that family is just kind of a naturally fun place to be, with naturally nice people 100% of the time. The call is to live as families in the Lord being very realistic about how sinful and fallen and broken we still are in many respects. And at the same time realistic about the presence of Christ in our lives, about the reality of Jesus Christ in our families. And so when you look at this passage, the wife husband relationship is one that is in the Lord whatever that means. The child parent relationship is in the Lord. You'll notice that literally that where it says children obey for this pleases the Lord. It actually, in the  original it says this is pleasing in the Lord. It's a reminder that as children and parents, you’re in the Lord. As husbands and wives, you're in the Lord and now let your lives reflect that. If the Lord is in you, and you're in the Lord, then your life project for family is to show that in some way. 

And so as we look at Christ centered families, I want to briefly just say, if you're in the Lord and this is the wider teaching of Colossians. You’re not gonna take a couple of verses and grab them and take them as your marching orders. I mean that can be helpful, but in the wider context, Christ in you, the hope of glory, is what Colossians is all about. Christ in you. And so if Christ lives in you display his life in your relationships, starting with your family. And your display of Christ’s life in you is no more likely to be perfect in family life than it is likely to be perfect in your relationship to your neighbor, or in relationships at work or any other kind of relationship. It's a work in progress, to put it politely. But that it's neither less nor more a part of your life to have Christ in you and then to display that in your family. And Christ also, if you're in a Christian family lives in other family members, and this is important to keep in mind even when you're most ticked off about them is that Christ lives in other family members. And one of the reasons that Jesus put you in that family is to identify the Christ life in someone else, and to nurture that and to build it up rather than to discourage it or to get in the way or to tear it down. So be aware that Christ is in you. 

Be aware that he's in others. And, you know, this does need saying. Family members are people too. Some of us actually treat others outside our family better than those who are in our family. I know sometimes, you know, when I'm home and I'm grumpy and I'm scolding somebody and the phone rings. Hello, Pastor Feddes speaking and all is well. You know, if somebody who a minute ago couldn't restrain his own temper is suddenly on the phone being Mr. Nice and Mr. Politeness. I know how to be polite. I've never been as mad at any of you as I have my own kids. You're lucky because and I think I'm not the only one. I've seen people who say well, I just couldn't help, I got so mad. You know, my kids have done that too. Where they’re just so mad or so furious and if that phone rings, all of a sudden it’s a picture of composure, because now they're all also talking to somebody else. And just remember family members are people too. So hold yourself to at least a higher standard for relating your own family as you do to other people. Now some of us aren’t very nice to other people either. So anyway, improve all those relationships. 

And then finally, each role within family life. I'm gonna explore that a little further. Each role within family life has its own design in God's plan to display something in kind of unique way about Jesus Christ. Now just wanna go back and I said, your family members are people too. And you should be treating them in the same way in the same Christian way as others. So we're doing a work in progress, but we're to listen to what God teaches us about relating to other people. And so I'm just gonna go back to earlier verses for a moment and say, I'll apply that to your family life too. We talked about life together, the Bible talks about putting to death certain things, sexual immorality, impurity, evil, desire, passion, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Now, that's general instruction for all Christians, but it's short of applies to family life. 

How many marriages have been wrecked by people who did not keep an eye out and put to death sexual immorality. Who played games with somebody and ended up with an affair or who played games with their internet and wounded up addicted to pornography or played games with their covetousness and got so greedy for money, but they forgot the people that mattered. You got to put that to death, says Paul, in general, but it sure needs to be put to death in family life. And he also says put to death what’s earthly in you, when it comes to anger and wrath and malice and slander and abusive talk from your mouth. That would do an awful lot to family life, wouldn't it, not just our life in general. Take everything you know about the Christian life and make sure you're applying it at family life. And when we realize there's a reason the Bible says these things, because we need it. Maybe if we're all just automatic saints that stuff wouldn't need be saying. We need constant reminders not to lose our temper, not to speak abusively and cruelly to others. So the Bible is saying kill all that stuff, and then put on as God's chosen holy and dearly loved compassionate hearts, kindness, meekness, humility, patience, and so on. 

Now, I compare that to getting rid of one uniform and putting on a new one. And in that comparison, the first picture is someone who has a Hells Angel and who dresses like it and who acts like it. He's a member of the Hells Angels motorcycle gang, and he wants to show it. If you take on a new identity, you need to get on some new clothes. So let's say our Hells Angel here decides he wants to put his love for motorcycles to a different use and become a motorcycle cop instead. Well, he's gonna need to start acting just a little differently and maybe dressing just a little differently than he did as a Hells Angel. And so he sheds all that various stuff that he's got indicating that he's a bad dude and that he's, you know that he's a member the Hells Angels and he wears a very different uniform. And the Bible tells us know, if you are in Christ and Christ is in you, then you dress up in a certain way. And you dress up in the way that God calls you too. Put on as God's chosen ones holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, meekness, humility and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another forgiving each other. 

Now, this is all this stuff is just general advice. I'll tell you if this advice is followed and if by God's grace is more and more carried out. Your families would have a fantastic transformation without ever having read the stuff that's directly stated to husbands and wives and parents of children as compassionate and meek and  patience, and putting up with a lot and forgiving when you do bug each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony and let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called as one body and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through him. That's the verses that came just before what is spoken to the family. 

Take those verses and make them real at home. And maybe some of those schmaltzy sermons will be about half true. What a blessing it would be if we relate in this way and if families relate this way. Be realistic about it. There's always going to be more to kill off and mortified. But there thanks to God and to Christ’s presence in you and he is also going to growing in you more and more of his gracious and forgiving person. So just a quick reminder, you're rooted in the gospel of Christ and this needs to be true of your home, root your children and yourself in the gospel of grace of God's forgiveness, of the centrality of Jesus Christ. Realize who you are in Christ, chosen, holy, dearly loved, treat others as chosen, holy and dearly loved, and realize who you are in Christ. Relate to that gracious, forgiving, patient, meek love of Christ. But the peace of Christ rule more and more in your home. Relish the word of Christ. We emphasize that a lot in our home discipleship setting, but it's very important because it applies not just vaguely out there, but in your daily practices, in your own home. That's the first place of discipleship. It's the main testing ground of discipleship is how you deal with those who are closest to you and who know you're the best. You're always representing the name of Christ. You're acting in Jesus authority, for better or for worse, and you are carrying his name to others and that includes a home. 

We're gonna see more of that in a minute how husbands and wives and parents and children are reflecting and showing something about Christ and then living in rejoicing with thanksgiving for Christ. This as just an atmosphere of Christian living may seem very difficult to attain, but it's not difficult. It's impossible. And so we simply need to say this is impossible, and only by the grace of God of Christ in me and the in Christ is even going to get rolling. And it can get rolling. We won't get to the finish line until the Lord takes us but we can get rolling. And so I want to spend the rest of our time right now, just focusing on the fact that each role within family life is designed to display something about Jesus Christ. That's a very glorious thing. It's a very sobering thing. 

Marriage displays this in a couple of different ways. One is about the way that it displays something about the God Christ's relationship in the Holy Trinity. Father, Son and Holy Spirit, three divine persons, but united in being and in love as one God. The Bible teaches this reality of God, the Trinity and God designed marriage to reflect at least something about the way persons of the Trinity relate. First Corinthians 11 Verse three says the head of woman is man and the head of Christ is God. So it's directly comparing the husband wife relationship, in some certain sense, certainly not every sense, but there is some link some sense in which the headship of a man to a woman is similar to the headship of God the Father to Christ. God and Christ are united and equal, with God, the Father leading and Christ responding. That's what Scripture teaches about the relationship between the first person of the Trinity to the second person of the Trinity. Same time, husband wife are united and equal, with husband leading and wife responding. 

Now, when we think about that we need realize that a wrong view of husband wife relationship is a way of proclaiming heresy about the Trinity. If you have a husband with a great superiority complex and who thinks I am a superior life form, the little doormat, she's not very bright and not worth much and it's just good to be me. Well, that's an old heresy, the Arian heresy back in the early centuries of the church said, God the Father is vastly superior in being to the second person of the Trinity Christ. And so if the headship of a man to a woman is meant to reflect something of that relationship of the First Person of the Trinity to the second, then you're preaching heresy, if the husband acts like he's more worthwhile, more important or more exalted, than the wife is. So there's a fundamental equality in there, that you have to maintain. At the same time to just act as though men and men are totally interchangeable and there is no relationship whatsoever, or no initiative to be taken by the man, then you're reflecting the false teaching that the Father and Christ have absolutely no differentiation in how they relate to one another. But Scripture indicates that the father initiates and Christ lovingly responds to the lead of the Father. And so this is one aspect of how marriage is intended to reflect the relation of Christ and the Church of Christ and the Father. 

It also pictures Christ and his Church. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and his himself its Savior. This one gets even more emphasis in the Bible. And it says a little later in Ephesians five, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying it refers to Christ and the church. He's talking about the mystery of marriage, and he says, There is something amazing and mysterious about marriage in which it reflects Christ and the church and the relationship between Jesus and the Church He came to save. Now when you think about that, then it has this glorious and this terrifying aspect to it, because when you are honoring your husband, you're not just honoring him, you're honoring Christ. When you are as a husband loving your wife, you're not just loving her, but you're acting out a drama that is revealing something about God and there’s something glorious about that and there's something horrible about blowing that. 

And so Colossians says Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Ephesians five, verse 25, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. And the basic implication of that is that the way a husband relates to his wife pictures how Christ relates to his church, and that picture may be true, or it may be false. It's probably gonna be a mixture in many cases. But no matter what, you are going to be picturing Christ. If you love your wife tenderly, you're saying that Christ loves His church. If you're harsh with your wife, and nasty, you're saying that Christ is a harsh and nasty Lord. You maybe didn't intend to say that part. But you did. Because that's who you are in the drama. When you got assigned the position of husband, you got assigned the position of playing Christ in the play, so to speak, and that's your part. And if you're blowing your part, you're showing some very false things about Christ. If you love you're at least getting a hint of Christ. 

If you don't lead your wife and seek to help her in her knowledge of the scriptures, seek to help her flourish as a woman of God, then you're saying that Christ doesn't really care to lead his wife in the proper way and to make her more and more radiant and beautiful and holy. If you do seek to set that tone for your home and for her and help her to flourish, then you're saying this is the way Jesus relates to the church. And I can put out a very, very long list of the ways that we husbands do things that will show you there's something wonderful about Christ, or something awful about Christ. We can either make it much easier for our wives to sense the reality of Christ or much harder. 

Now you shouldn't be having a Messiah Complex. The fact that you're assigned the Christ role in the play doesn't mean that you are the Messiah and you always have to be careful to say well I'm the head and I'm the one who reflects Christ. That means I'm always right, hmm wrong answer. You’re to reflect Christ in a certain respect but never get the illusion that you're the Son of God or that you are sinless. But as much as possible you by your various actions and by your role are to reflect and portray Jesus Christ. And wives picture the church's submission to Christ. It's not just that a wife has this inferior life form, but she's not. We already saw that. But she's given a certain role in the play. And as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to her husband. Now remember that in everything that has been kept in context. I'll say more about that later, next week, what submission isn't. Because the Bible also says submit to the government. But it also says we must obey God rather than man. So if your husband is in line with God, then you have the obligation to do what God calls you to do and not what your husband calls you to do.

But anyway, the overall picture is of a wife picturing submission to Jesus Christ and your response to your husband pictures the church's response to Christ. And that picture may be lovely or maybe ugly, but you can't help sending a message because that's the role that you've been given in the play about the church's response to Christ. So if you're cold and unaffectionate toward your husband, you're saying yeah, the right approach to Christ is to be kind of chilly and not affectionate toward Him. If you're always ornery and getting in his face and disagreeing with Him about everything, even in legitimate things, then you say, oh, that's kind of a church's a proper response to Christ. If you are loving Him, if you are supporting him and encouraging him, working together with him, then you say, well, that's the way the church is. It's one body with Christ, and we love Christ. We want to serve Him and build him up and honor him and everything. So here again, we have these roles where we're picturing Christ and his life in Christ. 

Now, just a couple words about healthy headship. We saw already that something but the husband wife relationship reflects something about life in the Trinity. Now, what does Jesus say about how the first person of the Trinity deals with him? My father glorifies me. Okay, so a husband, who wants to be like, God, the first person of Trinity in relations of his life, always want to to glorify his wife and make her look good, and make her shine and bring out the best in her and not do anything that's going to crush her hold her back from bring out the best. So that's that's one aspect of healthy headship. Another is sacrifice. Christ loved the church. So in the Christ Church relationship, we learn something about how a husband relates. He loved the church, he gave himself up for her so that He might present the church to himself in splendor. So that love and that self sacrifice is so vital, and so that we'll see more about this next week. For those of you who are able to hear next week. But if a wife is called a submit, that does not always mean the husband gets what he wants. Because unless in this sense the husband always gets, if what he wants is the best for his wife in a sacrifice for her. Well, yeah, how about it guys? Get what you want, but make sure you want the right thing. Because you're to take the lead in sacrifice. You want to take the lead in sacrifice. That's what reflecting Christ is, in relation to the church. He did not wait for the church to get better or be worth saving. He loved her and made her more and more beautiful and worthwhile. He took the initiative. 

And the third thing about healthy headship is she's your own body. Love your wife as your own body. He who loves his wife loves himself. You know here Paul is just kind of appealing to the good old self interest. Nobody ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we're members of His body. I mean, you know the old cliché. Mummy no happy nobody's happy. That's a little bit of what Paul’s saying here. He said, if you're ever gonna be rude and mean to your wife you're gonna pay because she could be the biggest blessing in your life. And it's partly your job to help her be that. Now what would you think of a head who said you know what, for my own well being and for my general greatness, I think I'm going to take a big old chunk out of my arm, just take that arm and take a good shot of it make it bloody. That head would be a genius now, wouldn't it? Or the head wakes up one morning says you know, that stomach is sure irritating and I am gonna get back to that. I didn't like the way it growled last night. And so for the next four days, no food for you stomach, you're gonna pay. Well, the head might have a little problem if it treats the stomach that way. And Paul is saying here, now if your wife is actually part of your body, and you're treating her that way, she's not the only one going to pay. And he is saying nobody is stupid enough to abuse his own body that badly and husbands, you need to know that you're treating your wife the way you would your own body. So in relation the way the father would treat the son in the trinity, the way Christ treats his church, the way the head will treat its own body, that's the general territory of headship. We can talk about specifics and think about those. But you got to get this most clear. 

Now, about children's attitudes to parents. That pictures are added to God the Father. God says in Malachi one verse six, if I'm a father, where's my honor? He's expecting honor because he's a father. Jesus said, I do nothing on my own authority, but I speak just as my father taught me. Now here again, children and parents are entering into the mystery of God. We're entering into the mystery of God. When a father is loving his children and acting in a godly manner, he is making it way, way easier for his children to relate to God the Father, and if he's not he's making it way way harder. And that's not accident. You can deduct all the psychological surveys you want and read the psychological literature. They will tell you that it is very hard for Christianity to get a good hold among those who have really nasty or abusive or distant fathers. And that's partly by design. God designed fathers to show something about his fatherhood. And when they don't, when their life is a lie, it is a lie not just about I'm not a very good father, I'm sort of mean, it's a lie about God. And it makes God less believable for their children. 

Jesus said I do as the Father commanded me so the world may know that I love the father. Here, we're not talking so much about the father supposed to, but the children. Paul said, Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord. And being in the Lord means that partly that we're also reflecting something about Jesus Christ Himself, the way he relates to his father. When a boy or a girl loves his dad and his mom, you’re saying this is how I regard God. When you dishonor your parents, when you disobey your parents, you're saying that about your relation to God as well to a degree and you may even be preaching that sermon about Jesus. Remember, you're playing the child role, the son role in that relationship. Jesus says, I do what the father taught me, I do as the Father commanded me. I love the Father. When you're a kid, you are saying something about the way Jesus relates to his Father and it may be a lie. Or it may be the truth, probably a mix of both for which we will need a lot forgiveness, as well as hopefully keep on growing. But we need to understand that that's the nature of the. That's the way God made family. He made parent children relationships to reflect the Son's relationship to God the Father Himself. 

And so when you disobey your mom or dad for no reason, that's bad in and of itself, because it's violating one of God's commandments. But the reason it is really most serious is that it's a sin against God. It's a sin against God the Father because you're saying, and it’s a sin against the Son because you're saying this is what childhood and sonship is all about, going against what my father wants. Now, as I said before parenthood pictures the Fatherhood of God as a Father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. Jesus taught us to pray Our Father, who art in heaven. Now that doesn't mean that you have a lousy father, you're doomed forever to be unable to relate to God the Father. But it will be harder until and you've gonna have to learn your fatherhood and so to speak straight from him and straight from Scripture because you didn't get it from the father that he gave you. So it's possible and by God's grace, it happens a lot. But nonetheless, those of us who are parents don't need to make it any harder for our kids than it already is. What did God the Father say to Jesus, you're my beloved Son. With you I am well pleased. 

Now, just one word for fathers and mothers as well. There are a lot of things to learn about parenting and I don't know very many of them. But here I think is maybe about as important thing as there is. If your children know that they are loved, and that you will take pleasure in them and that you are glad you've got them and you just delight in them as God the father delights in His Son. If you love your children, and you are glad to be around them, that is more important than anything else. And that's my childhood tip for the day. The Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. The Father is always communicating to Jesus Christ, and they have this communication and this love, and so it must be with us. And as I said before, that's even worse than those sentimental sermons that people preach in bad Mother's Day sermons because at least those you know, you could kind of have a little bit of good feeling once in a while. This is always high theology and all this impossible stuff of reflecting God Himself. Well, I'm sorry about that, but this is way it is. This is what husband, wife and parent child relationships are, and what they're meant to display. 

And so the only way that we can even begin to do so is to be in the Lord and to have the Lord in us and to pray to Lord for forgiveness and keep putting off and killing that old man who does the other stuff and keep putting on the new one. And every day afresh, seeking forgiveness, granting forgiveness for our fellow family members who sinned against us just as we do against them. It's got to be an ongoing relationship of grace and love. So let's just read these verses together with the knowledge in mind, that these instructions are coming to us as people who are in the Lord. Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 

Let's pray together. Father, we thank you for your wonderful revelation of the glory and the deepest meanings of family. We pray, Father that you will forgive us for the many ways that our families do not reflect these realities, and that you will make more and more of your light to shine into us and then from us into the lives of others. Help us Lord to reflect more and more of your character and also learn to be humble and meek before you and before one another, about the many ways that we still fall short. To be honest about those to keep on striving by the power of your Holy Spirit to grow in grace. To grow in likeness to Jesus Christ, to fulfill the calling that we have in our families to live the Christ life. We pray this in Jesus name, Amen.