Video Transcript: Step Three: Commitment - Do it! (5-6)

All right, last one in this little series on Philemon, how to influence friends and  tactically get along with people. Hopefully you've been reading the assignments, doing all the quizzes, and here we are at the end part three. We looked at part  one, where Paul builds the relationship. Most of the letter to Philemon is that.  And then we looked at how the next few principles are about using that to again, build a relationship. And finally, we've got to the section where Paul actually  wants something and is communicating what he wants, sort of dealing with the  difficult issue of the of the slave Onesimus. So here we are part three, number  5/5. Principle, ask for a lesser commitment. You know they will succeed at so  what's this all about? If I leave in verse 22 and one more thing, Paul says,  prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to  your prayers. Kind of a odd thing. First of all, the whole book is just a letter. It's a small little book. Paul has this issue, and Philemon, they have this issue, and  Paul wants to deal with it. It's like, why is this in the Bible? And especially a  verse like this, this is, so you know something that these two people were  dealing with. Why do we 2000 years later have to know that Paul wanted a room if he ever gets to Philemon place. But I think it's significant. One more thing,  prepare a guest room for me. He's not even asking. He's just boldly saying to  Philemon, if I ever get out of this prison thing in Rome and I get over there to  Colossi, please have a room. Doesn't even say, Please, just as a room. And by  the way, I assume you are praying for me that I soon get restored, that I get free  from this prison house that I'm in. Not only does Paul expect the best in terms of the whole Onesimus question, this whole thing of accept him back as a brother  in Christ, but he's not shy here. Paul's not shy about asking for a specific favor.  And on what basis could Paul? Paul be so bold? And I hope you know what the  answer is. The answer is that Paul has a relationship with Philemon. He's been  building that relationship in this letter, and we assume that he's been building his relationship with Philemon for years. Maybe he led him to the Lord. Maybe it  was Epaphras who led him to the Lord, but Epaphras was led to the Lord by  Paul. There's a connection. They've been talking they're part of this whole new  movement called Christianity being built all over the world. And so Paul has a  relationship, and now he's cashing in on it. When you have a relationship with  someone. You can ask thing i i have a relationship, boldly ask her to do things  because we have a history. I can ask certain people in my church, you know, if  they'll do this or that for me, because I have a relationship, if I don't have a  relationship with someone, it's very difficult to ask something of that. So that's  number one, why Paul, you know, can boldly ask. But I think number two, he's  connected somehow. We don't know exactly. Maybe you let him to the Lord, or  maybe there's a connection in there. So there's a, there's a kind of a fatherly role that perhaps Paul has notice. He assumes Philemon is praying for him, and  Paul lets Philemon know that he Paul assumes this, so that's a bold thing too. I  know that you're praying for me. I know you're praying for my release, and so in 

light of that, when I get released, please have this room prepared for me. Do  you expect the people in your life to pray for you? And how might you remind  them of this expectation? So this is where you're not just, you know, building a  relationship. You are actually pressing the relationship. You are having  expectations that you are putting on the other person, and that's where you  need relationship material, but that's where relationships grow. These are the  things that I expect from you, and then one of the things that you expect from  me, this is where relationships actually go to the next level. Paul asked  specifically here for something that he knows Philemon can easily give this isn't  a hard thing. Philemon has an estate. Obviously, if he has, if he's wealthy  enough to have slaves that he can lose, you know, he has some means. He has an estate. Preparing a room for Paul if he happens to come by, is no problem  whatsoever for Philemon. So how does. Asking for a little thing, helping in the  asking of a big thing. Paul did not write this letter just to say, file, even if I ever  get there, please ever room for me. He does ask. He puts it out there. He  assumes it's going to be a positive response. But I think he throws it out there  because it is sort of, it's sort of a strategy. Why does this baby step, I want to call it baby step strategy, work in trying to motivate people. So you have this  important, this big thing that you want to ask, let's say you're unmarried, and you see this person of the opposite sex you're attracted to, and you think, wow, I  think I'd like to marry that person. The first thing you don't walk up to someone  and say, Hey, what's your name and would you like to marry me? That that  would that, that's too big a question. So you start with something small, like,  Who are you, where are you from? Would you like to go out to coffee and we  can, you know, just talk. You start with a small thing that people are more likely  to say yes to then go in with the big thing. People are reluctant to make a big  step, no matter what it is. So if you're asking your team to do something  different, or to think of a new strategy in your business, or if your church is going to start a whole new initiative, recently, in our church, we want to, you know,  revamp our whole small group system. We've had these small groups that are  run a certain way. We did a little experiment this past year. It worked really well,  and I think we should incorporate it into our whole small group system, which is  going to change things. And some people you know, have been doing it this way for a long time. And and of course, they're gonna they're gonna wonder what,  what is this and what is it gonna do to our current system? They're immediately  against it. I can tell you that the first time someone hears of a new plan, I don't  care if the old plan was not working. 50% of our people aren't involved in it and  so on, saying, you know, we should really try to do something to get more  people involved. Doesn't matter. People that are involved in something they're  used to it, even if they themselves don't like it, people are more likely to stay  with something that they know, even though it doesn't work, than to try  something new that possibly might work better, and that's just the way it is. 

People need time to ease into it. So instead of starting with a whole plan, we're  changing everything. What we did this past year is we had a little trial balloon.  We said, for the next six weeks, we're going to mix up all the groups, and we're  going to study this one thing, and we made a little booklet, and it was all about,  you know, the Mars Hill thing in Acts, where Paul speaks in Athens, and he says, you know, he notices that the people in the town worship all these gods, and  there was one for the unknown God. And Paul starts talking in their language so  they could understand and describing this unknown god as the real God. So he  uses it as a way to speak. So we we had these six lessons on how do we  communicate to our community? We our church is right in the middle of town. It  used to be a grocery store. The post office is in our building. They, in fact, rent  from us, so it's right in the marketplace of our of our town, and we have light  poles, and I want to put something on the light poles. So I made this whole study about, what do we put on the light poles? Should we put a verse on the light  poles? Should we put a saying? What should we put on the light poles? So we  had to study, you know? And so we took them through a study. You know what  verse made a difference to you when you first came to Christ? What verse for  you describes what our church is? What verse Do you think a new person would get something out of and we just progressively moved from their own, what they  would like and what speaks to them to finally, what do you think a person has  never been to church? What would what would they respond to? So we spent  six weeks doing that. Different groups made up. It worked great. We had like  90% participation. We gave them a baby step. Let's try this little thing for six  weeks. For this particular reason, they did it. There wasn't all the objections. It's  a small thing. It's a little thing. Doesn't upset the apple cart. But now they had a  taste of that system. So now we're going to come back and say, well, maybe we  should do like one of those in the fall, one of those in the spring, and maybe  change up our whole small group system, see if we'd started with that, they  never would have gone forward. It would have been dead in its tracks. People  would have been afraid what's going to happen. I know these people in my  group, yeah, well, what about people that aren't in a group? This will help. Well,  you know, I don't care about that. I care about my group. But because we did  this baby step, they got used to it, and then you progressively get to a bigger  thing. Baby number three, baby steps can finally add up into the big thing.  Number four, the new thing eventually becomes familiar. So for most people,  they are comfortable with familiar. Maybe a person has a lousy marriage, but  they're comfortable together. They at least know it, and people will stay in a  lousy marriage rather than fix it, because if we fix it, we don't know what we're  going to get. So you have to start small. The next verse, Philemon. This is the  last two verses of the book. There's only these few verses, verse 23 and 24  Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ, Jesus. So Epaphras is actually the one  who's who Paul left in charge in Ephesus after he had been there for a few 

years. And many scholars believe that Epaphras is actually the one that led  Philemon to the Lord. So there's a strong connection with Philemon and  Epaphras. And Paul Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ, Jesus, he's with  Paul in Rome. Sends you greetings, and so do Mark Aristarchus Demas and  Luke, my fellow workers. We don't know exactly who these people are or what  their connection was, but these are people with Paul, the grace of our Lord  Jesus Christ. Be with your spirit. So that's how the book ends. Part three, this is  our last principle we're grabbing out of the book of Philemon. Number six, end  the conversation talking about the relationship web that you have with this  person. So we've been talking about Paul Philemon, there's a problem with  Onesimus the slave. So we're talking about, how do you deal with people that  you know, you know there's a problem that you have to discuss. You have to  have this whole relationship thing that you built up. What Paul does is he starts  the whole letter talking about a relationship. Web. And he ends the letter talking  about the relationship. What web at the end. Here we go back to that. Paul is  talking about all the people that Philemon knows that are with Paul. So these  are all the people that are with Paul, that are in Rome in the beginning. Notice  Paul ends the conversation where he started. So how did he start? Philemon?  1:1, Paul, a prisoner of Christ, Jesus and Timothy, our brother to Philemon, our  dear brother and fellow worker. Also to Apphia, our sister, Archippus, our fellow  soldier and to the church that meets in your home, Grace and peace to you from God, our Father and Lord. So he, he, he begins talking about the people that are with Philemon, that Paul is connected, I'm connected to all of these you people  over there. And then he ends the book by talking about all the people that are  with Paul, and all connected to Philemon. So he's beginning and ending in the  exact same way, and sort of covering everybody that we're connected to. And  notice he says Grace and peace to you from God, our Father, and the Lord  Jesus Christ, at the end of both of them. So he really ends up talking about the  relationship Web. These are all the people that you're connected to. These are  the people that I'm connected to, and somehow we're all connected to each  other. So reading between the lines, I imagine something like this, what Paul is  trying to say, Philemon, I am a prisoner of Christ, just as Onesimus is your  prisoner. By the way, you are a prisoner as well. We are part of big team of  people, and as a team Philemon, what are we trying to do? Tell people about the grace of the Lord Jesus, a grace that grants us unmerited favor, the kind you  need to give to your former slave Onesimus. This may be troubling to you, and  you may lose some sleep over this, but in the end, the Lord Jesus will guide you by His Spirit. I'm not going to force you to do anything. I'm just presenting all of  this stuff, and we're all in this together. The people that I'm with, the people that  you're with is the church that meets in your home, the churches that meet in all  these other cities, we're in this together. So how does a manager use the  relationship web that one has in common with those he or she manages? 

Number one, tell stories of the people you both know that have successfully  done what you are trying to encourage. So if you're trying to encourage  someone, so Paul is trying to encourage Philemon to do something tell stories of other people that you've helped in the past. So in my church, I don't just, you  know, here's what we should do. I talk about other churches where you know  stuff like. This has happened already. I find articles about other churches that  have done similar things to what I'm proposing. I'm not just coming in here with  a brand new idea. This is our brothers and sisters around the world are trying  some of these things. Our brothers and sisters around the world have struggled  with this area, just like we have struggled with this area, and maybe we can  learn something from them. So tell the stories of people, you know, you know, if  I'm working with a couple that their marriage is a total disaster, I try to tell a few  stories of of couples that had a disaster, just like you did. And this is what they  did. And they started praying together, and they started meeting, and this is  where they are today, and the same thing can happen to you. Number two,  communicate that what you are encouraging someone to do is part of a team  effort. I'm not just asking, you know, fine, Paul is not coming to Philemon and  saying, you know, I got Onesimus. He's been helpful to me, and I'd really like  you to set him free treat him as a brother in Christ, just for me, just because I'm  asking, just because it would be nice for me to have Philemon. No, he Paul  presents it in the larger context. This is a bigger thing that's happening all over  the world. Christianity is going into all these new places. And there's the culture  that says that people are, you know, put in categories. You know, those people  over there are Roman citizens, and over here there are people that are not  Roman citizens and and they're at different levels. And then you have people  that are slaves, and they have no rights whatsoever. And so a person is who  they are based on, you know, where they were born, based on their race, based  on and so Paul is saying, you know, Christianity is turning that all upside down.  It either whether you're a Roman citizen or not a Roman citizen, it makes no  difference to God. You are a child of God, no matter who you are, and it doesn't  matter whether someone calls someone a slave or not a slave. So there's all  these passages in the New Testament where Paul says it doesn't matter male or female slave or not Gentile, Jew, your distinction as a person in God's eyes  does not depend on those things. You are a child of his. And what what matters  is that you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, and you do that by faith and  and you get reborn into the kingdom. That's what's important. It doesn't matter  what your past was. And so Paul is saying this, this whole thing is not just  between you and I. We're a part of this whole worldwide movement that's going  on. So when you're communicating to someone and you want to, you want to try to resolve something, if it's just about you two. You know, a lot of times people  think a fight is between two people. It's never between just two people. Two  people might be arguing about something, but it's never between just two 

people. If the boss and the employee have a problem and they argue about it  and talk about it, the employee goes home and he tells his wife, the wife has the same problem. We might get we might lose the job, we might not have money,  we can't pay our bills. It affects the kid. It affects everybody. Nothing just  happens between two people. It happens all the way down the line. So we're a  part of something. What I do or what I don't do affects not just me and you. It  affects the people around us. So when you're trying to persuade people, you  need to let people see the whole team number four, help the people you are  trying to manage to see the goal of the organization, that it's bigger than one  person. So I guess that's what I've been saying that you know, for Paul, the goal of the organization is the church. It's Christianity itself. You might be in an  organization that's trying to sell something and do something and and team  members sometimes go off on their own. And you're trying to motivate someone  to do something, maybe they don't want to do it. You have to convince them. In  terms of the team, look, I have this role. You have this role. Let's see what we  can do about it. And finally, number five, help the ones you're trying to manage  to understand that they, by their actions and attitudes, can either help the others  in the organization to succeed and then ultimately help the organization succeed with its goals, or they can hurt others and then fail, not only themselves, but  Watch the whole organization fail. I've seen this in organizations, big  organizations, where the interpersonal relationship issues become so tangled  and snarled that people start doing things for themselves and not thinking about  the team, and then the team loses the whole organization. Goes down, and then every single person in the organization gets hurt. So what I love about The Book of Philemon is Paul, you know, puts everything that he's going to say to  Philemon, he puts it in this bigger context. He starts out with everyone that  they're connected to, and he ends up with everyone that they're connected to.  We are a connected people. If you're managing you're connected if you're if  you're in charge of your family, you're connected to these people, and they're  connected to their families, just your family. If you just took the principles that  we've been talking about in this book and applied them just to your family? Do  you understand how important that is? If you have two children, and your two  children grow up and have two children, and those children grow up and have  two children in 400 years, you have a million people in your family tree. I know  you're thinking now that's impossible. Just sit down and do the math, a million  people in your family tree that are going to be influenced by what you do right  now in the family that you have that is by far the most important organization  that you are a part of, by far, and that family, if you're a Christian, is put into the  larger Christian context, God has you here on the planet for a reason to affect  the lives of other people. If you just help two people, and they help two people,  and if you only do that two people every 20 years, that legacy will be a million in  400 years too. So God puts us on this planet, and he allows us to be an 

incredible influence to the people around us. So we are part of this. We're part of something huge and something big, and it's an incredible responsibility. And so  when you're dealing with people, think about that. It's a whole it's not just a thing that you're trying to accomplish as a pastor in a church. You know, we have  things that we have to do. We have the service to do. We have this project that  we're going to try this summer. We have Bible studies to run. We have groups  that want to do this and want to do that. And I can start thinking that I just have  all these things to manage. And sometimes I lose sight that that person is a  person that God put on the planet, here to be a witness to wherever in their  family, to wherever they go. And when I'm talking to him, it's not just the thing  we're trying to accomplish for today. I want to leave a legacy, that he will leave a  legacy with the people that he connects with. God has him here for a reason,  and all of us together are a part of this thing called the church that God is  building. So helping people see that broader thing, especially when you have  trouble. Okay, so if I'm doing that in my church, I'm trying to help people see this  bigger thing. Now, when we have a small issue, Paul had this issue with  Philemon, about Onesimus, we got a problem. We have a misunderstanding.  We got something we ought to solve. All right, let's do the hard work of solving  that. Let's listen to each other, be open to one another, but, but remember the  bigger context from which we come from this? This is not the center of all  Christianity. This is one little problem that you and I have. So when a boss is  going to argue with his, you know, employee, about some issue, okay, let's not  make that one issue bigger than it really is. We have to always keep putting it  back into the bigger thing, and then we end up doing the right thing. We end up  listening to each other, listening to each other, and honoring so I hope you  enjoyed this little study of Philemon. I hope it's useful for your management.  Again, I mentioned in the last video that we're going to have a PDF. PDF will be  at the back end of this, of this, course, and it's just a little thing you can print out  and, you know, take a thing and cut it out, and it'll be a little pocket version of all  these principles. You can just stick it in your pocket. And you know, when you're  gonna have a meeting with someone, if you just pull it out and just quickly go  over these things, pick out a couple of them that you're going to try. I think good  things will happen. You have to put these things into practice. If you don't start  putting these things into practice, this will just be another course that you take,  grab some things, and then it'll be gone. So please put these things into  practice.