Victoria - Welcome once again, we are now at week 11 and on segment two, I'm really excited to jump into some strategies as we think about those big  behaviors, things like meltdowns, those behaviors in which there might be some  kicking, screaming, biting, yelling, or simply defiance, right? Those big behaviors that cause a challenge in our church communities and how we can proactively  work against causing those big behaviors. 

So remember in that last segment, we talked about the antecedent, the  behavior, and the consequence being kind of an ABC process in which  behaviors happen. So I wanna talk about being proactive to work against those  kinds of behaviors happening. So let's talk about proactive strategies. 

So for starters, some interventions we can do. So treat people with dignity. This  feels like a no brainer and we've talked a lot about treating people just as  individuals with value and worth, but this is a long way of ensuring that people  are treated with dignity. 

And this is very easily paired with the idea of assume competence. So assume  that people do understand what you want them to do and that they can do  things. So assuming that from the get-go and just helping to think about what  can we do to support them doing these things or if you notice a lack of  understanding, then start to work with that, but always assume competence. Don't assume someone has low intelligence or doesn't know what you're doing,  right? Always assume they know. And be patient. 

So just extend grace and slow down sometimes. Be patient when people need  more time. Rushing people is a great way to trigger anxiety and that can cause  some big behaviors. 

So being patient is also gonna go a long way. Next is respect boundaries. And  that might mean getting to know some of their own personal boundaries. 

Do they react when you are too close to them, when you have strong smells,  when there are loud sounds, when they are being rushed, right? What kind of  boundaries do individuals have? These are really helpful things to know about  and just to always approach with respect. 

So a few other ideas are just be prepared. Here in the United States, we talk  about learning from the Boy Scouts of America in terms of be prepared. Have  your lesson plans ready ahead of time.

Have your materials ready. Because if you get into a room and then you're still  gathering materials and figuring out how to plan for what you're going to do, you  have lost everyone's attention. And so I hate to say this, but I think you've  earned some of those big behaviors if you are now out of control of the room  because you were not prepared with everything when you came into it. 

So be prepared. And then know individual's needs and preferences. This falls  right into knowing those puzzle pieces, knowing their sensory needs, their  physical needs, their needs for support, but also some of their preferences. 

Do they like to read or is it better for them to listen to something, right? Is writing with a pencil going to work well or writing or coloring with a marker going to work better? Can they sit here or can they sit there? 

Can they stand, right? Having preferences that you can accommodate for also  will go a long way. Know the space and the equipment. 

And by this, I am talking about know the space that you are in. So I used to be in charge of a twos and threes classroom when I was in children's ministry. And  this space had a large open area in the floor. 

And I got to know that in that space, children were going to run circles around  that big open space in the floor. So we moved some tables, we rearranged  where a little doorway was so that we broke up the space. We put some  bookshelves here and there so that now children were not going to run around  the entire room. 

We created more like workstations and book areas and a snack table area so  that kids had sort of zones in which to engage instead of just running  rampant. And we actually put some little climbers and toys in an area so that  there was a more active play zone. But so knowing the space can be really,  really helpful and how you can break it up and use it on purpose. 

But also knowing the equipment. And I've mentioned before in situations in  which there's a medical condition or maybe someone uses a wheelchair or a  walker or has hearing aids or even wears glasses, right? Think about what  people come with. 

So they are used to this equipment or maybe it's new to them to have this  equipment to help them motivate around or to help them to see or to hear. So  this equipment is something that is essential and supportive for them. So get to  know as much as you can, again, respecting boundaries.

But know what you can know about the equipment that comes along with a  person or that is helpful to use within the room and that will support their  participation. All right, a few other things. Provide enough support. 

So find out and try some things since you are providing the right level of  support. And be ready to respond to defensive, hostile, angry or noncompliant  behaviors. I think if we just expect that sometimes it will happen, then it doesn't  catch us so off guard and we keep our cool when it happens. 

If we just expect that this can happen sometimes, especially if we're introducing  something new, doing something different or maybe challenging people beyond  what maybe they are used to in our context. So I'm gonna go through what I call  the one, two, threes. We did the ABCs of behaviors. 

Let's go through the one, two, threes of some proactive strategies. So here we  go. One, know the person. 

I think I've said this enough throughout this course and you've heard Barb say it  in her segments as well. Get to know that person's gifts, their areas of strength  and also their needs for support. What do they love to do? 

What are they good at? That kind of thing. So know the person as best you can. So notice things about the person, all right? So if you're interacting with people,  something like this little interaction where one person's carrying a surfboard so  the other person comments, you're so kind to carry the surfboard. And the other  person might say, you're so great at greeting friends with that smile. 

So you notice specific things about the individual that you can praise them  for. And I highly suggest you notice things that they control. So behavioral things like a smile, like a greeting, like doing something and not so much physical  things like, oh, you have beautiful eyes or your cheeks are so rosy or what it  might be because those are ways that God created them. 

They can't actually change that. So I suggest noticing things that people have  control over and those behaviors that you can praise. And when you start by  praising good things, then you've started the conversation off on a good note. And then when you notice things that also need adjustment, you can bring that  up as well. But you're noticing the positive as much as possible. So in all of this,  in getting to know a person, develop a relationship.

And I learned this from Reverend William Gaventa who has taught on disability  and theology for many, many years. And he suggests this sort of triangle of  things that you are one component and so is the other person, but the  connecting piece is actually the sort of top of the triangle. And that's that thing  that connects you, something you have in common that helps you develop a  relationship. 

So what can you connect over? Are there things that you have in common? Are  you both sports fans? 

Do you have a favorite color or song or whatever it might be? You find those  things to connect with and that's what helps you to develop a relationship is  having something in common. Those can be things that help you to gather at  times outside of church. 

Those can be things that give you something to converse about, maybe trade  information or trade objects regarding, right? So it might be looking at puppy  pictures on your phone or having a photo album or having baseball cards or  stories from playing football or soccer, whatever you call it in your context, but  it's having that thing in common and that goes a long way as well in just creating rapport and relationship. So along with that, and we've hinted at this already,  learn what calms this person. 

Maybe they are creative and so painting will calm them. I have known many  individuals who are very into artwork and creation, whether that is something  that you would consider them talented in or not is really not the issue here. It's  about knowing what calms them. 

So having some clay or some painting materials or coloring materials for them  can be exactly what will help them to calm down and know that they have  something they can do that they simply enjoy. It might be listening to music or  just putting some sound blockers on or sort of relaxing with their own set of  sound happening and that can be a great thing. I've known some individuals  who really enjoy actually having something squished down upon them. 

In fact, my own children have asked me to take some firm pads or even just a  big blanket and wrap them up in it really tight. So just having that compression  on their bodies can be very, very calming. And so some individuals have a big  

beanbag to crash onto and then even ask for another beanbag to be crashed on top of them.

And these can be some things that you might have in maybe a sensory space,  but maybe those are just some options you have around the room so that they  get that tactile and sensory feedback and that can be very calming. So find out  what it is that calms the individual that you're thinking about right now who's had 

some big behaviors and find those things out and try to make them accessible  within the space where you are. All right, so know the person and I wanna focus  for just a moment on some of that sensory stuff. 

So their sense of taste, smell, sight, hearing, touch, and remember that means  things that touch you as well as things that they touch with their hands. The  body awareness, the body signals, temperature, right, those sorts of things. And the vestibular system and the proprioceptive system and the sense of balance  and where you are in space. 

So as I say, get to know the sensory stuff. Remember we talked about those  areas that we might be oversensitive or undersensitive. So knowing what their  sensory system might be saying and is this big behavior being caused by a  need within the body because there is maybe too much stimulation, not enough  stimulation, is there hunger, right, or is this person tired? 

What are they signaling through these behaviors? So knowing their senses and  thinking about some unmet needs can be a really helpful place for you to be  investigating as you're that behavior detective. Something else I really want to  mention is trauma. 

And I have learned much from the organization All Belong who are experts in  education and they talk about neurodevelopmental trauma. So the idea is that  our actual thinking within our brain can sort of be paused and our brain  development can be paused and stuck when trauma happens, when there's  been a life event or especially if there's ongoing things that are causing  trauma. And so consider that trauma may be a big part of these big behaviors. 

They may be a reaction to things that have happened in the past or something  that is happening now. And that literally causes the brain to get stuck. And so  behaviors are the way that they are communicating that they need help. There's something going on in life that they cannot control. They feel out of  control. They are hurting. 

All right, so think about trauma and how it can be impacting the person with  whom you are working right now who's having these big behaviors. So trauma is a big piece of this and I encourage you to look some more into trauma. And I do 

have some things in the supplemental links in this week for you to look at with  that. 

Now, I want to think for our number two here. So one, know the person and that  includes sensory things and considering trauma. And two, know the plans and  strategies already in place. 

What is on this slide is a picture of a toolkit that some volunteers and I, so all of  us working together, those of us with disabilities and without, we're putting  together these toolkits for an organization who is teaching people and providing  them tools for having plans and strategies with behaviors. And so the idea here  is that many people who are working through trauma, who have big behaviors,  who have some disabilities or areas where they need support, if they are in a  school environment or they have a therapy in their life, they will probably have a  plan from a teacher or from a therapist. And so you might have something like  this, an IEP, an Individualized Education Plan. 

And this one's just a sample, but the idea here is that if there is a student or if  they, again, have a therapy in their life, they have someone who has made a  plan and have helped them to set some goals and then is tracking with  them. How are they meeting those goals? What kinds of things are helping them to develop? 

And so you can ask what kind of plan might already be in place so that in your  church context, you can follow along and have similar things going on. That  might mean that you get to learn about some of the equipment that is already in  their life, some strategies that are in place, maybe some tools they're using like  a visual schedule, like timers, like some routines that have been set up, maybe  some tools they use for reading or writing or some cues that they use for social  interactions, maybe some scripts that they've learned for how to interact with  people or how to respond to certain questions. These are all things that you can  ask about to say, we want to follow along in this setting as well so that there is  consistency across settings, which also helps with behaviors and with those  unexpected things so that there is repetition, there is consistency, and that is  very comforting, but also so that you can lean into some of the expertise of  those who've already put together plans that are working well or you can find out what isn't working well and maybe you can even offer some ideas too, but it  allows for you to also have some support in how you are interacting. So I highly  encourage, find out what plans might already be in place so that you can  collaborate on those plans. So third is to visit.

And I mean, come and see your environment. So think about, I picture young  children envisioning their trip into outer space, right? So sort of looking out the  window thinking, I want to go to space someday, but what is it like to visit that? So think about it. Look before leaping is the way I like to say it. So again, we're  kind of thinking about those previews and we've talked about that as a strategy,  but I'm saying literally come to the space and visit it before it's full of people,  before the worship band is already playing, before all of the activities are  actually happening. 

Come visit the space and get familiar with it. This can be very, very helpful. So  that might mean watching the service online. 

If you provide that for your congregation anyways, send someone the link so  they can watch what it looks like online. Watch from the outside. I've actually  been a part of some times when, for example, a youth who wanted to join youth  group or wasn't sure they wanted to join youth group yet, simply participated by  showing up and just watched from far outside the circle. 

And for several weeks, that was what participation looked like for this individual  was simply watching from the outside of the circle as everyone else kind of sat  in a circle and had discussion and did singing and prayer and all of these  things. And then over the weeks, the youth leader gradually invited this  individual in until he was a part of the circle. But sometimes just watching from  the outside can be a very helpful place as well. 

And maybe you have a cry room or you can see the worship from a  distance. And that's just really helpful too. Invite people just to watch for a while  before they decide to engage. 

You don't need to force people to engage before they're ready. So that can be  helpful. And then there's the idea of being a participant observer, which means  you're coming, you're watching, you might have a little bit of a job to do and  maybe it's to report on what they noticed worked well and what they thought  could be improved. 

Or maybe they're writing up what was this experience like for them? And so they get to come one time and observe what's happening. And then you meet with  them to find out what did they think about that? 

And that can help them to, again, have purpose in their coming beyond just  having to participate. And it allows them to say, I'm not committing to being here  all of the time, but I want to see what's going on here. The other thing that I 

would suggest, especially if you have youngsters or people who have parents or guardians or caregivers who help them in most areas of life, is invite that  caregiver or that guardian to attend with them at least two times. 

Now, that doesn't mean that their caregiver or attendant or guardian is gonna be with them as their buddy or as their helper every single time, but it's you saying  to that caregiver, we need to learn from your expertise and we need to transition from this person being used to having you as a caregiver with them all the time  

to having someone else, some of us here with them instead and as well. And so  it's a transition plan and it's to get from them some expertise of what works well,  how do you help interact with this, what are some things that are helpful for us to know so that this time can be successful for all of us after you are doing  

something else during this hour or this couple of hours, right? So just ask them  to participate for a couple of times so that you can learn from them how this  individual will function best in this setting. 

Now, I also suggest the opposite. So that was talking about having individuals  come visit your space. How about going to their space as a way of connecting in relationship and going to a person's home can reveal a lot about a person and I  think can be really helpful. 

Find out who else lives in the home. What's the routine like? How far away is it  so that when they are coming to church, you have an idea of whether that was a five-minute trip to church or an hour and five-minute trip to church, right? 

What is normal there? What is it like to eat and to sleep and how do they do  scripture and prayer in their home? What do they want to show you? 

And again, thinking about how can you connect with each other, what are they  excited to show you in their home? Something that belongs to them, something  that they need, something that they want to give you, something that they want  

you to try, right? So these are all great relationship-building things and again,  respect boundaries but just building relationship by visiting them in their space  can be a wonderfully honoring thing for individuals. 

Now, coming back to visiting your space, I kind of already mentioned this but  visit it when it's empty. So the classroom without all of the kids in it, the pews  without everyone standing to sing already, extremely helpful for individuals to get settled into the space and to feel comfortable and you can even guide them  through the behaviors of what it looks like to participate here and what others  will be doing, so really helpful. So these are just a few ideas for you to kind of  get ahead of behaviors and to think about when those behaviors erupt.

Again, you are a behavior detective thinking through what is the cause of this,  that antecedent, right? What is happening that's triggering this big behavior? Is  there some trauma in their history? 

Have they been injured by someone who is doing things like this? Was that a  sound that they heard in a very stressful situation at some point in their life,  right? Is there simply hunger or thirst involved in the equation? 

Are you asking them to perform things before they're ready to, right? So ask  some questions of yourself and of the situation when you're seeing those big  behaviors erupt and if you can do some of these one, two, threes, you are going to eliminate a lot of big behaviors simply by kind of nipping them in the bud and  getting ahead of them because you know the person so you already know how  to treat them with dignity and respect, how to put the supports in place that are  gonna help them to thrive. 

You know what calms them when that behavior starts to come and you'll be able to see when that behavior is erupting, right? You'll notice what those little signals are that their body gives off when that big behavior is about to erupt. So maybe  their voice gets a little bit louder before they start to erupt with their fists, right? 

Or maybe it's that they say that I need a crash and that means they want to slam onto that beanbag and then have something heavy slammed on them because  that's gonna help their body to just reset and re-regulate. It might be that a cold  water could be helpful. I know some individuals who use a cold water bath to  help just reset their entire nervous system. 

Now again, I'm not recommending any of these things be what you do for  everyone because I certainly don't suggest that you put cold water on a person  without them knowing it might be coming. That will be a terrible trigger for all  kinds of behaviors. But do you know what this individual does to calm  themselves? 

Have you had any conversations about how to calm yourself? How are your  behaviors creating a calmness as the leader? So those are the kinds of  questions to ask when you are a behavior detective is what is causing the  behavior? 

How can we get ahead of it? And then we're also gonna talk about what we do  when those behaviors are happening. And that's gonna be the next section.

And there's some really great reading that I want you to take a look at in this  course segment because there are some articles in here with some great  strategies and tools in place. And I've also got some notes that I've taken on  some trainings that I've had. So we're gonna talk about those in this next  segment. 

So hang on for the ride as we present some more strategies for when those  behaviors are happening, how we can deescalate situations, and then how we  can handle when behaviors have happened and how do we bring  restoration. So I'm gonna bring back up some of those restorative practices that  I just slightly introduced you to when I talked about that relationship window and  how we do things with one another. So relationship, proactively having your  space arranged, having your materials set up, having supports already in place. And now we'll get into what we do when those behaviors happen.



آخر تعديل: الاثنين، 11 مايو 2026، 9:02 AM