Video Transcript: Addictions and Addictive Behavior
Wow. I just love to hang out at the house, wearing this robe, having leisure, having my coffee and more of it, yeah, and more coffee and more coffee. I got to have more coffee. Wait a minute. I need to shop. I I don't think I have enough shoes. I don't have enough shoes that for for my closet. I, those are old shoes. I need new shoes. It's not going to be right if I don't have enough shoes. Wait a minute. No. Need more shoes for the wife, for me, for my kid. Oh yeah, this is old. I gotta go get the sales. What am I doing? My bathrobe. I gotta go. I've got a shop I got I need more stuff. I need more water. Oh, water. Oh, amazing. It's life giving. And God says Water is life giving. I need 10 cases of it. Let's see. What else do I need here? Oh, yeah, you know, gotta have the best. Ah, fill those olfactories smell. Ah, I need more of it. More. Oh, there's a coffee. Yep, instant. I'm going to need some more beans. Grind those suckers up. Yeah, more shoes. What's happening? What's really going on? You're thinking, wow, this guy is out of his mind. He's insane. He needs more stuff or to drink more coffee because of a caffeine buzz. And what most people don't know is you can also get high on the water, needing the best of the best, mugs, shoes, shopping, got to have it. I need more, or maybe something else I can ingest and get rid of all my issues, deny all my problems, and live life the way life ought to be lived, my way Addiction. These are examples of addiction. Now we're all aware of addiction. We're all aware that some people have to shop to feel good. Some people are looking for the next high because they can't stop after 10 cups of coffee. And as I mentioned, too, from other professionals I've talked to, even water can be addictive, or even not eating or making sure you have the right shoes, the right clothing, the right look, the right life. And it's not right, it's wrong. Whatever the case may be, addiction is destructive. Now we all understand and know that addiction is destructive. I'm Dr Mark Vandermeer, and I've worked with people who have struggled with addictions for over 20 years. As I oversee our nonprofit organization and ministry community recovery, we have seen people come and go where because of some for example, and one of our people just recently was put in jail because of their addiction, because of their connection, their need for that substance, in this case, with our our person, our brother, who we love dearly. It was cocaine. His house was raided just five days ago, put in jail and probably going back to prison. We don't know just yet and over the past 17 years that we've known him, he's been in and out of prison because of guns, drugs and the life, what is this baffling behavior we call addiction? We need to define it. We have many examples that come over our new screens. We see it on Google when it comes up, when we put the letter A and the D and another D, and we have add maybe addiction comes up in one of the options, or maybe, you know, somebody, personally, and most of us do, who have a problem with alcohol or a problem with shopping or a problem with well, people, places and things, addiction is insanity. In fact, often what we call addiction is trying to hit the insanity button again and again and again, trying to get a different result. I
mean that trying to do something that is the definition of insanity. Addiction is the embodiment of what insanity is, trying to get the get the same result, doing the same thing and well, nothing really happens that is profitable. Nothing really happens that gives life and addiction begins to control our lives. So the title of this course is breaking the cycle of addiction. As I mentioned a minute ago, we need to first understand the definition of addiction so we can then address it. We can then understand it, we can then see the cues, know the signs, and move forward in helping others. Journeying with others quite often, we think we can fix people with addictions. Truth is we can't, only God can. So in this video, we're going to look at the definition of addiction and what it's all about. And the next video is look at the theology of addiction, and then addiction models. And beyond that, look at the addiction cycle in more depth, as well as how addiction affects the family, the economy, society, community, and also the church, addiction is a fact of life. So what is addiction? Addiction? First of all, let's go look at some scripture. We first of all look at Romans 7 in Romans 7 Paul looks at addiction in terms of sin and shall I sin more so that grace may increase, by no means, he says. So. As we look at this, what should we say? Then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not. Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. Now we look more into this as we get into the next video about the theology of addiction, For I would not have known what coveting really was. For example, the law had not said, You shall not covet, but sin sees the opportunity afforded by the commandment produced in me every kind of coveting. For apart from the law, sin was dead. Once I was alive, apart from the law. But when the commandment came and sin sprang into my life and I died, I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death for sin. Seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. So then the law is holy. The commandment is holy, righteous and good. And then Paul goes deeper. Did that which is good then become death to me, by no means nevertheless, nevertheless, in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it used it used what is good to bring about my death, so that through the commandment, sin might become utterly sinful. We know that the law is spiritual, but I am unspiritual. Ah, so we're now getting into the thick of it. We're now getting into the the problem of human nature, I and sold as a slave to sin. Now this is where we you probably are a bit ahead of me. And if you've been through, of course, the CLI courses have gone through doctrine and so on. Say, oh yeah, Original Sin. Absolutely. We go there as far as original sin. But now let's we're going to bridge that over into what we understand as being addiction. Looking further, I do not understand what I do, verse 15 of Romans 7. I do not understand what I do for what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do, and if I. Do what I do not want to do. I agree that the law is good as it is. It is no longer I myself would do it, but it is sin living in me. If I know that good itself
does not dwell in me, that is in my sinful nature for the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. And you're probably thinking as a good theology student, yep, that's the problem of sin. But hold on a minute. It also applies to addiction, because as far as I'm concerned and you're concerned we're all addicts, we are all addicted to something. We all have an IT. We have life issues, and we all turn to something other than God. Per Paul here where things spring to life in us that are unclean, not healthy, and patterns unhealthy, patterns that produce sinful behavior. Let's read a little further. What I hate I do verse 15 and verse 16, and if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good as it is. It is no longer I myself would do it, but sin living in me now verse 18, for I know that good itself does not dwell in me. That is my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good that cannot carry it out. It's good to read that again verse 19, for I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do this I keep on doing. Let's read verse 19 one more time. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do this I keep on doing. Now, if I do what I do not want to do is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in Me that does it. So Paul is bringing us to that truth of the redeemed life, which we'll explore again in the next video, in more depth, but we need to touch on it today, because, ah, we know ourselves, we know our faults, we know where we fall short. And addiction is the title, the moniker, the the description of what we do when it comes to trying to meet a need that we have. And eventually we hit a wall or hit a bottom, as we say in recovery ministry, and we look up and know that God is the only one who can satisfy. God is the only one who can meet the needs that we have that we look to other things, people, places and things we say in recovery to satisfy our unmet needs. And what goes with addiction, of course, is denial, which is not a river in Egypt. It's also, of course, anger, where we take things too personally, and also where we try to bargain. We try to make a deal with with other people, and of course, with bargaining. For those of you who are Grief counselors, you're probably thinking, yeah, bargaining the big part of Grief Recovery, grief processing. And I would argue that with with addiction, we go through that grief process all of the time in order to accept the fact that we need God alone. But now let's unpack it even more. Let's take a look at again, from here to there, the Scripture to the application of what addiction really does to us as a pattern. It comes in all forms, all sizes, all contexts, everywhere. And as I was having some fun, yeah, coffee, water, shopping, all forms. Because for you to say to me right here as you're watching this video. Well, I don't have any problems. I don't have many issues anymore. I belong to Christ. My identity is in Jesus Christ. Yes, it is. But let's not forget the doctrine of sanctification and redemption, where it's a daily progressive process becoming like Christ, and we're always dealing with life issues, until the day we go to be with Jesus in heaven. So in the meantime, let's try to understand what's going on with you and me because I need help. How about you? We all do in addition, when we
say that we're fine, Oh, I'm fine. How about you? I'm fine. How are you? Yeah, you find the smiley face at church or you're at the grocery store. Hi. How's it going? Now you have genuine joy. God gives us joy. So when we say we're fine, fine really means this. I'm freaked out, I'm insecure. F, I I'm neurotic, N. E and I'm emotional underneath all the smile, all the mask that we put out, it's truth. So what is addiction? Let's take a look addiction and it is as I'm trying to and, of course, working with technology here, there we go, defining addiction, it is distinguish addictions from habits and identify the signs of addiction. But these are more objectives we're going to do with this PowerPoint. Also we're going to discuss the addictive process, the physiology of addiction, the biophysics, bio, whoops, biopsychosocial model of addiction. There we go. Describe types of addictions, including gambling, work. We can start from where that okay, oh, there we go. So I can edit that out. Sure. Okay, let me just Okay, here we go. Okay, yep, starting out from so what is addiction? Okay, this will pop up right away on the screen. Okay, tell me down 5, 4, 3, 2. So what is addiction? What is it addiction per this PowerPoint presentation, we're gonna look at all the different aspects per a couple of different definitions. We looked at Paul Romans 7 we always go first to Scripture, because God understands who we are, as human beings, as broken people and as freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional people. So what is addiction? We're gonna look at these things in this presentation. First definition, of course, distinguish addictions from habits and identify the signs of addiction. We're going to discuss the addictive process, the physiology of addiction and the bio psychosocial model of addiction. We're going to describe types of addictions, including gambling, work, exercise, sexual, internet addictions and codependency that is most popular. You may think alcohol is an issue. Think again. My argument, as I've worked with people for well over 20 years, has been that codependency is a major issue that leads us into leads us into other issues. We'll get to that a little later. Also evaluate treatment and recovery options for addicts, including individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy, and 12 step programs that will be more of a preview as look at more of the specifics later on the course. Okay, so, definitions, definitions, defining addiction. Addiction is continued involvement with a substance or an activity despite ongoing negative consequences. I'll say it again. Addiction is continued involvement with a substance or an activity despite ongoing negative consequences. Make sure that you're noting this. This is going to be on the quiz. So as you are going over this, make sure you go, I got the PowerPoint presentation there under the first topic about the definition of addiction, and this will be very key, also four criteria, as defined by the American Psychological Association, physiological addiction, withdrawal, relapse and tolerance. What does that mean? First of all, we look at physiological addiction, how the body begins to adapt to whatever we introduce the body, body, mind, spirit, mental, physical, so on to so for example, if I introduce my body to
alcohol, and genetically speaking, my family history is predisposes me to that I need to be careful, because that might, my body may say, Oh, the brain says I want more of this. Oh, pleasure more. Gotta have it more. Gotta have it. Gotta have it. Gotta have it more. And then when I want to quit, and trying to quit,
withdrawal and the detoxification, because alcohol becomes a toxic substance that we put in our body, that becomes an issue, sweating and so on. Oh, we're gonna take a look at that. Also relapse. You've got some months under your belt of abstaining from the alcohol, but then some life issue hits you, and I just, I just want to block it. I can't handle it and turn back to alcohol. That's relapse, which is part of the recovery process and tolerance, going back to the example of alcohol, we our body, begins to tolerate that the amount of alcohol. A good colleague of mine, who actually he is the founder of Celebrate Recovery at Saddleback Church. Name is John Baker, and as we got to know each other, he he would say, I drank so much alcohol in my addiction, days where I was active as an alcoholic, before I came to Christ and came truly into full recovery and continuing recovery as as a recovering person, as a lifestyle, alcohol was truly in my bodily system, so much you could smell it on me, even if I didn't have a drink that day. So with some substances and how the body reacts to it, how it how it adapts to it, how it again, there's tolerance. It can turn to a serious issue, and most of you do know this, but let's look at the definition again. Addiction is continued involvement with a substance or an activity despite ongoing negative consequences. You're trying to fill a need, you're trying to medicate a hurt or some pain in your life. Now there's another definition of addiction. This other definition of addiction comes from the American Society of Addiction Medicine. It's a long one, but pay attention. We're going to read through it. Addiction is a primary chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Goes on to say that addiction affects neurotransmission and interactions with reward structures of the brain, and we talked about that, including the nucleus accum accumbens. Anterior cingulate cortex, basal forebrain and amygdala, such that motivational hierarchies are altered and addictive behaviors, which may or may not include alcohol and other drug use supplant healthy self care related behaviors. In other words, it changes the brain chemistry. It changes the brain structure. Not only is it with alcohol or some substance like cocaine, it's also relating to an activity that you find yourself doing all the time, such as an obsessive compulsive behavior, where I have to have the coffee mug right here all the time. That's the place it will not leave until Jesus comes back. And if it does leave, if it's moved over here, I need to move it back over here. And that involves a need in the brain to have the grid there, because we're not born with that. It's a disorder. Something is out of order in the brain. So coming back to this, addiction also affects neurotransmission and interactions between cortical and hippocampal circuits and brain reward structures, such that the memory of previous exposures to rewards such as food, sex, alcohol, other
drugs, leads to a biological and behavioral response to external cues, in turn, triggering craving and or engagement in addictive behaviors. In other words, if I see the bottle, let's the bottle of beer, and I like beer, let's say, personally, I don't, but let's say that's beer that I really like from founders or Bud Light or something. The look of the of the bottle or the can, I see it with my eyes. It triggers my brain. I know there's pleasure in there. It's going to give me that certain buzz and effect, and I then open it and take a drink and probably finish it in record time and want another one and another one, because the brain has learned, the body has learned that this is a pleasure. This is some that it then, therefore, after abusing it, it needs and this is what the definition is getting at. And pretty soon, it's not enough. Pretty soon, alcohol doesn't give you the buzz that you want you need more or any you think. The insanity is, you think you need more alcohol to get the buzz you had when you first tried alcohol or sex or food, got to eat more one run, gaining some weight, or I'm exercising more, I'm not thin enough. There's something going on in the brain. Again, the substance or activity that's taking us into a path, a pathology, a path of unhealthy lifestyle. And so it leads to a biological and behavioral definition. The definition leads to a biological and behavioral response to external cues again, there's the bottle, there's the mug, or there's the internet. Where's that porn site? Okay, in turn, triggering craving or engagement in addictive behaviors. Important to note, important to see it if you are heavy into an addiction, and this is starting to make sense to you as we read this definition, and you're starting to say, I have a problem, and perhaps this will help you today. My prayer is that it will. Habit versus addiction. We have to differentiate habit versus addiction. A habit is repeated behavior in which the repetition may be unconscious, like taking a shower every morning, for example, having the morning coffee, for example, it's not all bad, as long as it's not overdone. And I have, I've seen case studies where people have, they have to have repeated showers now in the morning, all throughout the day, because they don't feel they're they're clean enough. It's an obsessive compulsive disorder, not feeling clean enough or that. Again, having more coffee, as we said in the example earlier, I need more coffee for more the caffeine buzz, just like with alcohol, with that alcohol buzz, where it relaxes you so much, or just you lose control, you lose your faculties, but a habit. When it comes to taking the shower, getting dressed, that's what that means. Compulsion, though, is present if considerable discomfort is experienced, if the behavior is not performed, let's go back to the shower. I don't feel clean even after five showers and a shower again, a sixth time, there's discomfort there. There's a there's a need to be clean. I'm not clean yet. Sign of addiction, obsession, loss of control, negative consequences. Ah, your friend. Denial, denial. So the obsession, got to have the coffee, got to have the gotta have the beer, gotta have the showers. Got to have the the visual stimulation of the porn site. Got to have, got to have, got to have. Why? Because our bodies have learned to tolerate and then it needs more to
make the buzz and also the belief therefore we have in our addictive behavior to say, wow, my brain again, I can tolerate this much, but I need now more so I can tolerate this much and more and more until we self destruct. And then we're denying that we have a problem. We're denying that there's an issue. Addictive process, nurturing through avoidance, the physiology of addiction, neurotransmitters, tolerance, withdrawal, to the pleasure centers in the brain. They take it in and they want more. Well, here's the cycle of psychological addiction, as well as then leading to substance abuse and other all the above. And I term it psychological because it begins with the brain and also ends with the brain. It is about in all so it's spiritual. All of life is spiritual. I've had some debate with students of mine in the past, long time ago, and they would argue with me, no, it's not it's about behavior. It's about the mental state that you are in. It's about it's an intellectual thing. No, it's all spiritual as believers, assuming that you're a believer in Christ. Today, we look at through the spiritual lenses, through it all. So the first part of the cycle is emotional pain. We something, something happens. We lose the job, we go through the divorce, or our spouse rejects us for that day because we got in their face, or something happened and there was emotional pain, and we need, we crave relief. Oh, God, how am I supposed to cope? I need relief. Oh, it looks good. And then there's a preoccupation with the substance, the Bud Light, the caffeine, the sexual images, because I'll get some relief. You get preoccupied with whatever behavior or substance it is that you're trying to satisfy the body, physically as well as emotionally, but above all, spiritually, in dealing with that pain the fourth part of the cycle, substance use, or compulsive behavior, the mug has to be here, okay, I drank my Bud Light, and now I put the bottle there. Oh, looks like you have a problem with alcohol and obsessive compulsive disorder behavior. Cross addicted, cross behaviors. They all tend to hang together. I want you to understand that too. You We can't compartmentalize every single addiction. One will feed another. So for example, let's say you do and let's say you're a person who has come out of cocaine addiction or crack addiction. Often what happens is that you tend to then crave sweets, or you tend to crave food, because you trade one addiction for another addiction. You probably have experienced that already, if that's your your situation, and for those of you who are still learning about this, that's often what happens. Well, I kicked alcohol Oh, I gotta have more pizza. Gotta have the pizza. Gotta have 10 toppings in the pizza. Gotta gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta. I want what I want, I want it now is the addict mantra, I want what I want and I want it now. It's like the toddler creed. Toddler creed says, Well, if that looks like this, laptop looks like it's mine, it's mine. If I touch it, it's mine. If this mug looks pretty, it's mine. For me, if I have this microphone, it's pretty slick, ha, it's mine. Oh, that television that look good in my living room, it's mine. Why is that the toddler creed? Because every toddler, as you, if you have kids, you know they reach that toddler age, and they look
they want to put things in their mouth, or they want to test it. They want to explore, but in their immature mind, they think everything is theirs and the world belongs. It revolves around them. It doesn't, of course. But okay, so we look at emotional pain, craving for relief, preoccupation with a substance or behavior, and substance use or compulsive behavior. Now what's the fifth part of the cycle is the short term pain relief, numbness. I drank the alcohol and I don't feel things. Thank God not to think about my spouse. Don't think about the boss and think about what just happened this morning. Ah, when that driver cut me off, I. On, ticked off, need a the beer. There you have it. Part six, negative consequences resulting from behavior, the most obvious, hangovers. Oh, the headache, oh, I can't handle it. Oh, the the vomiting that the the also the the well, the pain that's still there, but it's worse now, because it wasn't dealt with appropriately. It wasn't dealt with in a biblical manner. Wasn't dealt with with the help of God to begin with, and the help of God's people, of whom we can trust. Number seven, depression, guilt, shame, again, similar to the grief process, we get through our denial and realize, Oh, I got pain. Still, we start to feel the pain and we and also we think back to how we shouted that person we feel that guilt that we did, that we feel shame because I disrespected my spouse or disrespected my boss. Oh, this could mean a write up. It could mean something I'm angry and I'm not dealing with it, and then we tend to isolate and don't talk to anybody. Ever been, there eight more pain, low self esteem, more pain. Low self esteem, we perpetuate the same pattern again, going back to pain, pain in every way, as we looked at pain earlier, it goes back to what addiction is like, where it takes us. So the model of addiction, biopsychosocial model, proposes that addiction is caused by a variety of factors, working together, operating together. Biological or disease influences serotonin and GABA. GABA environmental influences, cultural expectations, attitudes, messaging, social learning theory, again, the Serotonins and GABA involves, again, the whole thing of the brain, as I mentioned, and running into all that right here, because we've got other material to show you in future presentations, but environmental influences, obviously with culture and expectations, attitudes and messaging. If you ever watch television, that is if you still do. I know many have cut the cord when comes to cable TV, or if you cut if you ditch the dish, as they say on the media, then you probably aren't watching too many commercials lately, unless you get the ads on YouTube and other social media outlets like Facebook and so on. But if you're still watching that DISH TV, you still have commercials on your channel, and there's a commercial saying, oh, enjoy the good life, because Bud Light will get it for you. Or, boy, you drink this kind of coffee, Folgers in your cup, you've got it all working for you that morning, Folgers in your cup, keep on good to the last drop. Ah, then my life is complete. Sort of cultural expectations, attitudes, messaging, what messages we take in, what messages we believe that also impacts the brain as well. Social learning theory. We learn through experience.
We learn through other people, other environments, places and things, risk factors for addiction, biological, psychological and environmental. Biological, unusual early response to the substance or experience, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, other learning disabilities, biologically based mood disorders, addiction among biological family members. These are the biological factors. So as I mentioned earlier, it all hangs together. You have other biological factors that will feed into other addictive behaviors, other things, such as looking at if you have a mood disorder, like with bipolar or depression. Depression is, I hope that you've as you've gone through other education depression defined is anger turned inward. Well, if it's anger turned inwards, anger that's not dealt with, and we get and we're staying angry and we don't realize it, and we need to numb that pain like we talked about in the cycle, or, of course, bipolar, the big high, the big low, the big high. Is Oh. And with bi people, the bipolar disorder, they're manic, they they're they're awake maybe for three days straight, if they're in a big manic episode, then they crash. They experience, experience a big low. And again, with depression, and also how they may turn suicidal, because the low is so bad, and the brain needs help to bring the chemicals, the chemistry, back into balance. And often they'll turn to alcohol to try to do that, which is not the way to go. Psychological factors, low self esteem. You have this message from from parents, you're worth nothing, and so on. Sometimes you have a mom or a dad or other family members say you don't you want to mom anything, your trash or this your that which is not true is a life in hell, and we affirm that right now. But that's often what happens in families, unfortunately, and not just in western families, but also families in the East as well, and then I've worked in Asia for many years. And nothing new. Nothing new. Also external locus of control, looking outside oneself for solutions, passivity, post traumatic stress disorder, other trauma, the pain is there and the environmental factors. Again, it's again, there's that abuse and neglect and so on, and this perception of pure norms where we think we have to be somebody that we're not It all brings risk for addiction, behaviors, compulsive gambling, shopping, borrowing. Gotta have those shoes, or I gotta borrow more money so I can buy more stuff, more houses. Work addiction, if I, oh, if I work another 20 hours a week above the 50 hours which I'm doing the boss like me more, that's an esteem issue, isn't it, or other needs that we have, because maybe the boss is that mom or dad figure that we never had. We're trying to please them to the max exercise addiction, addictive exercises, muscle dysmorphia, internet addiction, sexual addiction, multiple addictions. And of course, this is where, with exercisers, they have too much exercise. Or, of course, maybe those who don't exercise at all. You know, then with atrophy, but with exercise addiction, we have, then problems that the body has too much and not in balance, things can go wrong. Okay, compulsive pathological gambling. Over 2 million Americans are compulsive pathological gamblers. Just think of the internet and how that has opened the door for more.
Experts believe that a compulsive gambling is like a drug addiction, absolutely, because it triggers the brain with a behavior more men than women have gambling problems based on research, and gambling is on the rise on college campuses. It's easier to access, like I said, an increasing popularity of poker. I gotta go to that poker channel and watch that there on the dish popularity. And there's a good from about 10-11 years ago, a good poster. Give me it says here, the average tuition for a four year public university, 07, 08, was $6,185 and if you gamble lose an average of $120 per week for a full year, you'll have spent your entire year's tuition now, just put inflation on that. It gets worse. Compulsive shopping borrowing spenders on average of $23,000 in debt, and probably more. It's probably more. And it gets worse as we look at if we if we were to unpack this more in terms of credit card debt and so on. Compulsive shopping can happen in cycles. For example, I have this lady who I've been working with for a good five or seven years now, and she used to be a hoarder. She had to go to Target for the sales because emotional pain, again, that pain, that spiritual, psychological and so on pain because her kids are taken away, and she and she has her other kids, her adult kids are now in and out of jail and prison, and they're also drinking alcohol and doing other drugs. And she is just hanging on and if I only go, she tells me, if I, if I where she used to have it work if I only go to Target. But always get that that felt the shopping cart. Get another shopping cart so I have two shopping carts and fill it with toys, fill it with with stuff, I'll feel better. It, I'll feel better. I'll feel good about myself because I was able to afford the stuff at the expense of herself, because then there would be no money for food, there be no money to pay the rent, there'd be no money to you know the pattern and so compulsive shopping frequently leads to compulsive borrowing, and debtors borrow money, often from family, friends or institutions. Well, work, addiction, healthy work, sense of identity develops your strengths, a means of satisfaction, accomplishment and master your problems. And may seem Elementary, but we need to acknowledge this. We need to note this. Because healthy work is where you are in a good place, where God has gifted you, where God is giving you the right fit. You're the round peg and round hole, and things are clicking because God put you there. But work addiction, on the other hand, the unhealthy square peg round hole is characterized by a compulsive use of work and work persona to fulfill needs of intimacy, power and success. Okay, let's go back to healthy work. Let's say, with your healthy work, you're in that office, and it is the best, I mean, the dream job, and that dream job becomes even more of a dream job because it becomes more of a good feeling. Ooh, I get emotional pain. Remember, instead of the shopping carts, it's the office, it's the work, it's the I can feel more me if I work harder and more and well, you get the picture. Major source of marital discord and breakup. Well, you're always at the office. Dr Harley, who wrote the book his needs, her needs. Classic. If you go online at hisneedsherneeds.com, you can look, look it up and look at the top
10 needs of a man and a woman and so on. He's got some great videos on that website as well that that show you that they do some sessions. Dr Harley, his wife, has some sessions with many couples and good outlining the needs and how they work, and what when it comes to needs about intimacy, power and success? The story in the book is where you had Jill and John, I'm not sure. I think those because not the real names, but this story based on a couple that Dr Harley worked with Jill. She was doing her PhD, she was studying, she was always at not only her office, but also at the Graduate School. And John was at work, doing his regular work week and being home alone at night and so on. And Brittany at the workplace started to pay attention more to John, and John after weeks and weeks and then now months and months of Jill being buried in her studies, finally in her, you know, approaching her dissertation time, he is saying, what? When are we gonna have time, meaningful time and regular time together? Jill, he's thinking as he's thinking that he's also, there's Brittany over at the office. She's kind of cute, huh? The story goes that he eventually spends more time with Brittany, and you can just figure out the rest. They have an affair, and he divorces Jill, and Jill's left, wondering, why? Why? Why are you leaving me? I thought we had a good I thought this was all right, but her addiction to her work, yes, not only with work that made money, but also the work that was investment in herself and that was going to help her in her regular work became an obsession took over. So Dr Harley then says, let's look at a fair Proofing Your Marriage. Let's look at balancing out who you are in Christ Well, work addiction. There it is. As you look at this poster, if that reminds you of you, get help. I looked at this poster. I looked at that has been a reminder to myself, and I need to say to myself, self, it can wait till tomorrow. Self. Hold on self, make a call to somebody and talk about it. Stop. Get some balance exercise addiction, using exercise compulsory to meet needs of intimacy, nutrients, self esteem, self competency. Very similar, like I said, very you can trade one for another. Also exercise are traditionally women as far as addictive exercises, but men too are developing more unhealthy exercise patterns, and more men are abusing steroids and over exercising negative consequences, alienation from family, of course, and friends, injuries and craving for more internet. We all know cyber sex, cyber relationships, Facebook to begin with, and all the other avenues of social media, net compulsions, so you're on internet all the time gotta have. And now, with our cell phones, it's like an appendage. It's that mini computer that's that stuck to your palm, stuck to your hand and fingers, and he can't let go, and the other finger, depending on which hand that cell phone is in has to go like this all the time. Ah, information overload. Absolutely, addiction to interactive games like like the the like fortnight as well as which is a game my kid into. But thanks be to God, we try to monitor him as best we can, and he's still a 4.0 student. He's doing well, we keep praying. Parenting has gotten more interesting that way. For you parents, you're probably the same, same thing, but also other
games, Candy Crush and all that stuff for adults, for Pete's sake, Solitaire, do some self examination. Take a look. As many as 15% of college students report that internet use and computer games interfere with their academic performance. That's probably higher than what I have here from the data internet sexual addiction, of course, as I mentioned with Jack and Jill, or John and Jill, excuse me from the story that Dr Harley did put up here in his book, confusion of intensity, of physical arousal with intimacy. Sex is not intimacy. Intimacy is face to face, contact, touch and conversation and so on, connecting, connection, sex for husbands and wives, and that's and just to make a statement here in this video, sex is only for marriage period. That's where it is, that's where it stays, because that's how God designed it. Now looking at sex as a gift from God to husbands and wives. That is the outflow that is the result of intimacy. Intimacy first, sex next, and therefore the life giving part of sex, as far as touch, as well as having babies and so forth, in marriage, in family, appropriately, as the Bible outlines that sex addicts are incapable of nurturing another, because sex is the object of their affection, much like coffee, beer or cocaine, frequently have episodes of depression and anxiety, because if they don't have enough, then they crave More, like exercise, get depressed, have high suicide rates, and we all contribute that to shame, guilt. Oh, I crossed the line. Oh, and that tends to accumulate more of the more and more they go outside the marriage bounds, or just go outside the bounds of marriage in general, if they're not married where they really ought to be married. And of course, like I just said, sex is only for marriage, and that shame and guilt tend to accumulate often. were in a dysfunctional family during childhood. I'm also counseling a young lady who went through horrible traumas where uncles, dad, foster dads, others were violating her regularly as a young girl. Now, I say young lady actually 43 but she she is still dealing with nightmares because of the trauma she experienced from the sex addicts across the line and confused intimacy to be sex itself, the act so she is moving forward, but still difficult. Dysfunctional family was the problem. So kick your habit. Self addictions, because that if we had, if I had, if you were in class with me, we would go over some of these questions in a Q and A discussion. But we keep going. How addiction affects family and friends. Codependency, ah, defined, and this is where we all begin, frankly, that often will lead to these other addictions, compuls compulsions, if in codependency, a person is addicted to the addict or addicted to people, places and things, in other definitions, the person assumes responsibility for meeting the addicts need and neglects his or her own needs. Enablers are people who knowingly or unknowingly protect protect addicts from the natural consequences of their actions. Common, common thing is the wife will call the workplace because the husband is still drunk or in a hangover and he can't move, and she is now calling the office saying he can't come in today, and he is calling, and she's calling him sick for a bad day, and the next day, the
next day until he loses his job. Codependency. Also, what codependents tend to do is that they tend to think, I have to fix the addict. I have to fix everybody, no matter who they are, mom, dad, friend, person off the street, also a codependent, will say, Well, you are a reflection of me. Time out. Hold on. We are a reflection of Christ. We're made in God's image, which we'll get into in the second video on the theology of addiction, but we often will go there when we think we in our in our relationships, we have to fix those other people. We don't put boundaries on ourselves and try not to cross that boundary. Otherwise, what often happens is we tend to open up space in our minds, and let other people come in, and they're renting space in our brains, and all their issues become our issues, which is never healthy, okay? Intervention, plan, process and confrontation by people are important to the addict. It's a purpose is to allow the addict to see the destructive nature of the addiction treatment, there's abstinence, which is refraining from the addictive behavior. Of course, detoxification is adjustment, physically and cognitively, to being free from the influence of addiction, often called the D T's. D is in dog and t is in Toxin. The D T's detoxification and often what happens is that there are sweats. There's they shiver. Those who are coming off of cocaine addiction or heroin addiction, the vomit, they'll also, you know, they're the body's purging out what substances they filled. The app has filled his or her body with for a long time, choosing a treatment. There's the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism project match. Based on this, three strategies for addiction treatment were studied cognitive behavioral therapy, where, again, it's looking at how there's talk therapy, talking with the person, the therapist, with the addict, and they talk through the issues, and it begins to change the thinking, change the mind, motivational psychology, and of course, that's also where there's more of an aggressive teaching process, learning process, back and forth, motivating as well as incentives and other things, promise to reward, threat of punishment. 12 step programs. 12 step programs involve the 12 steps of recovery. And if you do a Celebrate Recovery, for example, and you're taking this course, you're saying, Oh yeah, we do all the time. There's a perfect example. And we do celebrate recovery with the organization I lead, although we call it community recovery, because we do different things with our recovery nights as we then invite the community to come and go through a 12 step process, patients did equally well in each approach. The focus of for treatment selection should be on choosing a program that was completely run. Okay? Just examples, relapse, isolate or complete return to addictive behavior as I nuanced earlier. And also, relapse prevention requires the addict and significant others to recognize the signs of imminent relapse, to develop a plan for responding to the signs if they're saying something that that Ooh, ooh, whenever he talks that way or she talks away, it's coming, it's coming. Or Ooh, they're getting stressed out. Watch for it and so on. Relapse is not a failure to change or a lack of desire to stay well. Relapse can
also be part of a person's recovery. Process. They may fall for a minute, but get back on the wagon, as we say, or on the track. Well, addiction. Addiction is complicated, fascinating, but also deadly, and it's something that brings us to our heavenly father at all costs, because my prayer for you that you've hit whatever bottom that you need to hit with the life issues you deal with. Because it goes down to this everybody, we either go to God or we go to ourselves in dealing with our pain, if we go to ourselves, that's that is the door that opens in the path that we go down towards addictive behaviors of all kinds. However, when we do hit a bottom, and the many bottoms to hit, there just are called life, and we turn to our Creator, our heavenly Father, He will provide the way and the means to get out from out from under temptation. I Corinthians 10, as well as give the healing power to the Holy Spirit to heal our pain and to bring our relationships back into balance, beginning with Christ. Thank you, God. Bless you and look forward to having you watch the next video as we look at theology of addiction.