Video Transcript: Ceremonies of Transition: Commissionings, Retirements, and Send-Offs

Henry - So last time, we talked about baptisms and house blessings, and we're  going to continue in very practical types of Chaplain ceremonies. And today  we're going to talk about transitions, commissionings, retirements and sends off  send offs. I want to reflect on this. Transitions can be awkward, but they are  sacred.  

Tom - Yeah, depending on your perspective and what's happening and why it's  happening. A transition can be a very difficult thing, like one of the ones we have is retirement. Some people don't want to retire and are being told it's time to  retire. Some people are being promoted. So you may have a room full of people  and you're there to celebrate the fact that Joe over here got promoted, but that  means Steve and Sally over here didn't get promoted. And so you want, you  want to be sensitive to that transitions. Anytime there's change, it can be difficult  for people, and some people are, you know, very happy for the change and  celebrating the change, and other people are mourning the exact same change.  So you want to be aware of how different people might feel about what  happened. I recently, when I retired, someone was chosen to replace me. And it  was a big ceremony, and it was a nice ceremony, but there were two people who had applied for the job to replace me, wow. And it was very difficult think for  them to be there, present for that ceremony. And fact, the two of them and I  talked beforehand, and I said to them, you don't need to come if you don't want  to come, but they felt that they should be there. But while other people are all  congratulating the person who's been promoted to this position, they're kind of  standing there thinking, naturally, I would have been a better choice. Why didn't  they choose me? And so just because you're celebrating one thing, you need to  keep in mind that there are a lot of other pieces going on, and as you have  there, part of our job as chaplains is to look for the things that other people  aren't seeing. We look at a bigger picture than just the obvious thing that's right  there in front of us,  

Henry - a chaplain sees what others overlook. You are there to speak blessing  and mark the moment that is powerful. Why transitions matter. They are  thresholds of thresholds are spiritually open spaces. People ask, who am I?  What's next? Ceremonies, give language, blessing and community support.  What do you mean? They're open spaces.  

Tom - Well, anything can happen, good, bad, indifferent. You really don't know.  And something that that I want to mention before I forget it is if, if I get promoted  to a position in my organization, it's not only a change for me, but it's a change  for every other person in the organization. I see that, and so as the chaplain  who's officiating or helping put that ceremony together, I need to be aware of all  the different feelings that might be going on in that space. It's not just Tom was 

selected to become this my selection may change the culture of the entire  organization, and depending on the organization, it could affect 1000s or 10s of  1000s of lives, or even just five or six lives, and so people will be looking at it  with different expectations and different thoughts. So that open space can be a  space for really good things to happen, but it can also be a frightening space for  people who were very comfortable with the way things were going, people who  don't like change, they don't like anybody coming in and making a lot of changes to policies and procedures. It can be a nerve wracking time, and many people  will wonder, Is my job in jeopardy? Right? Because he got that job and now,  what is my role in this organization?  

Henry - I can see this again and again, how relevant chaplains are to  transformation. You got to transition. Could open the door to all new things,  

Tom - and chaplains, like your previous slide, talked about, we need. To make  sure that we're seeing the things that other people aren't. Maybe seeing this.  This may be a great celebration for one, and it may be a time of tremendous  disappointment for somebody else, or somebody who's leaving because their  time is up. It may be a time of great celebration for all the things that they  accomplished. It also can be a time of grief with all the things that they had  hoped to do that didn't get done, and they might be filled with regret that I'm  leaving with the job half finished. So to be aware and the best way to find out  those things is to talk to all the people who are involved, all the players in the  decision all the people whose lives are changing and just get a sense for how  they feel about what's coming up,  

Henry - I can see why chaplains are so important. Even the confidentiality, like,  if you're a chaplain in a business, even a volunteer chaplain, you know, on one  level, you probably are privy to the confidential decision making. Potentially,  you're really, in a sense, in the Human Relations Department, sort of the HR  department, but then all of a sudden you're, you're also an ambassador for  Christ, and the owner or the leaders of the company want you there because of  that, or else they wouldn't ask for a chaplain. Also, you are there to, in a sense,  Pastor, somebody in this like business space, for instance, or another space, the open door for the soul journey that your parish is a business like the early  church when I understand parish is pretty incredible  

Tom - and a lot of a lot of different dynamics going on in that simple ceremony,  even a retirement sometimes when I would do a retirement ceremony for  somebody, the wife or the husband might have been thrilled and excited about a new phase in their life, and The other one might be thinking, I'm not ready for  this. I don't want a new face. I don't want him home yet. I don't want him home 

yet. You know, he's got this dream that we're going to sell our house and we're  going to go live in a camper, and I want to stay closer to the grandkids, or there  could be any number of dynamics. There's a lot of fear in people now, when they hit retirement, that they won't have the money to be able to live the lifestyle that  they want to live, right? And so it can be a time of anxiety instead of a time of  Yeah, finally, we made it. And some people might not be sure that they actually  did make it. So just again. And who am I? Now, I know many people, and I'll  make a sexist comment, but I think this affects men more often. Yeah, we take  so much of our identity from what we do for a living, and now I don't do that  anymore. Yeah? And what does that make me? You know, I was the vice  president of whatever at the company, and now I'm just Joe, yeah, and, and by  the way, after my retirement ceremony, I have to turn in my key card, so I don't  even have access to my office anymore, a place that where I've worked for my  whole career, and I've, I've worked here On Saturdays and Sundays, and now  I'm gone, and how do they feel about that? And how will they determine what  their next adventure, if they can even see it as an adventure, what their next  adventure is going to be when everything that they're used to is gone.  

Henry - Now, you know, I'm almost teary eyed thinking, because I know in my  own life, next year, Lord willing, according to plan, I retire as president, and then  I become chancellor, founder Chancellor and and I'll be 65 I turned 64 a couple  days ago, and happy. Well, thank you. But just hearing you talk. I mean, I'm  feeling like all kinds of emotions too.  

Tom - My father was a pastor, and his whole career, he was known as pastor  Van, everybody. That was his identity. If he if you asked him who he was, he  would say Pastor Van, yeah. When he retired, he was no longer a pastor, right?  And he did not know what it meant to just be Norm, right? And it took, I would  say it took him seven years to make that transition to where he figured out who  he was after he lost his professional identity. And that'll hit some people harder  than others.  

Henry - Well, in my case, I'm comforted in the fact that I'm not retired. I'm just  going to work with the Alliance and continue to you know this culture is great  idea win. So if I have a good idea, I know Abby and the team of these young  people want it. But just I was reflecting the fact just listening to you. Talk, I felt  this. I mean, you went through a major transition, yeah. So you were, like,  Chaplain that had a lot of influence in the Coast Guard. What was your position,  as  

Tom - you were, I was chaplain of the Coast Guard. Oh, chaplain of the Coast  Guard. So, you know, thinking of that position, I went from meeting with four star

admirals every day to no longer having access to the building that I had worked  in. Now in away. So when you were talking about it, you're saying, Well, exactly  true it. It hits different people differently. But you know, after that happened, I  would get calls from people, hey, what do you know about this or that? And I'd  say, I don't know anything anymore, because I used to be in the room where it  happened, because that was my job. Now I'm not, and that's that was perfectly  fine, but it is a big difference, and depending on what you did, I mean, thinking of you here. Mean, this is your baby that you put together, and you're going to turn  it over to somebody else, keep one hand on the foot, in case you need to pull it  back. It is a big difference, and I think it's important to bring this up that we  usually think of promotions, retirements as positive things, and we hope they  are, and we hope they are for most people, but for some people, they're not  going to be right. And so how we form a ceremony to mark that transition? We  need to be honest and faithful to the person who are actually trying to celebrate  and acknowledge maybe some instead of talking about all the successes of their tenure. You know, there were some things that didn't happen the way we wanted them to, right? And hopefully we can help them see that God's Grace brought  them through it anyway, right? But we don't have to be we don't have to run  away from the things that didn't turn out the way we wanted. We can still  celebrate what God and His grace did through us in the time that we were there. 

Henry - Well, in some ways, again, there's that spiritual concept of open spaces when someone retires, I know at age 64, year little, my senior. The reality is it's  not just retiring from a position, and like we men, I think sometimes really  identify with our positions, but it's also the passing of life. We've seen enough  people die now that we're even contemporary peers with us. So in some ways,  the opportunity for the presence and welcoming of the Lord into lives in  transition is incredible.  

Tom - The military does a pretty good job of anybody who leaves the military  has to go through a week long transition class to help them prepare financially,  all the paperwork, but also to prepare for what comes next. Most, most  companies don't offer you something like that, unless you're a high you know,  CEO or something, right? We just expect people to figure it out. And some  people, it's a pretty scary time for some people.  

Henry - You know, again, I go back to what we find in wedding officiants we  mentioned last session in the baptism. This might be a time where you, as a  chaplain, a community chaplain, or a chaplain in general, can say, You know  what, I'd like to meet with you, George, Sarah, and if you want and let's go  

through some common pitfalls to the transition. Let's talk about, you know,  getting your plan. Let's pray and bless your plan. Let's sit down. And because I 

know a lot of people, they retire. It's like, after the ceremony, it might be really  short, and somebody gets their little gold star, and then they go home, and then  depression hits in because, again, it's like, I don't even have access to the  building anymore.  

Tom - And I used to be somebody, and I'm not that somebody. And what  somebody am I going to be now, right? That's, that's a challenge. And a  chaplain, and I agree with what you were saying, that if I could, whenever I did a retirement ceremony for somebody like I would get a phone call, can you do a  retirement ceremony for commander so and so? Right? I and they would send  me the biography and the details I would always attempt, not always  successfully, but I always attempted to talk directly to the person who was  retiring so I could find out what they thought about it. What did they want said?  Who do they want to be acknowledged? Because when you do a retirement  ceremony. Right? It's not just the individual retiring, but it's their family too, right? And I always wanted to know like as I pray, what can I pray for your spouse?  What can I pray for your kids? Can you tell me something about your spouse  and your kids that helped you along the way, or is there something I should  know about what's happened in your family, that I just need to stay away from  that and any comments in my prayer so just to be as aware of what's going on  as you can, and so it can be an honest reflection of that person's life.  

Henry - Did you see what you're getting into how fun this is in ministry. I mean,  if you got that sense of calling, you probably noticed it by now, like there is no  end to the opportunity for ministry in being a chaplain. And it personalizes that if  you take that upon yourself to really own this and say, Whoa, my parish is a  whole bunch of relationships. In the club I belong to, in my family, in my family  circles, there is like, it's like, some people go like, there's always an occasion for a celebration. Well, we're starting to get the idea there's always an occasion for  some ministry,  

Tom - and you have to be able to budget your energy and time, because you  can't do everything all the time. If so, what are the priorities that around me, he's a little worried, like, I think that's fair. But again, we'll talk about time  management and all that, maybe in  

Henry - another session, but maybe not. Let's move on. We're going to shift  gears now to commissioning. So this so the transition is ending now these are  people who are starting things. So sent with purpose, new ministry, roles,  vocational, leadership, leadership transition. But now positively to have like, sort  of like, you know, a little ceremony, a welcome scripture testimony, even laying  on of hands a prayer. Would you recommend? Like, if somebody wanted to that 

they would be prayed over, even, let's say they had a new job. Or, look, you  know, a lot of times we think of laying on of hands for clergy. Is this something a  chaplain would do, like they would actually pray over someone that's going to  now get promoted, or somebody who's going to again?  

Tom - It like almost everything else we've talked about. It depends on the  individual. Okay, but I could tell you some examples of very, very high ranking  people in the military who were going to take on the highest positions in our  military, and they would often have a family service ahead of time, because the  change of command ceremony is not going to be overtly spiritual ceremony.  There will be prayers offered during it, but it's more the pomp and circumstance  of the ceremony, right? But the individual would has, has asked, I'd like there to  be a family ceremony. So we would have kind of a worship ceremony where  there is the Scripture the person talking, and either a literal or symbolic laying on of hands for the person, and then very go right from that ceremony to the official  change of command ceremony, because the laying out of hands portion, or  something akin to that wouldn't necessarily be appropriate at the official military  ceremony, but it's very appropriate for the family. And I've known business  leaders who've who've done similar things.  

Henry - So you've been actually asked to, let's say, because now that I really  hear that you're in charge of the Coast Guard chaplaincy you might have had,  like generals or whatever ask you to do, like a little ceremony,  

Tom - and part of it is knowing, especially if you've worked with somebody for a  while you know them well, right? We'll talk at a later session. I think about  confidentiality, but that is a wonderful tool for chaplains of all kinds, because  people, they know that this is a trusted person that they can talk to. And when  you build that relationship, the more you build that relationship, the more often  you're going to be asked to do these kinds of right, okay, I've had situations  where there were tragedies in high ranking military fam their families, and one of the first calls is to the chaplain, can you please come and be with our family, but  they need to know you and trust you, right? To get to that point, right?  

Henry - Right? Which is to. Yes, in the one of the classes we have slated to do  is Chaplain practice, which is a college level class where we're very much going  to get into the weeds of some of these issues that were brought up. Well, here's  the we talked retirement earlier, but the actual ceremony is the honoring legacy,  

not just stop working, start a new season. There's some beautiful passage you  can all reflect on, where the apostle Paul talks about, like retirement, I fought the good fight, etc. Symbolic actions. I want to talk about the symbolic actions, gifts,  candle passing prayers of gratitude. Okay, so the symbolic actions, let's talk in 

general. Again, we're talking about in the legacy here, but let's just talk in  general about symbolic actions, gifts, candle passing, prayers and many things  else, like I know, in weddings, they're symbolic, the lighting of the unity candle.  Can you reflect a little bit on this, whether it's in the retirement ceremony, but  any ceremony I just want to focus in on these symbolic actions,  

Tom - a lot of different kinds of transitions will have the opportunity for symbolic  actions to take place. Some of them are more symbolic for the individual. Some  are more symbolic for the organization, like if you're in a VFW or American  Legion, I'm not sure the the names of all the leaders, but if you're the the head  person, and your term is up, there will probably be some symbolic action where  you pass something physically to the person taking your place. I got you in the  military. When you have a change of command, if you're the outgoing  commander and I'm the incoming commander, you will stand here. I'll stand  here. Our boss will stand here, and he will, I will salute him and say, I'm here to  offer my relief. And I'll salute you and say, I I offer my relief. And you'll say, I  stand relieved. So there's things that you say, and part of it is, it's very  traditional, but part of it is so that everybody who's in our organization knows the second you're no longer in charge, and now I'm in charge. So it's very intentional that we're going to have this symbolic sometimes it's a passing of the flag from  one to the other, and that tells everybody this guy's now in charge. This guy's no longer in charge, but it's also an opportunity for the organization to celebrate the  work that the person did, right? So symbolism is very helpful in almost anything.  And like we were kind of joking about getting the watch or the lapel pin, yeah.  But there are some things that companies will give people who leave that are  very meaningful to them, right? But it kind of depends on the individual and how  much weight they put on something like that. But I think anything in religion, the  acts of religion are full of symbolism, yeah, and symbolism is a very powerful  tool. Some things can just be, well, you just do it because you do it right. But  sometimes it can be very, very meaningful. And so as you're putting a ceremony  together with somebody, what would be meaningful to this person? What would  be, what would be a good way to mark their leaving this position in a way that  that would that that would be a memory that they would hold with them for many years to come.  

Henry - Right? So interesting. I know when I was ordained at Christian leaders  Alliance, and now I am still ordained at Chris, at the Christian Reformed Church, but I know that, you know, we have a little like ordination ring, okay, you know.  And it's just like, it means so much to me, because it reminds me that I'm part of  a network of ministers, of Chaplains, of officiants, and that we're on this army  together that trying to proclaim the gospel and all that, but it's what you're talking about. It's that the trend, it means more than just a ring 

Tom - and the symbolism. And this made me think of something else too, like if  you were retiring and you said, I don't need to have a ceremony. I'm good. I'll  just walk out the door. Yeah, but the institution might need that ceremony, right?  Because people need the chance to say thank you to you. They need a chance  to honor the person who's going to take your place. I've had many people over  the years say, I don't want to have a retirement ceremony. And I said, No, you  don't, but your wife and kids need it, because they've sacrificed for 30 years  while you serve this organization. And they deserve their time. You know their  their moment in the sun, and they deserve to hear everybody say thank you to  them, because they supported the work that made your work possible. So again, look at the bigger the bigger group of people who need to be touched.  

Henry - Reminds me, sends off, send offs, leaving with blessing. Now we talk  military moves, farewell, but even hospice care you mentioned about your  mother, and these scriptures here create closure and hope, bless the departure  and the future. I guess we often don't think of the opportunities to bring in the  presence of God as a chaplain, but in these last few sessions, for me, I see it's  very emotional, very powerful.  

Tom - It is powerful. And there are things that can be done. I'm blanking on the  specific term that's used, but there is a ceremony that hospitals will do when a  person is going to be an organ donor. And they will, they will escort the body  before, and you'll see the staff and the family line the hallway, and if it's a  firefighter or policeman, there'll be people there, and there'll be a prayer, and  then the body will be escorted to the room where their organs will be harvested.  A very meaningful thing to the part of that, it's almost bringing me to tears. Yeah, to the surviving family, it's an important moment for them to see that the legacy  of our loved one is going to live on. Wow. And it's a time when a chaplain is  absolutely essential to what's happening, and sometimes an organization won't  think of these things and a role of the chaplain, like somebody's retiring from the  fire department, right? It would be good for the fire department chaplain to go to  the leadership of the fire department and say, Hey, this guy's worked here for 30  years, right? What are we going to do to send him  

Henry - or her off? It's almost like lot of times the chaplain's the voice,  

Tom - hopefully, so, yes, the voice of, you know, just a reminder what's  appropriate, what's not appropriate. How, when  

Henry - he when the chief sees that the chaplain made a good call there, and  the tears and the newspaper shows up or whatever, even for the public who 

cares, but just he sees the blessing then that the chief is going to be all the more and oh. This Chaplain is really essential here,  

Tom - and they're also going, especially if we're talking about times of death,  they're going to assume that the chaplain knows what to do, yes. So I was a  brand new chaplain. One of my helicopters crashed, and we had four Marines  killed. The general had never general had no idea who I was. I was just  Lieutenant Walcott so far down that he had never even heard of me. But when  the crash took place, first thing he said to his chief of staff, call the chaplain. And so then I'm ushered into his office. What do we do Chaplain? And I needed to  know before I got there, at least, how we were going to get the ball rolling.  Thankfully, I had been prepared by my training, I had been prepared by other  chaplains to know, okay, now we have to put this whole huge process in order to have four funeral services in this short span of time, but they're going to expect  that their Chaplain will have some information. And what I tell chaplains is you  don't need to know how to do all this, but you need to know who does know,  right? And you find those people, and you get their wisdom and you get their  help, so that together, you can put something together to make this as  meaningful as it needs to be for everybody involved.  

Henry - Okay, just wrap this session up final charge. Watch for crossings.  Whoa, name them. Bless them. Keep a few scriptures ready. Stay present, stay  prayerful. Stand at the bridge and bless the way forward in a lot of ways. That  sums it up. It's it does Amen. Well,  

Henry - I'm really this class has just been so surprising for me personally. It's  maybe because I understand transitions more because myself, you know, and  hearing your story and just hearing how important to sojourn with people in all  different situations, really is well until next time