Henry - Okay. Today we're going to talk about building relationships, practical  insights for volunteer and part time chaplains. So let's first of all talk about why  relationships matter. Okay, so in a lot of ways, we're talking here now we've  shifted in our class to really get into some practical skill based soft skills of  Chaplains. So why relationships matters? Chaplains serve institution, families  and the public. So in a sense, there's three audiences, and access follows trust,  influence follows relationships. Just, let's go down to that ministry sciences  quote there, access follows trust, influence follows relationships.  

Tom - Yeah, that's a great that's a great quote. I assume it's from you. That's  because it was so good.  

Henry - But thanks. People  

Tom - need to know that the chaplain is someone that they can trust if they're  really going to go to them and talk about the deeper things in their lives, they're  not going to bear their soul to just anybody. And the way that they're going to  learn that you are trustworthy as a chaplain is when they get to know you.  Right? You're not going to be just this person who you know comes swooping  down and prays at a ceremony and then disappears, right? You're going to be  somebody who they they see on the job that they see around their workplace,  that asks them questions about their life and cares about them and cares about  what's that other saying people don't care how much you know until they know  how much you care, right? So asking questions about their work, I do not have a mechanical bone in my body, okay? But when I would go visit a ship and people  would say, would you like to go to the engineering department on the inside, I  said, that's the last thing I want to do, right? And on the outside I said, Yeah, I  would love to see that. And then some 18 year old guy, 19 year old guy, would  give me a full tour of all the engineering department stuff that I did not care  anything about, right? But that person realized or or thought correctly, that I  cared enough about them that I wanted to know about their  

Henry - life, even if you've been in that tour, like 25  

Tom - oh, at least sometimes I'd go from one ship to the other and get the same tour, right? But hey, he cares. He's interested. And then when you're having that  tour, you know. Where are you from? What you know? What? What are you  hoping to do in the military? Are you married? Do you are you in a relationship?  What can you tell me? More that you get to know them, the more that they'll  trust you, because they'll know that you care, not just that you're an official, paid  kind person, but that you actually care about them. 

Henry - That brings us to building institutional relationships, so that you have a  relationship with people that you're ministering to, but you also have the  institution that you maybe are volunteering for, working for whatever. So it's just  some common sense here, but it's very important, even for volunteers,  

Tom - very important, and in some ways more important, because when I would show up as a military chaplain, I had built in credibility because I was a military  chaplain, right? This was my job. This was my profession. And so people, rightly  or wrongly assumed this guy knows what he's doing. He has experience. He  understands our life, he understands us, and he's one of us which was  sometimes more true and sometimes less true, but I had some built in credibility  if you're a volunteer with the local fire department, the local police department,  the local ER, you're not going to necessarily start with that built in credibility.  You're going to have to earn it, because they don't know who you are, right?  They don't know anything about you. And the way that they will learn who you  are is if you show up, if you do your role, and you learn as appropriate to speak  their language. So when I was a volunteer fire department chaplain, on  occasion, I didn't have a ton of time, but on occasion, I would just hang out at  the fire department, right? And I'd get to know people. I would help around the  station. I would do things with them when they had a call. I would go on the call,  but I never pretended that I was a fireman, right? I never pretended I knew much about it, but I asked a lot of questions, right? So I learned their language, so I  showed up as consistently as I could. I stayed in my lane, I stayed in my role,  and I tried to learn as much about them as I as I possibly could. And I continued  that when there would be, like a ceremony and like a like a picnic of the families, I would always go to those one. Oh boy, there you go. You are just way ahead  

Henry - of me. Listen, first, speak second. Use names, and we learn names.  Ask permission, follow up, presence before proclamation. Again, we're seeing  the theme, you know, so at this point in this class, it's a very common thing,  listen, learn, yes  

Tom - and become now, if you were a fireman yourself, you're going to have  some built in credibility, yes. But if you weren't, you can earn that credibility, but  it just takes a little bit longer. Like if I was a country club chaplain, I'd get thrown  out in a day, oh no, with a golf club in my hand, but I could probably get quite a  ways at a Coast Guard unit, because I have credibility and experience there.  

Henry - Well, that's what's so exciting about the chaplain program here at  Christian Leaders Institute and Christian Leaders Alliance, is that the area that  you have interest in is the area where you can do ministry if you've been saved  something from something traumatic, and you understand and associate with 

those who, or you have a ministry, to reach those who went through what you  went through. There is a commonality. And the chaplain opportunity allows you  to minister and you know, well, like the country club, like for me in a fire  department station. I mean, I, I would especially not be very practical there, but I would be very impractical on a ship. I would no idea about any of that stuff.  

Tom - But, and if the opportunity presented itself, you could learn. I could learn.  You would have to build that credibility where somebody else you know gets  their hours in there the day they show up.  

Henry - That's really so true. Okay, serving in public spaces represent the  gospel, without losing the neighbor. Be visible, not the center. Build local  relationships. Stay gospel center, not culture war driven.  

Tom - Ooh, yeah, that's that last one is fairly loaded.  

Henry - These are all loaded so  

Tom - but you, you, you want to represent the gospel in a way that doesn't  alienate people, right? And how I talk as a Christian chaplain to non Christians  will be a part of that. I have to talk in such a way that, because when you're the  chaplain, you're the chaplain for everybody, right? You're not just the chaplain for people of your same faith group. Yes, and I can't build artificial barriers that keep a person who has no faith, or maybe is Jewish or Muslim or whatever, they need to be able to come to me as their Chaplain as well. I also like to be visible, not  the center. I when there's a ceremony and I have a chance to train the chaplains who are going to do it, I'd say, you know, you've been asked to give the opening  prayer and maybe a benediction. That's a privilege, but people did not come to  hear you pray, right? They came for whatever the event is, right? And so keep  what you say appropriately timely, you're not preaching a sermon. Don't use this  as an opportunity to  

Henry - and don't have, like, a prayer that is a secret, hidden sermon in, oh  yeah,  

Tom - or, you know, or like we sometimes do when we're preaching where we  sit, we preach the whole sermon over again in our prayer. Be be visible, and  don't shy away from being visible, but you are not the main attraction. You are  not the main event. And local partnerships are essential, because you may be  the chaplain of the fire department in your community, but there are pastors in  your community too, who those firemen go to those churches. So you want to  get to know those pastors. Fact, what I would do with the Coast Guard is, when 

I'd visit, if I was visiting a isolated unit, like, let's say Sault Ste Marie, Michigan,  I'd say, where do you go to church? Right? And if there were two or three people who named the same church, if I was there over a weekend, I would go to that  church, or I would have coffee with the pastor, and I would say, I don't know if  you know this, but you know this guy, this guy and this guy all go to your church, and they usually knew. And I said, so you have a pretty big opportunity to  influence the Coast Guard people here. Let's talk about how you might be able  to assist, because I live 500 miles away, and if something happens, can I call on  you to help out in a time of need? And very seldom is a pastor going to say, No,  you can't call on me in a time of need, but having coffee with them, or taking  them out to lunch or bringing them to the Coast Guard station for. A boat ride  went a long way towards building those partnerships and the gospel centered,  not culture war. I think that is important, especially in this day and age. Focus on your your realm is the sacred, not to get involved in political discussions or to try to score points by bringing up,  

Henry - well, it's interesting. When I was in Illinois, the person who was the  chairman for the Central Committee of the Republican Party lived down the  street from me. She was about 78 years old, even though she was a chairman,  interesting gal. So she said, Will you be chaplain of the Republican Central  Committee? These were that that was the committee that chose very powerful.  Oh, sure, yeah. And I remember committing myself to being not political, no  matter what, even to the Republican central committee so, but it gave me. She  trusted me. So as because I was ordained, I had access, this gal saw me in  action. And sure enough, I prayed for a lot of the Republican politicians, but they would have never really got that. I picked sides, sure, and even when I prayed  for the Democratic politicians, because we lived in almost predominantly all  Republican area so but I generally in, you'll find that at Christian Leaders  Institute, I am not a political creature in this sense, where, yeah, I will vote in all  of those things. But my whole point is, is you bring the presence of God. We are  part of the Heavenly Kingdom, even though we are on earth. You know, how do  you negotiate that kind of the political that was my answer back 20 years ago  when I had that opportunity and I prayed with a lot of leaders.  

Tom - Well, I think your your instincts were spot on, that your your job there is to provide spiritual support to those people, whoever they are, yes, and if you had  made it overtly political, it would have gotten in the way of you being able to do  your role, and they didn't need you to be a cheerleader for this party or no. They  could handle that themselves. That's their job. What they wanted was somebody who could represent the sacred, maybe add a little dignity to some of our  celebrations and our events, but who understood what their role was, and I think that was on a more recent slide about remembering your roles 

Henry - well in the 3 R's of chaplain, relationship, respect, honor, boundaries  and differences, that's what we're talking about right here. It's like, okay,  reliability, be consistent and trustworthy and reverence bring bring presence  over performance again, again, we see these similar realities. We were gentle  among you, not only the not only the good news of God, but also our souls.  Share your soul, not just your scripture. In other words, just be, be authentic.  Authentic. Final takeaway, and Angela returned to the ICU, this time in divine  family stories. They remembered their mother and the chaplain who created  space. That was a story of Angela that I decided to take out, but it basically it  really illustrates, show up, build trust, love, deeply, yeah, yep, we, we have a few more presentations to go, and these are very short, so stay with us, and we look forward to returning 



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