Video Transcript: Lesson 8
Remember that day when she looked amazing? Do you remember that day when he just absolutely looked dreamy? Oh, and the hearts were a flutter, and you were out in the break room and flirting with each other and giving a glance and laughing. And finally, the day came after that day when he asked you out. Oh, just amazing. And, and you guys, when you remember, you got the courage up and says, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask her out. It's going to be amazing. You ask advice from everybody, and you finally make the move, of course, what's interesting about this whole deal of courting and asking out the girl. Or, of course, nowadays the girl asking out the guy, is that as that connection begins, as the couple is then formed, and as the dates get better and better and better the time becomes sweeter and sweeter, and you begin to think, Is this the one? Is she like no other? And she's thinking, Oh, he's going to protect me. He's my man. And you are just thrilled. Both of you are just thrilled. And for many of you who are married watching this video on the family and addiction, are saying, I remember when, but then it happens. It happens where she says, yes, yes, I'll marry you. Yes, I'll be with you. And he says, oh, oh, oh, honey, wonderful. And and you step across the line of commitment, and you're still in that, that dating stage, you're still kind of in that, in that the pre marriage stage, and you don't know a whole lot about each other. You think you do. Oh yeah, I know her now. And, and she's saying, Oh, I know all about his family and what and what they think, and and so on, so forth. And, or do you? Do you at that stage? Some of you may be thinking to yourselves and and yelling at your screen right now, yeah, I did you better believe it, and others of you are lamenting right now and saying, No, I really didn't. And then the wedding day arrives. Now, here's cousin Herbert, here's cousin Matilda. Oh yeah, and Uncle Jack over there, yeah, you don't want to go around him. He's he's really bad when he's on the sauce. Well, you know about Aunt Gertrude, and she used to be the lady of the night, and you're thinking, what am I marrying into? And things and layers become uncovered sooner or later families addiction. Here's the other kicker, as the husband, as the wife on that stage, that wedding day, she says, I do. He says, I do. In front of the Minister, I just married off my 22 year old, by the way, and they said, I do to each other. It was a beautiful moment. However, what one must realize is that when you say, I do all of your latent all of your family of origin expectations of what a husband ought to be, of what a wife ought to be from each person's direction, finally. Come to the surface now, nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with with expectations, that they are expected. We need them so we have structure, we have goals. We have a future and a hope. As Jeremiah 31 says, or 29:31 excuse me, we have a future and a hope. And so this whole thing of of expectations is a healthy thing, but that's why there's premarital counseling. That's why, and now many couples don't take advantage of it, or if you do get married and didn't have time for it, get it as far as the marital counseling. Why? Because you need an opportunity to
talk out and explain and flesh out what those expectations are as they rise to the surface where she says, now you're my husband in her mind, and he says, now you're my wife in his mind. And there's these two sets of expectations crashing into each other, and perhaps that first night, and then the first baby, and then the next child, and then high school, and then they go off to college, and then it's the empty nest, and you're left with each other, families, Families? Well, there's no functional family that I can find. There are forgiven families that we do find who are in Christ and families are always in process. As I said in this class, we all have something. We are all broken. We all have something we attach ourselves to because of our life issues from the past. And so I wanted to get, kind of give you that lead into how families get into the area of dysfunctionality as it pertains to addiction and breaking the addiction cycle. Georgina Koontz gives us some valuable down to earth information to help us understand the nature of addiction and the family in more detail. A couple videos ago we talked, we touched on some family things as it came to tribe and also to family structure and in general, more generic. But today we're going to get more into the family structure itself, the nuclear family and how addiction plays out as a pattern, as a system, and also as a result, or the results that come as as addiction surfaces in the family structure and experience. So Georgina, she says, normal is a setting on the hair dryer, the effects of living with addiction and how to recover. Well, I'm sure you've seen something like this at a party or at a family gathering, and some of you are looking at this picture saying, that's my family right there. There's the uncle right there with his political button on, and then he's and he's cursing to the the the the other aunt on the other side of the table, who, of course, is seems to be yelling at the it's her husband and the uncle. You see wine on the table. You see the dad, the father of the house, saying, I can't handle it anymore. With all this chaos, I need another drink. And of course, you've got the rebellious teenager with his choice of alcohol, and you've got the mom who's in complete Oblivion, still living in the well the June Cleaver days. And for those who may not know who June Cleaver is, there was a famous TV show in the 1950s here in America called Leave It to Beaver, and you have the housewife who looks perfect all the time, and it was Golly, gee, oh boy. And Isn't life Nice? Kind of a plastic look, an inauthentic look here with. Kissing of the cook, mom, who's trying to reassure the child, it's okay, we'll get through this. This is just Thanksgiving. Just wait till Christmas. Oh, Christmas will be in a fun time. Here's to the family. Or is it? Well, dysfunctional families addiction riddled right through it. You saw that in that cartoon. Dysfunction in a family can be caused by many things, a sick parent, a sick child, a mental illness, and as we talked about before, that leads to addiction issues and also family member, missing parent, death of a child. We're broken. We are broken people, but also anytime something concentrates the entire focus of the family on one member, this leads to dysfunction. If Johnny would just stop using crack, everything would be all
right. Oh, hold on a minute. Is it just Johnny? No, it's the whole family. Why? Because Johnny is causing issues that create a ripple effect through the whole home, causing everybody else to try to save and fix Johnny himself from his problem. That's dysfunction, that's co dependency on the family side, mom, the dad, the siblings and Johnny. Well, Johnny is caught up in addiction to whatever it may be. So that focus is not only on that person, but also there's a lack of focus on everybody, on each individual, or rather, that each person is shifting their focus on themselves, and then in being interdependent with other people in the family to just focusing on Johnny, that's the problem. Okay? Normal is a setting on the dryer, or the hair dryer, or whatever setting you want to look at, at any other device, family disease of addiction. Facts about the family disease of addiction. 28 million Americans, and probably more, not everybody responds to the survey and so on, have at least one addicted parent. 12 to 15 of these still reside at the home. More than half of all addicts have an addicted parent, and one in three families report at least one member that has a problem with alcohol or drugs. 50% percent higher risk for having addiction with one addicted parent and 40-48% of children of addicts will marry an addict because, as we've cited before, oh, I married mom. Wow, oh, I married my father. How did that happen? Well, you grew up with them. You grew up with mom and dad. Ladies, you will then tend to find someone who is similar to dad as far as characteristics and his nature. And same goes for you guys, looking for somebody that has characteristics, qualities of your mother. Truth also about the family disease, most Daughters of alcoholic fathers will marry an alcoholic unless treatment is provided, breaking the cycle. Treatment does work, but may take many times, and as you look at the nature of wives, women seeking out the husband, husbands are there to protect, provide, so that women can feel safe, also that they can give life to all the home, the kids and others. And what often happens is, is that you've got the woman looking for the man who'll be the protector, and, of course, the man looking for that life giver and a wife. And the thing about the alcoholic husband, for example, is that if the dad of the wife is alcoholic and she seeks out a husband and has a husband who is an alcoholic too, that translates into, Love, functionality, normal, the same example extends and it cross applies to the abusive father, who then therefore sets the model for the abusive husband and so on, and replicates from there, we often in ministry and also in counseling, call the the abused wife syndrome. And the abused wife syndrome is where the wife who's in an abusive relationship with her husband says, well, that must be normal that he hits me. It must be normal that he verbally puts me down and so on. And when it gets so bad that she needs to leave the house for a while, get out and will completely agree with the helpers, the counselors, those who intervene and says, yes, you're right. He's got to go. I got to get out of that marriage and so forth. After a while, it's baffling that wife may come to you as a helper or as a counselor or as a pastor and say, I got to go back to him. He's not
doing well. I just talked to him the other day, and oh, he loves me, don't you know, and unfortunately, more times out of not she will go back. Hence the example and the fact, based on the research and also the experience here that most Daughters of alcoholic fathers will marry an alcoholic unless treatment is provided or an abuser, or you name it. High. Percent of people in treatment are children of addicts. They'll tell you, I remember when dad did this. Mom did that. I remember when they would hide the alcohol and hide the beer, because the pastor is here. The pastor's here. Hide the beer. We don't want them to know. Children are born to alcoholics. Sometimes have learning disabilities. We've looked at fetal alcohol syndrome briefly, but of course, this is, this is where the mom is drinking alcohol while she is pregnant, or doing other things while she's pregnant that are harmful. But here again, alcohol, of course, cigarettes or both. Finally, in 90% of all repeated child abuse cases, alcohol or other drug use is in fact, in the home when it came to looking at the psychological effects of alcohol or drug abuse or addiction in general, it will often then impair the person and their judgment, their behavior, impulse control and everything else. Hence, when it comes to drug and alcohol abuse that will be found in the home with the abused kids, because that will lead to the lack of judgment, and therefore the overreaction, the slap, the hit and progressing into dangerous, violent behavior. John Bradshaw says chronically dysfunctioning families are also delusional. Delusion is sincere denial. Yeah, when confronted, yeah, the dad says he fell off a skateboard again. Love that dang thing that skateboard, oh, yeah, broke his arm. Or did he? And denial runs deep. Oh, that's not happening. No, no, he got in a fight with the boys down the street when it was really the dad who couldn't take it anymore and let the kid have it. Chronically dysfunctioning families are also delusional, and delusion is sincere denial, stating I got it all together. You don't and you don't know what you're talking about. How often have you heard that from people dysfunctional families, basic family roles and dysfunctional families, each family member is affected as the chemically dependent person. And you can even put food in there, because what come with food comes chemicals and also other things. And other things goes through the progression of the illness each family member reacts with a survival behavior. That is a behavior which causes the least amount of personal stress. As we say, we go through the path of least resistance. And families just want to deny that this is that the dysfunction is even going on. And they get they dive into work, they dive into school or both, or into another relationship, and think that's going to take care of it. Hence other addictions, there are five basic roles. There are five basic roles that that spring up into dysfunctional families that deal addiction. Here's a summary. The first is the chief enabler, usually the spouse of the dependent person, the one who's drinking the alcohol, shooting up the heroin, or whatever. The other four roles are usually taken on by the children of the family. If there are four children, let's say, typically, one role will be seen in each child. If there
are less than four each child may take on more than one role. With more than four children, there may be two of the same roles. Here they are dysfunctional family roles. You have the hero, the scapegoat, the mascot and the invisible. The hero, the scapegoat, the mascot and the invisible. Well, let's look at the chief enabler, the chief co dependent. We call them him or her, and the person who is closest and most dependent on by the chemically dependent person, the enabler becomes totally involved in the mood swings of the dependent to keep the semblance of normalcy that is having normal, make sure everything feels normal. The enabler needs to become more and more responsible. Hence the enabler becomes the one who keeps things going in the household, who pays all the bills, who calls the boss when, let's say It's he who is dependent on alcohol or other drugs, and she then calls the boss at his work and says he's sick today. He can't come in. I'm sorry. He'll be in a little later. Or, or, or you get the idea, or, as well as making sure that the kids are okay, that takes care and takes responsibility for everything that the dependent person is not doing a thing about. They're all he or she is focused only on the drug of choice, substances, people, places and things, work, gambling, the list goes on. It all fits in this dysfunctional family framework, as we look at the chief enabler, the hero, the scapegoat and so forth. Well, here we are. The family hero takes the does the shirt thing has the big S on the chest. The family. Hero can see and hear more of what is happening in the family, and begins to feel responsible for the family pain. The hero works hard to make things better for the family and works diligently to improve the situation, because the chief and enabler, quite often will be the wife, while it's wife or husband. Let's put it that way, quite often it's depicted as the wife, not always true as far as being the enabler, because often the wife could be the addict and the husband could be the one who is the one making sure everything is taken care of, as the chief enabler. But then you have Johnny, who is not the addict here, but he is the first born child who says, Dad shouldn't be doing this. Mom's in trouble. We need me to take care of the day. And here he goes, Wow, mom, lie down, Dad, it's okay. I've got it. I'll save the day children not to fear I am here. And so the family hero can see and hear more what is happening the family and begins to feel responsible for the pain. The Hero works hard to make things better for the family, and we're diligently to improve life. Life. Well, then you've got the scapegoat. Yeah, the person does not wish to work as hard as the hero to prove himself worthy. If you almost see the cause and the effect. That you've got the hero is trying to save the day. Have no fear, I am here, and then you've got the brother or the sisters, the scapegoat saying, well, there's really nothing for me to do. And I just kind of feel in the middle come out from the second born, who, based on birth order study, the second born is kind of trying to find himself or herself anyway and then, and feels a bit odd because they're in between, and looks for support from peers outside of the home instead scapegoat The Lost Child, perhaps, is that baby the
family that or that, that third born suffers loneliness, even though being alone is the situation where the child is most comfortable. Now, let's say it's only three kids, and this, this kid can be the lost child as well as the invisible child, which I think that's self exclamatory, but breaking it down, unpacking it, he or she will suffer loneliness, even though being alone is the situation where the child is most comfortable, because then there's no pain, then there's no one to invade. My Space, my bubble, I'm okay here. I'm the man, I'm the I'm the gal, I'm the woman here, I'm in charge. No one can no one can hurt me here, and the growing chaos the family pressures the lost child to look for validation within personal resources such as fantasies, and they'll go into another world in their mind. And so, books, movies, binge watching now as we is now the new drug of choice coming from Netflix or Hulu or with Amazon Prime, just keep it coming and gets lost in the fantasy loneliness I won't hurt anymore so they think, then there's the mascot, cute, fun To be around, able to use charm humor to survive in a painful family system, no one sees the fear deep within. So the clown of the family, kind of like the clown the class or the class clown, the family clown, the one who will break the pressure. If the stress level is through the roof and the yelling is too much, the only child will retreat, and the mascot will say, Well, this happened today. Hey. Do you hear the joke when..... breaking that pressure. Well, then we look at dysfunctional families, they have five unhealthy rules, and by the way, getting back to the other role too, the invisible child just feels again, like the lonely child, just invisible. Not no one really notices them, and they they're isolating anyway, they don't they feel no one cares, and they retreat. Now the unhealthy rules are usually unspoken, but are still accepted and followed by all in order to maintain the status quo in the family, you can make profound changes. Georgina says, here, in your family relationships by doing the opposite of each of these rules. Here they are. The five rules are, don't talk, don't trust, don't feel Don't be selfish, don't rock the boat. And of course, the opposite is, Do talk, do trust, do feel, do be selfish, take Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, love your soul with all your mind, and love your neighbor as you love Your self. Jesus, quoting Deuteronomy in Matthew chapter 22 don't rock the boat. You better believe it. Rock the Boat. Say something that can lead to the salvation of the addict and the enabler. So some other things to look at difficulty and accurately identifying expressing feelings is also a truth in dysfunctional families and families wracked by addiction problems, informing maintaining close intimate relationships, which. How come? It's because, well, if I am always in conflict with my spouse as the enabler with the addict or vice versa, why would I trust anybody else? Because the one who's closest to me I can't even trust, therefore I can't trust anybody else, and also other people don't really want to be around me, because I'm always talking about my issues and my problems, and they drift away. So forget all of them, and we get into the whole mode of ultimatums, absolutes, assumptions that don't bring us to healing. And also
higher than normal prevalence of marrying a person from another dysfunctional family, or a person with active alcoholism or addiction, again, the dysfunctional family syndrome, or the abusive wife syndrome, the syndrome that is where, well, this must be normal, so I'm going to go marry that. And when they say, I do, the expectations rise to the surface and hit me now is the insanity, because that says, I love you. Let's yell. Let's break trust. Let's do things that cross the line, see how far we can go of this, because that's Love, after all, isn't it? Biblically speaking, of course, no, it isn't. It's dysfunctional, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations of self others be too hard on oneself, and quite often, with coming back to the roles of the family, you'll have the lonely child and also the hero, the mascot and the scapegoat, or the perfectionism of the addict, because that will also come out as the unrealistic expectations they often will feel like it is my fault underneath all of it, no matter what identity they take on and they, deep down, do not want to be like mom and dad in this, this, this hell that they're living in. And as we cited earlier, if help or treatment is not sought out, it will repeat. It will reproduce. Finally, rigidity and behavior in attitudes, having an unwillingness to change. Why change? This is normal, so they think, also, having a resistance to adapting to change, fear of taking risks, feeling over identified or responsible for others, feelings or behavior, which is CO dependency, having a constant need for approval or attention from others to feel good about themselves, which also falls under the CO dependent pattern, an awkwardness in making decisions, feeling terrified or making mistakes, and may defer decision Making to others. If you notice how some people may apologize for everything, and they get too much into this. A couple months ago, I did a funeral for a 12 year old who was getting back, we think, at siblings in a TIFF, in an argument, and and wanting attention that was more healthy and but then went down a negative path saying, Well, I'm going to fake, fake a suicide and then see if you'll pay attention. But the fake became real, and the 12 year old hung herself, unfortunately, in a meeting with the mom and the dad, there were no signs of suicidal ideation. There are no signs of self destructive behavior with this young girl. But when the dad talked about the brother, when the dad was reflecting on helping him to get through this loss, he and his husband, or he and and his wife, rather, the mom and the dad were both commenting how this son, the sibling of the dead girl, was always apologizing, always feeling responsible, always, always, always, always, always very co dependent, because if they the mom and the dad and sister who is now gone, and others were not having a good day or okay, then he was not okay and felt responsible for their behavior. It's very real. And maybe you're feeling that here today too. Maybe you're saying, Boy, Dr Mark, you are just touching on everything that is going on with me, my family that is just like that family in that cartoon. You're beginning to do some self inventory, which is good, and as you are taking this course in order to get the tools to be able to help someone else, to minister to families. In overall, it begins with ourselves as leaders and as
servant leaders. We have to be always aware of what's happening in our minds, families and lives, some other things to look at, feeling powerless and ineffective, like whatever the addict does does not make whatever you do, rather, does not make a difference. To change things, to make things better, exaggerated feelings of shame, worthlessness, like the young man who I was just talking about, little self esteem, avoiding conflict at any price. But did you know conflict is good? Conflict is healthy, conflict is a fact of life. Yeah, we all know this, but most of us don't want to deal with it ever that's our feeling. But the fact is, is that conflict is needed to grow, to become to integrate all of our issues into healthy responses and also self management under the power of the Holy Spirit. Of course, that's a given. God is in control. God is our Lord and our Savior, but we still deal with ourselves and with God's help, we can overcome and of course, too, avoiding conflict any price, again, will often repress your own feelings in these dysfunctional families and opinions to keep peace, apprehension over abandonment by others, what if they leave me and acting belligerently and aggressively to keep others at a distance, tendency is To be impatient over controlling a failure to take proper care of self because of their extortion and their needs and concerns of other people acting like martyrs, voting for others instead of for oneself. And of course, we're addressing here the members of the family who are dealing with the addict. And so there is this, these unhealthy patterns of behavior the family will take on and keep going if it's not dealt with. People who come from dysfunctional families are not destined for a dysfunctional life. Bo Bennett declares, I'll say it again, people who come from dysfunctional families are not destined for a dysfunctional life. It's like I said, before you can change, you do not have to go down the path of the abused wife syndrome. Ladies, you can become a woman of God who is set free, and also can deal with the family of origin, with God's power, in God's power and strength, and become healthier and healthy, knowing the triggers, knowing, knowing the all the stuff going on and breaking the cycle, because this truth resonates, doesn't it? Gentlemen, you do not have to be the abusive father. You do not have to go down the path of alcohol, whatever is modeled to you that was bad, that was addictive behavior. With God's help, and help God's people, we can behave healthy, the functional family, getting better. That's our hope. Get help, identify, express emotions. Allow you to feel angry about what happened. Now, some of you are wired, in a way, temperamentally, where you feel like, well, if I say I'm angry, because that's not kind. No, you need to say, I am angry because A, to get it out of you. Otherwise, if it's stuffed in, it turns into depression. B, the other person who or the anger is pointed towards, needs to know that that's not okay, whatever it is, and that they crossed the line, or something crossed the line, or something went awry, and we need to deal with it. Conflict is good. Resolution is needed. So four begin the work of learning to trust others. You can learn to trust. And when you experience those who have been
come from more trustworthy families where they have been more aware of their dysfunction, because we all have it and a healthier stead in the power of Christ, that's where that we can say, okay, let's learn together. Okay, let's get these steps in action. Let's let's help each other, and one to the next to the next. You can continue to learn how to trust other people. Also too practice taking good care of yourself, love your neighbor, love the warrior God, and then love your neighbor. As you take care of you also begin to change your relationships with your family. No, it's not okay, Dad, Mom, I just know Johnny. I've all had it, and it's not going to it will stop. That made you angry. Can often be the response I Well, I'm offended. Says Dad, good, that's okay, because if he's offended, that means you hit it where it hurt. You hit it where it needed to be. To say, Dad, it needs to change with your language, your behavior, no more. But it takes courage. It takes number one, getting help identify your own emotions, working on you so you can then deal with others. The 3Cs of Al Anon and real change. Now. Al Anon, for those who don't know, is a, it is the cut the how should we put it in? It? It's the cousin, or it's the the group for the enablers. It's the group that is opposite the Alcoholics Anonymous group. They have AA, and then you have Al Anon, for those you may not be familiar. And Al Anon then addresses the CO dependency issue. The 3Cs of Al Anon, as we've come to understand co dependency and real change of looking I didn't cause it. That's the first C cause. The second C is I can't cure it, or I can't fix it. Or actually, the C here is cure I can't cure it. And the final C, I can't control it, or her or him, I can't control it. Here's some websites. I'll leave it here on the screen here for a moment. Of course, Al Anon, NAR Anon, you have Narcotics Anonymous, and then you have narcotics you have NAR Anon, for those who are dealing with the addict who's hooked on narcotics. And, of course, adultchildren.org. Coda children's adult children of alcoholics and other other things of that nature. And celebrate recovery.com. Which Celebrate Recovery, is a Christ based recovery program, and they have valuable Christ centered material as well. Fact, in Celebrate Recovery, they have taken, taken a lot of what's in AA and Al Anon, and they carried it over into a biblical framework. And if you have any questions, of course, that's okay, feel free to email them, and we can then maybe get some more answers to you, but also too some things about addiction in the family that we need to understand. And we'll go over a few things from SAMHSA, which is the United States federal government Level of study on addictions and also substance abuse, and what they have found through government studies, alcohol is one of the most commonly misused substances, which is no big surprise. Majority in the West are current or past users of at least one psychoactive drug. And of course, as we look at tobacco, widely used heroin, not as much. And then of course, THC, leading to marijuana, is used. Alcohol, very strong, and cocaine is in the mid range. Substance abuse disorders and the family you have the individual as the individual relates to the family which
we're discussing, the individual exists in the context of a larger system, which is the family. And of course, as a look at family influences on substance abuse, we look at biological, the psychological, the developmental and social. Biological you have, novelty seeking, temperaments, genetic predictors of response, metabolism, risk or layered dependence, family factors, of course, and also other independent factors, psychiatric and social, the family perspectives. Families develop patterns, and we've identified that with the family roles to use, which become integrated into the family structure, which become modeled and passed on into future generations, you become like your family, unless you get help. Now we look at other cultures, and that's what they've done here, here in the US. They looked at other examples, the cut Afghanistan, Africa, Yemen, ganja, West Indian cultures. Also, you look at religiosity and personal conservatism. And the comparison is that, look at the whole family. We look at the west and the east, and there's, there's similarities through the course of the West, look at the individual and the east, look at the group and how the patriarch and matriarch is in command. You know, similar effects here in the West, but not so much, because it's always, what are you going to do, son, daughter? How are you going to chart your course? They say, of course. We know God charts our course. That's That's obvious. But here we want to again, examine the patterns the alcoholic family, when the appropriate and sensible use of substances merges into inappropriate and unsafe use that leads to the domestic violence, abuse of all kinds and impaired relationships and dysfunctional family responses. The domestic violence very high, approximately 80% of spouse to spouse violence is alcohol related. Physical abuse of children involves 20, 30% of parents who are heavy drinkers, and the child abusing parents is often under the influence of alcohol when the incident occurs, as we said in the last video, impaired motor movement, impaired impulse control, other issues, marital conflict. As they identified parental attachment, they've identified family of origin issues and cross generational effects, rituals, the family dance. It's called rituals, and perhaps these are other frameworks that will help you in your ministry and will help you to best approach families and individuals in their need. So the family dance framework says, well, rituals are symbolic, self sustaining, self corrective, anticipatory. Alcohol and Substance Use can have a highly disruptive effect on family rituals. Uncle Tom ruins each Christmas dinner by becoming intoxicated and belligerent, like the cartoon we saw earlier in this session. Family responses, sequences of behaviors that emerge as a response of members now called families. It's predictable, individuated to the family, a family pattern of response. Not only do we look at Christmas, all holidays or it's the tradition in family dance and ritual that every Saturday night we go to the restaurant and dad is always at the bar. That's just what we do. And of course, families then eventually realize that that's not healthy and things are falling apart, and they come to you as pastor or as Christian leader and say, help. And
they don't see the obvious, where the ritual and the dance is, where dad. Is at the bar at the restaurant on Saturday night or at Christmas and or other holiday dinners that everyone's getting intoxicated, which is supposed to be okay because we're celebrating. Oh, really. So predictable, individuated, and now we look at response patterns, the role changes, like we talked about family energy, surrounded by the by the substance use and its sequelae. They put it here. But also, you know, we the focus is taking off the healthy interdependence and and focus only on the one who's abusing the alcohol or whatever else, the only defenses of ambivalence and denial, social withdrawal and isolation, fear, shame, kids, conduct and academic problems, emotional difficulties, which we touched on again with the lonely child, or, of course, the hero and the other ones, potential causal effects on earlier onset, on drinking, biological the modeling. What is dad modeling? Every time you go to the restaurant, he's at the bar. Oh yeah. Not only is he drinking, but he's also separating himself, isolating himself. Maybe that's what his dad did. Maybe that's something he just started to do. We have to look at what was modeled to dad or the addict, adaptation to family dysfunction. This is normal and so on, biological, psychological and social influences. So social influences, crime, financial, health effects, foster care, social interactions, isolation and shame, like I said, Before, I need the drug, I steal the money. I get put in jail, financial, or the domestic violence situation where someone is hit, caught, arrested, and they serve prison time. Financial, of course, all the money goes to who the addict, and the addict or steals all the money, and therefore you can't pay the rent, you can't buy food, you can't live health effects, heart attack, stroke and so on. Why? Because the addict is overdoing it, or the stress level that causes others in the family to turn to addiction, addictive behaviors, overeating, gambling, other things to medicate the pain and shame, or just that they are co dependent and are addicted to people, places and things, trying to make everything okay, trying to fix everybody, which doesn't work, health effects, foster care, because, as we identified too the Child Protective Services, or whatever it's called in your locale, will then come in and then take the kids away because the kids are being abused. Social interactions, isolation, so family considerations in the treatment of substance abuse disorders, the best treatment programs are comprehensive, multi dimensional, because we look at family services, vocational services, medical services, as you see in the middle of the screen here, intake screening, in other words, where, if the addict comes to hit a bottom, which is our hope, and also the family together hitting the bottom, where all we can do is look up and look to God for help for Christ, then is the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE interesting how scripture comes right in there and we say, No, these are not the way. That's like with Israel. In the theology of addiction session, we talked about how Israel looked to the idols, the Baals, and getting attached to them and doing sexual acts right in the middle of the field in the broad daylight to please the
gods, to have a good harvest. When God said, No, I am your Lord. And God. Jesus says, I am the Way, the Truth and Life. I created you to be mine, to have relationship with God. So the addict then comes into the screening session to just, you know, again, a profile is taken, a record is taken. Get to get a good picture of what's happening. And of course, substance use monitoring, legal services here, medication, therapy, support groups, educational services, where classes are then offered, all of the above together is where this needs to go, because one cannot do it alone ever. I Corinthians 15, it says at the end of the chapter, your labor in the Lord is not in vain. You're never alone. While at the biblical foundation and of course, God's creation is in community, then help for the family needs to be in community, not always with individuation. It's also it takes a team always so treatment can be effective. Drug Treatment reduces drug use. Of course, a lot, 40 to 60% treatment does not have to be voluntary to be effective. When I was a case manager in Chicago, and my clients would would stop taking their medications because they started to feel better. So they thought and talked themselves into into the and rationalized and saw thought, well, here's my pillbox. No, I don't take that one anymore. No, I'm feeling better. Boy, I just don't like because they don't like taking their medications. And then after a few days, a couple weeks, then we then what we began to see at that time, and still happens today. Of course, they begin to act out, and they begin to behave in the disorders that they've got, and then what happens is we have to get them to the hospital. Same thing, thing with with addiction, and of course, with my clients at that time, they also dealt with addiction, getting into the hospital, addressing all the above, involuntary did a judge's order, committal committed to the treatment enforced on them, not always bad, and after the fact, often they'll say, thank you for doing what you needed to do. Family influences can help facilitate entry and engagement in the treatment process. Again, it takes a team, takes the family. Lack of family support has been implemented in poor compliance with treatment recommendations as well. It gets to be complicated. Well, you have the screening. There's the professional with the person who needs the help, then you have therapeutic interventions for family members, stress management, assertive assertiveness training, psychoeducation, addressing, family communication and response patterns, problem solving tasks. These are therapies in treatment. There's what exactly happens with the person and the family as they get help the family considerations in substance use disorders include biological, developmental and social contributions, and is difficult to establish cause and effect, easier to note correlations. Addiction continues to be baffling, and relapse then back into treatment can be a revolving door. Finally, though, the family should be an integral part of a multidisciplinary treatment approach as we conclude our study on the family addiction getting help, but also understanding why things happen, how things happen. And yet, there's again, some mystery. And yet, no mystery.
However, we go back to the main issue, and that is and what you'll find with many professionals that do not go there, is the spiritual problem of sin. Sin, we're separated from God, and we don't know God's will, but through Christ, we come to know God's will, and we get the help that we need, so we can break free from these attachments, these idols, called addictions, and begin to live a godly, Christ centered life where Jesus then becomes the one to bring the family back into reconciliation. So with the family, you also see a biblical framework happening, a biblical need that is there because that's where it had to be in the first place. Families need to be centered on the one who made them, Jesus Christ. God bless you, and we'll see you next time