Nobody wants to live with a secret. It torments your soul. It bothers your  conscience. I created this guy that everybody loved, and I went home and didn't  like myself. The effect of holding a secret that long is that you never had the  freedom to be you. I don't carry secrets anymore. One day, we were playing in a neighborhood. I grew up in a nice little neighborhood and just playing with some  friends. There was a neighbor that lived across the street from me, and he told  me to come over to his house. So I came over to his house and didn't go inside  the house. He said, you know, come in the garage. I've got to show you  something. So I go into the garage and he just starts touching me, just  inappropriate. Touching and I was eight, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know what he was doing, but I knew it wasn't right. And I came home, and I  walked in the door and my mom asked me, How was my day? That was the day  I became a professional liar, and I got real good at it. A couple of days later, I got called to the garage again and again and again and again. I don't know how to  process this. I don't know where to begin with this. I don't know how to deal with  this. All I did know is that if my dad found out, he would kill him. So I had to keep it a secret. I was literally becoming two different people to be the guy that could  go to school and kind of get through a day, and then there would be the guy that  cannot stop looking at pornography. This is not casual. This is I can't stop I'm  driven to this thing. So I had to keep it a secret. I don't want to deal with these  questions. I don't have answers for this. I'm 12, I'm 13,14, I'm 15, 16, 17, 18, I  18. I'm 19, and this thing is still on me. She caught me, I don't know what to say.  I was embarrassed. I felt like a pervert. I felt completely disgusted with myself,  because she's a praying woman. She went back to her room and started praying for me. It's probably the best prayer. I think my mother has ever prayed. I didn't  hear it, but that prayer came and got me. I got up, cleaned myself off, walk down the hallway. If I made a left, I'm gonna go to my room. I'm never gonna talk  about this again. If I make a right, maybe I'd have enough strength to go in her  room and tell her what the real situation was, because it wasn't porn that was  that wasn't the root of the situation. My mom cried. I cried, and she went and got my younger brother. He came in the room, he said he got molested by the same guy. Then all three of us cried. My dad comes home, we share what happened,  and then my mom says that she got sexually abused when she was six, and  then my dad says that he got molested when he was five, so in one night, my  exposure caused everyone to kind of come clean and confess their pain. I mean that night, man, I just can't articulate to you the freedom I felt to be able to tell  the truth to somebody and not be judged, that's the most Oh, my God, you, and  to have the truth come out and be surrounded by nothing but love. My parents,  their relationship with Christ, is amazing. They have always been authentic and  real in how they live out their faith man, I just thank God that they weren't like  the type of deep religious people that can't handle pain. I was just happy that  they were that they loved me, that they didn't judge me. We didn't grow up in an 

atmosphere where we saw any hypocrisy. My parents weren't one way at home  and then another way at church. They were the same people, and they told us  the right way, they showed us the right way, and then they just prayed for us.  And you know, when the Lord got ready for us, when he called, we knew his  voice because they taught us well. I would love to tell you that as soon as I  accepted Christ into my life, I put porn down and never picked it up again, but  the fact that the Lord would be patient enough with me, knowing that It didn't  take me five minutes to get into it, and it probably wasn't gonna take five  minutes to get out, but if I just started walking with him, he would just start  shedding layers of bondage and abuse, molestation, low self esteem, people  pleasing this stuff as we began To walk, stuff would just start falling off of me,  and that he would give me relationships when God really wants to love you, He  loves you through people. And he brought people into my life to literally love all  that crap out of me. And it's been a great walk. 14 years, still walking. It's been  good so I don't carry secrets anymore. My name is Tim Ross and I am Second. 



Last modified: Tuesday, July 15, 2025, 1:58 PM