Abby - We continue here in this chaplaincy course, and we're now diving into  the emotional and spiritual dimensions of it.  

Henry - So the season that triggers pain isn't that kind of sad.  

Abby - It is sad. I mean, for so many it can, you know, be a season filled with  joy, merriness, happiness. But on the other flip side, it, many times, does amplify grief, loneliness, absence of people in our lives or things in our life, and that pain often can be hidden behind these festive appearances. So many people that are struggling with these things. They don't always make that very obvious to the  people around  

Henry - them, and chaplains are called to see and respond to the hidden pain.  And I've seen this as practicing a chaplain in my various chaplaincy parishes,  and as a church planter, in a lot of ways, a church planter, I was the president of  the kind of better, you know, business bureau thing in the local community. And  lot of times I would just be at events, and they would see my, you know, I'm a  minister, and I didn't go to them, but they came to me. But I often noticed before  they came to me that they were hurting. So sometimes what I did is I just walked over and started a conversation.  

Abby - Yeah, opening up something, yeah? Because it definitely, as much as  we're saying, to be open, be a space. It is definitely good. If you know  somebody, you could start a conversation again. Don't try to maybe get them if  they're not ready to talk about something, but yeah, opening that door to  conversation and asking some questions can be a great way to get someone to, you know, feel safe and able to share with you. As a chaplain,  

Henry - you know that situational awareness, that emotional awareness,  becomes so important, and you will eventually, you will see where the pain is.  You will recognize it, and walk over, and the next thing you know, they see the  word chaplain, and they're saying to themselves, you know, I don't know where  to turn. Yeah.  

Abby - So understanding grief, you know, grief, it's not a weakness. If someone  is having grief longer than someone else, that's not a malfunction. You know, it's  love that has nowhere to go or doesn't know how to, you know, express that  grief. And so it can take many forms, whether that be death or a loss of health or a broken relationship, or maybe broken dreams, or maybe being in a situation  where they have very little and are in great need.  

Henry - And holidays, holidays amplify grief rather than silence it. 

Abby - Yeah, I think we like to think that the holiday joy can, you know, almost  be noise over these things, but it doesn't, doesn't silence it.  

Henry - No. So pastoral care validates grief as part of the healing journey,  acknowledges the diverse grief type, strengthens chaplain's credibility.  

Abby - You know, we, we need to honor grief more. I think our, you know,  culture, it can be very easy to try to get people to maybe just move past it, or fix  it, or, you know, again, the there's all kinds of cliches on grief and so avoid those things. Don't try to fix it, just witness and honor it. Offer that presence, listening,  offer prayer, scripture, reading, if that is desired by the person you're  

Henry - talking with, that whole cliche of white cliches is really good, because,  you know, oh, if you just take more time, you know, maybe by Christmas you'll  feel better. You know, all of this sometimes at Christmas, especially, there are  the Christmas cliches too, that can be kind of thrown in people's face, and, yeah, they're hurting right now, and they need prayer more than they need a quick  answer.  

Abby - Yeah? So loneliness, very common, yeah, invisible weight. It's the ache  of just feeling like nobody is seeing them or they're not feeling heard by anyone.  You know, I also think just the holidays as a whole, like whether it be new year's  

Christmas, it brings up that, you know, for those that maybe are seeking, you  know, I have a couple girlfriends in my life who would really love to find the  person that they want to spend their life with, and they don't have that. And so  when they come to an event where there is tons and tons of people who are  with a significant other. That's difficult, that is difficult. And I had a situation a bit  ago, where I think that there was sort of a misunderstanding, because I think the person was just feeling loneliness and basically wanted to remove themselves  from the event. And I kind of it. Again, wanted to take it personal or something  like it was about me, but it's like it wasn't, you know, and I think that's going on  for a lot of people during Christmas. It intensifies as these feelings of exclusion  loneliness again, and certain groups are very vulnerable to this again, those in a nursing home, those who feel very unseen, maybe those in an orphanage and  things like that.  

Henry - So what an opportunity to meet that relational gap and to say, okay,  maybe with your spouse, sit down. What Christmas events are we going to do to target those we know who suffer from loneliness in this maybe that person who's a widow. I just had this situation yesterday where another person alerted me to a man who lost his wife from Lou Gehrig's Disease about a month and a half ago. 

And so we were talking, and we'll mention a name, and then and he said, you  know, he's really lonely. And then next moment, I got a email saying that they  need one person for this two day golf trip. And I know this guy is a golfer, so, you know, and I was heightened doing this class to this Christmas Chaplain class  that applies for all times. So I just said, Hey, we're having this trip. Oh, we need  one more person, you know. And I called him up, and your mom was listening to the conversation, and he said, Hello. And I said, Hey, we need one more person. And, oh, first of all, I did say My condolences. You know, we need one more  person. I know it's two days, and often you hear the brighten up on the phone,  oh, oh, okay, if you need one more person, okay.  

Abby - Again, feeling needed, feeling like people want to be around them, is so  important for people when they're in such a season of loneliness, grieving the  loss of a spouse in this case, I mean, how incredibly painful, and what a great  way to make that him feel included and give him, you know, a way. And now you get an opportunity for two days to be able to minister to him as well.  

Henry - Right? Exactly your role in addressing loneliness so quiet, sacred  calling, seeing those overlooked others  

Abby - overlook, yeah, and it's those small acts of presence. I mean, even you  inviting him to something is, you know, is the sort of thing that is so needed, and  as stated here, it does carry internal, eternal impact, because you have an  opportunity to keep being as a minister, as you are someone who is showing  that love of Christ  

Henry - so powerful, consistent presence disrupts cycles of isolation and  intentional engagement mirrors incarnational ministry principles. Now here's  here's the thing, though, all of this is theory, but it's the action where the silver  sauce comes in to actually do it. It's like we can say, oh, that person's going  through a lot this season. And then we see them at church, or we see them at  the community somewhere, and but it's actually inviting. It's actually showing up  as a Chaplain. It's actually planting yourself at a space that says, I am here  

Abby - for engagement? Yeah, absolutely. This is why we have a dream of  seeing tons and tons of Chaplains equipped to again, put on this Christmas  Chaplain hat or Thanksgiving chaplain, or whatever it is, because, you know,  there's so many people going through this, and if you have a team of chaplains  who are equipped and ready to do this, we can go, well, you're gonna go talk  with Mary because she's really struggling with a loss her husband. You're gonna go and be in the nursing home on Christmas Eve and blah blah, you know, it's  like, and now you guys can kind of divide as chaplains and conquer in that 

sense of being, that space in so many different areas in your community that  need it. So as you're checking out, this class of you have fellow chaplains you  serve with, or you know a couple people that might be called to be a chaplain  and maybe haven't pursued it. This might be the perfect way to get them to  engage in chaplaincy and get them to engage in this calling.  

Henry - And I could see a church say, You know what? Lot of times you'll do,  like Christmas, giving out of gifts to poor children, wonderful, or you'll Chris  project Christmas Child or other, you know, there's all these other things. Well,  what if your church said we're going to have a chaplain program for Christmas?  Oh, what's that? Well, we're gonna have a small group, we'll meet at church.  We're all taking this class. You're in it right now, maybe. And you're, oh, I'm in  this class. Is this where the idea came from? Yeah, it's where the idea came  from. So now you. Are together in this class, and you're getting trained. So what  your church is going to do is target, Canvas your area with Christmas chaplains, 

Abby - yeah, send them out, and it's going to make such a difference again, for  people who have been hurt by churches, people who maybe have no  experience with churches to have this be an experience that they get to have  with a church that's equipped a team of Chaplains to be sent out. I mean, again,  what a powerful way to really be the body of Christ and bring the church into the  

Henry - community, marketplace, nursing homes, schools and your church  sends out these chaplains, and again, be the word Chaplain says that they  might not end up going to your church, but they might, but they might not. The  goal here is to get an army of listeners, prayer warriors, in the marketplace, in  the community? Absolutely.  

Abby - Yeah, so we've been talking about this hidden pain, but again, just to dig  into this little more, this hidden pain is often masked during the holidays, so  hidden wounds require very reverent patient presence, and so asking very  gently these questions that might help somebody get that hidden pain out there.  You know, maybe somebody's dealing with they just lost a baby right before  Christmas. You know, that's courage and miscarriage. So you've got somebody  needs that gentle some of those questions. And again, you have to be so  careful, because people do take offense so easily. And that's why, as a chaplain, again, you're being equipped to bring gentleness and listening  

Henry - ear ministry skills, which are going to be learning in this class.  

Abby - Yeah, that respects people's boundaries and the emotional space. And  that's the thing one person's going to see that you have the word chaplain on 

their shirt, and they're going to just lay it out to you, while another person may  be like a brick wall for a bit when you ask them questions, and then the God and the Spirit might move in them that they get that openness to disclose. And  there's going to be some people that aren't going to entrust to you what's going  on with them, and they're, you know, you have to, again, respect people's  boundaries and their emotional pace, how to minister well. So six skills we  talked about a little bit some of these, but that active listening, that empathetic  validation, using scripture, creating a sacred space, offering prayers of comfort,  and when possible, doing that continued follow up again.  

Henry - It's about presence, not performance. Follow up shows people they are  remembered.  

Abby - Yes, yeah, I think that's the huge thing. You can have a great  conversation with somebody. But if there's no intentional follow up, very quickly,  you can kind of just sort of fade past that, or move past a really good  experience. So that follow up  

Henry - is illustration of that inviting that man to this golf outing. So he said,  sure. He said, Yes. Well, you know, the first thing you do is I paid his fee, and  then I said, I paid your fee. You're all set. No, that was a form of follow up,  because what he might have at the, you know,  

Abby - where now, you know,  

Henry - Henry cares about me. I mean, it paid his fee. You know, it's and again,  this man will probably pay me back. But it's so often we can say, I'll pray for you, but then we have not shown that we pray  

Abby - for them. Yeah, I really encourage you guys, if that follow up. You know, I had a couple of people who said, I have this surgery going on, or this thing's  going on, putting that in your calendar with an alarm. Follow up with them a few  days before the surgery, saying, Hey, I would love to pray over you. If you'd like.  I can even meet up with you and pray over you, and then following up with them  afterwards as well. So again, where are the areas where you can do that?  Again, there's only so much one Chaplain can do, and that's why we encourage  you to get that team so that many people can be spread out. But that follow up  is really important.  

Henry - Greatest comfort you bring is a savior, not a solution. It's Jesus Christ,  right? 

Abby - He is the solution. But it's not just a, oh, this thing to do, it's to be  brought into relationship with our Savior. Christmas.  

Henry - Chaplains walk into rooms others avoid.  

Abby - Think that's such truth. I mean, and I think we all can look in the mirror  and realize that there's a lot of things that we want to avoid, because it's  uncomfortable, because it's awkward, because it's painful, because it's hard.  And when you're being a chaplain, you are you're saying, I'm going to step up in  places that maybe I would want to avoid. And that's that's a difficult. Thing to do  it is  

Henry - bears witness to Emmanuel, God with us. And so ministry identity is  grounded in representing Christ faithfully. Presence based, ministry can  transform both the giver and the receiver. So it's, it's a powerful thing to be there as a representative of Christ when someone needs you, I love that.  

Abby - This being a chaplain is transformative to you too. So it's, it's such an  amazing, wonderful ministry. Yeah.