Reading: Organic Sexual Care

Sexual Care: Finding Wholeness in Christ

1. The Problem: Guilt, Shame, and Cultural Confusion

Many Christians silently struggle with guilt and shame when it comes to sexuality. Some carry regret from past choices. Others feel trapped by secret struggles, addictions, or hidden wounds. Still others wrestle with questions of gender identity, delayed sexual development, or confusion about their worth and belonging. Instead of speaking openly about these issues, many stay silent—afraid of judgment or convinced that their struggles make them unworthy of God’s love.

On top of these personal struggles, the culture around us often makes things worse. In a postmodern world that disconnects gender from biology and sexuality from covenant, people are left with fragmented understandings of who they are. Identity becomes something to be invented, rather than received as a gift from God. These messages intensify the shame many Christians already feel, making them believe they must either hide or reinvent themselves to be acceptable.

Shame whispers that you are broken beyond repair. Guilt convinces you that you will never be free. Confusion tells you that you cannot know who you are. But none of these voices speak the truth of Christ.

2. The Gospel Answer: Identity as Gift, Not Burden

The good news of the gospel is that our identity is not something we create for ourselves—it is something we receive from God. From the very beginning, Scripture declares that we are made in God’s image, male and female (Genesis 1:27). The psalmist celebrates, “I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14 WEB). Jesus affirms the dignity of our whole selves—body and spirit—when He commands us to love God, love others, and love ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39).

In Christ, guilt is forgiven, shame is covered, and confusion is met with clarity. At the cross, Jesus bore our sins—including sexual sins and failures—so that we might stand forgiven and free. Through His resurrection, we are invited to walk in newness of life, with our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

The gospel does not minimize our struggles but meets us in them. Where the world offers a thousand counterfeit identities, Christ calls us beloved sons and daughters. Where shame says “hide,” Christ says, “Come to me.” Where guilt says, “you are condemned,” Christ says, “There is no condemnation for those who are in me” (Romans 8:1). 

3. The Practice: Sexual Care in Homes, Churches, and Communities

Sexual care, then, is not just a personal discipline but a ministry of the whole body of Christ. It begins with biblically grounded education that provides theological clarity, pastoral compassion, and practical wisdom for navigating life in a confusing culture. This education reminds us that sexual identity and expression are not burdens to be feared or inventions to be created, but gifts to be stewarded in covenant faithfulness and love.

Such care can take place in many settings:

• In homes where parents and grandparents guide children with honesty, grace, and truth.

• In churches where small groups, youth discipleship, and preaching offer safe spaces to learn and heal.

• In Christian schools and academies where students are equipped to engage culture with biblical conviction.

• In ministry coaching environments where mentors walk alongside individuals and couples with encouragement and accountability.

This kind of care empowers families and communities to answer questions about sexuality not with silence or fear, but with conviction, grace, and confidence in God’s goodness. It equips believers to resist cultural distortions, walk in freedom from shame, and embrace the wholeness Christ offers.

Sexual care is not simply about managing desire—it is about restoring identity and relationships through the grace of Christ. For the Christian weighed down by guilt, God’s forgiveness is greater than one's failure. For the one trapped in shame, Christ’s love is more profound than one’s wounds. For the one lost in confusion, God’s design is clearer and more life-giving than the shifting voices of culture.

In Him, you are not broken beyond repair. You are beloved, redeemed, and invited into wholeness.

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new.” — 2 Corinthians 5:17 (WEB)

Sexual Self Care

In Christian church circles, there has long been disagreement about the topic of masturbation. While the Bible does not explicitly condemn the practice, it has rarely been encouraged by Christian leaders and is often treated as a taboo subject—especially in public teaching.

In the 1980s, theologian Lewis Smedes courageously addressed the issue in his influential book Sex for Christians. Smedes argued that masturbation, in itself, was not sinful when practiced with self-control and within the boundaries of Christian sexual ethics. His honest and pastoral approach helped open a long-suppressed conversation in the church.

Yet despite Smedes’ thoughtful contribution, strong disagreement continues within Christian communities. Some view masturbation as a natural expression of human sexuality and a way to steward physical desire during singleness or within marriage. Others remain deeply concerned about its potential connection to lust, fantasy, and pornography—especially in light of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:28, where looking with lust is described as committing adultery in the heart.

The Catholic Church officially teaches that masturbation is “an intrinsically and gravely disordered action,” primarily because it separates sexual pleasure from its unitive and procreative purposes. Many evangelical churches echo this concern, often equating masturbation with impurity or addiction. On the other hand, some ministry leaders and counselors today - especially those working with younger generations - are advocating for a more nuanced, grace-centered conversation, one that considers intent, context, and the spiritual journey of the individual.

Ultimately, the call of Scripture is to holiness, self-control, and love. Sexual self-care should not be reduced to rules or shame, but should be seen in the larger context of walking with Christ. For some, this may mean practicing restraint and repentance where lust and fantasy dominate. For others, it may mean receiving God’s grace and learning to steward desire without fear or condemnation. In every case, the invitation is the same: to surrender our bodies to God as “living sacrifices, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service” (Romans 12:1 WEB).

            As awareness grows about the complexity of sexuality in our digital age, many believers are asking deeper questions: Can masturbation be practiced in Biblical wholeness? Is it ever helpful rather than harmful? How do we distinguish between sinful indulgence and bodily stewardship?

The Reality: Masturbation Among Christians and the General Population

When it comes to masturbation, the statistics are clear: this is not a fringe behavior but a mainstream human reality. Both in the general population and within Christian communities, masturbation is widely practiced—though Christians often carry heavier burdens of secrecy, guilt, and shame.

General Population Statistics

Large-scale surveys confirm near-universal experience:

• Lifetime experience: Between 92–98% of men and 85–90% of women report masturbating at some point in their lives (Laumann et al., 1994; Herbenick et al., 2009).

• Past year/month: Among U.S. adults, 61–80% of men and 38–60% of women report masturbating in the past year; 41–65% of men and 27–40% of women report masturbating in the past month (Herbenick et al., 2011; Das, 2009).

• Young adults (18–29): About 60% of men and 48% of women report masturbating at least once in the past month. Frequency is highest in youth but persists into older adulthood.

Christian Population Statistics

Christian surveys mirror this broader reality, even among those taught that the practice is sinful:

• An Enrichment Journal survey of Christian adults found 92% admitted to having masturbated at some point; 88% had done so in the past year; 75% in the past month; and 52% in the past week.

• Among Christian women, reported lifetime rates range from 30–50%, depending on age and marital status—numbers that may be underreported due to shame.

• Even in denominations with strong prohibitions (Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, LDS, evangelical), many believers quietly continue the practice, often carrying guilt or believing they are spiritually disqualified.

The Honest Picture

Taken together, the data show that masturbation is not an issue confined to “the world outside the church.” It is part of the lived reality for the vast majority of Christians as well. The difference is not in prevalence but often in how it is experienced:

• For the general population, masturbation is frequently discussed in neutral or positive terms.

• For Christians, it is more often hidden, practiced in silence, and surrounded by feelings of guilt, secrecy, or fear of condemnation.

This honesty matters. If churches and ministries are to help believers walk in freedom, integrity, and biblical sexual stewardship, they must first acknowledge the reality. Christians masturbate, and the conversation around sexual self-care must move from silence and shame to truth and grace.

The Tension: Why So Much Guilt?

Despite its prevalence, masturbation is rarely addressed openly in churches. For many Christians, the subject remains shrouded in silence, leaving believers to wrestle with inner conflict and unanswered questions. Common reasons for this guilt include:

• Fear of violating Matthew 5:28 (“everyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart”).

• Association with pornography is widely recognized as destructive to intimacy and spirituality.

• Teachings that define all solo sexuality as impure, regardless of context or intent.

• A deep desire to honor God, but without clear, grace-centered tools for healthy sexual self care.

This often produces a painful cycle: desire → action → guilt → secrecy → repeat. Many Christians feel trapped in this loop, believing their struggle disqualifies them from intimacy with God or ministry with others.

But this cycle is not what grace looks like. It is not what the stewardship of our God-given bodies and desires was meant to be.

The Shift: What If Sexual Self Care Could Be Whole and God-Honoring?

What if masturbation wasn’t automatically defined as a shameful concession or moral failure, but as a possible practice of stewardship—a way to care for one’s body and sexuality before God?

• What if the fruit of the Spirit—self-control, love, peace, joy—could shape our most intimate moments?

• What if, instead of hiding from the body, we invited God into our bodily experience—even in seasons of singleness, abstinence, or recovery?

• What if, for singles, masturbation could serve as a boundary practice—a healthier alternative to pornography, casual hookups, or moral collapse?

• What if, for married couples, solo touch could actually enhance marital intimacy—building communication, trust, and connection rather than eroding it?

This is the heart of Sexual Self Care: learning to approach our sexuality not with fear and shame, but with grace, honesty, and a desire to honor God in every part of life.

Let’s break down what this means: Sexual Self Care:

What Is Sexual Self Care?  

            Sexual Self Care is not a term of indulgence but of intentionality—a practice shaped by grace, Scripture, and spiritual maturity. It is a soul-aware and spirit-guided approach to bodily self-care, designed to honor God even in our most private moments.

            Rather than viewing sexual desire as shameful, Sexual Self Care acknowledges it as a part of God’s good creation, which, when rightly stewarded, can serve the flourishing of the whole person—body, mind, and soul.

Sexual Self Care

Sexual self care is a personal and often controversial subject. For some believers, abstinence is the conviction God has placed on their heart, and that choice must be honored as both good and holy. For others, wrestling with desire and the realities of singleness, marriage, or recovery, it may raise questions about how to steward their sexuality faithfully. Wherever you find yourself, it is essential to seek the Spirit’s guidance and follow your convictions with humility before God (Romans 14:23).

Let’s break down what this means:

1. Sexual Self Care Honors God’s Design for Sexuality

God created humans male and female, with bodies designed for intimacy, arousal, pleasure, and connection. Scripture affirms this: the Song of Songs celebrates marital passion, Proverbs 5 exhorts spouses to rejoice in each other, and 1 Corinthians 7 reminds us that sexuality is not merely for procreation, but also for joy, unity, and mutual delight.

Sexual self care begins with a posture of gratitude—recognizing that our sexual capacities are not accidents, but part of the Creator’s good design. It does not despise the body or its longings, but places those longings under the lordship of Christ. Whether that stewardship is expressed in abstinence, within marriage, or in private self care, the aim is the same: to honor God with our whole selves.

2. Sexual Self Care Respects the Integrity of the Body and Imagination

The apostle Paul reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). This truth includes every part of us—our minds, senses, genitals, and capacity for pleasure. In sexual self care, the body is treated with reverence—not as an object to be exploited, but as a gift to be received and stewarded in holiness.

The imagination also plays a powerful role in shaping our sexual lives. Ungodly fantasies can degrade, distort, and enslave. But Spirit-led imagination can stir healthy desire, deepen marital intimacy, or prepare the heart for covenantal love. Sexual self care calls for redeemed imagination—grounded in truth, shaped by love, and oriented toward covenantal faithfulness, not fantasy divorced from relationship.

A Pastoral Word

Abstinence remains a beautiful and powerful choice, and for many believers, it is their clearest way to honor God with their sexuality. Others may find that thoughtful sexual self care, practiced with prayer, self control, and discernment, helps them resist destructive habits like pornography, hookup culture, or secrecy.

Whichever path you walk, the key is to seek God’s presence, listen to His Spirit, and follow your convictions with integrity. In Christ, there is freedom to pursue holiness—not through shame or compulsion, but through love and grace.

“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” — 1 Corinthians 10:31 (WEB)

Is It Possible for Sexual Self Care to Be Free from Pornography?

This is the question many Christians quietly wrestle with: Can sexual self care be practiced without being fueled by pornography or dehumanizing fantasies?

Pornography warps the soul. It objectifies people, turning them into products for consumption. It twists desire into addiction and erodes our ability to see others as God’s image-bearers. Because pornography is so often tied to masturbation, many assume the two cannot be separated. But they are not the same.

Sexual self care, rightly practiced, severs the tie with porn. It chooses to engage the body without digital exploitation or degrading imagination. It rejects fantasies about strangers, immoral scenarios, or images that demean others. Instead, it calls the Christian to cultivate purity of mind and reverence of heart—even in private moments of arousal.

This discipline is not confined to the private sphere. Men and women alike are called to purity of thought and respect for others in every area of life: at work, at school, in church, and in the public square. The same self control and reverence that guard sexual self care also strengthen the daily practice of honoring boundaries and treating others with dignity.

In this light, sexual self care becomes less about indulgence and more about integrity—choosing not to let lust or exploitation dictate one’s sexuality, but instead practicing stewardship that honors both God and neighbor.

Is It Possible for Sexual Self-Care to Be Transparent—or Hidden and Compulsive?

Secrecy is a seedbed for shame. When sexual practices remain hidden, they easily become distorted, breeding guilt, mistrust, and even compulsion. This raises an important question: Can sexual self care be practiced in a way that is transparent, accountable, and marked by freedom rather than secrecy or slavery?

Healthy sexual self care is rooted in integrity. For singles, this often means bringing struggles into the light within trusted accountability relationships—such as mentors, spiritual friends, or pastoral guides — who can listen and walk alongside without judgment. For married believers, transparency means including one’s spouse in the conversation. It is about openness rather than secrecy, honesty rather than hiding, and building trust rather than eroding it.

Equally important, sexual self care is not compulsive. It does not dominate one’s life, interfere with worship, or disrupt relationships. Instead, it is practiced with self control, gratitude, and peace. As Paul reminds us: “For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm therefore, and don’t be entangled again with a yoke of bondage” (Galatians 5:1, WEB).

When practiced transparently and without compulsion, sexual self care can become part of a life of discipleship—where even our most intimate moments are surrendered to Christ’s lordship and shaped by His Spirit.

Healthy vs. Harmful Sexual Self Care

Healthy signs:

• Practiced with self control, not driven by compulsion.

• Transparent—shared in accountability or, in marriage, with one’s spouse.

• Does not interfere with prayer, worship, or relationships.

• Grounded in gratitude for God’s design of the body.

• Free from pornography and degrading fantasies.

Warning signs:

• Done in secrecy and hidden out of fear or shame.

• Increasingly frequent and difficult to stop.

• Relies on pornography, degrading imagination, or objectification.

• Creates distance from God, spouse, or community.

• Leaves you feeling trapped in guilt instead of walking in grace.

Theological Grounding: Loving God with Our Sexuality

Jesus taught us the greatest commandment:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” — Mark 12:30 (WEB)

This all-encompassing command calls us to a holistic love—one that engages every part of who we are. Not just our thoughts or beliefs, but our emotions, our imaginations, our actions, and yes, even our bodies and sexual desires.

But Jesus didn’t stop there. He added the second commandment:

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” — Mark 12:31 (WEB)

Together, these commandments anchor a vision of sexuality that is both Godward and other-centered. To love God with our sexuality means to steward our desires with reverence, integrity, and surrender. To love others as ourselves means refusing to exploit, objectify, or demean anyone for our own gratification.

For too long, much of Christian theology and practice has ignored—or even vilified—the sexual dimension of our humanity. Yet Scripture tells a different story: one that invites us to live our sexuality as an act of love—love for God, love for neighbor, and love for ourselves as image-bearers of God.

Learning to steward our sexual imagination and practices as a form of holy self-love prepares us to love a spouse well if marriage comes. And if marriage does not come, sexual self care—practiced with integrity, moderation, and gratitude—can remain wholesome, healthy, and God-honoring.

Cultivating Created Sexuality: Part of the Image of God

            In the very beginning, God made humanity male and female in His image (Genesis 1:27). This means that our embodiment—including our capacity for arousal, intimacy, and sexual delight—is not a product of sin but of design.

            Sexuality is not a flaw we must suppress, but a gift we must steward. The same God who created the stars also designed the nervous system, the clitoris and the penis, the release of oxytocin in orgasm, and the longing for intimacy. He declared it all “very good.”

Sexual Self Care as Wholesome

Sexual Self Care, then, is not about indulgence but about recognizing that even our private bodily sexual experiences can be brought into harmony with the Creator’s intent. It is a way to worship God in our bodies, as we are commanded in Romans 12:1: “Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service.”

When practiced with integrity, sexual self care becomes an act of discipleship. It acknowledges that our desires are not outside of God’s domain but can be offered to Him with reverence. In this sense, sexual self care is not a departure from holiness but a step toward wholeness, keeping body and spirit aligned in service to the Lord.

Distortion by Pornography

Academic studies have shown that when sexual practices are habitually tied to pornography, they can shape desires and identities in ways that depart from God’s design. Research indicates that pornography is paired with the majority of masturbation experiences,¹ which conditions arousal patterns to impersonal and screen-driven cues. Over time, this conditioning alters “sexual scripts”—the mental frameworks through which people interpret sex—leading to more permissive attitudes,² objectification of others,³ and decreased satisfaction in real relationships.⁴

Theologically, this is not surprising. Pornography turns what God intended as a covenantal, person-centered gift into an act of consumption. It trains the heart and imagination to seek novelty and domination rather than love and mutuality. The Apostle Paul warns against this distortion when he calls believers to “flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18) and to pursue holiness in body and spirit.

Sexual Identity Confusion

A growing body of research also shows that pornography-related practices can contribute to sexual identity confusion. Because pornography thrives on novelty and transgression, it exposes the viewer to a wide range of eroticized images and scenarios. When paired with masturbation, these images condition the brain’s reward system to connect arousal with what is seen on the screen rather than with God’s design of covenantal intimacy. This process can lead some individuals to question their orientation, to eroticize violence or domination, or to develop compulsions toward behaviors they would not otherwise pursue.⁵

From a biblical perspective, this confusion illustrates the brokenness of desire apart from God. Pornography rewrites identity around lust and fantasy rather than around God’s image. Genesis 1:27 reminds us that “male and female he created them,” grounding sexual identity in creation, not in artificial or synthetic scripts. By practicing sexual self care apart from pornography, fantasy about strangers, or degrading scenarios, Christians resist confusion and retrain desire. This is a process of realignment, where the body and imagination are reclaimed for covenantal love and discipleship.

Restoration through Sexual Self Care

The alternative is not repression or denial but redemptive stewardship. Practiced with integrity, sexual self care can strengthen purity of mind and reverence of heart, helping believers cultivate self-discipline in both private and public life. In workplaces, schools, churches, and homes, respect for boundaries is fortified when private practices are brought under Christ’s lordship.

Ultimately, sexual self care becomes more than a private act; it is part of presenting ourselves wholly to God. It resists the distortions of pornography, clarifies sexual identity, and restores sexuality to its true purpose: loving God and neighbor through covenantal, embodied faithfulness.

Notes

1. Beáta Bőthe et al., “Sexual Functioning and Pornography Use: The Mediating Role of Masturbation,” Journal of Sex Research 58, no. 2 (2021): 190–202.

2. Paul J. Wright and Sun Kyong Bae, “Pornography Consumption and Attitudes Supporting Violence Against Women: Revisiting the Relationship in Non-Experimental Studies,” Communication Monographs 83, no. 4 (2016): 492–511.

3. Jochen Peter and Patti M. Valkenburg, “Adolescents and Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research,” Journal of Sex Research 53, no. 4–5 (2016): 509–531.

4. Brian J. Willoughby, Jason S. Carroll, Dean M. Busby, and C. C. Brown, “Differences in Pornography Use among Couples: Associations with Relational and Sexual Satisfaction,” Journal of Sex Research 53, no. 6 (2016): 678–689.

5. Mateusz Gola, et al., “Can Pornography Consumption Cause Sexual Identity Confusion? Insights from Behavioral and Neuroscience Research,” Current Addiction Reports 5, no. 2 (2018): 146–156.

Concluding Thoughts on Sexual Self Care

To love God and neighbor with our sexuality does not mean suppressing desire, but sanctifying it. Just as we offer Him our time, talents, and thoughts, so too we can offer our arousal, longing, and release. This includes choosing what fuels our imagination (Philippians 4:8), practicing self-control (Galatians 5:22-23), and rejecting any use of others for gratification.

Sexual self care becomes loving to self and others when it is free of secrecy, shame, and compulsion; when it is practiced with gratitude, prayer, and integrity; and when it honors God’s design of male and female while preparing the heart for covenant love. For the married, this means directing desire toward one’s spouse. For the unmarried, it means living with purity, moderation, and for singles who desire to marry, a hope in God’s timing.

The true test of worship is not only what we do in public but what we do in secret. Jesus taught that the Father who sees in secret will reward those who seek Him (Matthew 6). Practicing sexual self care with reverence is a way of saying, “Lord, even this part of me is Yours.”

This practice is not indulgence—it is discipline. It resists pornography, hookup culture, synthetic intimacy, and distorted identities. It embraces the truth that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), body and spirit, male and female, redeemed in Christ. Our sexuality is not defined by shame or by culture, but by creation, covenant, and the hope of restoration.

Sexual self care, then, is more than a private habit. It is a quiet liturgy—a declaration of dignity, an act of discipleship, and a moment of honest prayer. Practiced with holiness, it becomes a sacred strength, forming in us the kind of faithfulness that flourishes in love, marriage, and lifelong devotion to God.

Appendix: Philosophical Framework

Resisting Gnostic, Modern, and Postmodern Lies: Learning to Feel No Shame About Our Sexuality and Genitals—Reclaiming Embodied Identity through Sexual Self-Care

In today’s world, we are constantly bombarded with competing philosophies about who we are and what our bodies mean. Many of these philosophies, though dressed in modern language, are ancient distortions. They teach us to detach identity from embodiment, as if our physical form were incidental or even problematic. But this is not new.

• The Gnostics believed the body was corrupt—a prison to escape.

• The Modernists elevated the mind above the body, defining humanity in terms of reason and abstraction.

• The Postmodernists fragmented identity even further, insisting that gender, sexuality, and self are fluid, performative, and self-determined.

Each of these ideologies assaults the truth of biblical anthropology: that we are embodied souls—organic humans—created male and female in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

Organic Humans: Embodiment Is Not a Flaw

As Organic Humans, we resist every system that shames, denies, or deconstructs our God-given biology. Our bodies are not accidents of evolution, cages for the soul, or social constructs to be endlessly rewritten. They are gifts entrusted by a Creator who declared His handiwork “very good” (Genesis 1:31).

We do not worship the body, but we honor it as sacred. We are not trapped in our bodies—we are entrusted with them. We do not invent our own gender—we receive it as a gift from our loving Creator. We do not conform to narrow cultural stereotypes—we live within a biblical vision of identity that allows for diversity of expression while staying rooted in creation.

The Scriptures show that embodiment is never a flaw to be transcended but a reality to be embraced and redeemed. Christ Himself, the eternal Word, became flesh (John 1:14). His incarnation dignifies human embodiment forever. To despise the body or treat it as disposable is to reject the very medium God chose for salvation.

Consider Jacob and Esau—brothers, both male, yet with strikingly different personalities:

• Jacob, introspective and relational, was a tent-dweller and cook.

• Esau, adventurous and earthy, was a hunter and wild man.

Both embodied masculinity in different ways, and both were woven into Israel’s redemptive story. Likewise, Scripture shows women expressing diverse femininity: Deborah, fierce and courageous; Ruth, faithful and tender; Mary, contemplative disciple; Priscilla, teacher alongside her husband. Biblical gender identity is not uniform, but it is truthful. It is anchored in creation, redeemed in Christ, and enlivened by the Spirit.

The gospel calls us, therefore, to resist two false paths: the idolization of the body in modern consumer culture, and the denigration of the body in dualistic philosophies or shame-driven religion. Instead, we embrace embodiment as a sacred trust. Our gendered bodies are not accidents to be reimagined, nor prisons to be escaped, but icons of divine intent—reminders that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

As Organic Humans, we proclaim: embodiment is not a flaw. It is the stage upon which God’s story unfolds, the vessel of our worship, and the dwelling place of the Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). In our bodies—male and female—we live out the drama of redemption, bearing witness to a Creator whose design is good, wise, and liberating.

Cultivating Healthy Gender Understanding through Sexual Self-Care

Sexual self-care, practiced with integrity, helps us cultivate a healthy, biblical understanding of gender. Being male or female does not mean conforming to cultural stereotypes—there is no shame if a man loves cooking or if a woman builds houses. Both are dignified expressions of embodied humanity and vocation under God.

What we resist is the modern and postmodern claim that a person’s mind can be “housed in the wrong body.” That narrative fractures the unity of personhood and opens endless space for shifting identities crafted in fantasy. When masturbation is tied to pornography, those fantasies harden into destructive scripts—treating bodies as tools instead of temples, and normalizing a worldview of sexual misuse.

By contrast, disciplined sexual self-care affirms embodiment as sacred, stewards desire with reverence, and anchors gender identity in the goodness of creation. It helps bring clarity where there is confusion, dignity where there is shame, and wholeness where culture offers only fragmentation.

Contrast: Two Stories About the Body, Gender, and Desire

Practices: Disciplined Sexual Self Care that Builds Wholeness

1. Begin with consecration: “Lord, even this part of me is Yours.” Offer your body to God (Rom. 12:1) before and after.

2. Guard the inputs: Refuse pornography and degrading fantasy; curate imagination by Philippians 4:8.

3. Honor embodiment: Receive your sexed body as a gift; there is no shame in non-stereotypical interests (men who cook; women who build).

4. Covenant orientation: If married, direct erotic imagination toward your spouse; if unmarried, align desire with the future hope of male–female covenant.

5. Moderation & honesty: Practice in integrity—free from secrecy and compulsion; seek accountability when needed.

6. Gratitude & prayer: Pair physical release with thanksgiving; let desire become a teacher, not a tyrant.

7. Whole-life rhythms: Sleep, exercise, service, and worship reinforce integration; the body learns what the life practices teach.

8. Mercy after missteps: Confess, reset, and return to stewardship—shame is a poor teacher; grace trains the heart.

Pastoral Application (for mentors, chaplains, parents)

• Affirm vocation over stereotypes: “There is no shame if you love cooking or carpentry—live your gifts as worship.”

• Reframe the story: We are not minds trapped in wrong bodies; we are embodied image-bearers called to wholeness.

• Name the harm of porn-fueled scripts: Explain how screen-driven fantasies can become habits that misuse self and others.

• Coach, don’t police: Invite discipleship practices that retrain desire—consecration, gratitude, accountability, covenant hope.

Resisting Shame: Especially Sexual Shame

            For many Christians, the most profound shame is not about intellect or emotions—it’s about the body. And specifically, the sexual body. We are often raised with vague messages like: “Don’t touch yourself.” “Your urges are dirty.” 

            The result?
            Generations of believers who feel anxiety, guilt, or revulsion when it comes to their genitals—even though these are the very parts God designed for pleasure, life-giving intimacy, and the beauty of reproduction. But shame is not the fruit of the Spirit. Shame entered the story after sin, not before it (Genesis 3:7-11). Before the fall, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed—in body and soul. To reclaim that Garden of Eden honesty is to walk in redemption. 

Suggested Reading List: Christian Perspectives on Sexual Self-Care

Sex for Christians – Lewis B. Smedes

            A classic, thoughtful exploration of sexuality from a Reformed Christian lens. Smedes openly addresses masturbation, desire, and body care with grace, nuance, and integrity.

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel – Christopher Yuan

            Focuses on identity, same-sex attraction, and biblical sexuality. Yuan presents a theology of sexual wholeness centered on Christ, celibacy, and surrender.

The Theology of the Body – Pope John Paul II

            A rich, Catholic exploration of embodied sexuality as a gift and mystery. Although dense, it affirms the sacred meaning of sexual desire, including for the unmarried.

Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters – Dr. Juli Slattery

            A practical and theological guide for navigating sexuality, brokenness, and healing. Offers tools for personal growth, including honest discussions about masturbation.

Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality – Debra Hirsch

            Blends story, theology, and mission as it explores sexuality from a broad and compassionate Christian perspective. Especially relevant for those healing from shame or confusion.

The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment – Clifford and Joyce Penner

            A married couple of Christian sex therapists explore physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sexual self-care—grounded in Scripture and clinical experience.

God, Sex, and Your Marriage – Dr. Juli Slattery

            Focuses on married sexuality but includes valuable insights into the spiritual dimensions of pleasure, desire, and self-awareness.

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing – Jay Stringer

            A compassionate, research-based approach that helps readers trace unwanted sexual behavior (like compulsive masturbation) back to their emotional and spiritual roots.

Celebration of Sex – Douglas Rosenau

            Covers everything from anatomy to arousal, desire to discipline, within a deeply Christian framework. Especially helpful for understanding sexual self-care in both single and married life.