Video Transcript: Reflection

And we are on to part three of this week. And this part is going to be talking  about reflecting. And this is a little bit different because normally if I was  teaching this in person and you were in, you know, gathered around tables, we  would be breaking into groups to talk about this. 

But since you're doing this online, it's a little bit different. But we still need to go  through the same content and I will get to why at the end. But for now, I want  you to grab a piece of paper and a pen and I want you to sit down somewhere  where you can start taking some notes and reflecting and doing some work with yourself. 

So, here we go. This all begins with self-care and how well you take care of  yourself. So, I want you to take a minute and rate each of these things on a  scale of 1 to 10. 

Think about how well you're sleeping. Not just how much sleep you get, but how consistent is your sleep. Is it that you're getting sleep and then making up for it  later or is it that you're consistent? Is it that you're consistently low or  consistently, you know, getting the right amount of sleep? What's going on with  that? Rate that on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being optimal. 

How also is your nutrition on a scale of 1 to 10? Is it that you are taking great  care of your body and that it is just running like a machine or are you having  some hiccups? I remember being younger and thinking that I could just, you  know, eat whatever I wanted and it was fine and then the older I've gotten, I just can't anymore. My body does not like it if I just eat anything anymore. Also  include in nutrition how consistently you're eating. 

Are you eating consistently or are you taking big breaks? Are you fasting for  meals on purpose or on accident? Are you keeping your blood sugar fairly level  or is it kind of all over the place? Next, I want you to take a look at your  exercise. I want you to consider how often are you exercising? Are you  exercising every day, a couple times a week, not at all? How much are you  exercising? Then I want you to also take a look at the exercise you're doing. Is  this the exercise that makes you feel best? For instance, I like running. I'm not especially good at it, but I like it. But I know that in order for my body to  work well, I also have to do some strength training and some flexibility work. So  mixing those in and making sure that I'm taking care of myself is a big deal. It's not just one thing or another. Next, I want you to take a look at your spiritual  life. How is your spiritual life if you had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10? Do you  feel like you're in communion with God on a regular basis? Do you feel like you  are staying connected with God and what he's doing? Or do you feel like you're  kind of all over the place? Do you feel like there's some room for growth or are  you just doing great? That doesn't mean you know everything, to be clear. This is about habit. This is about are you in the habit of continually engaging in  your own spiritual life and continually growing? And last on this list is 

consistency. Are you taking the time that you need to do this on a regular  basis? Habits build on each other and the only way they build on each other is if we keep doing them over and over and over again. 

So it's important to be incredibly consistent as well. Rate that on a scale of 1 to  10. Now before we go into the next list, the thing that I want to point out is your  honesty through this process is going to determine how effective it is. If you're honest about this process and you say, I haven't been sleeping  great. On a scale of 1 to 10, maybe a 5. That's great. That's a great place to  start. 

If you read this and you go, My sleep is actually doing fantastic. I'm doing  wonderful. I think that's a 10. 

That's great. As long as it's true. We can improve anything as long as we know  where we're starting from. 

And if we don't need to improve things, we can figure out why they're working  well. So for you, make sure that you're honest through this process. You don't  need to impress anybody. 

You just need to be honest. That's the only way to get to the bottom of it. We're  going to need to continue with the next part of this list. 

This is the HALT list. How many are you right now? You can think of it. Are you  1, 2, 3, 4, 5? Now that you've been able to answer that question, I want you to  think, Okay, are there things on this list that trigger the other things on this  list? For instance, I talked about in the last section. 

If I am hungry, I am all the halts. I just, I get hangry. I'm lonely, tired, and  stressed all of them. 

If I'm tired, I feel like I am hungry, regardless of whether I am or not. And I'm  also lonely, tired, and stressed. If I am tired, I am actually just tired. If I am stressed, I am often stressed, but it can lead to anger. And if I want to fix  my stress, the best way for me to do it is either to take action on the thing  stressing me, or to take a nap. Or eat something. 

So, know what's triggering what, and why, and how. It will help you move  forward and be healthier through this process. Okay, you've got your halts  number. 

Now I want you to also ask, How are you doing on a regular basis with halts? Is  this something where you're continually at a 4 or 5? Are you continually at a 1  or a 2? Are you continually at 0 and you're just rocking this out? Whatever it is,  the number is fine. As long as you're honest with it. Because if you need to  improve something, you can improve it. 

And if you need to actually give yourself some grace with something, you can  do that too. But you can only do it when you have a really, really good data point to go from. Next is therapy. 

Have you ever seen a therapist? If you've never seen a therapist before, that's 

fine. Just be honest with it. Have you worked through your issues? This is  something that comes up a lot. 

The reason it comes up a lot is because a lot of people want to see a  therapist. And then they see a therapist. But for a whole host of other  people, they do not want to see a therapist at all. 

What happens when I open this can of worms? Like, it's going to be bad. And  I'm functional right now, but I don't know if I'll stay functional if I do all this. And  the answer to that is, please just go see a therapist. 

If it's going to open a can of worms, let the can of worms open. You'll be better,  so much better long-term if you do this than if you keep pushing it off. Go  through it. 

Through is the best way. And next, how committed to therapy should we be? I  can tell you personally that part of me seeing a therapist isn't just because I  need to see a therapist all the time. Part of it is that I need to model to my  kids that mental health is a big deal and it's okay if we need help. Their dad has bipolar disorder. Their mom has depression. I have anxiety. Yeah, they're going to need therapy. That's just a reality. Normalizing that and  giving them the tools to be able to say, I need to engage this is really important  in our lives. 

And that's how we're going to help them be the best them they can  be. Okay. And meds. 

Do you need to see someone about medications? No judgment either way. If  you do, great. Do it. 

If you don't, great. Don't do it. But be honest with it. 

And on this one, you might actually need to ask somebody else. Because if you  need to ask someone else and say, Hey, I don't think I need meds. Do I need  meds? If you find someone who's good enough to be honest with you and  say, No, you're fine. 

Perfect. Or if they say, actually, you are hard to be around when some of this  stuff is going on. They can say, Oh, okay. 

I need to do this. Just be honest. The key to this whole process is to be honest. And finally, your community. Who do you call in an emergency? A number of  years ago, during the 70s, they did a survey of people and asked how many  people could you call at midnight? And the answer was generally above  2. Some like 2.8 or something like that. But fractions of people don't exist. So it was more than 2. They did the same survey after 2010 and it was less  than 1. Meaning that a lot of people just don't have somebody. My challenge to  you is to build community and to build people that know what's going on with  you. And there are a few keys to this. 

The first is to have good relationship with people. That just helps in general. But the second is you need to make your needs explicit.

If you ever are like me and you have a mental health concern, you need to tell  somebody, Hey, this is what my bipolar and all this looks like. It's been great for  a long time, but there's a chance that it's going to go sideways. There's already  a chance that I can call you late at night if something happens. Because it might. And I just want to know who... I need to build a list of  people and I want to know if you can be on my list. When you give people the  dignity of knowing, they have the opportunity to say yes or no to you. That doesn't mean they'll always say yes, but it does mean that you give them  the opportunity and when they say yes, they're in. When they get that first call at midnight, it's not a surprise. They're not going, Oh man, Brandon's so hard to be a friend to. 

They're saying, He trusts me enough that he called me. So, find people and  then build your expectations. The only things that count are explicit  expectations. 

Because unspoken expectations usually become unmet expectations. If you  don't say it loud to them, they probably won't follow through when you need it. If  you do, they probably will. 

So, know that in advance that spoken expectations become met  expectations as long as they're agreed to. Now I want to go why this stuff is so  important. I am writing this not to shame you, but to warn you as my dear  children. 

Even if you had 10,000 guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For  in Christ Jesus, I became your father through the gospel. Therefore, I urge you  to imitate me. 

For this reason, I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful  in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which  agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church. There is a reality around  anything that we're doing as church leaders. 

And that big reality is that people will learn what we say, but they will do what  we do. So, we have to ask the question, are we modeling what we want people  to become? If we are dealing with mental health issues in our church, and we  are not dealing with our own mental health, we become hypocrites the second  we say, you need to see a therapist. I don't have any stuff though, so I don't  need to. 

We create artificial power distance. We say that our stuff doesn't actually  count. And we say, you need to do that because you're not as good as I am. The reality is, you probably have stuff. So, go deal with it. I have stuff. I do deal with it, and I will keep dealing with it, because I still will have more  stuff. So, as you keep walking through this, keep growing, keep  developing, keep learning, and model what you want people to become. If you  want a community where people are vulnerable with each other, where they 

take each other's lives seriously, where they love each other well,  authentically, it means you also need to create a vulnerable space, and that  starts with you being secure enough to be vulnerable. 

If you want all of that to exist, you also need to make sure that there are places  where people can find help. And that means, potentially, that you get help. So,  model what you want people to become. 

This is a beautiful space, and it can be even better. It's up to you, what it  becomes. Thanks.