Video Transcript: Giving and Receiving Help

Welcome back to Mental Health Integration. We are in week six, part two, and  in this section we're going to be talking more about vulnerability and one of the  most vulnerable things that we do, asking for help. Nobody likes to ask for help. 

We really like to be the helpful ones, but the Bible is full of people who ask for  help or get help or put themselves in situations where they are surrounded by  others on a very regular basis. We don't have time to go through all of the  examples because there are so many examples, but we're going to go through  a few. This week we're going to go through a lot of text because we're going to  be doing a lot of backstory about some of these things that happened. So along with that, let's jump in. There's a lot to go through. We're going to start  with Job and we're going to go through a number of readings in Job. So this is going to take a little while, but we want to set up the entire situation. In the land of Uz, there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was  blameless and upright. 

He feared God and shunned evil. He had seven sons and three daughters, and  he owned 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the east. 

His sons used to hold feasts in their homes on their birthdays, and they would  invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. When a period of  fast feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be  purified. Early in the morning, he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of  them, thinking, perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their  hearts. 

This was Job's regular custom. One day, the angels came to present  themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to  Satan, where have you come from? Satan answered back, murmuring  throughout the earth, going back and forth on it. 

Then the Lord said to Satan, have you considered my servant Job? There is no  one on earth like him. He was blameless and upright, a man who fears God  and shuns evil. Does Job fear God for nothing? Satan replied, have you not put  a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have  blessed the work of his hands so that his flocks and herds are spread  throughout the land. 

Now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face. The Lord said to Satan, very well then, everything he has is in  your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger. Then Satan went out  from the presence of the Lord. 

One day, when Job's sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine  at their oldest brother's house, a messenger came to Job and said, the oxen  were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, and the Sabeans attacked 

and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only  one who has escaped to tell you. While he was still speaking,  another messenger came and said, the fire of God fell from the heavens and  burned up the sheep and your servants, and I am the only one who has  escaped to tell you. 

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, the Chaldeans  formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and made off with  them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has  escaped to tell you. While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came  and said, your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at their  older brother's house, when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert  and struck the four corners of the house. 

It collapsed on them, and they are dead, and I am the only one who has  escaped to tell you. At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head.  Then he fell to the ground in worship, and he said, naked I came from  my mother womb, and naked I will depart. 

The Lord has, the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. May the name of  the Lord be praised. In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with  wrongdoing. 

We covered this part in an earlier section. We're going to continue seeing how  Job is actually helped in this situation. On another day, the angels came to  present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came with them to present  himself before him. 

And the Lord said to Satan, where have you come from? Satan answered back, from roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it. Then the Lord  said to Satan, have you considered my servant Job? There was no one on  earth like him. He is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns  evil, and he still maintains his integrity, though you have incited me against him  to ruin him without any reason. 

Skin for skin, Satan replied, a man will give all he has for his own life, but now  stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse  you to your face. The Lord said to Satan, very well then, he is in your hands, but you must spare his life. So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and  afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the crown of  his head. 

Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat  among the ashes. His wife said to him, are you still maintaining your integrity?  Curse God and die. He replied, are you talking like a foolish woman? Shall we  accept good from God and not trouble? In all this, Job did not sin in what he  said. 

Now Job has gone through all of this, and we normally think about the book of 

Job with Job's three friends, and we normally think how miserable his friends  were, because they spend nearly 35 chapters telling Job that he needs to  shape up, and he needs to do things, and he needs to get better, and he needs  to do all this stuff, but we forget how the narrative starts. This is how the  narrative starts. When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the  Shuhite, and Zohar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come  upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go  and sympathize with him and comfort him. 

When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him. They  began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their  heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him because they saw how great his suffering was. Job  did not call out to his friends, please come and help me, I need your assistance, but they came because they know he needed it. And then, seeing him from a  distance, they tore their robes, they covered themselves in dust and ashes, and  they sat with him and said nothing for a week. 

I can't sit with people for a few minutes and not say anything. And they sat with  him without saying anything for a week. Before we really get down on Job's  friends and talk about how terrible they were and how, you know, worthy of all  sorts of judgment they were, we should realize that they just sat with their  friend, no words, just sat to comfort him for a really long time. And that is what love looks like. Now the book of Job would have been a whole  lot different if it said his friends just sat there and they didn't say anything. But it  continues, and they say really silly things. 

And then, in the end, Job eventually has to pray for them. Let's take a look a  little bit later in the book. After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to  Eliphaz the Temanite, I am angry with you and your two servants, two friends,  because you have not spoken the truth about me as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and  sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I  will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me as my servant Job has. 

So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zohar the Naamathite did  what the Lord had told them, and the Lord accepted Job's prayer. After Job had  prayed for his friends, the Lord restored all his fortunes and gave him twice as  much as he had before. All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had  known him before came and ate with him in his house. 

They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the Lord had brought on  him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring. When we look at  the life of Job, the life of Job, most of it in the book, is Job and his friends  fighting back and forth with one another. Job's friends being in the wrong almost

all the time. 

Job being in the right pretty much all the time. And then God comes in and  humbles Job, and then Job prays for his friends so they can be released. Why  is this in a section about help? Well, it's in the section about help because can  you imagine what it was like to go through that for Job? And can you imagine  what it was like to be abandoned? His children had all died. 

His household had basically died. His wife says, curse God and die. She's  basically on the way out. 

And then, on top of that, he's alone. And he starts developing boils and all of  these things. And his friends come and they are with him. 

I don't know what it was like to be Job, but I know I would have needed my  friends. I would have needed somebody to come there and be with me and tell  me that it was awful, but at least we were there. They couldn't even tell him that  it was going to be all right. 

Maybe that's the reason they had such a problem throughout the entire book,  but they could tell him that they were there, and that they cared, and they loved  him, and their actions did that. This theme of care continues throughout the  Bible. We're going to bring it up with another two characters, one of which we've talked about a lot already. 

Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, what  have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father that he is  trying to kill me? Never, Jonathan replied, you are not going to die. Look, my  father doesn't do anything great or small without letting me know. Why would he hide this from me? This isn't so. 

But David took an oath and said, your father knows very well that I've found  favor in your eyes. And he has said to himself, Jonathan must not know this or  he will be grieved. Yet, as surely as the Lord believes, as you live, there is only  a step between me and death. 

Jonathan said to David, whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you. So to pick  up again, Jonathan is Saul's son. We've talked about that a little bit. David is David, and Saul is trying to kill David because he's jealous about him.  But David is asking for help from his friend, Jonathan. And they are not just  friends. 

They are best friends, forever friends. They are wedded together as two friends, as tightly as two friends can be. And they continue. 

And David said, look, tomorrow is the new moon feast, and I'm supposed to  dine with the king. But let me go and hide in the field until evening of the day  after tomorrow. If your father misses me at all, tell him David earnestly asked  my permission to hurry to Bethlehem, his hometown, because an annual  sacrifice is being made there for his whole clan. 

If he says very well, then your servant is safe. But if he loses his temper, you 

can be sure that he is determined to harm me. As for you, show kindness to  your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the  Lord. 

If I am guilty, then kill me yourself. Why hand me over to your father? Never,  Jonathan says, if I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm  you, wouldn't I tell you? David asked, who will tell me if your father answers you harshly? Come, Jonathan said, let's go into the field. So they went there  together. 

Then Jonathan said to David, I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, that I will  truly sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow. If he is favorably  disposed towards you, I will not send you word and let you know. Will I not send you word and let you know? But if my father intends to harm you, may the Lord  deal with Jonathan, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you  away in peace. 

May the Lord be with you as he has been with my father. But show me unfailing  kindness, like the Lord's kindness, as long as I live, so that I may not be killed.  And do not ever cut your kindness from my family, not even when the Lord has  cut off every one of David's enemies from the face of the earth. So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, may the Lord  call David's enemies to account. And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath  out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. Now what's  going on here is Jonathan is the only one who David knows who is able to tell  him whether or not Saul is trying to kill him. 

It's kind of a big deal if you want to stay alive. And David is trying desperately to  stay alive, but Saul is bent on killing David. So they are forming a plan to make  sure that Jonathan can inform David. 

In this case, David, who has already been ordained king by Samuel, is asking  for help from the king's son to stay alive. Then Jonathan said to  David, tomorrow is the new moon feast. You will be missed because your seat  will be empty. 

The day after tomorrow toward evening, go to the place where you hid when  this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel. I will shoot three arrows to the  side of it, as though I were shooting at a target. Then I will send a boy and say,  go find the arrows. 

If I say to him, look, the arrows are on this side of you, bring them here, then  come because as surely as the Lord lives, you are safe and in no danger. But if  I say to the boy, look, the arrows are beyond you, then you must go because  the Lord has sent you away. About this and about the matter you and I  discussed, remember the Lord is witness between you and me forever. So David hid in the field, and when the new moon feast came, the king sat  down to eat. He sat in the customary place by the wall opposite Jonathan, and 

Abner sat next to Saul, but David's place was empty. Saul said nothing that day, for he thought something must have happened to David to make him  ceremonial and clean. 

Surely he is unclean. But the next day, the second day of the month, David's  place was empty again. Then Saul said to his son Jonathan, why hasn't the son of Jesse come to the meal either yesterday or today? Jonathan answered,  David earnestly asked me for permission to go Bethlehem. 

He said, let me go because our family is observing a sacrifice in the town, and  my brother has ordered me to be there. If I have found favor in your eyes, let  me get away to see my brothers. That is why he has not come to the king's  table. 

Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan, and he said to him, you son of a perverse  and rebellious woman, don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the  son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you or your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die. Why should he be put  to death? What has he done? Jonathan asked his father. 

But Saul hurled his spirit at him to kill him, and Jonathan knew that his father  intended to kill David. Now Jonathan knows, and he needs to go tell David.  Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger. 

On that second day of the feast, he did not eat, because he was grieved at  his father's shameful treatment of David. In the morning, Jonathan went to the  field for his meeting with David. He had a small boy with him, and he said to the  boy, run and find the arrow as I shoot. 

As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. When the boy came to the  place where Jonathan's arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, isn't the arrow beyond you? Then he shouted, hurry, go quickly, don't stop. The boy  picked up the arrow and returned to his master. 

The boy knew nothing about all this. Only Jonathan and David knew. Then  Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, go, carry them back to town. After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and  bowed before Jonathan three times with a face to the ground. Then they kissed  each other and wept together. But David wept the most. 

Jonathan said to David, go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with  each other in the name of the Lord, saying, the Lord is witness between you  and me and between your descendants and my descendants forever. Then  David left, and Jonathan went back to town. It would have been really easy for  David to say, I think I have figured out that this is a bad situation, I'm just going  to go. 

But instead he asks for help. And I have had to ask for help so many times, and  it's not easy anytime. Whether that was with mental illness, hey, I need 

some support. 

Whether that was as a friend, hey, I would really love someone to share life  with. Whether that was when I was starting a non-profit ministry and we needed  support from other people in order to get it off the ground. Whatever it is,  anytime you have to say, I need help and I need your help, it puts you in a  vulnerable situation. 

Because your own idea of whether or not you're good enough is on the line. Is  someone going to say yes because they believe in you, or someone going to  say no? But David says yes. He says, I am still going to ask. And his whole life is categorized by just asking, as we said earlier. He is a man  who seems without shame almost. Not in a bad way, in a really healthy way. Even Saul reacts to Jonathan and says, shame on you for this. But there is no  shame for Jonathan in doing what is right. He is acting exactly as he must,  exactly as he should. 

And that's a beautiful thing. There are other examples where we see people  asking for help or getting help in the Bible. I want to go over another one of  those now in the Gospels. 

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, sit  here while I pray. He took Peter, James, and John along with him, and they  began to be deeply distressed and troubled. My soul is overwhelmed with  sorrow to the point of death, he said to them. 

Stay here and keep watch. Jesus asked for help? Yeah, Jesus asked for  help. This is a really big deal. 

He asked it from his three closest disciples. He says, I am overwhelmed to the  point of death. This is the night before he's going to go and be killed. And he says, please be with me. It doesn't go well. They fall asleep, but he asks for help. 

If Jesus needs help, we need help. Let's just say it bluntly. And then we see this  continue after even Jesus's death. 

Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and  Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the  province of Asia. Now I want to point out right there, other way, Paul and his  companions traveled. Paul didn't travel alone. 

Paul traveled with people. He needed help all the time, and he knew that he  had to be in community in order to do his best work. So he traveled with people. He traveled with Barnabas. He traveled with others. He traveled with Timothy. We see this whole group that Paul is always with somebody. He is never alone  because you always need help. We see this continued by Paul. At the end of Romans, he says, greet Priscilla and Aquila, my co-workers in  Christ Jesus. They risked their lives for me. Not only all, but not only I, but all  the churches of the gentiles are grateful to them. Greet also the church that 

meets at their house. 

Greet my friend Epenetus, who was the first convert to Christ in the province of  Asia. Greet Mary, who worked very hard for you. Greet Andronicus and  Junia, my fellow Jews who have been in prison with me. 

They are outstanding among the apostles, and they were in Christ before I  was. Greet Ampliatus, my dear friend in the Lord. Greet Urbanus, my co-worker  in Christ, and my dear friend Stachys. 

Greet Apelles, whose fidelity to Christ has stood the test. Greet those who  belong to the household of Aristobulus. Greet Herodian, my fellow Jew. Greet those in the household of Narcissus, who are in the Lord. Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, the women who work hard for the Lord. Greet my friend Persis,  another woman who worked very hard in the Lord. 

Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord and his mother, who have been a mother to me too. Greet Asyncritus, Phlegon, Hermes, Petrobus, Hermes, and other brothers  and sisters with them. Greet Philologus, Julia, Nereus, and his sister, and  Olympus, and all of the Lord's people who are with them. 

Paul goes through in his letter to the Romans, one of the big giant pieces of  the New Testament, and there is this huge list of names. Look at all these!  There's so many people on that list that Paul is thanking because he has been  helped by them. This life thing is something we do in community, is not  something we do ourselves. 

And if you want evidence of that, Paul should be the ultimate salesperson. You  know, if it was 2020, or 2022 as it were, we would see Paul getting in his car,  driving around, doing stuff, hopping on planes, go get stuff done. But we picture  Paul alone all the time, and he is never alone. 

Look at all of these people, and these are his companions who have been  mothers to him, who have helped him, who stood the test. He is always doing  something with other people, which models what we should be doing. This is  not something we do alone, this is something we do with other people, and it's  not done yet. 

In Ephesians, he says, Tychicus, the dear brother and faithful servant of the  Lord will tell you everything, so that you may know how I am, and what I am  doing. I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how  we are, and that he may encourage you. Paul is sending one of his best friends  to even update my people on where he's at. 

This is the pre-Facebook Facebook. I am going to update you on everything  that's going on. Paul is continually, not just building his community, but keeping  and reinforcing his community all the time. 

He keeps reinforcing it. My fellow prisoner, Aristarchus, sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. You've received instructions about him. If he comes to you, welcome him. Jesus, who is called Justice, also sends 

greetings. These are the only Jews among my co-workers for the kingdom of  God, and they have proved a comfort to me. 

Paul needs comfort, and he needs people with him, and he is vulnerable with  those people. He just is. He needs it. 

That is exactly how we do this Christian life, and that's exactly how we handle  mental illness, too. Part of the integration of faith and mental health is actually  just integrating ourselves as people into who we were always made to be, and a big piece of that is living in community. Now, I'm not saying you need to sell  everything that you own and join a compound with a bunch of your other friends and share everything, but what I am saying is that these vulnerable  relationships where there is openness between them is the foundational  bedrock of community. 

It doesn't mean that we need to be, you know, running around naked and doing  all that. It does mean we need people who we can be real with. It does mean  we need to set those expectations, and we need to build those relationships. It does mean that we need to uplift each other and help each other, and it does  mean at times that we need to ask for help as well, because it's not good  enough just to be willing to get help. Sometimes you need to ask for it. I have a  neighbor. 

He's one of the most capable people on the planet when it comes to working  with his hands. He can lift and do anything. I got a call from him last week to  help him move a safe. 

It was the first time he has called me and asked for help in five years. I don't  know how many times I've asked him for help, but it's a lot, but I can't also tell  you the number of times that I've said you don't have to do this on your  own. You can ask for help, and this last week he finally did, and I'm so glad that  he did. 

As you continue to journey, please, it's not good enough to just be there for  people. That's important, but you also need to be willing to ask for help and  know that people might need to be there for you too. You don't need to be  superhuman. 

Shame says you're not enough, so you need to do it by yourself, but  vulnerability says no, we do this together, and you're good enough the way you  are. Whether it's mental health or a church in general, that's how we approach.  Until next time.