Video Transcript: What Not to Say—Fixing, Preaching, Diagnosing Too Fast

🎥 Video 5B Transcript: What Not to Say: Fixing, Preaching, Diagnosing Too Fast

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

In sports, people are surrounded by talk.
Film talk. Coaching talk. Parent talk. Fan talk. Social media talk.

So the question is not, “Will they hear words?”
The question is: Will your words help or harm?

A chaplain can unintentionally harm athletes by speaking too fast—especially in three ways:

1. Fixing too fast

2. Preaching too fast

3. Diagnosing too fast

Let’s walk through each and give you better alternatives.

1) Fixing too fast

Fixing sounds like:

• “Here’s what you need to do.”

• “Just change your mindset.”

• “You’ll be fine—shake it off.”

• “Let me tell you my plan.”

High-performers already feel evaluated.
If you fix too fast, you become another evaluator.

Better phrases:

• “Do you want ideas, or do you want someone to hear you first?”

• “What have you tried so far?”

• “What would be a wise next step you can actually do today?”

• “Who are the right supports around you—coach, trainer, parent, pastor—so you’re not alone?”

2) Preaching too fast

Preaching too fast sounds like:

• “God is teaching you a lesson.”

• “You just need more faith.”

• “This happened for a reason,” said too quickly and too casually.

• Turning their story into a public spiritual point.

Even if your theology is true, timing matters.
In pain, people need care before conclusions.

Better phrases:

• “I’m sorry. That hurts.”

• “Would it be okay if I share a Scripture that has helped me in hard moments?”

• “Do you want prayer right now, or later?”

• “God is near to the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 34:18, WEB)

3) Diagnosing too fast

Diagnosing too fast sounds like:

• “You’re anxious.”

• “You’re depressed.”

• “You have trauma.”

• “This is OCD,” “This is ADHD,” “This is panic disorder.”

A chaplain is not a clinician.
When you label too fast, you can create shame or confusion, and you can step out of your lane.

Better phrases:

• “That sounds overwhelming.”

• “When did you first notice this pattern?”

• “How is it affecting sleep, relationships, and focus?”

• “Would you be open to talking with a counselor, pastor, or trusted care professional as part of your support plan?”

4) The “three questions” that slow you down

When you feel the urge to fix, preach, or diagnose—pause and ask:

1. “What is this person asking from me right now?”

2. “What is my role in this setting?”

3. “What would protect dignity and policy at the same time?”

5) What Not to Do (policy and safeguarding reminders)

• Don’t meet with minors alone if policy requires two-deep/observable settings.

• Don’t message minors privately outside safeguards.

• Don’t promise secrecy if safety is involved.

• Don’t give medical or training advice—defer to trainers and coaches.

• Don’t become the athlete’s primary emotional support system—build a circle of care.

6) Scripture that forms your speech

“He who answers before he hears, that is folly and shame to him.”
— Proverbs 18:13 (WEB)

Your best words often come after real listening.

A chaplain’s power is not in having the perfect speech.
It is in being safe enough that people can tell the truth—and take the next right step.