🧪 Case Study 5.3: “I’m Not Sleeping Before Games”

🧪 Case Study 5.3: “I’m Not Sleeping Before Games”

Listening-First Care for Performance Anxiety Without Fixing, Preaching, or Diagnosing Too Fast

Learning Goals

By the end of this case study, you should be able to:

• Recognize performance anxiety patterns that often show up as sleep disruption in athletes and coaches.
• Respond with listening-first care that protects dignity and avoids “answer-person” ministry.
• Practice consent-based spiritual care (opt-in prayer and Scripture) in a sports setting.
• Apply safeguarding, confidentiality limits, and policy alignment—especially when minors are involved.
• Use boundary clarity to prevent role drift (chaplain ≠ therapist, coach, trainer, investigator, or advocate for playing time).
• Build a support-circle plan and referral pathway without creating dependency.

1) Scenario: “The Night Before Is the Worst”

You serve as a volunteer sports chaplain connected to a local church and welcomed by a competitive athletic program. You attend practices occasionally, travel when invited, and keep a humble, “team-first” posture. You are careful about safeguarding norms—especially around minors—and you coordinate respectfully with the coach, athletic director, and designated chaplain supervisor.

After practice, when teammates are milling around and several adults are still present, a junior starter lingers near the exit. They wait until others are slightly farther away and speak quietly:

“I’m not sleeping before games. Like… at all. I’m up until 3 or 4. My stomach feels tight. I feel sick. Then I’m exhausted and mad at myself. I can’t tell coach. If I look weak, I’m done.”

They glance around as if they regret speaking. Their voice is tight, like they’re trying to stay “tough” while something is cracking underneath.

You can tell this isn’t only about sleep. It’s about fear, identity, and the cost of vulnerability in a competitive system.

2) What’s happening beneath the surface (what you are listening for)

In sports culture, sleep disruption before games can be the visible tip of a larger pressure load. Under the surface may be:

• Performance identity: “If I fail, I am a failure.”
• Status fear: fear of being benched, cut, replaced, or losing respect.
• Shame: “I shouldn’t feel this; something is wrong with me.”
• Body alarm: the nervous system stuck in “game mode” long after practice ends.
• Family pressure: spoken expectations (“we’re counting on you”) or unspoken pressure.
• Social media exposure: fear of public ridicule after mistakes.
• Perfectionism: “Any mistake means I don’t belong.”
• Hidden stressors: relationship conflict, grief, academic pressure, or family instability.

Your role is not to guess or label. Your role is to listen for the real story, protect dignity, and help the athlete take one wise next step within policy.

3) Your first priorities: safeguard, consent, and calm

A) Safeguarding check (especially if the athlete is a minor)

Because this is a youth context, you keep the conversation:

• in an observable space,
• within two-deep/nearby adult norms if required,
• not in a closed room, not in a car, not isolated.

This is not distrust. This is wisdom. Safeguarding protects the athlete and protects you.

B) Consent-based care

You do not “take over.” You begin with consent and clarity:

• “Thank you for telling me. Do you want me to listen for a minute, pray, or help you think about support?”

This single sentence prevents three common errors:

1. fixing too fast,
2. preaching too fast,
3. diagnosing too fast.

C) Regulate yourself first

If the athlete feels your anxiety, they will shut down.
You lower your voice, slow your pace, and let calm lead.

4) The chaplain response: a step-by-step “in-lane” approach

Below is a practical flow you can use in the moment.

Step 1: Validate without minimizing

You offer a short validation that honors their experience:

• “That sounds exhausting.”
• “It makes sense that your body feels tight if you’re carrying that kind of pressure.”
• “I’m really glad you told me.”

Validation does not mean approving every choice. It means acknowledging reality without shaming.

Step 2: Ask one gentle question that invites the real fear

You do not interrogate. You pick one doorway question:

• “What’s the strongest thought that hits you when you try to fall asleep?”
  Or:
• “What feels most at stake for you tomorrow?”

Often, the athlete answers with meaning-language:

• “If I mess up, I’ll lose everything.”
• “I can’t let them see me fail.”
• “I’m afraid I’ll disappoint my dad.”
• “I’m afraid coach will replace me.”

Now you’re listening to what the sleep problem is carrying.

Step 3: Clarify what they want from you

You return to agency:

• “Do you want prayer, listening, or help thinking through a next step?”

High-performers regain stability when they feel they have a choice.

Step 4: Offer a “today-sized” next step

You do not offer a big plan. You offer a today-sized step:

• “What would help most tonight—just for tonight?”
• “What’s one small thing that would make sleep more likely?”

This keeps it realistic and non-clinical.

Step 5: Build a support circle (without creating dependency)

You do not become the secret keeper or the only support.

• “Who is a safe adult in your life who can support you—parent or guardian, a pastor, a school counselor?”
• “Would you be willing to tell one safe adult tonight that you’re not sleeping before games?”

If they hesitate, you do not pressure. You explore:

• “What makes that feel risky?”
• “Who feels safest?”

Step 6: Clarify confidentiality honestly (trust-building)

You use a calm, simple boundary sentence:

• “I will treat this with respect and protect your dignity. I can’t promise total confidentiality if someone’s safety is at risk, but I will share only what policy requires or what safety demands.”

This prevents later betrayal-feelings and shows integrity.

Step 7: Offer consent-based prayer or Scripture (opt-in)

You ask permission:

• “Would it help if I prayed a short prayer—right here?”

If yes, keep it short, steady, and non-performative. Example:

“Lord Jesus, thank you for being near. Give peace tonight. Help this athlete remember they are loved beyond performance. Provide wise support and strength for tomorrow. Amen.”

If they want Scripture, keep it brief and fitting:

“Cast all your worries on him, because he cares for you.”
— 1 Peter 5:7 (WEB)

Or:

“Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart.”
— Psalm 34:18 (WEB)

If they decline prayer or Scripture, you honor that without offense:

• “Thank you for telling me. I’m here.”

Step 8: Close with a follow-up plan that stays in your lane

You close with a simple follow-up:

• “I’ll check in after the game.”
• “If this gets worse or you feel unsafe, we need to bring in help right away.”
• “You matter—win or lose.”

5) Sample phrases to say (field-ready and trust-building)

Use short, calm phrases that lower pressure:

• “I’m here with you.”
• “That sounds heavy.”
• “What’s been the hardest part?”
• “What do you need right now—just for today?”
• “Do you want me to listen, pray, or help you find support?”
• “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
• “You don’t have to carry this alone.”
• “Would it help if I prayed a short prayer—right here?”
• “Let’s take one breath and one next step.”
• “I’ll check in again. You matter.”

6) Sample phrases NOT to say (these often harm)

Avoid these, even if you mean well:

• “Just relax.”
• “Stop overthinking.”
• “It’s not a big deal—everyone gets nervous.”
• “You just need more faith.”
• “God did this to teach you something.” (especially too soon)
• “You have anxiety—here’s what that means.” (diagnosing/labeling)
• “Don’t tell anyone; just tell me.” (dependency + safeguarding risk)
• “I’ll talk to coach for you.” (role drift; may undermine trust and policy)

7) Boundary map reminders (stay in your role)

Limits

You are not a therapist or medical provider. You are not the athlete’s 24/7 crisis line.

Access

Safeguarding norms: observable settings, appropriate adult proximity, policy-aligned communication—especially with minors.

Pace

Do not dig for trauma details. Do not press for more than they offer.

Authority

Do not influence playing time, roster decisions, scholarships, or internal discipline.

Safety

If you hear credible risk of self-harm, abuse, exploitation, or imminent danger—follow policy and get appropriate help immediately.

8) Decision point: when to refer or escalate

Refer (support circle + care resources) when:

• the pattern is ongoing (weeks/months),
• sleep loss is severe,
• the athlete is increasingly panicked or shut down,
• there are signs of depression, severe anxiety, or substance coping,
• family conflict is significant,
• the athlete lacks a safe adult support system.

Escalate per policy when:

• there is risk of harm to self or others,
• abuse/exploitation/coercion is disclosed or suspected,
• hazing or harassment involves credible threat,
• safety is compromised in travel or team contexts.

A chaplain phrase that protects dignity:

• “Because I care about you, we need to involve the right help. We’ll do this with you, not against you.”

9) A wise ending to the moment (what it can sound like)

You end with calm dignity:

“Thank you for trusting me. You are not alone. You matter beyond tomorrow’s performance. Let’s take one breath and one next step. I’ll check in after the game—and let’s make sure you have a safe adult supporting you too.”

This is ministry of presence, not ministry of control.

Reflection + Application Questions

1. What is the first sentence you would say in this scenario that communicates safety and consent?
2. Name two ways this athlete’s fear might be tied to performance identity rather than just sleep.
3. Write your one-sentence confidentiality clarity statement (policy-aligned).
4. Which “What Not to Say” phrase are you most tempted to use? What will you say instead?
5. How would you build a support circle here without creating dependency?
6. What are two red-flag indicators that would require referral or escalation in your setting?
7. Draft a short, consent-based prayer you could use in this scenario (2–3 sentences).

Academic References (credible foundations for this case)

• Christina Maslach & Michael P. Leiter, The Truth About Burnout: How Organizations Cause Personal Stress and What to Do About It (Jossey-Bass, 1997).
• Michael Kellmann (ed.), Enhancing Recovery: Preventing Underperformance in Athletes (Human Kinetics, 2002).
• David Fletcher & Mustafa Sarkar, peer-reviewed work on stress and resilience in sport (commonly cited in sport psychology literature).
• Andrew D. Lester, The Listener’s Way: Story, Theory, and Practice in Pastoral Counseling (Westminster John Knox Press, 1995).
• Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person (Houghton Mifflin, 1961).