🎥 Video 9B Transcript: What to Say When There Are No Words

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

When tragedy hits a team, many chaplains feel pressure to say something powerful. But grief does not need eloquence. It needs presence, permission, and protection.

This video gives you simple phrases that help—and phrases that harm.

1) Three goals for your words

In a crisis, your words should do three things:

  1. Reduce isolation

  2. Honor reality

  3. Offer the next small step

That’s it. You are not trying to “fix grief.”

2) Helpful phrases you can actually say

Use calm, short sentences:

  • “I’m so sorry. I’m here.”

  • “This is heavy. We don’t have to rush it.”

  • “Do you want me to sit with you, pray with you, or just be quiet?”

  • “What’s your name? Who’s with you today?”

  • “Have you eaten or had water?”

  • “Who do you want to call first?”

  • “It makes sense that you feel that.”

  • “You’re not crazy. This is shock.”

  • “Would it help to step outside for one minute?”

  • “If you want Scripture, I can share one short passage.”

If someone says, “Why would God allow this?” you can respond gently:

  • “That’s a real question. Today may not be the day for a full answer. But you are not alone, and God is near to the brokenhearted.” (see Psalm 34:18)

3) How to offer prayer without pressure

Prayer must be consent-based and policy-aware:

  • “Would you like me to pray?”

  • If yes: keep it brief, tender, and non-performative.

  • If no: “Thank you for telling me. I’ll stay with you.”

A simple crisis prayer:
“Lord, have mercy. Bring comfort, protection, and strength. Hold this team close. Give wisdom to leaders and peace to those in shock. Amen.”

4) When athletes or coaches spill details

In crisis, people talk. Sometimes they share rumors, private family information, or sensitive details. Your job is to protect dignity.

Try:

  • “Let’s be careful with details. I want to honor the family and the team.”

  • “I can listen, but I may need to report something if safety is involved.”

  • “I’m not the right person to confirm facts. Leadership will communicate what’s appropriate.”

5) Boundaries that matter most in grief

  • Confidentiality is real but limited (safety concerns, abuse, exploitation, threats).

  • Safeguarding: with minors, avoid isolated one-on-one. Follow observable/two-deep norms.

  • No media: do not post, comment, or share “inside” updates.

  • No therapy role: listen well, then connect to pastoral care or licensed counselors when needed.

What Not to Say

Avoid phrases that minimize, control, or theologize too quickly:

  • “At least…”

  • “They’re in a better place” (unless the person says it first and wants that language)

  • “Everything happens for a reason”

  • “God won’t give you more than you can handle”

  • “You need to be strong for the team”

  • “I know exactly how you feel”

Instead, choose honesty and presence:

  • “I don’t have perfect words. But I’m here, and we’ll take the next step together.”

That is chaplaincy in grief: steady, humble, and faithful.


Last modified: Sunday, February 22, 2026, 8:14 PM