🎥 Video 6B Transcript: What Not to Do Around Grief, Tears, and Personal Crisis at Work

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

When someone in the workplace is grieving or going through personal crisis, many people feel unsure of what to do.

That is understandable.

Loss can make people awkward.
Tears can make people nervous.
Silence can feel uncomfortable.
And when that happens, even caring people can say things that do more harm than good.

That is why marketplace chaplains need to know not only what helps, but what does not help.

First, do not rush the pain.

A grieving person does not need to be hurried toward emotional closure. Do not act as if the goal is to get them steady, productive, smiling, and “back to normal” as fast as possible. Grief does not move on a clean schedule.

Second, do not fill the moment with explanations.

Some chaplains and Christians become too talkative when they are uncomfortable. They start explaining suffering, quoting too many verses, or trying to solve the sadness. In most early grief moments, that feels heavy.

Sometimes fewer words are more loving.

Third, do not compare losses too quickly.

Do not respond by saying, “I know exactly how you feel,” and then shift into your own story. Even if you have lived through grief yourself, this is not the moment to take the center. Similarity can help later. Too early, it can feel like replacement.

Fourth, do not use spiritual clichés.

Statements like:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“God must have a plan in this.”
“You need to stay strong.”
“At least they lived a long life.”

These may be intended to comfort, but they often land as emotional pressure or theological oversimplification.

Fifth, do not make tears into an emergency.

If someone cries, stay calm. Do not panic. Do not become frantic. Do not make the person feel like they have created a problem by showing emotion. Tears are not always a crisis. Sometimes they are simply grief becoming visible.

Sixth, do not expose the person in public.

Do not say in front of coworkers, “How are you doing since your husband died?” Do not ask personal questions in open work areas. Do not assume the workplace is the right setting for deep conversation. Protect dignity first.

Seventh, do not force prayer.

Prayer is precious. But in marketplace chaplaincy, it is offered by permission. A grieving person may welcome it. Or they may not be ready in that moment. Ask respectfully.

Eighth, do not assume personal crisis always looks emotional.

Some people become tearful.
Some become quiet.
Some become highly functional.
Some talk too much.
Some go numb.
Some become irritated.

Do not expect one grief pattern.

Ministry Sciences helps us here. Under grief and crisis, people often have reduced capacity. Attention narrows. Energy drops. Emotional responses may shift suddenly. That is why chaplain care must be gentle, simple, and non-demanding.

So what should you do instead?

Be calm.
Be brief.
Be truthful.
Be respectful.
Ask permission.
Protect privacy.
Do not preach at pain.
Do not panic at emotion.

A strong marketplace chaplain does not try to control grief.

A strong marketplace chaplain makes room for grief without adding confusion, shame, or pressure.

That kind of presence is rare.

And in real workplaces, it can become a great gift.