🎥 Video 8B Transcript: What Not to Do When Coworkers Start Venting, Taking Sides, or Pulling You In

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

When conflict begins to spread through a workplace, chaplains often face a very specific temptation.

They get pulled in.

One person vents.
Then another person explains their side.
Then someone hints about what leadership is doing wrong.
Then another person asks, “Can I just be honest with you?”
And before long, the chaplain is standing in the middle of emotional crossfire.

That is why Topic 8 must include this question:
What should a chaplain not do when workplace conflict is active?

First, do not take sides too quickly.

Even if one person sounds more sympathetic, more emotional, or more convincing, the chaplain must be careful. Early alignment can distort your care and reduce trust with others. A chaplain who becomes “known” as being on one side of a workplace conflict stops being safe for the whole workplace.

Second, do not reward venting.

People under strain often want release, and speech can feel like release. But not all speech is helpful. If someone begins unloading about a coworker or supervisor, do not lean in with fascination. Do not ask for more dramatic detail. Do not let the chaplain conversation become a place where resentment grows stronger.

Third, do not become a triangle partner.

A chaplain should not become the third point in unresolved conflict. If two people have a tension, and one person tries to use you to validate, carry, or relay the tension, be careful. That is triangulation, and it can quietly damage your role.

Fourth, do not confuse empathy with agreement.

You can care for someone’s pain without agreeing with every conclusion they draw. You can say, “That sounds hard,” without saying, “You are completely right.”

Fifth, do not overpromise confidentiality in ways that ignore safety or proper process.

You can protect dignity and privacy. But you should not act as though every workplace issue should remain inside private chaplain conversation if it clearly involves danger, abuse, harassment, or serious misconduct. Role clarity still matters.

Sixth, do not preach at conflict.

People in strained workplaces do not usually need a mini-sermon about unity in the middle of a raw moment. They need calm, wise, grounded care. Biblical truth matters deeply. But timing matters too.

Seventh, do not act like the workplace therapist, manager, or investigator.

The chaplain is not there to solve every conflict or determine every fact. The chaplain can support, clarify, calm, and pray by permission. But the chaplain should not step outside proper role.

Ministry Sciences helps us understand why this matters. Under conflict, people often have narrowed perception, increased reactivity, and reduced capacity for nuance. That means the chaplain must slow things down rather than adding more heat.

So what should you do instead?

Stay calm.
Protect dignity.
Ask simple questions.
Refuse gossip.
Avoid sides.
Do not carry what is not yours to carry.

A strong marketplace chaplain does not become part of the workplace argument.

A strong marketplace chaplain becomes one of the few people who can remain steady inside it.

That is not weakness.

That is disciplined ministry.