🎥 Video 11C Transcript: When a Chaplain Must Say, “That Is Not My Role”

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

In this video, we are going to talk about one of the hardest chaplain skills in the workplace.

Saying,
“That is not my role.”

This matters because people will sometimes ask the chaplain to do things that sound caring, helpful, or urgent, but still fall outside the chaplain’s proper role.

A worker may ask you to carry a complaint instead of speaking directly.
A supervisor may ask you to find out what is really going on with an employee.
A team member may ask you for advice that belongs to HR, legal counsel, or a therapist.
A leader may ask for your opinion on whether someone should stay or go.
A hurting person may want you to become their fixer.

If the chaplain cannot say no wisely, the role becomes blurry very fast.

And blurry roles create damage.

Now, saying,
“That is not my role,”
does not mean being cold.

It does not mean refusing to care.

And it does not mean pushing people away.

It means caring truthfully.

Sometimes the most loving thing a chaplain can do is remain inside the proper role and help the person move toward the right kind of support.

For example, a worker may say,
“Can you tell my supervisor I’m struggling? I don’t want to deal with it.”

A chaplain might respond,
“I’m glad you told me. I can help you think through that conversation, but I should not replace it.”

Or a manager may say,
“You talk to employees all the time. Tell me who I can trust.”

A wise chaplain might say,
“My role is care, not evaluation. I want to stay clear about that.”

Or someone may ask,
“What do you think I should do legally?”

A wise response could be,
“I’m not the right person for legal guidance, but I do want to support you as you think through your next steps.”

That is role clarity with warmth.

Now let’s talk about why this is hard.

Many chaplains are compassionate by nature.
You want to help.
You want to reduce suffering.
You want to be useful.

That is good.

But without boundaries, helpfulness can turn into over-functioning.

Over-functioning means you start carrying things that do not belong to you.
You speak where you should guide.
You decide where you should support.
You absorb responsibility that belongs somewhere else.

That may feel useful at first.
But over time, it confuses people and weakens trust.

Ministry Sciences helps us understand this.

In emotionally anxious systems, people often look for the calmest person in the room and try to hand them responsibility.

The chaplain is often that person.

So the chaplain must be kind, but not absorbent in the wrong way.

You are not there to become the emotional substitute for HR, leadership, therapy, marriage counseling, family mediation, legal process, or policy enforcement.

You are there to offer spiritual care, emotional steadiness, wise listening, consent-based prayer, and role-aware support.

That is understandable.

But the chaplain’s task is not to erase complexity by overreaching.

The chaplain’s task is to remain grounded and help the person take the next right step.

So here are some helpful boundary phrases.

“That matters, and I want to support you, but that part is not my role.”
“I can listen and help you think it through, but I should not make that decision for you.”
“That sounds important, and it may need HR, leadership, or another kind of professional support.”
“I want to care well, and part of caring well is staying within the right boundaries.”
“I’m here for support, prayer, and reflection, but I’m not the person who can decide that outcome.”

These phrases are clear without being harsh.

Now let’s talk about what not to do.

Do not overpromise.
Do not speak outside your authority.
Do not give legal, medical, or policy advice you are not qualified to give.
Do not carry messages in ways that create triangles.
Do not become the secret channel between offended people.
Do not take ownership of outcomes that are not yours.

And do not feel guilty for staying in your role.

A chaplain with healthy boundaries is not less compassionate.

A chaplain with healthy boundaries is more trustworthy.

That trust matters.

Because when people know you will not misuse access, they are more likely to come to you honestly.

And when leaders know you will not drift into another role, they are more likely to support your ministry.

So yes, one of the great skills of workplace chaplaincy is this simple sentence:

“That is not my role.”

Said calmly.
Said clearly.
Said kindly.

And often, said in a way that still leaves the person cared for.

That is mature chaplaincy.