🎥 Video 5B Transcript: What Not to Do: Taking Sides, Matching Anger, or Performing Authority

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

In motorcycle club chaplaincy, high-emotion situations can tempt a chaplain to act in ways that feel strong in the moment but damage trust over time. So in this video, let’s talk about what not to do.

First, do not take sides too quickly.

When two people are in conflict, or when one person is upset with a spouse, a leader, a rider, or a family member, the chaplain may feel pressure to show loyalty by agreeing fast. That is dangerous. You may only be hearing one slice of the story. You may be stepping into years of history you do not understand. And once you take sides too fast, it becomes much harder to minister clearly.

Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men.” That does not mean pretending right and wrong do not matter. But it does mean a chaplain should be very slow to become somebody’s emotional weapon.

Second, do not match anger.

If someone is loud, sharp, or intense, you do not help by becoming louder, sharper, or tougher. Some chaplains do this because they think strong environments require strong reactions. But usually that only turns chaplaincy into one more power struggle. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool vents all of his anger, but a wise man brings himself under control.” Wisdom has emotional restraint.

Third, do not perform authority.

A chaplain is not there to act like the sheriff of the parking lot. Do not puff up your voice. Do not speak as if everyone must obey you because you are “the chaplain.” Do not use spiritual language to seize control. Do not quote Scripture like a weapon in the middle of a heated exchange. And do not try to look impressive in front of the crowd.

Performance usually weakens ministry.

People in motorcycle culture often recognize fake confidence quickly. If you act like you own the room, when you really do not, you may lose credibility fast. Humility travels farther than performance.

Fourth, do not overtalk when emotion is high.

A long speech in the middle of conflict usually lands poorly. People under stress often cannot process much. Better to say one clear sentence than six tangled ones. Better to ask for a pause than to force a resolution. Better to protect dignity than to win an argument.

Fifth, do not become the go-between for every unresolved issue.

If someone says, “Go tell him what he did,” or, “You need to explain to her why she is wrong,” slow down. A chaplain is not there to become the permanent carrier of emotional messages. That often creates triangulation and deeper conflict.

Sixth, do not confuse urgency with calling.

Just because a moment is emotional does not mean you are the one who must solve it. Some moments need distance. Some need follow-up later. Some need leadership. Some need emergency intervention. And some simply need time for people to cool down.

From the Organic Humans perspective, conflict touches the whole embodied soul. People under stress may be flooded physically, emotionally, and spiritually. That is why a chaplain should avoid adding shame, volume, or public embarrassment.

Here are a few bad moves to avoid:
“Calm down right now.”
“You need to listen to me.”
“I know who is really wrong here.”
“Everybody sees what you are doing.”
“Let me straighten this out.”
“That is not very Christian of you.”

Those words usually inflame, not heal.

Instead, be the kind of chaplain who lowers pressure, respects dignity, and stays inside role clarity.

Do not take sides too fast.
Do not match anger.
Do not perform authority.
Do not overtalk.
Do not turn conflict into a stage.

Faithful chaplaincy is often quiet, clear, and steady. And in the middle of conflict, that kind of presence can make all the difference.