Video Transcript: What Not to Do: Making People Dependent on You Alone

🎥 Video 11B Transcript: What Not to Do: Making People Dependent on You Alone

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

In Homeless Community Chaplaincy, dependency can grow quietly. It may begin with compassion. A chaplain listens well. A guest feels seen. A person in crisis says, “You’re the only one I trust.” The chaplain feels honored, needed, and spiritually useful.

That moment can be beautiful. It can also become dangerous.

What not to do?

Do not become the only helper. If a person depends only on you for prayer, money, transportation, emotional support, housing help, decision-making, and crisis response, the relationship is no longer healthy chaplaincy.

Do not answer every call immediately. Constant availability can create confusion. It may train the person to depend on your instant response instead of building a wider support system.

Do not make promises you cannot keep. Avoid saying, “I’ll make sure you get housing,” “I’ll always be here,” or “Call me anytime.” These words may sound compassionate, but they can become false promises.

Do not bypass shelters, agencies, church leaders, recovery mentors, or counselors because you think you can do it better. Chaplains are part of a care network. They are not the whole network.

Do not let emotional flattery guide your decisions. When someone says, “You’re different from everyone else,” or “Only you understand me,” pause. That may be sincere gratitude. It may also signal attachment that needs healthy structure.

What helps?

Say, “I am grateful you trust me, and I want to help you build more support than just me.”

Say, “Let’s bring another trusted person into this conversation.”

Say, “This is important enough that we should connect you with someone trained in this area.”

Say, “I can pray with you now, and I also want you connected to steady community.”

Christian care points beyond the chaplain. It points to Christ, wise community, appropriate support, and the next faithful step.

A steady closing reminder: dependency is not discipleship. Healthy chaplaincy does not make people need the chaplain more and more. Healthy chaplaincy helps people find dignity, support, responsibility, and hope beyond one relationship.