🎥 Video 7B Transcript: What Not to Do: Panic, Delay, False Secrecy, or Trying to Handle a Crisis Alone

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

When crisis language appears online, what the chaplain does next matters greatly.

And what the chaplain does wrong can make the situation worse.

So in this video, we will focus on what not to do.

First, do not panic.

Panic may feel caring, but it often increases confusion.

If your words become frantic, dramatic, or chaotic, the distressed person may pull back, go silent, or feel even more unstable.

A calm tone helps more than an alarmed tone.

Second, do not delay.

If a message sounds like possible self-harm, suicidal thinking, or immediate danger, do not wait hours hoping it will become clearer on its own.

Do not assume someone else will respond.

Do not tell yourself, “I’ll check tomorrow.”

Digital crises can move quickly.

Third, do not promise secrecy.

This is one of the most dangerous mistakes a chaplain can make.

Never say, “I won’t tell anyone,” if there is credible danger.

That may feel compassionate in the moment, but it is not truthful care.

A better response is honest and clear.

You can say, “I want to honor your trust, but if you are in danger, I cannot keep that to myself.”

That protects dignity while also protecting life.

Fourth, do not preach instead of assess.

When someone is in acute distress, this is not the time for a long sermon, a lecture, or a flood of Bible verses.

Prayer and Scripture matter, but they must not replace clear questions and wise action.

A person in danger does not first need a dramatic speech.

They need a calm responder.

Fifth, do not minimize the message.

Do not say, “You do not mean that.”

Do not say, “You will be fine.”

Do not say, “Do not talk like that.”

Do not say, “You just need to pray more.”

Those responses may shut the person down and increase shame.

Sixth, do not try to handle a crisis alone.

This is where many caring people get into trouble.

A private, intense late-night message can make the chaplain feel singularly responsible.

But wise chaplaincy is not solo rescue.

If real danger is present, other people may need to be involved.

That may include moderators, ministry leaders, parents, spouses, pastors, emergency contacts, or emergency services, depending on the parish and the level of risk.

Trying to carry a suicidal crisis alone is not bravery.
It is often unsafe.

Seventh, do not stay vague.

If the concern is credible, ask direct questions.

Do not circle around the issue with soft language that never reaches clarity.

You can ask, “Are you thinking about harming yourself tonight?” or, “Are you in immediate danger?”

That is not harsh. That is responsible.

Eighth, do not confuse privacy with isolation.

A private message may be the right place to clarify what is happening, but private messaging should not become a sealed room where no help can enter.

Especially in anonymous or loosely structured digital spaces, the chaplain must resist the fantasy that this can remain only between the two of you if life may be at risk.

And finally, do not make the moment about your own fear.

This is not the time to talk about how upset you are, how scared you are, or how heavy this is for you.

Stay focused on the person in front of you.

What not to do becomes a helpful checklist.

Do not panic.
Do not delay.
Do not promise false secrecy.
Do not preach instead of assess.
Do not minimize.
Do not work alone.
Do not stay vague.

A digital chaplain will not handle every crisis perfectly.

But avoiding these mistakes can protect life, protect dignity, and help the chaplain respond with greater faithfulness and wisdom.