🎥 Video 3B Transcript: Common Mistakes: Interrupting, Assuming, and Talking Around the Person

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

In this video, we are going to look at three very common communication mistakes in Adults with Disabilities Chaplaincy.

They are interrupting, assuming, and talking around the person.

These mistakes happen often. Sometimes they happen because people are nervous. Sometimes because they are rushed. Sometimes because they think they are being helpful. But even when intentions are good, the effect can still be harmful.

Let’s begin with interrupting.

Interrupting is one of the fastest ways to communicate, “Your pace is a problem for me.”

Some interruptions are obvious. Other interruptions are more subtle. Finishing a sentence too soon can be an interruption. Jumping in with the word you think the person wants can be an interruption. Moving the conversation along before the person is ready can be an interruption too.

Now, there are moments when practical help may truly be needed. But many adults with disabilities are interrupted far more often than necessary. Over time, this can create frustration, embarrassment, or learned silence.

The second mistake is assuming.

Assuming happens when you decide what a person means before they finish speaking. It happens when you assume support needs equal limited understanding. It happens when you assume a quiet person is disengaged. It happens when you assume that because someone struggles in one form of communication, they have little to contribute.

Those assumptions are often wrong.

A person may speak slowly and think deeply.

A person may hesitate because they are choosing words carefully.

A person may be quiet in a group and very expressive one-on-one.

A person may need support in one communication area and still carry real wisdom.

When chaplains assume too quickly, they stop listening.

And once listening stops, dignity is usually damaged.

The third mistake is talking around the person.

This happens when the adult is physically present, but the conversation is directed somewhere else. The chaplain may look at the caregiver, the family member, or the ministry leader instead of speaking to the adult first. The adult becomes the subject of the conversation, but not the participant in it.

That can feel deeply diminishing.

Adults with disabilities are adults.

They must not disappear socially in their own conversations.

A simple practice helps here. Speak to the person first whenever appropriate. Allow them to answer. Give them time. If someone else adds helpful clarification later, that may be fine. But do not start by bypassing the adult.

Luke 18 gives us a powerful pattern in the way Jesus addressed Bartimaeus. He did not let the surrounding crowd define the moment. He addressed the man directly.

That pattern matters for chaplaincy too.

There are a few more mistakes to watch for.

Do not overcorrect every word.

Do not act overly impressed when an adult simply participates in a normal adult way.

Do not use exaggerated praise that sounds patronizing.

Do not make every interaction about the disability itself.

In digital settings, these same mistakes can happen in different forms. A chat comment may be skipped because it came in later. A person may be talked over in a video call. Someone may be labeled unresponsive when the pace is simply too fast or the audio is unclear.

So what should a wise chaplain do instead?

Pause before jumping in.

Ask instead of assuming.

Speak to the person, not merely about the person.

Respect pace.

Notice context.

And remember that a communication struggle is not a character flaw.

When you avoid interrupting, assuming, and talking around the person, something important happens.

The conversation becomes safer.

And when a conversation becomes safer, people often become more present, more honest, and more willing to trust.

That is the kind of communication adults with disabilities deserve.