🎥 Video 5B Transcript: What Not to Do: Calling Sensory Distress Misbehavior

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

In this lesson, we are looking at what not to do when an autistic adult is under sensory stress.

One of the fastest ways to lose trust in Adults with Disabilities Chaplaincy is to misread distress as misbehavior.

This happens all the time in churches, ministry groups, and community settings.

A person becomes overwhelmed.
They step away suddenly.
They cover their ears.
They speak sharply.
They stop responding.
They seem irritated or shut down.

And someone nearby decides, “They are being difficult.”

That conclusion may be completely wrong.

A Disability-Aware Chaplain must learn not to moralize every visible reaction.

Sensory distress is not automatically defiance.
Withdrawal is not automatically disrespect.
A strained tone is not automatically rebellion.
Needing to leave is not automatically rejection of the people in the room.

When you label sensory overload as bad attitude, you add shame to stress.

That harms people deeply.

Many autistic adults already know what it feels like to be misunderstood. Many have spent years being corrected for things others never tried to understand. A chaplain should not add to that wound.

So let’s talk about common mistakes.

One mistake is public correction.

A leader says, “Calm down.”
Or, “You need to stay in here.”
Or, “You’re making a scene.”

Those words may sound simple, but they can intensify distress. The person may already be struggling just to hold themselves together.

Another mistake is talking about the person instead of to the person.

People may say, “He always does this,” or “She can’t handle anything,” while the person is standing right there.

That is humiliating.

Adults with disabilities are adults.
Do not talk over them.
Do not reduce them to a problem to manage.

Another mistake is forcing immediate participation.

The room is loud. The person is overwhelmed. And someone says, “Come on, just push through.”

That may not be strength.
That may be cruelty dressed up as encouragement.

Sometimes the wisest thing is not to push harder.
Sometimes the wisest thing is to lower demand.

Another mistake is treating the family or caregiver like the only real conversation partner.

Families matter. Caregivers matter. But when the adult is present, the chaplain should honor that adult first. Not perfectly, not awkwardly, but intentionally.

You can still include family without erasing the person.

A Chaplain for Adults with Disabilities must also avoid spiritual shortcuts.

Do not say, “You just need more faith.”
Do not say, “The enemy is attacking because you are distracted.”
Do not treat sensory overload like a spiritual failure.

You can bring spiritual care, but not by using spiritual language carelessly.

A wise chaplain knows the difference between offering Christ-centered hope and placing blame.

Another mistake is reacting to the visible moment without examining the setting.

Was the music painfully loud?
Did the plan change without warning?
Was the room crowded?
Was the lighting harsh?
Did several people approach at once?

If you never ask those questions, you may keep blaming the person for a problem the environment helped create.

This matters because chaplaincy is not just about private conversations. It is also about helping churches and ministry spaces grow in wisdom.

Sometimes the room needs adjusting.
Sometimes the expectations need adjusting.
Sometimes the pace needs adjusting.

This is part of non-reductionist ministry. We do not assume the whole problem lives inside the person.

In Ministry Sciences terms, stress affects emotional regulation, communication, social comfort, and participation all at once. In Organic Humans terms, embodied souls experience real strain in connected ways. That means wise care must be gentle, observant, and realistic.

So what should you do instead?

Slow down.
Lower your voice.
Reduce pressure.
Protect dignity.
Offer options.
Avoid public embarrassment.
And do not force a performance of normalcy.

You might say, “Would a quieter place help?”
Or, “You don’t have to explain right now.”
Or, “I’m here if you want support.”

Those kinds of phrases leave room for dignity.

A good Adults with Disabilities Chaplain does not rush to correct what they have not yet understood.

The goal is not to make a person easier for others.

The goal is to care well, notice wisely, and help create an environment where people can participate without shame.

That is what not to do.
And that is what to do instead.