Video Transcript: Questions That Open the Story
Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.
In this video, we will talk about questions that open the story.
A Life Coach Minister does not need to have all the answers at the beginning of a session.
But the minister does need to ask good questions.
Good questions help people slow down, tell the truth, notice patterns, and describe what is really happening.
A poor question can shut a person down.
A wise question can open the story.
For example, if someone says, “My family is falling apart,” a poor question might be:
“What did you do wrong?”
A better question is:
“What has been happening in your family that makes you feel that way?”
Or if someone says, “I am angry all the time,” a poor question might be:
“Why can’t you control yourself?”
A better question is:
“When does the anger usually rise, and what do you notice right before it comes out?”
Life Coach Ministers use questions not to interrogate, but to care.
Here are several kinds of helpful questions.
Invitation questions help the person begin.
“What brought you here today?”
“What has been weighing on you?”
“Where do you feel stuck?”
Story questions help the person describe what happened.
“When did this begin?”
“What usually happens before the conflict?”
“What keeps repeating?”
Meaning questions help the person name what the situation means to them.
“What does this feel like to you?”
“What are you afraid this means?”
“What do you wish others understood?”
Embodied questions help the person notice whole-person patterns.
“How have you been sleeping?”
“How is your energy?”
“What do you notice in your body when this happens?”
Relational questions help connect the issue to real life.
“Who is most affected by this?”
“What conversation are you avoiding?”
“Where might a boundary or repair be needed?”
Spiritual questions help bring the concern before God.
“How has this affected your prayer life?”
“Where do you need grace?”
“What would faithfulness look like this week?”
Hope questions move the person toward a next step.
“What would peace look like?”
“What might courage look like this week?”
“What is one faithful next step?”
Safety questions are essential.
“Is anyone in immediate danger?”
“Are you thinking about harming yourself?”
“Are you thinking about harming someone else?”
“Do you feel safe going home today?”
Ask these calmly and directly.
What not to do?
Do not ask questions like an investigator.
Do not ask questions that shame.
Do not ask questions that already contain your conclusion.
Do not pressure the person to reveal more than they are ready to share.
Do not ask intimate questions that are not necessary for the ministry role.
And do not use questions to avoid speaking truth when truth is needed.
Wise questions help the person hear their own story.
They help the Life Coach Minister notice what kind of care, discernment, referral, or next step may be needed.
In Life Coach Ministry, a good question can become a doorway to clarity.
Ask with humility.
Listen with patience.
The story often opens one careful question at a time.