Video Transcript: What I Am Noticing — Sharing Discernment with Humility
🎥 Video 6A Transcript: What I Am Noticing: Sharing Discernment with Humility
Synthesia-ready: about 2.5 minutes
Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.
In this video, we will talk about sharing discernment with humility.
In Life Coach Ministry, the first movement is care.
The Life Coach Minister listens, asks questions, reflects, and helps the person describe what is happening.
But after listening, the minister may begin to notice patterns.
The minister may notice shame language.
The minister may notice that anger rises when the person feels disrespected.
The minister may notice that the person wants peace but avoids honest conversations.
The minister may notice that a spiritual issue, relational pattern, family wound, embodied stress, or practical pressure is shaping the situation.
This is where semi-directive discernment begins.
Semi-directive discernment means the Life Coach Minister shares what they are noticing, but does so with permission, humility, and care.
The key phrase is:
“Would it be okay if I share what I am noticing?”
That question matters.
It slows the minister down.
It gives the person dignity.
It keeps the conversation consent-based.
Semi-directive discernment is not telling someone what to do.
It is not saying, “I know exactly what your problem is.”
It is not saying, “God told me you must do this.”
It is not using ordination as pressure.
A better approach sounds like this:
“Would it be okay if I share what I am noticing from a biblical and ministry perspective?”
If the person says yes, the Life Coach Minister might say:
“I am noticing that every time you talk about conflict, you also mention fear of rejection.”
Or:
“I am noticing that your anger seems to rise when you feel powerless.”
Or:
“I am noticing that you may be carrying grief, but calling it failure.”
Or:
“I am noticing that you want peace, but may be avoiding a needed conversation.”
These observations are not final judgments.
They are invitations to reflect.
The Life Coach Minister should hold observations lightly.
Helpful phrases include:
“Tell me if this does not fit.”
Or:
“I may be wrong, but I wonder if this pattern is part of what is happening.”
Sometimes the person will say, “Yes, that is exactly it.”
Sometimes the person will say, “No, I do not think that is right.”
Sometimes the person will say, “Maybe. I need to think about that.”
All three responses are useful.
The goal is not for the Life Coach Minister to be right.
The goal is to help the person notice truth before God.
Semi-directive discernment often names patterns.
A pattern is something that repeats.
For example, a person may fear rejection, then become controlling, then accuse others, then strain the relationship, and then feel abandoned.
The minister may say:
“I wonder whether fear of abandonment may be leading you to control relationships in a way that pushes people away. Does that fit, or am I missing something?”
That is direct, but not harsh.
It names a pattern without shaming the person.
Semi-directive discernment also helps the minister hold compassion and responsibility together.
A person may have real wounds.
A person may also be making harmful choices.
A person may have been hurt.
A person may also need to repair harm.
The minister can say:
“I hear that this wound is real. I also notice that the way you respond now is hurting your family. We may need to care about both.”
That kind of statement avoids two errors.
One error is shame: “Everything is my fault, and I am hopeless.”
The other error is blame: “Nothing is my fault, and everyone else must change.”
Wise discernment avoids both.
It tells the truth with grace.
Semi-directive discernment also requires timing.
Do not share everything you notice the moment you notice it.
Some observations need more listening.
Some should wait until trust is stronger.
Some should be shared only after asking permission.
Some may not be helpful at all.
Before sharing, the Life Coach Minister should ask:
Will this help the person notice truth?
Is this the right time?
Do I understand enough?
Am I staying in my role?
Is referral needed?
What not to do?
Do not announce observations as unquestionably true.
Do not hide behind the phrase, “God told me.”
Do not use ordination as pressure.
Do not shame the person.
Do not diagnose.
Do not share every thought you have.
Do not rush the person into agreement.
Do not turn discernment into a lecture.
Do not ignore safety concerns.
A faithful Life Coach Minister may say:
“I care about you too much to rush you, and I care about you too much to avoid what may be true.”
That is the spirit of semi-directive discernment.
When the Life Coach Minister says, “Would it be okay if I share what I am noticing?” the person receives care that honors truth and dignity together.