🎥 Video 8B Transcript: What Not to Do: Pushing Reunion, Minimizing Harm, or Taking Sides Too Fast

Hi, I am Haley, a Christian Leaders Institute presenter.

In reentry ministry, family situations can become emotionally intense. A returning citizen may say, “I just want to see my kids.” A former spouse may say, “I do not feel safe.” A parent may say, “I am tired of being lied to.” A church volunteer may say, “Shouldn’t Christians forgive?”

These moments require wisdom. In this video, we focus on what not to do.

First, do not push reunion. A chaplain should not pressure family members to reopen contact before safety, readiness, legal conditions, or wise support are in place. Love does not require immediate access. A parent’s longing matters, but a child’s safety and stability also matter.

Second, do not minimize harm. Avoid phrases like, “That was in the past,” “He has changed now,” or “You need to let it go.” Those words may sound spiritual, but they can silence pain and increase danger. Some family members may have experienced betrayal, abandonment, addiction chaos, domestic violence, financial harm, emotional wounds, or fear. Their concerns deserve respectful listening.

Third, do not take sides too fast. The chaplain should not become the returning citizen’s advocate against the family. The chaplain should not become the family’s judge against the returning citizen. The chaplain’s role is faithful presence, not family court.

Fourth, do not confuse forgiveness with instant reconciliation. Christians believe in forgiveness, repentance, mercy, and new life in Christ. But reconciliation requires more than words. It often requires safety, truth, accountability, changed patterns, time, and sometimes professional or legal guidance.

Fifth, do not ignore victim and survivor sensitivity. When there has been violence, abuse, coercion, stalking, sexual harm, exploitation, or credible fear, the chaplain must not create pressure for contact. Protective orders, custody decisions, program rules, church safety policies, and referral pathways must be respected.

Sixth, do not meet secretly or arrange private contact outside proper boundaries. A chaplain should not carry messages between estranged family members without permission and oversight. A chaplain should not help someone bypass a protective order, custody restriction, program rule, or family boundary.

What helps is humility. “I hear your longing.” “I also want to honor safety.” “Let’s slow this down.” “This needs the right support.” “Restoration should not be forced.”

Family restoration is holy work. But holy work must remain honest, patient, accountable, and safe.