📝 Worksheet 9.5: Dark Sides and Difficult Patterns in Recovery
📝 Worksheet 9.5: Dark Sides and Difficult Patterns in Recovery
Purpose of This Worksheet
This worksheet helps you practice wise Addiction Recovery Chaplaincy when recovery relationships become complicated. Topic 9 focused on difficult patterns such as codependency, control, manipulation, passive-aggressive behavior, narcissistic patterns, suspicion, spiritual pressure, group division, and public sensitivity in recovery settings.
The goal is not to label people harshly. The goal is to become a firm, kind, non-anxious, Christ-centered chaplain who protects dignity, honors boundaries, supports recovery accountability, and knows when to involve pastors, sponsors, recovery leaders, counselors, or emergency supports.
Use this worksheet for personal formation, ministry reflection, and field readiness.
Part 1: Key Concept Review
Fill in the blanks.
Addiction Recovery Chaplains should notice difficult patterns without trying to __________ people clinically.
Compassion without boundaries can become __________.
A chaplain should not become the preferred substitute for a person’s __________ or recovery accountability.
Prayer should normally be offered by __________.
Scripture should normally be shared with __________.
A chaplain must never promise absolute __________ when danger, abuse, self-harm, overdose risk, or serious harm may be present.
A calm chaplain helps reduce emotional __________ in difficult recovery conversations.
A person in recovery is more than their addiction, relapse, label, or worst moment. They are an embodied __________ before God.
Public testimony should be shared at the right time, in the right setting, and with the right __________.
A chaplain’s role is spiritual care, not therapy, sponsorship, treatment, case management, or __________ response.
Part 2: Personal Discernment
Check any statement that could become a temptation for you in recovery ministry.
☐ I may want to rescue people when they are in pain.
☐ I may avoid hard conversations because I do not want people to feel rejected.
☐ I may take sides too quickly when someone tells me a painful story.
☐ I may feel flattered when someone says, “You are the only one who understands me.”
☐ I may feel responsible for whether someone relapses.
☐ I may struggle to say no when someone asks for money, rides, or private access.
☐ I may assume the leader is right because the leader has authority.
☐ I may assume the hurting person is right because the person sounds wounded.
☐ I may use Scripture too quickly before listening well.
☐ I may become anxious when people accuse, pressure, or manipulate.
☐ I may want to fix group conflict without involving the pastor or ministry overseer.
☐ I may confuse being available with being unlimited.
Reflection
Which checked item needs your greatest attention?
My greatest growth area is:
Why might this matter in Addiction Recovery Chaplaincy?
Part 3: Pattern Recognition Without Labeling
Read each statement. Write what pattern may be present. Use words like control, avoidance, manipulation, codependency, suspicion, spiritual pressure, triangulation, enabling risk, or boundary confusion.
Do not diagnose. Simply notice the ministry concern.
1. “You are the only Christian I trust. Please do not make me talk to my sponsor.”
Possible pattern: _______________________________________________
Wise chaplain response:
2. “If you cared, you would give me the money tonight. I thought Christians helped people.”
Possible pattern: _______________________________________________
Wise chaplain response:
3. “God told me you are supposed to help me, even if the pastor does not understand.”
Possible pattern: _______________________________________________
Wise chaplain response:
4. “Marcus embarrassed me. I have been talking to others, and we think this group needs new leadership.”
Possible pattern: _______________________________________________
Wise chaplain response:
5. “Everyone is against me. My sponsor, the pastor, and the group are all trying to control me.”
Possible pattern: _______________________________________________
Wise chaplain response:
6. “Fine. I will talk to my sponsor if that is what you want. I guess I am always the problem.”
Possible pattern: _______________________________________________
Wise chaplain response:
Part 4: Practice Phrases
Write a wise chaplain phrase for each situation.
Situation 1: Someone wants you to keep a relapse secret.
Helpful phrase:
Situation 2: Someone wants you to replace their sponsor.
Helpful phrase:
Situation 3: Someone accuses the recovery group leader of being controlling.
Helpful phrase:
Situation 4: Someone wants to share a dramatic testimony publicly after only two weeks of sobriety.
Helpful phrase:
Situation 5: Someone uses spiritual language to pressure you into a private meeting.
Helpful phrase:
Situation 6: Someone from another faith background asks what kind of chaplain you are.
Helpful phrase:
Part 5: Boundary Check Scenarios
For each scenario, choose the wisest response.
Scenario A: The Private Complaint Network
A recovering person feels corrected by the group leader. Instead of speaking directly with the leader, he begins calling other members and saying the group is unsafe. A newer member asks you what to do.
☐ Tell the newer member to stop attending until the conflict settles.
☐ Tell the newer member that the leader is probably right and the upset person is probably manipulative.
☐ Help the newer member separate firsthand experience from rumor, avoid taking sides, and encourage direct accountable conversation with the pastor or recovery ministry overseer.
☐ Gather every complaint privately so you can decide who is right.
Why is the wisest response best?
Scenario B: The Sponsor Replacement
A woman says, “My sponsor is too hard on me. I want to talk only to you from now on.”
☐ Agree, because spiritual care is safer than recovery accountability.
☐ Refuse to listen to her because she is avoiding her sponsor.
☐ Listen with compassion, ask what happened, take any safety concern seriously, and encourage honest sponsor or recovery-leader communication.
☐ Tell her sponsor everything immediately without talking further.
Why is the wisest response best?
Scenario C: The Money Request
A man in recovery asks for cash and says he will relapse if you do not help.
☐ Give him cash privately so he knows Christians care.
☐ Tell him relapse would be his fault and walk away.
☐ Refuse private money help, stay compassionate, and help him connect with safe, accountable support through church or community resources.
☐ Ask him to promise he will use the money wisely and then give it.
Why is the wisest response best?
Scenario D: The Suspicious Participant
A participant says, “Everyone is watching me. The pastor wants me gone. My sponsor is trying to ruin me.”
☐ Argue with him until he admits he is wrong.
☐ Tell him he is paranoid and needs to stop talking.
☐ Stay calm, ask what happened, avoid confirming unsupported claims, and involve appropriate help if safety or mental health concerns appear.
☐ Publicly announce to the group that no one is against him.
Why is the wisest response best?
Part 6: Public Sensitivity and Christian Clarity
Addiction Recovery Chaplains often serve in mixed settings. Write a response for each moment.
1. A community recovery meeting uses “Higher Power” language. Someone asks you, “Do Christians believe in a Higher Power?”
Your response:
2. A person says, “I do not want prayer. Church people always judged me.”
Your response:
3. A person asks, “Can you pray for me, but not in front of everyone?”
Your response:
4. A person from another religion asks for a ritual from their tradition.
Your response:
5. A man with early sobriety wants to share his full testimony in Sunday worship immediately.
Your response:
Part 7: Local Ministry Application
Think about the recovery parish where you may serve: a church recovery group, recovery home, Soul Center, jail-to-community setting, community ministry, family support ministry, or local outreach setting.
1. What kind of recovery setting are you most likely to serve?
2. Who provides oversight in that setting?
☐ Pastor
☐ Elders
☐ Recovery group leader
☐ Sponsor network
☐ Recovery home director
☐ Treatment provider
☐ Community agency
☐ Soul Center leader
☐ Other: ______________________________________
3. What are three boundaries you must understand before serving?
4. Who should you contact if a difficult recovery pattern becomes unsafe or divisive?
5. What local referral resources should you know before serving?
☐ Emergency services
☐ Crisis line
☐ Detox or treatment referral pathway
☐ Pastoral oversight
☐ Licensed counselor
☐ Recovery group leader
☐ Sponsor network
☐ Domestic violence support
☐ Suicide prevention support
☐ Other: ______________________________________
Part 8: Calling and Readiness Reflection
Complete the following statements.
When recovery relationships become complicated, I need to remember that my role is:
One boundary I need to practice more clearly is:
One phrase I can use when I feel pressured is:
One way I can protect dignity without enabling is:
One person or leadership structure I should stay accountable to is:
One prayer I have for people facing difficult recovery patterns is:
Part 9: Prayer and Commitment
Read the statements below. Check the commitments you are willing to make.
☐ I will serve people in recovery as image-bearers, not as labels.
☐ I will notice difficult patterns without diagnosing people.
☐ I will practice prayer by permission and Scripture with consent.
☐ I will not become a substitute sponsor, therapist, treatment provider, or rescuer.
☐ I will avoid private complaint networks and gossip.
☐ I will not promise secrecy when safety is at risk.
☐ I will involve proper oversight when group trust, safety, or recovery integrity is affected.
☐ I will protect dignity while encouraging honesty and accountability.
☐ I will remain clearly Christian without using spiritual pressure.
☐ I will pursue calm, firm, kind, non-anxious ministry presence.
Closing Formation Prayer
Lord Jesus,
make me a steady servant in complicated places. Give me compassion without naïveté, courage without harshness, and wisdom without pride. Help me notice difficult patterns without labeling people unfairly. Teach me to protect dignity, honor boundaries, support recovery accountability, and seek help when matters exceed my role.
Keep me from rescuing, controlling, enabling, or becoming the center of someone’s recovery. Help me offer prayer with permission, Scripture with care, and hope without pressure. Make me faithful to You, accountable to wise leadership, and useful to people walking the hard road of recovery.
Amen.