📝 Worksheet 6.4: Missing Models and the Fear of New Beginnings

Purpose of This Worksheet

This worksheet helps you identify missing models that may affect confidence, calling, leadership, relationships, ministry, education, spiritual formation, and new beginnings.

A ministry genogram is a formation map, not a prison or a diagnosis. It helps people notice what was passed down, what was missing, what was formed, what Christ may be redeeming, and what faithful next step may now be possible. The master template for this course specifically names missing models as an important part of helping people discern family patterns, healing pathways, calling, and image-bearing purpose.

The goal is not to shame the family story. The goal is to help people see where they may need new models, mentoring, training, practice, prayer, and courage in Christ.

Part 1: Key Concept Review

Complete the following sentences.

1. A missing model is something a person did not see __________________________ in their family formation.

2. A missing model can create a confidence __________________________.

3. Hesitation is not always laziness. Sometimes hesitation is the fear of beginning without a __________________________.

4. A missing model is not the same as a missing __________________________.

5. First-generation courage is the courage to begin a faithful pattern that was not __________________________ in the family line.

6. Holy risk is different from performance __________________________.

7. A faithful next step should be small enough to begin and meaningful enough to __________________________.

8. The church can become a redemptive family where people receive new __________________________.

Part 2: Personal Discernment

Use this section privately. Do not share personal family details publicly unless you choose to do so in an appropriate, safe, and consent-based setting.

A. Missing Models I Can Recognize

Place a check beside any model that may have been missing, weak, inconsistent, or confusing in your family story.

☐ Prayer practiced with peace
☐ Scripture taught with grace
☐ Healthy spiritual leadership
☐ Apology and repair after conflict
☐ Calm parenting
☐ Healthy marriage
☐ Emotional honesty
☐ Wise boundaries
☐ Rest without guilt
☐ Financial stewardship
☐ Education and lifelong learning
☐ Ministry calling
☐ Entrepreneurship or starting something new
☐ Healthy leadership
☐ Asking for help
☐ Receiving correction without shame
☐ Hospitality with boundaries
☐ Peacemaking instead of avoidance
☐ Speaking truth without harshness
☐ Other: __________________________

Choose one checked item.

Missing model noticed: _______________________________________

How this may affect confidence or calling:

What I may need now:
☐ Mentor
☐ Training
☐ Practice
☐ Accountability
☐ Prayer support
☐ Church community
☐ Pastoral guidance
☐ Counseling or professional support
☐ A smaller first step
☐ Time to grieve
☐ Other: __________________________

B. Family Strengths That Can Support a New Beginning

Even when a specific model was missing, other strengths may have been present.

Place a check beside any strengths you did receive or observe.

☐ Hard work
☐ Loyalty
☐ Care for children
☐ Courage
☐ Resilience
☐ Hospitality
☐ Humor
☐ Practical skill
☐ Service
☐ Generosity
☐ Responsibility
☐ Faithfulness
☐ Survival under pressure
☐ Love for family
☐ Creativity
☐ Problem-solving
☐ Respect for God
☐ Other: __________________________

Choose one strength that could help you begin something new.

Strength noticed: ____________________________________________

How Christ may use this strength in a new area:

Part 3: Genogram Conversation Practice

Imagine someone says:

“No one in my family ever did this. I feel like I am pretending.”

Write a wise, permission-based response.

My response:

Now imagine the person says:

“I keep delaying. Maybe that means I am not called.”

Write a response that does not shame hesitation and does not declare their calling with false certainty.

My response:

Now imagine the person says:

“If I become different, my family will think I am judging them.”

Write a response that distinguishes calling from contempt.

My response:

Part 4: Practice Phrases

Rewrite each poor response into a wiser ministry phrase.

1. Poor response:

“Just have more faith and start.”

Wiser response:

2. Poor response:

“You are the one who will change your whole family line.”

Wiser response:

3. Poor response:

“If you were really called, you would not be so afraid.”

Wiser response:

4. Poor response:

“Stop using your family as an excuse.”

Wiser response:

5. Poor response:

“You need to prove that your family story does not define you.”

Wiser response:

6. Poor response:

“You should lead right away so you do not lose momentum.”

Wiser response:

Part 5: Boundary Check Scenarios

For each scenario, choose the wisest response.

Scenario 1: Hesitation Before Leadership

A student wants to lead a Bible study but says, “No one in my family ever led spiritually. I feel fake.”

What is the wisest response?

☐ A. Tell the student that fear means they need to start immediately so courage can grow.
☐ B. Help the student name the missing model, seek a mentor, and choose one faithful first step.
☐ C. Explain that spiritual leadership is mostly learned by trying, so preparation is less important.
☐ D. Tell the student that if God called them, they should not need outside encouragement.

Why?

Scenario 2: Fear of Betraying the Family

A person says, “If I build a healthier marriage than my parents had, it feels like I am saying they failed.”

What is the wisest response?

☐ A. “Your parents did fail, so you need to make sure your marriage is different.”
☐ B. “Choosing a new faithful pattern does not require contempt for your family.”
☐ C. “Do not think about your parents’ marriage anymore; focus only on your own.”
☐ D. “Every marriage is different, so your family story probably does not matter much.”

Why?

Scenario 3: Performance Pressure

A ministry mentor says to a student, “You are the one God will use to fix your whole family story.”

What is wrong with this statement?

☐ A. It may create performance pressure and place too much burden on the student.
☐ B. It is too cautious and does not inspire enough confidence in the student.
☐ C. It fails to identify which family members are responsible for the missing models.
☐ D. It avoids challenging the student to become a stronger public leader quickly.

Why?

Scenario 4: Lack of Model or Lack of Capacity?

A student says, “No one in my family ever studied seriously. I do not think I can finish this course.”

What is the wisest response?

☐ A. “A missing study model does not mean you lack capacity. Let’s think about support and one steady step.”
☐ B. “You probably need to stop thinking about your family and just discipline yourself.”
☐ C. “If studying was not modeled, then this may not be the right season for education.”
☐ D. “You should compare yourself to stronger students so you can become more motivated.”

Why?

Scenario 5: When Referral May Be Needed

A person freezes whenever they try to pray aloud because prayer was used to shame and control them in childhood.

What should the ministry leader consider?

☐ A. This may require gentle pacing, consent-based care, and possibly referral or experienced pastoral support.
☐ B. The person should be asked to pray aloud immediately so the fear loses power.
☐ C. The person should avoid prayer until all painful memories have been fully resolved.
☐ D. The leader should explain that prayer is good, so childhood misuse should not matter now.

Why?

Part 6: Field Handbook Tool

Missing Models and New Beginnings Guide

Use this tool only in appropriate ministry conversations after permission has been given.

Opening Permission Script

“Would it be helpful to notice not only what was passed down in your family story, but also what may have been missing—especially models that affect confidence, calling, relationships, or new beginnings?”

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ Not now
☐ Maybe later

Step 1: Name the Missing Model

What is one model you wish you had seen?

Where was this model missing, weak, confusing, or unsafe?

How does this affect you now?

Step 2: Separate Lack of Model from Lack of Capacity

Complete this sentence:

“Just because I did not see __________________________ modeled does not mean Christ cannot form __________________________ in me.”

Step 3: Notice Existing Strengths

What strengths did you receive that could support this new beginning?

☐ Hard work
☐ Loyalty
☐ Courage
☐ Resilience
☐ Hospitality
☐ Faithfulness
☐ Care for others
☐ Practical wisdom
☐ Creativity
☐ Prayer
☐ Service
☐ Responsibility
☐ Other: __________________________

How might one of these strengths help?

Step 4: Identify Needed Support

What kind of support would make this new beginning wise rather than rushed?

☐ Mentor
☐ Training
☐ Practice
☐ Observation
☐ Co-leading
☐ Accountability
☐ Counseling or professional support
☐ Pastoral oversight
☐ Prayer partner
☐ Small group
☐ CLI course
☐ Soul Center guidance
☐ Other: __________________________

Who could provide support?

Step 5: Choose One Faithful Next Step

A faithful next step should be:

☐ Small enough to begin
☐ Meaningful enough to matter
☐ Wise enough to be sustainable
☐ Supported enough to reduce isolation
☐ Humble enough to avoid performance pressure
☐ Clear enough to practice this week or this month

My faithful next step:

Step 6: Check for Pressure

Am I feeling holy risk or performance pressure?

Signs of Holy Risk

☐ I am praying and seeking wise counsel.
☐ I am taking one faithful step.
☐ I am willing to learn slowly.
☐ I am receiving support.
☐ I am not trying to prove my worth.
☐ I am trusting Christ with the outcome.

Signs of Performance Pressure

☐ I feel I must prove I am different from my family.
☐ I feel responsible to fix the whole family story.
☐ I am afraid to fail because others are watching.
☐ I feel driven by shame more than faithfulness.
☐ I am trying to become impressive.
☐ I am ignoring wise timing, support, or boundaries.

If performance pressure is present, what adjustment is needed?

Part 7: Local Ministry Application

Choose one ministry setting where missing-model conversations may arise.

☐ Soul Center
☐ Ministry coaching
☐ Chaplaincy
☐ Pastoral care
☐ Small group ministry
☐ Marriage ministry
☐ Premarital mentoring
☐ Family ministry
☐ Recovery ministry
☐ Anger reset ministry
☐ Leadership development
☐ Discipleship mentoring
☐ Online ministry conversation
☐ Christian education
☐ Other: __________________________

Answer the following questions.

1. What kind of missing models might people name in this setting?

2. What would be helpful for the ministry leader to ask?

3. What would become intrusive or pressuring?

4. What privacy concerns should be protected?

5. What mentors, training, or supports could be available?

6. When would referral, pastoral oversight, or professional support be needed?

Part 8: Calling and Readiness Reflection

Complete these sentences.

1. One missing model I have noticed is:

2. One way this may have affected my confidence is:

3. One strength I did receive is:

4. One new model I may need is:

5. One mentor, leader, course, or community that could help me is:

6. One fear I need to name honestly is:

7. One way I can avoid performance pressure is:

8. One faithful next step I can take is:

Part 9: Prayer and Commitment

Use this prayer as a guide. You may personalize it.

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for seeing my whole story.
You know what was passed down, and you know what was missing.
You know the models I received and the models I never saw.
Help me grieve what was absent without despising my family story.
Help me receive the strengths that were present.
Teach me the difference between holy risk and performance pressure.
Give me mentors, training, wisdom, and courage.
Form in me what my family did not know how to model.
Help me take one faithful next step with humility and hope.
Keep me from pride, shame, fear, and self-proving.
Make me a blessing-builder in Christ.
Amen.

Closing Formation Prayer

Lord, make me a steady Christian leader. When I listen to people who are afraid to begin, keep me from shaming their hesitation or flattering them into pressure. Teach me to ask wise questions, honor missing models, notice family strengths, and help people seek support. Let every new beginning be shaped by humility, prayer, mentoring, practice, and Christ-centered hope. Amen.