Speaking Biblical Marriage with Truth and Gentleness

Henry Reyenga

So we're back today. We're going to talk about speaking biblical marriage with truth and gentleness.

I say that because we live in such a diverse place, and as an Advanced Wedding Officiant, especially if you interact with a lot of people in various places, it matters that you know your, I'll call it for purposes of training, your Christian brand. It matters that you know how to communicate it people-smart, how to communicate it in a way that does not become unnecessarily offensive to the person talking to you or to family members, and that it's clear what you are and what you are not.

So we're going to talk about how to speak with gentleness and truth about your calling as a Christian Wedding Officiant.

Over the years, I have been asked to do weddings that, as a Christian Wedding Officiant, I am not going to perform. That doesn't mean I don't talk to people or have conversations with them. It just means that I am not in a position to do that wedding or perform that ceremony.

Now, I could be in a position, if they want to talk about the Christian view of marriage and have a discussion about it, to do that. I can pray for them. I can bless them. In many cases, I may even refer them to somebody I know, especially if you're a chaplain. You may refer someone to a person who aligns more closely with their understanding or spiritual perspective.

So the question today is: What do you say?

In general, this is something to carefully consider.

Somebody comes up to you and says, "Hey, I heard you're a wedding officiant."

You say, "Yes, I'm a wedding officiant."

And I'm going to read these carefully written words:

"Yes, I serve as a Christian Wedding Officiant or minister. That means I officiate weddings according to the biblical and historic Christian understanding of marriage as a covenant between one man and one woman before God."

Now that's clear. It's respectful. It tells the couple what kind of ceremony the officiant or minister can perform.

Some couples will welcome this, and some couples will need even more clarification.

Some may want a spiritual ceremony without Christian covenant language.

Some may want Scripture removed.

Some may want vows rewritten as temporary promises.

Some may want the minister to avoid saying "husband and wife."

Some may ask for a ceremony outside the minister's Christian scope.

In those moments, the minister should slow down and respond with calmness.

Maybe a helpful phrase would be:

"Thank you for sharing what you're hoping for. I want to be honest and respectful. My role as a Christian Wedding Officiant or minister has a specific biblical shape, and I need to make sure that I can serve this ceremony with integrity."

Now the conversation is out there.

What this does is protect the minister from agreeing to something they cannot faithfully perform.

Truth and gentleness are especially important for chaplains and church staff ministers.

A chaplain may serve in a pluralistic institution. The chaplain can provide compassion and spiritual care to many people, but officiating a wedding is a specific religious act.

The chaplain may need to consult institutional policy and supervisor expectations while remaining honest about his or her conscience.

A church staff member must represent the church's teaching faithfully.

They should not speak beyond their authority, but neither should they create confusion.

Life Coach Ministers need clarity as well.

They may coach people respectfully while distinguishing between coaching support and their wedding officiant ministry.

The goal is not to be offensive.

The goal is to be faithful.

Now, I read this to be really clear.

You're people-smart, but you're also clear.

We are not here to be part of any political agenda.

We are not here to be part of a theological agenda.

We are here to state who we are in relationship to someone asking us to officiate their wedding.

This is really important because often this is where ministry occurs.

One of the chaplaincies that I participate in, in an informal way, is country club chaplaincy.

Yes, and this is part of my ministry now.

It's clear that I'm a Christian officiant, and already I have performed weddings.

What's neat about it is that in this context, when I define who I am, I have had the opportunity to lead people to Jesus Christ because they're curious about what that means.

Being respectful matters.

If my first response is:

"You know, I don't really know if you're wanting me. I'm a Christian Wedding Officiant. I know you guys don't even go to church. Do you really want a Christian wedding? I know you're from the university. Let's not even talk about it. Go find a wedding officiant who has a more pluralistic view."

I could have that attitude.

Or I can say respectfully:

"I'm a Christian Wedding Officiant, and if you're interested in knowing what a Christian Wedding Officiant teaches and proclaims, let's have another conversation."

And you know what happens?

God uses conversations.

Again, I see how God uses conversations for incredible and powerful opportunities for ministry and transformation.