Spiritual Assessment Before a Yes to a Wedding Request

Henry Reyenga

Today, for chaplains, if that is your calling, we're going to talk about spiritual assessment before a yes to a wedding request.

I mentioned in the last session how complicated this can be.

Here's why it's often complicated in institutional settings: the feeling of urgency comes right to the forefront.

Urgency.

"We have to do this now."

"We need this done before so-and-so passes away."

"We're in love, and we want to make this moment special now."

The chaplain in an institution has to assess several things.

First of all, they have to assess whether the husband and wife, the bride and groom, are fully able to consent to this.

I would say this is the first and most important thing before you even talk to the institution about whether or not this can happen.

It's getting that consent.

Now, how do you ascertain consent?

Let's talk about that.

We mentioned it in other presentations, but let's talk about the philosophy of consent.

First of all, you have to be convinced that there is interest in each other, true covenantal interest, or at least that you can notice it.

Maybe it's not perfectly clear, but is it at least there?

So you have covenantal interest.

Next, you look for their intentionality.

Is this what their wanter wants?

Both of them.

And is that wanter able to say that the wanter wants this?

For instance, sometimes in institutional settings there are factors that are so present and so urgent that it looks like this is the best idea, but the intention still isn't there.

Third, there has to be a capacity for consent.

When they say, "I do," they have to say, "I do" as an organic male or female who is in touch with their person, their desire, and consent, and can say yes faithfully.

And fourth, is this action about to happen within the guidelines, the context, and the further conversation about someone's role in their family, in the institution, and so forth?

A chaplain navigates these various things when asked to perform a wedding in an institution.

These are factors.

Now, you don't want to be a "no" chaplain in an institution.

You want to be a chaplain who serves faithfully, and performing weddings can be a faithful service.

However, you also want to discern and slow things down just a little bit, or maybe even a lot.

This is where chaplains must be in the community of the other caregivers, and in many places, family, to really, in a sense, be very intentional.

Get to the bottom of something before it becomes this end-around activity that ultimately brings a lot of despair to family members and to those getting married themselves.

So these are the types of questions.

As a chaplain, you are drilling down into the agency of whether someone has the ability to say yes.

You'll have situations where someone wants to get married, but in that setting, the person is not really able to say, "I want this," or is not able to understand the complications of something like this.

Again, if you are a chaplain, whether volunteer, part-time, or full-time, these are issues to research even more beyond this course.

This consent issue is a vitally important issue for a chaplain's medical ministry.