Chaplain Boundaries: Presence, Policy, Conscience, and Referral

Henry Reyenga

Okay, today we're going to talk about chaplain boundaries: presence, policy, conscience, and referral.

These are the four key boundary guardrails that a chaplain, in really any context, can use to thrive in a marriage or wedding officiant situation.

These guidelines, these guardrails, are vitally important.

The first is presence.

Never forget that you are a consent-based presence-of-God agent in your chaplaincy.

You bring, first of all, your own presence—listening, caring, and offering consent-based spiritual care.

You also walk into the room, I believe, with the incarnational presence of Jesus Christ—Christ in you, the hope of glory.

So that's number one.

You don't need to strive or do anything beyond that truth.

You are the gospel message.

I remember what Tom Walcott, our chief chaplain trainer, talks about: that you bring in the presence of Christ.

It's a sincere walk, and that walk impacts even the question of whether or not you are going to perform a wedding ceremony.

So that's the first thing.

The next thing is policy.

As a chaplain, you serve with the permission of the organization with which you have covenanted to be their chaplain.

Their policies matter.

Never say yes to officiating a wedding when the policies of the organization go one way and you decide to go another.

Don't go rogue.

You are serving in a context, and that context is vitally important for your ministry as a chaplain.

The next is conscience.

You are a Christian chaplain.

It is okay to say no to requests based upon conscience and conscience alone.

You may say to someone:

"Look, as a Christian chaplain, my role is to serve those who enter into the Christian understanding of marriage and covenant with sound mind, willingness, and the ability to consent to this."

If that is violated, or if your conscience is violated, it is okay to say:

"You know, I am just not comfortable with this."

A chaplain might say:

"As your chaplain, I want to continue offering spiritual care, compassion, and respect. Officiating a wedding is a specific religious act to me, and I need to be honest about the limits of what I can personally perform. I will also follow the policies of the institution and consult the appropriate supervisor if needed. In this particular case, I have to discern whether or not my conscience is aligned with performing this wedding."

And that's okay.

The last is referral.

One thing about a chaplain's context is that it is often a place of referral.

Military chaplaincy has really set a pattern for all chaplaincy, and in the ministry-science study of military chaplaincy, referral is one of the pillars of being a military chaplain.

The military includes a whole diversity of spiritual beliefs.

When someone has a spiritual belief different from yours, it is totally appropriate to refer them when asked, especially if the request does not fit the guidelines, your conscience, institutional policies, or other concerns.

It is wonderful, in a sense, to refer that request elsewhere and say:

"You know what, I'm not really in a position to officiate this wedding here. However, I can refer you to..."

You may refer someone to another person on the institutional staff.

You may refer someone to a leader in the organization.

It's fine not to say yes to every request.

You should only say yes to those requests that fit your context for being a chaplain within that specific setting or parish.