When Coaching Must Stop and Referral Must Begin

Henry Reyenga

So today we're going to talk about when coaching must stop and referral must begin.

As a Life Coach Minister, when you are asked to perform a ceremony, it will often come out of a coaching relationship anyway.

You're coaching someone. Maybe you were a referral. Someone said, "Hey, I know a great Life Coach Minister. He or she would really be a blessing to you."

So now you're coaching, and maybe you're doing premarital counseling, but there's a connection.

Then you're asked, as a Life Coach Minister, to officiate the wedding.

So you're wondering, okay, where does that go now?

The same thing applies here. There is still that intake interview, the conversation about the wedding, and even at that point you might already know them.

But all of a sudden, if you find a red flag, it becomes very important to know when coaching ends and becoming the wedding officiant begins, and when certain issues create red flags that require referral.

One thing about ministers is that we're into conversations.

We're into pastoral care conversations.

We're into conversations about spirituality, the Bible, and how God changes a human heart.

We're into conversations about transformation and family systems from a ministry perspective.

But there are times when you must realize that even though you are seeking to be non-directive or semi-directive and pointing people in a direction, sometimes you encounter things that you must not carry.

What are some of those things?

Coaching is not legal counsel.

Coaching is not addiction treatment.

Coaching is not crisis care.

A faithful Life Coach Minister must know the difference between a couple that needs guidance and a couple that needs referral.

This is exceptionally important in marriage preparation because engaged couples may hide serious issues until wedding pressures expose them.

A bride may quietly reveal that the groom checks her phone, controls her money, and says she is rebellious whenever she disagrees.

A groom may admit that he is not sober but believes marriage will fix him.

A couple may be facing serious sexual betrayal, unresolved divorce issues, custody conflicts, or financial deception.

One person may be frightened to speak honestly.

Another may use Scripture language to control the other.

In those moments, the Life Coach Minister must not simply say, "Let's just work on communication."

Some problems are not communication problems.

They are safety problems.

They are coercion problems.

They are addiction problems.

They are legal problems.

They are trauma problems.

They are pastoral care problems that go beyond the coaching role.

Coaching can continue when the couple is safe, willing, honest, and healthy enough to participate and work on growth issues that coaching can address.

But do not deceive yourself.

There are situations where people need more support from the broader community.

Now let's talk about Western nations and developing nations.

Sometimes this becomes difficult because in developed nations there is often a network of counselors and support systems available.

In developing nations, you may be much closer to the people you serve and may be one of the primary sources of support they have.

In those situations, the church and the community become even more important.

Even so, you must avoid carrying more than you should.

In developed nations, it is important to find a support network and referral system.

A volunteer ordained Life Coach Minister and wedding officiant can be very effective, but we must stay in our lane.

There are times when you say:

"Yes, I'm a minister."

"Yes, I'm a coach."

"But this situation is beyond my role."

Wisdom is knowing the difference.

Remember, as an ordained wedding officiant, even as a Life Coach Minister, you are not the savior of the world.

Now, what can happen?

You can maintain the relationship.

You can refer the couple to additional resources.

You can introduce them to people in your community who can help with larger issues such as addiction, abuse, or depression at a level beyond your lane.

So stay in your lane most of the time.

Again, as I've said before, most of the time this will not be a problem.

But understand your limitations.

Life Coach Ministry is precious and powerful.

If you have a teachable heart and spirit, many things can happen through the power of the Holy Spirit.

If nothing else, pray.

Pray for wisdom to know when you should refer.

Pray for wisdom to know when something is within your lane.

Pray for the Holy Spirit to continue bringing transformation into people's lives.