Chaplains and Life Coach Ministers in Remarriage Conversations

Henry Reyenga

So, if you're a chaplain or a life coach minister, you may be of special encouragement to those who are becoming remarried.

In remarriage conversations, chaplains and life coaches often notice things that are deeper than what a ceremony-focused officiant might recognize.

A chaplain may notice grief, maybe in a widow situation or even in the ending of a previous marriage. There are stages of grief, spiritual distress, family pressure, capacity concerns, institutional rules, and crisis timing that may all be factors.

A life coach minister may notice unclear goals, unhealthy communication patterns, unresolved expectations, financial confusion, and blended family stress.

Both roles can serve the couple well.

For instance, in hospice remarriage requests, the chaplain may need to ask:

• Is this a spiritual request, a legal request, a family request, or all three?

• Does the person have the capacity to consent?

• Is there family pressure?

• What does the institutional policy require?

• Have civil marriage requirements been verified?

• Should a supervisor, social worker, nurse, pastor, or legal professional be involved?

The chaplain does not make legal decisions about capacity or inheritance, but the chaplain must know when a situation is too serious to simply move forward.

Again, in these remarriage situations, similar to first marriages, we're applying the same principles now to a remarriage situation.

In a remarriage situation, if the previous spouse is still living, it can be even more complicated. But as a chaplain, you can notice these patterns.

As a life coach minister, you may see that the goals are so unclear that there are serious red flags.

Always remember that as you are serving in these remarriage conversations, confidentiality is essential.

I have seen the temptation to somehow blur the lines of confidentiality more in remarriage situations, and it just seems to create an environment where problems develop.

If you are not careful, you can speak a word you should not say and get caught up in a struggle you should not get caught up in.

So, just as when a couple remarries and you're checking their motivations, helping them become clear of the past, and helping them develop new relationship patterns, even as a coach or a chaplain, you're going to see these situations a little differently.

But stay in your lane.