Video Transcript: Convictional Without Being Combative

Henry Reyenga

Yeah, so now we're going to shift gears to another issue that often comes up, especially in Western nations and developed nations: the same-sex marriage issue relative to a Christian wedding officiant who does not perform same-sex weddings.

How do you navigate through this conflict of worldviews?

Because really, what this is, is a philosophical worldview conflict. People may hold a different philosophy regarding organic male and female identity and the creational design of marriage between one man and one woman. There is a philosophical conflict that can occur, and that conflict comes to a wedding officiant who believes in the philosophy of Christian covenantal marriage.

Then someone comes with a different philosophy, and many people feel offended if we will not marry them because they often feel judged. They feel that they are being judged when they want to get married. Why won't you marry them?

But the reality is, if you're a Christian wedding officiant, there is a biblical worldview and a biblical teaching that guides and leads how you understand marriage.

So what do we do?

In advanced wedding ministry, there will be moments when conviction and compassion meet, even in the same conversation.

A Christian wedding officiant is not merely performing a public service. A Christian wedding officiant is leading a religious ceremony shaped by Scripture, Christian conscience, and the historic Christian understanding of marriage.

This course teaches marriage as a covenant union of one man and one woman before God. The bride comes as an organic female image-bearer. The groom comes as an organic male image-bearer. Together, they enter a covenant of lifelong relationship as husband and wife under Christ.

But holding that conviction does not give the minister permission to be careless, harsh, dismissive, or combative with people who disagree about the view of marriage.

A faithful minister must learn how to be clear without becoming cruel.

This matters especially when someone asks for a ceremony outside your Christian ministry scope. That may include a same-sex marriage request, a ceremony that removes the Christian meaning of marriage, or a situation where the couple wants spiritual language without Christian covenant accountability.

The first mistake is to panic.

The second is to argue.

The third mistake is to hide your conviction until the last possible moment.

None of these serve the couple well. None of these serve the ministry well.

A more helpful approach is to be calm, honest, and respectful.

You might say something like:

“Thank you for trusting me with an important request. I want to respond respectfully. My wedding ministry is shaped by the historic Christian understanding of marriage as a covenant between one man and one woman before God. Because of that, I am not able to officiate this ceremony.”

Notice what that statement does.

It gives thanks.

It answers clearly.

It does not insult.

It does not attack.

It does not pretend that the issue is merely personal preference.

It identifies the boundary as a Christian ministry conviction.

Now, if you're a one-time wedding officiant, this means you should clarify your ministry conviction before you agree to officiate. Even if it's the only wedding you'll ever lead, you need to know what kind of ceremony you can perform with integrity.

For ordained wedding officiants, or wedding officiants who do this as their ministry, this means your public communication should always be clear. Your website profile, your couple intake form, or the first meeting should explain that you officiate Christian weddings according to the historic biblical understanding.

For church staff ministers, this means you must honor your church's marriage policy. Do not speak for the church unless you are authorized. Do not improvise a personal answer that creates confusion for the senior pastor, board, or congregation.

For the chaplain, this may be more complex. Chaplains often serve people who do not share their beliefs. They must provide spiritual care with dignity, but officiating a wedding is a specific religious act. A chaplain may continue care while honestly declining to perform a ceremony outside their conscience or ministry scope.

For the life coach minister, the coaching role may continue even if the wedding officiant role cannot. You may still want to encourage someone and lead them to the Word of God while respectfully communicating that you cannot officiate the ceremony.

Being convictional without being combative requires spiritual maturity.

The goal is not to win the argument.

The goal is to witness faithfully.

The wedding minister serves under Christ with truth and grace together.

You know, so much of this is how you love those who come to ask you. Even if you decline, if they feel cared for and loved, if they feel that you respect them though you disagree, if you pray for them and honestly have positive regard for them, that is a powerful witness.

I believe, and I have observed, that ordinarily this does not create an offense when handled respectfully.

You stay true to who you are.