📝 Worksheet 7.5: Premarital Coaching Scope, Goals, and Referral Discernment Worksheet

This worksheet supports Topic 7 by helping Life Coach Ministers prepare couples for marriage through role clarity, goal-based coaching, covenant readiness questions, communication planning, and referral awareness. It fits the course’s larger goal of training wedding officiants, chaplains, church staff ministers, and Life Coach Ministers to know when to officiate, when to provide spiritual care, when to coach, when to slow down, and when to refer.

Worksheet Purpose

A Life Coach Minister can be a meaningful guide for a bride and groom preparing for marriage.

But coaching is not therapy.

Coaching is not legal advice.

Coaching is not crisis intervention.

Coaching is not a substitute for pastoral care when deeper spiritual shepherding is needed.

This worksheet helps you prepare a coaching-informed premarital conversation while staying within your role.

Use it to help the bride and groom clarify:

Their marriage goals
Their covenant expectations
Their communication patterns
Their spiritual habits
Their family pressures
Their conflict responses
Their next faithful steps
Their need for referral when issues exceed coaching scope

Part 1: Couple and Coaching Context

Bride’s name

Groom’s name

Wedding date, if known

Who requested coaching?

☐ Bride
☐ Groom
☐ Both
☐ Wedding officiant
☐ Pastor
☐ Family member
☐ Church staff minister
☐ Chaplain
☐ Other: ______________________________________

What are they asking for?

☐ Premarital coaching
☐ Communication help
☐ Conflict preparation
☐ Family boundary planning
☐ Spiritual habit formation
☐ Marriage-growth planning
☐ Remarriage preparation
☐ Blended family preparation
☐ Wedding ceremony preparation
☐ Other: ______________________________________

In one sentence, what is the couple hoping coaching will help them do?

Part 2: Coaching Scope Statement

Before beginning, clarify what coaching is and is not.

Suggested language:

“As a Life Coach Minister, I can help you clarify goals, values, communication habits, spiritual practices, family expectations, and next steps for marriage growth. Coaching is not therapy, legal advice, crisis intervention, or licensed counseling. If something arises beyond my role, I will help identify an appropriate referral or next step.”

My coaching scope statement:

Did I explain clearly that coaching is not:

☐ Therapy
☐ Licensed counseling
☐ Legal advice
☐ Crisis intervention
☐ Abuse response specialization
☐ Medical care
☐ Financial advising
☐ Custody mediation
☐ A substitute for pastoral care
☐ A guarantee that the wedding should proceed

Part 3: Covenant Readiness Questions

Ask the bride and groom questions that invite clarity rather than control.

What kind of marriage are you preparing to build after the ceremony?

Bride’s response:

Groom’s response:

What does covenant faithfulness mean to you?

Bride’s response:

Groom’s response:

What habits do you want to bring into your marriage?

What patterns do you want to leave behind?

Where do you need repentance, forgiveness, or wise help before marriage?

What does the groom believe God is calling him to practice as a future husband?

What does the bride believe God is calling her to practice as a future wife?

Part 4: Organic Humans Reflection

The bride and groom are embodied souls before God.

They are not merely personalities, planners, or romantic partners.

They bring their bodies, human spirits, family histories, desires, fears, wounds, habits, sexuality, faith, and hopes into covenant life.

The bride comes as an organic female image-bearer before God.

The groom comes as an organic male image-bearer before God.

Christian marriage honors both as whole persons and calls both to Christlike formation.

What whole-person realities are present in this couple’s preparation?

☐ Spiritual habits
☐ Emotional maturity
☐ Family history
☐ Body and sexuality expectations
☐ Conflict patterns
☐ Financial habits
☐ Fear or anxiety
☐ Desire for control
☐ Shame or secrecy
☐ Church connection
☐ Parenting or future parenting expectations
☐ Past wounds
☐ Remarriage or blended family concerns
☐ Other: ______________________________________

What should I notice without assuming too quickly?

How can I honor the bride as an organic female image-bearer without stereotyping her?

How can I honor the groom as an organic male image-bearer without excusing domination or passivity?

Part 5: Communication Goals

How does the couple currently handle disagreement?

☐ They listen calmly
☐ One withdraws
☐ One dominates
☐ Both escalate quickly
☐ They avoid hard topics
☐ They use sarcasm or contempt
☐ They pray together before hard conversations
☐ They involve family too quickly
☐ They keep secrets
☐ Unsure

What communication habit needs attention before marriage?

What is one communication goal for the next two weeks?

What phrase can the couple practice when conflict begins?

Suggested examples:

“I want to understand before I respond.”
“Can we slow this conversation down?”
“I am feeling defensive, but I want to stay connected.”
“Let’s pray before we continue.”

The couple’s practice phrase:

Part 6: Family Expectations and Boundaries

Weddings often reveal family systems.

Marriage preparation should help the bride and groom think clearly about family expectations before the ceremony.

What family pressures are affecting this couple?

☐ Divorced parents
☐ Remarriage history
☐ Blended family concerns
☐ Controlling parent
☐ Financial pressure
☐ Religious disagreement
☐ Cultural expectations
☐ Guest list conflict
☐ Former spouse involvement
☐ Child custody schedule
☐ Holiday expectations
☐ Family secrecy
☐ Other: ______________________________________

What boundary conversation does the couple need to have?

What family expectation needs to be clarified before the wedding?

What is one action step the couple will take?

Part 7: Spiritual Habits and Marriage Growth Plan

What spiritual habits does the couple currently practice?

☐ Prayer together
☐ Scripture reading
☐ Church attendance
☐ Worship
☐ Confession and forgiveness
☐ Serving together
☐ Mentoring relationship
☐ Christian Marriage Growth course
☐ None yet
☐ Other: ______________________________________

What spiritual habit would strengthen their covenant preparation?

What marriage-growth resource should be recommended?

☐ Christian Marriage Growth
☐ Romance Officiant ministry support
☐ Pastoral mentoring
☐ Marriage mentor couple
☐ Church small group
☐ Licensed counseling
☐ Chaplaincy support
☐ Other: ______________________________________

The couple’s next spiritual growth step:

Part 8: Coaching Action Plan

A coaching conversation should produce next steps.

Goal 1

Action step:

Who is responsible?

Completion date:

Goal 2

Action step:

Who is responsible?

Completion date:

Goal 3

Action step:

Who is responsible?

Completion date:

Part 9: Red Flags Beyond Coaching Scope

Coaching must stop and referral must begin when the issue exceeds the role.

Check any concern that appears present:

☐ Abuse
☐ Threats
☐ Coercive control
☐ Domestic violence
☐ Serious addiction
☐ Severe trauma
☐ Mental-health crisis
☐ Self-harm concern
☐ Harm-to-others concern
☐ Child safety concern
☐ Elder abuse concern
☐ Sexual coercion
☐ Financial exploitation
☐ Legal conflict
☐ Custody dispute
☐ Immigration-related legal issue
☐ Serious spiritual manipulation
☐ Fear of speaking freely
☐ One person controls the other’s phone, money, movements, or relationships
☐ One person pressures the other using Scripture or spiritual authority
☐ Other: ______________________________________

What did I observe or hear?

What referral or consultation is needed?

☐ Pastor or elder
☐ Church leadership
☐ Licensed counselor
☐ Abuse specialist or safety resource
☐ Chaplaincy supervisor
☐ Medical professional
☐ Attorney or civil authority
☐ Social worker
☐ Crisis hotline or emergency support
☐ Experienced wedding officiant mentor
☐ Other: ______________________________________

My next faithful step:

Suggested phrase:

“This concern is beyond what I can wisely address through coaching. I want to help you connect with appropriate support before we continue.”

Part 10: Should Coaching Continue, Pause, or Refer?

Based on today’s conversation, what is the wisest next step?

☐ Continue coaching within scope
☐ Continue coaching with pastoral support
☐ Recommend Christian Marriage Growth
☐ Recommend marriage mentor couple
☐ Consult church leadership
☐ Refer to licensed counseling
☐ Refer to abuse or safety specialist
☐ Pause wedding preparation
☐ Encourage the officiant to slow down before proceeding
☐ Decline to continue coaching until safety or referral concerns are addressed
☐ Other: ______________________________________

Why?

Part 11: Notes I Should Keep

Good coaching notes are factual, brief, respectful, and goal-focused.

What I should document:

☐ Date of coaching conversation
☐ Couple’s stated goals
☐ Topics discussed
☐ Agreed action steps
☐ Referrals recommended
☐ Follow-up plan
☐ Boundary statement given
☐ Safety or referral concern, if relevant

What I should avoid documenting:

☐ Gossip
☐ Insults
☐ Diagnoses
☐ Unnecessary intimate details
☐ Legal conclusions
☐ Speculation about motives
☐ Private details unrelated to coaching
☐ Emotional venting about the couple

Today’s coaching note:

Part 12: Prayerful Reflection for the Life Coach Minister

Lord Jesus,

Help me serve this bride and groom with wisdom.

Keep me clear about my role.

Give me compassion without confusion.

Give me courage to refer when needed.

Help me honor the bride as an organic female image-bearer before You.

Help me honor the groom as an organic male image-bearer before You.

Help me guide them toward covenant faithfulness, not merely wedding success.

Teach me when to coach, when to provide spiritual care, when to slow down, and when to refer.

Amen.

My prayer:

Final Commitment

Complete these statements.

As a Life Coach Minister, I can help couples with:

I must not pretend to be:

I will refer when:

I will help the bride and groom prepare for covenant life by:

Closing Reminder

Life Coach Ministers can bless couples deeply.

They can help the bride and groom clarify goals, values, communication habits, family expectations, spiritual practices, and marriage-growth plans.

But faithful coaching requires boundaries.

A wise coach does not try to be the fixer.

A wise coach helps the couple take next faithful steps.

And when the situation exceeds coaching scope, referral is not failure.

Referral is faithful care.