Getting Ready for the First Meeting with the Couple

So today we're going to talk about getting ready for the first meeting with the couple.

So, where are you at?

You've been asked to perform a ceremony. Because of that calling, the decision to say yes was given. So now you've become ordained, or maybe you're in the process of finalizing ordination. As you're training, you're even meeting with couples.

We have all sorts of situations that have occurred, but the bottom line is that you have to get ready for the first meeting, and this is an important meeting.

I see this meeting as foundational.

You know, I have done hundreds of ceremonies and meetings with couples in my 40-plus years of ministry, and I call that first meeting so foundational because it gives you a picture of where to go and how to lead.

In this session, we're going to talk about one of the most important early steps in wedding ministry: the first meeting with the couple.

Before you stand at a wedding ceremony, before you pronounce husband and wife, before you sign the marriage license, you need to sit down with the couple and begin well.

Many times, this first meeting happens before any premarital counseling.

In some cases, the couple may ask you to do premarital counseling later.

In other cases, they may have a pastor, another counselor, a mentor, or a church helper who will help them with that part, but maybe not in this first meeting.

You will find all that out.

You are not here to solve every marriage issue right now.

In the first meeting, you are not here to offer premarital counseling.

You are beginning a ministry relationship.

You are listening.

Oh yes, you are listening.

Take a pad of paper along. Take a worksheet along.

What you're doing right here is listening, listening.

You're learning.

You're helping them understand the ceremony.

You are helping them feel cared for, guided, and prepared.

A couple may come to you excited, nervous, distracted, overwhelmed, or unsure of what they even want.

They may have strong opinions about flowers, music, and the reception, but they have no idea what happens at a Christian wedding ceremony.

This is where you can help.

A prepared wedding officiant brings calm, clarity, and spiritual focus.

So let's walk through together what a first meeting can look like.

1. Open in Prayer

This does not have to be long or formal, but that prayer already signifies that this is a Christian wedding ceremony and that you are a minister bringing them through this process.

The prayer might be something as simple as this:

"Lord, thank You for bringing us together. Bless this couple as they prepare for marriage. Give us wisdom, joy, honesty, and peace as we talk about their wedding ceremony. May this wedding honor You and bless their future life together, and any children they may have if they're young enough and desire children. Bless their future life together. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Prayer reminds everyone that marriage is not merely an event—it is a covenant moment before God.

So you begin with prayer.

2. Share a Short Scripture Devotional

You're a minister, and ministers do that.

"Oh, I'm so glad we're in this meeting. Let's just reflect on a Bible passage that relates to marriage."

I'll give you one example.

Genesis 2:22–24.

I will often read this in the first meeting.

Genesis 2:22–24 says:

"The rib which Yahweh God had taken from the man He made into a woman..."

A lot of times, obviously, when I say "He made a woman," I will point to the bride.

"And brought her to the man."

Then I point to the groom.

"The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and join himself to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.'"

You know, I just love that.

I love that.

Now you've had your devotion.

You do not need to preach a sermon.

You don't even have to talk about it unless they have questions.

All it is, is that you are a minister.

And ministers pray.

And ministers open the Word of God.

3. Establish Confidentiality and Trust Early in the Meeting

Commit to confidentiality.

At the Christian Leaders Alliance, since this is a legitimate ordination process where you are recognized as ordained, we expect that our ordained ministers hold confidence.

This is a confidential meeting.

What may be said in this meeting is for your ears only.

Relationships can sometimes be messy.

There are lots of family dynamics.

Being entrusted as an officiant carries responsibility.

State that confidentiality commitment.

The couple needs to know that you will handle their story with care.

They may share details about relationships, family history, past marriages, spiritual backgrounds, or fears about the wedding day.

You are serving a ministry role.

That means you listen respectfully and speak carefully.

You may say something like this:

"As your wedding officiant, I want you to know that I will treat this conversation with care. I am here to help you prepare for your ceremony and to serve you well. What you share with me will be handled respectfully."

This kind of statement creates trust.

Trust opens doors.

Trust opens doors for honest communication, and honest communication helps prepare you for a better ceremony.

4. Confirm Availability, Date, Time, and Location

Next, ask key details.

What is the wedding date?

And look at your calendar.

I've had it happen before where somebody set up a meeting with me and it turned out they picked a date when I wasn't even in the country.

Most times this doesn't happen because you've already asked the date, but I still believe you should ask again.

Sometimes couples change the date.

Family politics get involved.

An uncle, aunt, mother, or father can't make the date.

People assume everybody knows the date changed.

Don't assume.

Ask again.

• What is the date?
• What time is the ceremony?
• Where will it be held?
• Is there a rehearsal?
• Will you be expected to attend the rehearsal dinner?
• If you're married, will your spouse be invited?

Sometimes an officiant says yes too quickly and later discovers a calendar conflict.

Don't assume.

Ask about the location.

Will the wedding be in:

• A church?
• A home?
• A wedding venue?
• A beach?
• A park?
• A barn?
• A banquet hall?
• A courthouse setting?

Will the location require different legal procedures?

The location affects the tone and flow of the ceremony.

It affects:

• Sound
• Weather
• Planning
• Seating
• Walking patterns
• Parking
• Timing
• Practical coordination

If the ceremony is outdoors, ask:

"Is there a rain plan?"

If it's at a venue, ask:

"Who is coordinating the event?"

"Is there a wedding coordinator?"

If it's in a public space, ask whether permits are needed.

A good officiant thinks ahead.

5. Listen to Their Relationship Story

No one comes to one of the most important events of their life without a story.

Ask for their story.

Now, a lot of times I have this listed as number five, but you could move it up earlier.

You could begin with:

"Tell me your story."

How did you meet?

What first drew you together?

How did you know this relationship was serious?

What do you appreciate most about each other?

What challenges have you walked through together?

What are you hoping your marriage becomes?

Listen carefully.

Do not rush this.

This story may give you meaningful details for the ceremony later.

You may hear a phrase, a memory, a theme, or a picture that can help personalize the message.

Maybe they met through a mutual friend.

Maybe they reconnected years later.

Maybe they walked together through grief.

Maybe their families blended beautifully.

Maybe they discovered faith together.

Maybe one says:

"She makes me feel at home."

Or:

"He taught me how to trust again."

Those words matter.

One reason this comes after some of the logistical questions is that by this point they are relaxed.

They're more willing to open up.

If you already know them well, you might say:

"Remind me of your story again."

As a wedding officiant, those story details matter later when you create the wedding message and encouragement.

6. Learn About Their Faith and Ceremony Expectations

Ask about their spiritual background.

Do they want Scripture included?

Do they want prayer in the ceremony?

Now, as a Christian wedding officiant, you probably do want those things included.

But it's still important to ask.

If they say:

"We don't want prayer."

You can gently remind them:

"Remember, I am a Christian wedding officiant."

Ask:

• Do they have a church background?
• Are both of them believers?
• Are there family members from different faith traditions?
• Are there spiritual sensitivities you should know about?

For example, maybe someone experienced religious abuse growing up.

You don't want to inflame wounds unnecessarily.

This does not mean you're compromising your Christian role.

It means you're listening carefully to their spiritual journey.

Ask:

"What kind of Christian emphasis are you hoping for?"

Some couples want:

• Scripture
• Prayer
• Blessings
• A strong Gospel message

Others may be less familiar with Christian language but still desire a reverent Christian ceremony.

As a Christian wedding officiant, you are planting seeds.

You become part of their faith journey.

That first meeting helps you understand their spiritual temperature.

Don't make assumptions.

7. Ask What They Envision

Now ask:

"What are you envisioning?"

"What would make this ceremony feel like your dream ceremony?"

Ask about:

• Music
• Vows
• Photography
• Venue
• Family involvement
• Ceremony style

Do they want:

• Traditional?
• Personal?
• Relaxed?
• Family-centered?
• Clearly Christian?

Do they want to write their own vows?

Or would they rather repeat vows after you?

Many couples say:

"We'd love to see some vow options."

That's usually a later meeting.

The point here is to understand their vision.

8. Explain the Legal Requirements Carefully

Talk about the legal side.

Talk about marriage laws where the wedding will take place.

Do not guess.

Do not assume.

In most jurisdictions, the couple must obtain the marriage license.

The laws vary.

Some places have waiting periods.

Some don't.

As a Christian wedding officiant, you should know the laws for the state or jurisdiction where the wedding will occur before you even have the first meeting.

Teach what you know, but encourage the couple to verify everything with the local clerk's office.

I also often explain the concept of vested authority.

I am vested as a minister.

I am also recognized by the state.

Both matter.

9. Discuss Premarital Counseling and Preparation

The first meeting is a good time to ask whether they are interested in basic premarital preparation.

I often call these:

Premarital Conversations for Wedding Officiants

You're not necessarily a counselor.

You're not necessarily a therapist.

But you can still mentor and guide.

Ask:

"Would you be interested in one or two conversations as you prepare for marriage?"

They may say yes.

They may say no.

They may already be working with someone else.

That's fine.

Your role is simply to open the door.

10. Close With Prayer and Next Steps

At the end of the meeting, summarize what you've discussed.

Write everything down.

Confirm:

• Date
• Time
• Location
• Important details

Close in prayer.

Pray for:

• Their relationship
• Wisdom
• Their families
• The wedding day
• A marriage that honors God

Then give them clear next steps.

Maybe they need to:

• Obtain the marriage license
• Send additional story details
• Choose Scripture passages
• Review vow options

Many couples want ideas.

That's why the handbooks are helpful.

The first meeting should end with peace, not confusion.

Believe me, you'll probably be a little tired afterward.

I know I always am.

You're listening carefully.

You're absorbing their story.

You're tracking details.

But that first meeting is so essential.

Final Encouragement

Don't feel overwhelmed.

You're going to be fine.

Set a date for the next meeting.

Maybe it's next month.

Maybe the wedding is six months away.

Maybe it's a year away.

Find the appropriate timeline.

That first meeting is so essential.

And when that first meeting goes well, I find that you are on the road to an amazing experience as a wedding officiant.

And the couple you marry—or the many couples you will marry—will be greatly blessed.