Preparing for the Wedding Day and Rehearsal

Yeah, so the wedding day is now getting closer, and you know it is.

What do I do as I prepare for the wedding day?

Usually, somewhere around two months, one month, or even two weeks before the wedding is a great time to meet with the couple again.

At some point, you have to pin down exactly what the ceremony is going to be.

You have to prepare for the rehearsal.

You have to prepare for the ceremony itself.

You're now in that final stretch.

What I do before this meeting is go back to my notes from the first meeting and any notes from premarital counseling sessions.

A lot of times, even during premarital counseling, couples start talking about updates and changes to what they think the ceremony should look like.

I write all those things down.

Then, as I prepare for this final planning meeting, I review those notes carefully.

Over the years, I've noticed that things change.

In many ways, you're referring back to that first meeting and all the meetings that followed.

You want to update everything.

I've seen couples shift from:

"We just want a simple contemporary Christian wedding."

To:

"We'd like something more traditional."

I've also seen family dynamics change.

Sometimes the plan moves from more traditional to less traditional.

Sometimes the venue changes.

Sometimes family expectations change.

As you prepare for the rehearsal and ceremony, this is the time to go back and ask many of those questions again.

Honestly, it can take only ten minutes.

You can simply work through a worksheet.

There is a worksheet included in this course that allows you to quickly review the important details.

Go back through the checklist:

• Is the venue still the same?

• Are we still talking about the same date?

• Are we still talking about the same time?

• Has anything changed?

Then move into the rehearsal details.

Ask questions such as:

• When will the rehearsal start?

• Who needs to be there?

• Who is part of the wedding party?

• Who is walking in?

• Who is participating in the ceremony?

One thing I've noticed over the years is that it helps tremendously to have people arrive early.

I usually tell people:

"Let's have everyone there at least thirty minutes early."

At the very latest, fifteen minutes early.

I've learned that if you don't intentionally get people there early, one or two people will inevitably arrive late.

If everyone arrives early, you can often start early and get everybody out sooner.

Or sometimes you're thankful you started early because unexpected problems arise and need to be worked through.

So what is happening during this preparation phase?

You are mentally stepping back into your role as the officiant.

You are thinking through:

• What will happen at the rehearsal?

• What will happen during the ceremony?

• What order will everything follow?

• What expectations need to be clarified?

In the next presentation, I explain the traditional Christian wedding ceremony.

That information is very helpful because it gives you a foundation.

The bride and groom may choose other elements, but understanding the traditional Christian ceremony helps you know how to incorporate various components into the wedding.

It also helps you understand the legal responsibilities involved.

Some states require certain elements that are commonly found in traditional Christian ceremonies.

For example, some states require a clear declaration regarding the covenant institution of marriage.

Many states require what is often called the Declaration of Intent.

This is where the couple clearly states that they are entering into marriage voluntarily.

Because you are serving as a minister, the state wants assurance that both individuals are entering the marriage willingly and knowingly.

In many jurisdictions, the state is particularly interested in establishing that:

• The couple is of sound mind.

• The couple understands what they are doing.

• The couple intends to enter into marriage.

Even before vows are exchanged, many states place significant emphasis on that declaration of intent.

Interestingly, some states care less about the specific wording of the vows and care much more about confirming that the individuals are knowingly and willingly entering the marriage covenant.

Later, the marriage license and signatures formally document that intent.

The vows are still very important.

But from a legal standpoint, many jurisdictions are especially concerned with ensuring that the couple is entering the marriage voluntarily and with full understanding.

These are some of the issues you are thinking through as you prepare.

You are reviewing details.

You are confirming expectations.

You are making sure that what you originally thought was going to happen is still the plan.

That way, when you arrive at the rehearsal, you can work effectively with:

• The wedding planner

• The venue coordinator

• The wedding party

• The couple

If there is a wedding planner, you'll be able to coordinate smoothly.

If you're serving as both the officiant and the coordinator, you'll already know what the expectations are.

This preparation allows you to develop a clear plan.

Then, when you arrive at the rehearsal, you can lead confidently and effectively.

The more preparation you do beforehand, the more successful both the rehearsal and the wedding ceremony will be.

That preparation is one of the keys to being an effective wedding officiant.