Case Study 2.3: When Alisha Wanted Change Without Surrender
Case Study 2.3: When Alisha Wanted Change Without Surrender
Course: Become a Soul Coach
Topic 2: What Is Soul Growth?
Narrative Ministry Story
Alisha was thirty-four, married, and active in her church. She volunteered with the children’s ministry, sang on the worship team once a month, and had recently completed several Christian Growth courses through Christian Leaders Institute.
From the outside, she looked committed and spiritually serious.
But when she met with Ruth, a Soul Coach connected to a local Soul Center, Alisha was honest.
“I want to grow,” she said. “I really do. I want to stop being so irritated. I want to stop snapping at my husband. I want to feel close to God again. I want to have peace.”
Ruth nodded and listened.
Alisha continued, “I’ve tried journaling. I’ve tried gratitude lists. I started a Bible reading plan. I even listened to a podcast about emotional health. But nothing is really changing.”
Ruth asked, “When you say nothing is changing, what do you mean?”
Alisha sighed. “I still feel angry. I still feel disappointed. I still feel like everyone needs something from me. And honestly, I still feel like God should have made my life easier by now.”
That sentence sat in the room for a moment.
Ruth did not rush to correct her. She simply said, “That sounds heavy. You are carrying anger, disappointment, pressure, and maybe some frustration with God.”
Alisha’s eyes filled with tears. “Yes. And I know I’m not supposed to say that.”
Ruth gently replied, “You are allowed to be honest before God. The question is not whether you can name what is real. The question is what you do with what is real.”
Alisha looked down.
After a pause, she said, “I think I want God to change my life without me having to surrender anything.”
Ruth waited.
Alisha continued, “I want peace, but I don’t want to forgive my sister. I want joy, but I don’t want to stop complaining. I want a better marriage, but I don’t want to admit how harsh I’ve been. I want to feel close to God, but I don’t want him touching the parts of me I’m still protecting.”
Ruth did not smile in triumph. She did not say, “Good, now we found the sin.” Instead, she spoke with quiet compassion.
“That sounds like an important moment of truth.”
Alisha wiped her eyes. “So what do I do?”
Ruth said, “We can talk about a faithful next step. But before we make a plan, would it be helpful to think about the difference between wanting relief and wanting surrender?”
Alisha nodded.
Ruth continued, “Relief is not wrong. God cares about your pain. But Christian soul growth is not only God making life easier. Sometimes it is God renewing the soul so we can become more like Christ in the middle of real life.”
Alisha sat quietly.
Ruth asked, “Where do you sense God may be inviting surrender?”
Alisha whispered, “My resentment. Especially toward my sister.”
Ruth asked, “Is that something you are ready to bring to God honestly, even if you are not ready to feel differently yet?”
Alisha nodded slowly. “I think I can start there.”
Coach Tension
Ruth faced several tensions in this conversation.
First, Alisha wanted growth, but at first she described growth mostly as relief. She wanted less anger, less pressure, more peace, and a better emotional life. Those desires were not wrong, but they were incomplete.
Second, Alisha was spiritually active, but there were areas of resistance. She was using devotional practices and Christian resources, but she was not yet fully open to surrender, repentance, and relational honesty.
Third, Ruth needed to avoid two extremes. She could not simply comfort Alisha without addressing the deeper issue. But she also could not shame Alisha or turn the conversation into moral pressure.
The coaching challenge was to hold grace and truth together.
Grace said: “Your pain matters.”
Truth said: “Your resentment needs to be surrendered.”
Grace said: “God meets you honestly.”
Truth said: “Soul growth includes repentance.”
Grace said: “You are not alone.”
Truth said: “You are responsible for your next faithful step.”
What the Coach Did Well
Ruth listened before correcting.
She allowed Alisha to name anger, disappointment, pressure, and frustration with God. This helped Alisha move from vague spiritual discouragement to honest self-awareness.
Ruth reflected rather than accused.
When Alisha said, “God should have made my life easier by now,” Ruth did not rebuke her immediately. She reflected what she heard: “You are carrying anger, disappointment, pressure, and maybe some frustration with God.”
Ruth honored agency.
She asked permission before moving deeper: “Would it be helpful to think about the difference between wanting relief and wanting surrender?”
Ruth connected growth to Christlikeness, not merely emotional comfort.
She helped Alisha see that soul growth is not only about feeling better. It is about becoming more like Christ through the renewing work of the Holy Spirit.
Ruth invited one faithful next step.
She did not create a large plan too quickly. She helped Alisha identify one area of surrender: resentment toward her sister.
What the Coach Needed to Avoid
Ruth needed to avoid shaming Alisha.
A harmful response would have been: “You are clearly not surrendered enough. That is why you are not growing.”
Ruth needed to avoid false reassurance.
A shallow response would have been: “You are doing great. Just keep journaling and everything will get better.”
Ruth needed to avoid taking over.
She could not decide for Alisha how to handle the relationship with her sister. She could help Alisha discern, pray, and consider a next step, but Alisha needed to own the step.
Ruth needed to avoid premature reconciliation pressure.
If the relationship with Alisha’s sister involved serious harm, manipulation, abuse, or unsafe dynamics, Ruth should not pressure immediate closeness. Forgiveness, trust, reconciliation, boundaries, safety, and wisdom must be distinguished carefully.
Ruth needed to avoid turning devotional practices into spiritual performance.
Alisha did not need another religious assignment to prove herself. She needed a grace-based step of surrender before God.
Scripture Reflection
Romans 12:2 says:
“Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God.”
Alisha’s growth issue was not only emotional irritation. It involved a deeper pattern of thought, desire, and resistance. She wanted peace, but she also wanted to keep resentment. She wanted closeness with God, but she was afraid to surrender protected areas of her soul.
Romans 12:2 shows that Christian growth involves transformation through renewal. The living soul is not merely adjusted. The soul is renewed under the Lordship of Christ.
Galatians 5:22–23 says:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control.”
Alisha wanted peace, but the Spirit’s fruit grows as a whole. Peace could not be separated from love, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Her relationship with her sister, her speech toward her husband, and her frustration with God were all connected to the kind of person the Holy Spirit was forming.
The Soul Coach’s role was not to force fruit. Fruit grows from life. Ruth’s role was to help Alisha notice where the Spirit was inviting surrender and one faithful next step.
Ministry Sciences Reflection
Ministry sciences often observe that change is more likely when a person moves from vague desire to specific ownership.
At first, Alisha’s desire was broad: “I want to grow.” Through careful listening and reflection, Ruth helped her name something more specific: resentment toward her sister.
Coaching literature emphasizes that people are more likely to act when they personally own the next step. Motivational interviewing similarly highlights the importance of drawing out the person’s own motivation for change rather than imposing change from the outside.
Spiritual formation literature also reminds us that practices shape the soul over time. However, practices alone can become empty or performative if they are disconnected from surrender, love, and the work of the Holy Spirit.
Alisha had tried journaling, gratitude lists, Bible reading, and podcasts. These were not bad practices. But Ruth wisely noticed that Alisha did not merely need more spiritual activity. She needed a deeper movement of repentance, surrender, and grace.
The ministry sciences can help a Soul Coach ask:
“What is the person actually ready to own?”
“What desire for change is emerging from within?”
“What resistance is present?”
“What practice might support real transformation?”
“What support or referral might be needed?”
But ministry sciences cannot replace the Gospel. Alisha’s hope was not in a technique. Her hope was in Christ, who saves, forgives, renews, and forms his people by the Holy Spirit.
15-Aspect Soul Growth Discernment Model Application
Ruth did not need to walk Alisha through all 15 aspects. But several aspects were clearly involved.
Faith Aspect
Alisha was wrestling with what she believed about God’s goodness. She felt God should have made her life easier. Ruth could gently ask, “What do you believe God is doing in this season?”
Identity Aspect
Alisha may have seen herself as the responsible one who must hold everything together. Ruth could ask, “Who are you before God when you are not performing well?”
Spiritual Practice Aspect
Alisha was using spiritual practices, but some had become disconnected from surrender. Ruth could ask, “Which practice is helping you meet with God honestly?”
Emotional Aspect
Anger, disappointment, pressure, and resentment were present. Ruth could ask, “Which emotion feels most difficult to bring to God?”
Thought and Mindset Aspect
Alisha seemed to believe, “If God loves me, my life should feel easier.” Ruth could ask, “What story are you telling yourself about God and your life?”
Moral Aspect
There may have been a need for repentance regarding resentment, harsh speech, and complaining. Ruth could ask, “Is there a responsibility God is inviting you to own?”
Relational Aspect
Her sister and husband were both involved. Ruth could ask, “Which relationship needs prayer, truth, boundaries, confession, or patience?”
Communication Aspect
Alisha’s harshness toward her husband showed a speech pattern needing renewal. Ruth could ask, “What would gentleness sound like in your next conversation?”
Justice and Boundary Aspect
If the sister relationship included harmful patterns, boundaries may be needed. Ruth should not assume reconciliation means immediate closeness.
Community and Kingdom Aspect
Alisha may need support beyond one coaching conversation: church community, mentoring, pastoral care, counseling, or a trusted women’s group.
The model helps Ruth avoid reducing Alisha’s issue to “anger” alone. Alisha’s soul growth involved faith, surrender, emotion, thought, morality, relationships, communication, and possibly boundaries.
Christian Growth Resource Connection
Alisha had already used Christian Growth resources, but Ruth could help her use them more wisely.
Possible resources might include:
Christian Gratitude Growth
This could help Alisha notice grace without denying pain.
Anger Reset
This could help her identify triggers, speech patterns, and emotional responses.
Introduction to Spiritual Growth
This could help her reconnect devotional practices to grace-based formation.
Christian Marriage Growth
This could support her in practicing humility, listening, confession, and gentleness with her husband.
Ruth should not assign these courses as punishment. She might say:
“Would one of these resources help support the step you already sense God inviting you to take?”
The course supports the conversation. It does not replace the Holy Spirit, the church, pastoral care, counseling, or the person’s responsibility before God.
Discussion Questions
At the beginning of the case study, how did Alisha define growth?
Why was Alisha’s desire for relief understandable but incomplete?
What did Ruth do that helped Alisha become more honest?
How did Ruth hold grace and truth together?
Why would shame-based correction have harmed this conversation?
What is the difference between wanting change and surrendering to Christ?
How does Romans 12:2 help explain Alisha’s deeper growth need?
Which fruit of the Spirit seemed most connected to Alisha’s situation?
What aspects of the 15-Aspect Soul Growth Discernment Model were most relevant?
What Christian Growth resource might help Alisha, and how should it be offered?
When might Alisha’s relationship with her sister require boundaries or additional care?
What would be one faithful next step Alisha could own before God?
Personal Reflection Exercise
Think of an area where you want God to bring growth in your own life.
Write a brief response to each prompt:
I want God to change this area of my life:
The relief I am hoping for is:
The surrender God may be inviting is:
One emotion I need to bring honestly to God is:
One Scripture truth I need to remember is:
One faithful next step I can own this week is:
One person or resource that could support me is:
One prayer I can honestly pray is:
Closing Thought
Alisha did not need a Soul Coach to shame her, fix her, or give her a quick spiritual assignment. She needed someone to listen with grace, speak truth with gentleness, and help her notice where Christ was inviting surrender. Soul growth is not merely wanting life to feel better. Soul growth is the Holy Spirit renewing the living soul under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.