Video 5B: Discerning Where Someone Is Stuck

Professor Abigail Dominiak: “All right, we're continuing. We just talked a lot about the whole-person framework, and now we want to talk a little bit more about discerning where someone is stuck.”

Professor Abigail Munroe: “Yeah, so what does it mean to be stuck? I think this is one of the most common presenting problems that you might notice as a coach. People often know what they want, but they really struggle to move forward.

Being stuck is not always the same as being lazy or unwilling, but a Soul Coach helps people identify what may be keeping them from taking the next step.

Ask yourself this question: Have you ever known exactly what you should do, but still struggled to do it? It's something we all experience.”

Professor Abigail Dominiak: “Say yes to that question.

Again, I think that's why so many people are searching for Soul Coaches. They're experiencing this, and they want to connect with somebody who has the biblical framework of Soul Coaching.”

Professor Abigail Munroe: “Some common signs that someone might be stuck are repeating the same problem over and over again, expressing that they feel overwhelmed or paralyzed, constantly talking about change but never acting—like saying, ‘I keep feeling angry. I keep getting triggered,’ but never taking an action step.

They may feel confused about what the next step should be, cycle between motivation and discouragement—‘I really want to make the change, but I never do, and then I feel bad about myself’—or blame circumstances without exploring personal responsibility and taking ownership of the situation.”

Professor Abigail Dominiak: “Yeah, looking beneath the surface.

A presenting problem may not be the real problem.

We talked quite a bit about this in the last session.

The surface issue might be, ‘I keep procrastinating.’

Well, why do you keep procrastinating?

Is it because you're scared you're not going to do it right?

I know some of us can be perfectionists. I certainly can be one myself. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by trying to do something perfectly that I just keep not doing it.

Maybe it's a lack of clarity. You're not really sure what you should be doing.

Maybe you're totally burned out, and that's why you're procrastinating.

We already talked about perfectionism, poor habits, and conflicting priorities.

Again, you're trying to get to the bottom of what is really causing your client to procrastinate.”

Professor Abigail Munroe: “So, what are some questions that might help reveal stuckness?

I was just going to ask, what questions might you ask someone who's saying, ‘I keep procrastinating?’

You might ask:

‘What have you already tried?’

‘What makes this particularly difficult for you?’

You're helping them think a little more deeply about the reasons behind it.

‘Would it be helpful to look at this from a new perspective?’

Going back to those different aspects, maybe they're describing an emotional struggle, but would it help to also consider it from a physical or spiritual perspective?

‘What would happen if nothing changed?’

I remember that was a question we learned during our coaching training. What would happen if you simply did nothing?

It helps people think through those hypothetical situations.

Or, ‘What are you afraid might happen?’

That directly addresses some of the fears surrounding the situation.

‘What is one small step you could take?’

Instead of laying out an entire plan, what's one faithful, bite-sized next step?

Or, ‘What keeps getting in the way?’

You're helping them identify barriers and think through them.

Again, these questions help reveal things like fear, shame, unresolved conflict, confusion, lack of support, unrealistic expectations, exhaustion, or poor habits.”

Professor Abigail Dominiak: “Yeah, and how do you help someone really move forward?

We want to encourage you that there's a simple coaching progression that can happen here.

First, identify the challenge.

Then explore what's underneath it.

Clarify what matters most about the challenge.

Identify one next step.

As a coach, you're helping them create accountability for that step.

If someone says, ‘I'm procrastinating on this project around my house,’ you might ask, ‘Okay, why? What's going on?’

In my case, I might say, ‘Well, I have three young kids, and I just keep not getting to it. I keep prioritizing other things.’

Then you ask, ‘Does this project really matter to you, or is it just something that's bothering you?’

You begin getting underneath it.

Then you ask, ‘What's the first step? What's one part of this project you could accomplish this week?’

Each week, as the client follows through, they're going to feel more and more empowered as they keep taking those steps.

If they don't do it that week, it's a great opportunity to reassess.

Did we really get to the bottom of the problem? Why didn't it happen this week?

I remember another question we were constantly encouraged to ask during training: ‘What else?’

I would ask it more times than I thought was appropriate, and every time, more would come out.

You'd think, ‘Wow, imagine if I hadn't asked, "What else?"’”

Professor Abigail Munroe: “Our key takeaway from this session is that people are rarely stuck because they lack information.

Most often they're stuck because of some underlying condition like fear, confusion, competing priorities, unhealthy patterns, or unresolved issues.

As a Soul Coach, we help people discover what is keeping them stuck and identify faithful next steps forward.

Again, reiterating that, as the coach, it's not your job to solve everything. You're not under that pressure.

It's simply your job to listen carefully enough to help the person discern wisely.”

Professor Abigail Dominiak: “Love that.”