📝 Worksheet 2.5: The Two Fires Conflict Map

Topic 2 includes Worksheet 2.5: The Two Fires Conflict Map as the practical exercise for The Two Fires of Conflict — Wildfire and Peacefire.

Purpose

This worksheet helps you slow down and examine a real conflict through the course map:

Event → Interpretation → Desire → Response → Spread

The goal is not to shame yourself or blame someone else. The goal is to notice what is feeding the Wildfire and identify one faithful step back toward the Peacefire.

Before you begin, choose one conflict that is real but not currently dangerous. If the situation involves abuse, coercion, threats, violence, stalking, exploitation, child abuse, sexual abuse, criminal behavior, or serious danger, do not use this worksheet as a substitute for outside help or protection.

Opening Prayer

Lord Jesus,
You see this conflict more clearly than I do. Help me slow down and tell the truth. Show me what happened, what I assumed, what I wanted, and how I responded. Keep me from denial, bitterness, revenge, and fear. Lead me by Your Spirit into wisdom, courage, humility, and peace. Amen.

Part 1: Name the Conflict

Briefly describe the conflict.

Who is involved?

What happened?

When did this happen?

Is this conflict still active?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ Partly
☐ I am not sure

Is there any safety concern?

☐ No obvious safety concern
☐ Emotional intensity but no danger
☐ Possible coercion, intimidation, or manipulation
☐ Threats, violence, abuse, criminal behavior, or serious danger
☐ I need wise outside help before taking action

If safety is a concern, pause here and seek appropriate help before initiating a direct conversation.

Part 2: The Event

The event is what actually happened. Try to separate facts from assumptions.

What did the person say or do?

What did you say or do?

What facts would both people likely agree happened?

What facts are still unclear?

Part 3: The Interpretation

Interpretation is the meaning you gave to the event.

When this happened, what did you tell yourself it meant?

☐ “They do not respect me.”
☐ “They are against me.”
☐ “They are trying to control me.”
☐ “They do not care.”
☐ “I am being rejected.”
☐ “I have to defend myself.”
☐ “This always happens.”
☐ “I cannot trust them.”
☐ Other: _______________________________________________

What motives did you assume?

What might be another possible explanation?

What would you need to clarify before drawing a final conclusion?

Scripture reflection:
“He who answers before he hears, that is folly and shame to him” (Proverbs 18:13, WEB).

How does this verse speak to your interpretation?

Part 4: The Desire Beneath the Conflict

Many conflicts intensify when a desire becomes a demand.

What did you want in this situation?

☐ Respect
☐ Appreciation
☐ Control
☐ Safety
☐ Comfort
☐ Approval
☐ Fairness
☐ Certainty
☐ Belonging
☐ Influence
☐ Vindication
☐ Peace
☐ Other: _______________________________________________

Was this desire wrong in itself? Why or why not?

Did this desire begin to feel like a demand?

A desire says: “This matters to me.”
A demand says: “I must have this, and if I do not get it, I am justified in sinning.”

Complete this sentence:

I wanted ______________________________ so much that I was tempted to

__________________________________________________________________.

Scripture reflection:
“Where do wars and fightings among you come from? Don’t they come from your pleasures that war in your members?” (James 4:1, WEB).

What desire may have been warring inside you?

Part 5: The Response

Now examine how you responded or wanted to respond.

What was your first reaction?

☐ I raised my voice
☐ I defended myself quickly
☐ I sent or wanted to send a sharp message
☐ I withdrew
☐ I punished with silence
☐ I gathered allies
☐ I replayed the offense repeatedly
☐ I exaggerated the story
☐ I attacked the person’s character
☐ I pretended I was fine while resentment grew
☐ I prayed honestly and paused
☐ I asked a clarifying question
☐ I confessed my part
☐ Other: _______________________________________________

What did your response feed?

☐ The Wildfire
☐ The Peacefire
☐ Both
☐ I am not sure

What fruit was visible in your response?

Wildfire signs may include anger, pride, revenge, fear, accusation, gossip, manipulation, contempt, or bitterness.

Peacefire signs may include love, patience, truth, humility, gentleness, courage, self-control, prayer, confession, or wise boundaries.

Write honestly:

My response showed Wildfire in this way:

My response showed Peacefire in this way:

Part 6: The Spread

Conflict spreads when the fire moves beyond the original event.

How has this conflict spread?

☐ It spread inside me through resentment or anxiety
☐ It spread through my words to others
☐ It spread through silence or distance
☐ It spread into my marriage or family
☐ It spread into a team, church, workplace, or ministry
☐ It spread through gossip or alliance-building
☐ It has not spread much yet
☐ Other: _______________________________________________

Who has been affected?

What damage needs to be stopped or repaired?

Scripture reflection:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, WEB).

Where is God inviting you to stop stirring up anger?

Part 7: Return to the Peacefire

Use the Peacefire first-response practice:

Pause. Pray. Notice. Name. Choose.

Pause

What do you need to stop doing for now?

Pray

Write a short honest prayer about this conflict.

Lord Jesus,

Amen.

Notice

What is happening in your heart?

Name

Complete the map:

Event:

Interpretation:

Desire:

Response:

Spread:

Choose

What is one next faithful step?

☐ Pray before responding
☐ Ask a clarifying question
☐ Listen before defending
☐ Confess my part
☐ Apologize without excuse
☐ Speak truth gently
☐ Refuse gossip
☐ Stop rehearsing the offense
☐ Set a wise boundary
☐ Seek counsel from a mature believer
☐ Seek outside help or protection
☐ Wait until I can respond wisely
☐ Other: _______________________________________________

My next faithful step is:

Part 8: Conversation Preparation

Only complete this section if a direct conversation is wise, safe, and within your role.

What is the purpose of the conversation?

☐ To understand
☐ To confess
☐ To seek repair
☐ To clarify facts
☐ To speak truth
☐ To set a boundary
☐ To make a plan
☐ Other: _______________________________________________

What do I need to say without accusation?

What do I need to ask instead of assume?

What do I need to own or confess?

What boundary may be needed?

What would make this conversation unwise or unsafe right now?

Part 9: Closing Commitment

Complete this sentence:

With God’s help, I will not feed the Wildfire by

__________________________________________________________________.

With God’s help, I will return to the Peacefire by

__________________________________________________________________.

The person, outcome, or justice issue I need to entrust to God is

__________________________________________________________________.

Closing Prayer

Father,
I place this conflict before You. I cannot control another person’s heart, words, choices, or response. But I can turn toward You. Help me walk by the Spirit and not by the flesh. Give me the humility to confess, the courage to tell the truth, the patience to listen, the wisdom to set boundaries where needed, and the love to seek peace as far as it depends on me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Scripture for Meditation

“Walk by the Spirit, and you won’t fulfill the lust of the flesh.”
Galatians 5:16, WEB