📝 Worksheet 6.5: Conflict Role Discernment

Purpose

This worksheet helps you discern your role in a conflict. You will identify whether you are the person who has been hurt, the person who has caused offense, an ambassador of reconciliation, an intercessor, or someone occupying more than one role.

The goal is not to control the outcome. The goal is to ask, “Lord, what is mine to do before You?”

Scripture Focus

Matthew 5:23–24
Matthew 7:3–5
Romans 12:18
2 Corinthians 5:18–20
Galatians 6:1–2
1 Timothy 2:1

Safety Reminder

If this conflict involves violence, coercion, threats, stalking, sexual abuse, child abuse, severe intimidation, criminal behavior, or serious danger, do not use this worksheet as a plan for direct private confrontation.

Seek wise outside help, appropriate protection, pastoral support, professional care, legal help, mandatory reporting, or emergency assistance as needed.

Forgiveness does not mean pretending harm did not happen. Peace does not require passivity. Reconciliation requires truth and sufficient safety.

Part 1: Opening Prayer

Pray slowly before writing.

Lord Jesus,
Help me discern my role in this conflict. Show me what is mine to own and what is not mine to carry. Give me humility where I need to confess, courage where I need to forgive, wisdom where I need a boundary, and love where I am called to help. Keep me from gossip, pride, false guilt, control, and avoidance. Lead me back to the Peacefire. Amen.

Part 2: Name the Conflict

1. What conflict am I bringing before God?

Describe the situation briefly and plainly.

2. Who is involved?

3. What is the visible issue?

What does the conflict seem to be about on the surface?

4. What deeper issues may be present?

Check any that apply.

☐ Hurt
☐ Betrayal
☐ Control
☐ Fear
☐ Respect
☐ Misunderstanding
☐ Authority
☐ Trust
☐ Pride
☐ Safety
☐ Confession
☐ Forgiveness
☐ Reconciliation
☐ Gossip
☐ Boundaries
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

Part 3: Which Role Am I In?

Read each role carefully. Check any that apply.

Role 1: I have been hurt or offended

☐ I was wounded by someone’s words, actions, silence, decision, or failure.
☐ I feel dismissed, betrayed, misrepresented, ignored, or sinned against.
☐ I am tempted to rehearse the wound, withdraw, gossip, punish, or seek revenge.
☐ I may need to bring this hurt to Christ, forgive, speak truth, seek wisdom, or set a boundary.

Role 2: I have caused offense or harm

☐ My words, tone, actions, avoidance, decision, or failure may have hurt someone.
☐ Someone has something against me.
☐ I may need to listen, confess, apologize, repair, make restitution, or change behavior.
☐ I am tempted to defend myself, minimize, explain too quickly, or manage my image.

Role 3: I may be an ambassador of reconciliation

☐ I am not the main person in the conflict, but I may be asked to help.
☐ I want to encourage truth, humility, repentance, forgiveness, wisdom, and peace.
☐ I need to know whether I have permission, maturity, role clarity, and wisdom.
☐ I must avoid becoming a gossip, pressure agent, secret investigator, rescuer, or controller.

Role 4: I may be an intercessor

☐ I am called to pray for the people involved.
☐ I may not need to speak or intervene directly.
☐ I need to pray without spreading private information.
☐ I need to ask God to search my heart too, not only change others.

Role Overlap

☐ I may be in more than one role.
☐ I have been hurt and also have something to confess.
☐ I have caused offense and also feel wounded.
☐ I want to help, but I may also have a personal stake.
☐ I am praying, but I may be tempted to gossip or avoid obedience.

Part 4: If I Have Been Hurt

1. What hurt me?

2. What part of this hurt is real and should not be denied?

3. How am I tempted to respond?

☐ Bitterness
☐ Gossip
☐ Revenge
☐ Cold withdrawal
☐ Sarcasm
☐ Motive-judging
☐ Rehearsing the wound
☐ Avoiding needed truth
☐ Refusing prayer
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

4. What might faithfulness look like?

☐ Pour out my heart before God
☐ Seek wise counsel
☐ Forgive before God
☐ Ask a clarifying question
☐ Speak directly if wise and safe
☐ Set a boundary
☐ Stop spreading the story
☐ Release personal vengeance to God
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

My faithful step as one who has been hurt may be:

Part 5: If I Have Caused Offense

1. What may I have done or failed to do?

2. How might my words, tone, actions, or avoidance have affected the other person?

3. What am I tempted to do instead of owning my part?

☐ Defend myself quickly
☐ Minimize the harm
☐ Explain my intention instead of listening
☐ Blame the other person
☐ Say, “I’m sorry you felt that way”
☐ Avoid the conversation
☐ Spiritualize my behavior
☐ Demand that the other person move on
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

4. What would a clear confession sound like?

Use specific language.

Example: “I spoke harshly. That was wrong. I am sorry. I want to understand the harm I caused and make repair.”

My confession may sound like:

5. What repair may be needed?

☐ Apology
☐ Restitution
☐ Changed behavior
☐ Accountability
☐ Follow-up conversation
☐ Rebuilding trust over time
☐ Accepting consequences
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

Part 6: If I Am Being Asked to Help

Before stepping into someone else’s conflict, ask these questions.

1. Do I have permission to be involved?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am unsure

Explain:

2. Do I have the maturity, relationship, role, and wisdom to help?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am unsure

Explain:

3. Am I truly serving reconciliation, or am I enjoying being needed?

4. Am I helping people move toward direct truth and love, or am I carrying frustration back and forth?

5. What limits should I observe?

☐ Do not carry messages between people
☐ Do not receive repeated venting
☐ Do not pressure a wounded person
☐ Do not take over the conflict
☐ Do not share private information
☐ Involve a pastor, elder, mediator, counselor, or proper authority if needed
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

My faithful role as an ambassador may be:

Part 7: If I Am Called to Intercede

Prayer is ministry. Use this section to pray without gossip, control, or avoidance.

1. Who needs prayer?

2. What should I pray for?

☐ Truth
☐ Humility
☐ Repentance
☐ Forgiveness
☐ Protection
☐ Wisdom
☐ Courage
☐ Clear boundaries
☐ Softened hearts
☐ Freedom from bitterness
☐ Wise outside help
☐ Reconciliation if possible and safe
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

3. Am I sharing more information than is needed for prayer?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am unsure

Explain:

4. Am I using prayer to avoid a step of obedience?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am unsure

Explain:

5. Write an intercession prayer.

Lord, I bring before You:

I ask You to:

Protect:

Convict:

Heal:

Lead each person back to the Peacefire by:

Part 8: What Is Mine and Not Mine?

What is mine to own?

Check any that apply.

☐ My words
☐ My tone
☐ My assumptions
☐ My avoidance
☐ My gossip
☐ My bitterness
☐ My confession
☐ My apology
☐ My boundary
☐ My prayer
☐ My next faithful step
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

Write what is mine:

What is not mine to carry?

Check any that apply.

☐ The other person’s sin
☐ The other person’s repentance
☐ The other person’s emotions
☐ The other person’s choices
☐ The other person’s consequences
☐ The entire outcome
☐ A conflict God has not called me to manage
☐ False guilt
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

Write what is not mine:

Part 9: My Next Faithful Step

Choose one step that fits your role.

☐ Bring my hurt honestly to God
☐ Release personal vengeance
☐ Stop rehearsing the wound
☐ Stop spreading the story
☐ Ask a clarifying question
☐ Confess my part
☐ Apologize specifically
☐ Make repair
☐ Set a boundary
☐ Encourage direct conversation
☐ Step out of the middle
☐ Pray as an intercessor
☐ Seek pastoral guidance
☐ Seek outside help or protection
☐ Other: ___________________________________________

My next faithful step is:

When will I take this step?

What wisdom, support, or protection do I need first?

Part 10: Closing Commitment

Complete these sentences.

In this conflict, my role before God appears to be:

My responsibility in this role is:

I need to avoid:

I need to practice:

I will return to the Peacefire by:

Closing Prayer

Lord Jesus,
Thank You that I do not need to control this conflict. Help me be faithful in the role You have given me. Where I have been hurt, help me bring the wound to You without bitterness. Where I have caused offense, give me humility to confess and repair. Where I am called to help, make me gentle, truthful, and wise. Where I am called to pray, keep me from gossip and control. Show me what is mine to own, what is not mine to carry, and what next step honors You. Lead me in the Peacefire. Amen.