📖 Reading 10.1: Humility, Faith, Love, and the Desire to Please God
📖 Reading 10.1: Humility, Faith, Love, and the Desire to Please God
Introduction: What Kind of Person Can God Use in Conflict?
A conflict firefighter is not a person who never feels anger, fear, grief, pressure, or disappointment.
A conflict firefighter is a believer who learns to return to the Peacefire again and again.
The Peacefire is the place of conscious reliance on God’s presence and work in conflict. It is where the believer listens, surrenders, receives grace, and responds in Christ.
The goal is not to become impressive in conflict. The goal is to become more surrendered to Jesus Christ.
Romans 12:1 says, “Therefore I urge you, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service.”
Conflict reveals what we are presenting ourselves to. Sometimes we present ourselves to anger, pride, fear, revenge, self-protection, or control. That is the Wildfire. But in Christ, we are invited to present ourselves to God.
Topic 10 focuses on four marks of a conflict firefighter:
Humility
A desire to please God
Faith
Love
These are not personality traits for naturally calm people. They are Christlike qualities formed by the Holy Spirit.
Humility: Standing Honestly Before God
Humility is not weakness. It is not self-hatred. It is not pretending harm does not matter. Humility is standing honestly before God.
Philippians 2:3 says, “doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself.”
In conflict, pride often rises quickly.
Pride says:
“I am right.”
“I deserve to win.”
“They need to be exposed.”
“I should not have to listen.”
“I already know their motives.”
“I have nothing to confess.”
Humility slows us down.
Humility asks:
“Lord, what is true?”
“What is mine to own?”
“Have I added fuel to the Wildfire?”
“Am I defending my image more than seeking Your will?”
“Am I willing to listen before I answer?”
Jesus teaches this clearly in Matthew 7:5: “You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Jesus does not say there is no speck in the other person’s eye. He says we must first deal honestly with our own beam.
This is essential for Christian conflict work. A person may truly have been sinned against and still need humility. A leader may need to correct someone and still need humility. A spouse may need to name harm and still need humility. A friend may need to set a boundary and still need humility.
Humility does not erase truth.
Humility makes truth safer to handle.
The Desire to Please God: A New Aim in Conflict
Conflict exposes our hidden aims.
We may want to win.
We may want relief.
We may want approval.
We may want control.
We may want the other person to finally feel what we felt.
We may want everyone to know we were right.
But 2 Corinthians 5:9 says, “Therefore also we make it our aim, whether at home or absent, to be well pleasing to him.”
That verse gives the believer a new question in conflict:
What would please the Lord here?
Not, “What will make me look best?”
Not, “How can I make the other person admit everything?”
Not, “How can I escape discomfort?”
Not, “How can I protect my pride?”
But, “What would please Christ?”
Sometimes pleasing God means confessing sin without excuse.
Sometimes it means forgiving when revenge feels easier.
Sometimes it means confronting a harmful pattern.
Sometimes it means refusing gossip.
Sometimes it means building a firebreak.
Sometimes it means waiting quietly instead of forcing a conversation.
Sometimes it means seeking outside help because safety, abuse, coercion, or serious harm is present.
A desire to please God frees us from being ruled by the other person’s response. We do not obey Christ only when the other person is mature, fair, or repentant. We obey Christ because He is Lord.
This does not make conflict easy. But it makes the path clearer.
Faith: Trusting God With What You Cannot Control
Faith is essential in conflict because so much is outside our control.
You cannot control another person’s heart.
You cannot control another person’s repentance.
You cannot control the timing of reconciliation.
You cannot control whether someone understands you.
You cannot control every rumor, assumption, or reaction.
Faith does not deny these painful limits. Faith brings these limits to God.
Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let’s therefore draw near with boldness to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace for help in time of need.”
Conflict is a time of need.
Faith says:
“Lord, I need mercy.”
“Lord, I need help.”
“Lord, I will do what is mine to do.”
“Lord, I will entrust the rest to You.”
This kind of faith is not passivity. It does not mean doing nothing. It means refusing to control what only God can govern.
Faith may lead to action. It may lead to confession, confrontation, forgiveness, boundaries, prayer, counsel, documentation, or protection. But faith acts without pretending to be God.
The conflict firefighter learns to pray:
“Lord, show me the next faithful step, and help me entrust the outcome to You.”
Love: Seeking the True Good of the Other
Love is often misunderstood in conflict.
Some people think love means avoiding hard conversations. Others think love means removing all consequences. Still others think love means allowing unlimited access.
But biblical love is stronger and wiser than that.
1 Corinthians 13:4–6 says, “Love is patient and is kind. Love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.”
Love is patient and kind.
But love also rejoices with the truth.
That means love does not bless deception. Love does not enable abuse. Love does not pretend sin is harmless. Love does not use peace language to silence reality.
Love seeks the true good of the other person before God.
Sometimes love listens.
Sometimes love apologizes.
Sometimes love confronts.
Sometimes love forgives.
Sometimes love limits access.
Sometimes love refuses to gossip.
Sometimes love prays for an enemy.
Sometimes love creates a firebreak so the Wildfire does not keep spreading.
The greatest display of love is Jesus Christ. He did not love from a distance only. He came near. He told the truth. He gave Himself. He forgave enemies. He bore sin. He opened the way to reconciliation with God.
Christian love in conflict is rooted in Him.
These Four Marks Work Together
These four marks belong together.
Humility without love can become self-focus.
Love without truth can become enabling.
Faith without action can become passivity.
A desire to please God without humility can become self-righteousness.
The Peacefire holds these marks together in Christ.
Humility says, “Lord, search me.”
The desire to please God says, “Lord, rule my aim.”
Faith says, “Lord, I trust You with what I cannot control.”
Love says, “Lord, teach me to seek the true good of the other person.”
Together, these marks form a person who can enter conflict without becoming ruled by the Wildfire.
These Marks Are Gifts, Not a Scorecard
Humility, the desire to please God, faith, and love are not a scorecard for spiritual superiority.
A person can become proud of being “peaceful.” A leader can use calmness to avoid confession. A wounded person can use spiritual language to hide bitterness. A helper can use mediation to control others.
That is why the Peacefire always begins with reliance on Christ.
John 15:5 says, “I am the vine. You are the branches. He who remains in me, and I in him, bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
Apart from Jesus, we cannot become true conflict firefighters. We may learn techniques. We may manage appearances. We may sound wise. But lasting fruit comes from abiding in Christ.
The Holy Spirit forms humility where pride once ruled.
The Holy Spirit grows a desire to please God where approval once ruled.
The Holy Spirit gives faith where fear once ruled.
The Holy Spirit grows love where self-interest once ruled.
This is formation, not performance.
Practicing the Four Marks in Real Conflict
When you face conflict this week, use these four questions:
Humility: What is mine to own before God?
Desire to please God: What response would honor Christ here?
Faith: What outcome must I entrust to God?
Love: What is the true good of the other person, without denying truth or safety?
These questions will not make every conflict simple. But they can help you return to the Peacefire.
A conflict firefighter is not someone who never fails.
A conflict firefighter is someone who keeps returning to Jesus.
Reflection Questions
Which of the four marks do you most need God to grow in you right now: humility, a desire to please God, faith, or love?
In your current conflict, what would humility help you see more clearly?
What hidden aim may be competing with the desire to please God?
What outcome are you trying to control that needs to be entrusted to the Lord?
How can you love truthfully without enabling harm or feeding the Wildfire?
Closing Prayer
Lord Jesus,
Make me a person You can use in the middle of conflict. Form humility in me where pride has ruled. Give me a deeper desire to please You more than I desire to win, control, escape, or impress others. Strengthen my faith so I can obey You while entrusting the outcome to Your care. Grow in me a love that is patient, kind, truthful, courageous, and wise. Teach me to return to the Peacefire again and again, relying on Your presence and power. Amen.
References
Academic and Ministry References
Augsburger, David. Caring Enough to Confront: How to Transform Conflict with Compassion and Grace. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell, 2018.
Cloud, Henry, and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Updated and expanded ed. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017.
Jones, L. Gregory. Embodying Forgiveness: A Theological Analysis. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1995.
Sande, Ken. The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. 3rd ed. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2004.
Scazzero, Peter. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature. Updated ed. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017.
Willard, Dallas. Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2002.
Scripture References Used
Matthew 7:5
Romans 12:1
1 Corinthians 13:4–6
2 Corinthians 5:9
Philippians 2:3
Hebrews 4:16
John 15:5