📝 Worksheet 11.5: Relationship Application Lab: Home, Church, or Work

Topic 11: PeaceSmart Relationships at Home, Church, and Work
Course: Navigating Conflict in Christ

Purpose

This worksheet helps you apply the Peacefire framework to one real relationship setting:

Home
Church or ministry
Workplace, school, team, or organization

The goal is not to fix every relationship problem at once. The goal is to identify one conflict pattern, discern what is feeding the Wildfire, and choose one PeaceSmart next step.

A PeaceSmart relationship is a relationship where conflict becomes an occasion to seek God, tell the truth, practice love, pursue repair, and grow in Christ.

Opening Prayer

Lord Jesus,
Bring this relationship into Your presence. Help me see clearly without exaggeration, denial, fear, or pride. Show me what is mine to own. Show me what is not mine to control. Teach me to use authority to serve, correction to grow, and conflict to transform. Lead me back to the Peacefire, where Your truth, love, wisdom, and power shape my next faithful step. Amen.

Scripture Reflection

Read these passages slowly.

Ephesians 4:15
“But speaking truth in love, we may grow up in all things into him, who is the head, Christ.”

Mark 10:43–45
“But it shall not be so among you, but whoever wants to become great among you shall be your servant. Whoever of you wants to become first among you shall be bondservant of all. For the Son of Man also came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

James 3:17
“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceful, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”

Which phrase stands out to you?

Why does that phrase matter in your current relationship setting?

Part 1: Choose One Relationship Setting

Choose one setting for this application lab.

☐ Marriage or close family relationship
☐ Parenting or caregiving relationship
☐ Church or ministry team
☐ Workplace, school, nonprofit, or organization
☐ Friendship or small group
☐ Neighborhood or community relationship
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

Who is involved?

What role do you have in this setting?

☐ Spouse
☐ Parent or caregiver
☐ Child or adult child
☐ Friend
☐ Pastor or ministry leader
☐ Volunteer
☐ Team member
☐ Supervisor or employer
☐ Employee
☐ Teacher or mentor
☐ Student
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

What responsibility, relationship, or mission is affected?

Part 2: Name the Conflict Pattern

Describe the conflict pattern in two or three honest sentences.

What keeps happening?

What usually starts the Wildfire?

☐ A tone of voice
☐ A repeated complaint
☐ A forgotten responsibility
☐ A correction
☐ A decision about money or resources
☐ A disagreement about authority
☐ A parenting or family issue
☐ A ministry or workplace expectation
☐ A feeling of being ignored or dismissed
☐ A feeling of being controlled or pressured
☐ A side conversation or gossip
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

What does the Wildfire usually look like?

☐ Raised voices
☐ Sarcasm
☐ Silence or withdrawal
☐ Defensiveness
☐ Blame-shifting
☐ Public embarrassment
☐ Private resentment
☐ Gossip or side conversations
☐ Controlling behavior
☐ Avoidance
☐ Tears or emotional shutdown
☐ Harsh correction
☐ Passive resistance
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

Part 3: What Is Happening in Me?

Before focusing on the other person, bring your own heart before God.

What do I feel when this conflict happens?

☐ Angry
☐ Afraid
☐ Embarrassed
☐ Disrespected
☐ Powerless
☐ Unappreciated
☐ Controlled
☐ Ignored
☐ Defensive
☐ Sad
☐ Exhausted
☐ Anxious
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

What do I usually want in that moment?

☐ To win
☐ To be heard
☐ To escape
☐ To control the outcome
☐ To be respected
☐ To be appreciated
☐ To make the other person change
☐ To avoid rejection
☐ To protect someone
☐ To punish or withdraw
☐ To restore peace quickly
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

Has a good desire become a ruling demand?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes or unsure, name the desire:

What might I need to confess?

Part 4: What Is Happening in the Relationship or System?

Conflict often reveals more than one person’s attitude. It may reveal a repeated relationship or organizational pattern.

What pattern may be present?

☐ Unclear expectations
☐ Poor communication
☐ Misused authority
☐ Lack of accountability
☐ Unspoken resentment
☐ Avoided conversations
☐ Public correction that should be private
☐ Private issues that need appropriate outside help
☐ Competition for attention, resources, or influence
☐ Fear of telling the truth
☐ Lack of repair after conflict
☐ Lack of boundaries
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

What needs clarification?

What needs repair?

What needs a boundary or firebreak?

Part 5: Apply the PeaceSmart Questions

Answer the questions that fit your setting.

If this is a marriage or close family relationship:

What Marriage Wildfire is most present?

☐ Contempt
☐ Defensiveness
☐ Withdrawal
☐ Control
☐ Scorekeeping
☐ Fear-based peacekeeping
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

What covenant question do I need to ask?

☐ What is happening in me?
☐ What is happening in us?
☐ What is mine to own?
☐ What would love do in truth?
☐ What would help us return to the Peacefire?

My answer:

If this is a parenting or caregiving relationship:

Am I discipling from the Peacefire or reacting from the Wildfire?

☐ Mostly Peacefire
☐ Mostly Wildfire
☐ Mixed
☐ I am not sure

What does this child or young person need most?

☐ Instruction
☐ Correction
☐ Comfort
☐ Consequence
☐ Encouragement
☐ Repair
☐ Rest
☐ Protection
☐ Outside support
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

What do I need to model?

If this is a church, ministry, workplace, school, or team:

Which relationship engine needs attention?

☐ Authority to serve
☐ Correction to grow
☐ Conflict to transform

How is authority being used right now?

☐ To serve
☐ To control
☐ To avoid responsibility
☐ To protect image
☐ To clarify and equip
☐ To silence questions
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

How could correction become more growth-giving?

What might this conflict be revealing that needs transformation?

Part 6: Safety and Wisdom Check

Do not use this worksheet to pressure yourself into an unsafe conversation.

Does this conflict involve any of the following?

☐ Violence
☐ Threats
☐ Stalking
☐ Coercion
☐ Sexual abuse
☐ Child abuse
☐ Severe intimidation
☐ Harassment
☐ Criminal behavior
☐ Financial misconduct
☐ Serious misuse of authority
☐ Ongoing exploitation
☐ Imminent danger
☐ Vulnerable person at risk
☐ None of these

If any serious safety concern is present, seek appropriate outside help. Pastoral care can be valuable, but it does not replace emergency services, legal protection, mandatory reporting, licensed clinical care, child protection services, human resources processes, or specialized support when those are needed.

What wise safety step may be needed?

Who should be contacted for help, counsel, protection, reporting, or accountability?

Part 7: Choose a PeaceSmart Next Step

What is your next faithful step?

☐ Pray before responding
☐ Confess my part
☐ Apologize specifically
☐ Ask a clarifying question
☐ Listen before defending
☐ Stop a side conversation
☐ Speak truth in love
☐ Set a wise boundary
☐ Invite a mediated conversation
☐ Clarify expectations
☐ Ask for pastoral, counseling, HR, legal, or safety help
☐ Create a repair plan
☐ Wait and entrust the outcome to God
☐ Other: ________________________________________________

Write your next faithful step in one clear sentence:

When will you take this step?

Who, if anyone, should walk with you in this step?

What should remain private?

Part 8: Prepare the Conversation

Use this structure if a conversation is wise and safe.

I want to talk about:

What I want to own is:

What I want to understand is:

What I believe needs to change is:

What I am requesting is:

What I am willing to do is:

If the Wildfire starts, I will:

Part 9: PeaceSmart Commitment

Complete these statements.

With God’s help, I will use authority to serve by:

With God’s help, I will receive or give correction for growth by:

With God’s help, I will let this conflict transform me by:

With God’s help, I will refuse to feed the Wildfire by:

With God’s help, I will return to the Peacefire by:

Closing Prayer

Lord Jesus,
Make me a PeaceSmart presence in my home, church, ministry, workplace, school, team, or community. Keep me from pride, fear, control, gossip, harshness, avoidance, and shallow peace. Teach me to speak truth in love. Teach me to use authority to serve. Teach me to give and receive correction with humility. Teach me to let conflict become a place of transformation. Protect the vulnerable. Guide me toward wise help where help is needed. Shape my next faithful step by Your presence and power. Amen.