Video Transcript: The Conflict Beneath the Conflict

4A — The Conflict Beneath the Conflict

Hi, I am Haley Steiner, a CLI presenter. This course is taught by Professor Brian DeCook.

In Peacefire Ministry, visible conflict is rarely the whole conflict.

People may argue about a schedule, a decision, a text message, a church policy, a family gathering, a ministry role, money, parenting, tone of voice, or who said what. Those issues matter. We should not dismiss them. But often, underneath the visible issue, deeper desires are at work.

Someone may want respect. Someone may want safety. Someone may want to be heard. Someone may want control. Someone may want affirmation. Someone may want fairness. Someone may want closeness. Someone may want distance. Someone may want to avoid shame. Someone may want to protect a reputation.

These desires are not always wrong. Many desires begin as good human longings. God created people to desire love, truth, belonging, justice, peace, dignity, and security. The problem comes when a desire becomes so central that it begins to rule the heart.

James asks a searching question: “Where do wars and fightings among you come from?” He points not only to the outside issue, but to the desires at war within us.

A Peacefire Coach Minister learns to listen beneath the surface without becoming suspicious, harsh, or simplistic. The goal is not to say, “Your conflict is really just selfishness.” That would be too quick. The goal is to gently help the person ask, “What am I wanting so strongly that I am reacting this way?”

For example, a volunteer may say, “The leader ignored my idea.” The visible issue is a ministry decision. But underneath may be a desire to be valued. A husband may say, “She never respects my opinion.” Underneath may be a desire for honor, influence, or security. A church member may say, “Nobody cares about me.” Underneath may be grief, loneliness, or fear of being forgotten.

Peacefire discernment asks careful questions.

“What did this conflict touch in you?”

“What felt threatened?”

“What were you hoping would happen?”

“What did you fear would happen?”

“What are you trying to protect?”

“What might Christ be inviting you to bring into His light?”

These questions move people from reaction to reflection. They help the person return to Christ before acting from Wildfire.

This does not mean the Peacefire Coach Minister ignores real wrongs. Harm, injustice, abuse, deception, and power misuse must still be named truthfully. But even when another person has done wrong, the person seeking help still needs to discern what is happening in their own soul before God.

The conflict beneath the conflict is not always easy to see. But when desires are brought into the presence of Christ, the next faithful step becomes clearer.

Peacefire Ministry helps people move from “How do I win this conflict?” to “Lord Jesus, what is happening in me, what is true here, and what faithful step are You calling me to take?”