📝 Worksheet 6.5: Role Discernment and First-Session Checklist
📝 Worksheet 6.5: Role Discernment and First-Session Checklist
Starting a Peacefire Ministry Practice
Topic 6: Conflict Roles and the First-Session Covenant
Purpose
This worksheet helps the Peacefire Coach Minister develop two core practice skills:
A. Formation of the Minister
You will examine how you respond when you are offended, when you have caused offense, when you are near someone else’s conflict, and when you are called to pray rather than intervene.
B. Formation of the Practice
You will build a first-session checklist, role-discernment tool, and Peacefire Ministry Covenant language for your final Peacefire Ministry Practice portfolio.
The goal is not to assign blame quickly. The goal is to help people stand truthfully before Christ, clarify what belongs to them, and discern one faithful next step.
A. Formation of the Minister
1. Begin with Prayer
Pray slowly before completing this section.
Lord Jesus Christ,
You are the true Peacemaker. Search my heart with mercy. Show me where I avoid my role, exaggerate my role, or carry what does not belong to me. Teach me humility when I have caused harm, courage when I have been harmed, restraint when I am near another person’s conflict, and faithfulness when prayer is my primary calling. Lead me back to the Peacefire of Your presence. Amen.
2. Personal Conflict Role Reflection
Think of one recent or memorable conflict. Choose one that is appropriate for reflection and not too raw or unsafe.
Briefly describe the conflict.
What happened?
Who was involved?
What made the conflict difficult?
3. Which Role Were You In?
Check any roles that applied.
☐ I was offended or harmed.
☐ I caused offense or harm.
☐ I was both harmed and harmful.
☐ I was near the conflict as an ambassador/helper.
☐ I was called mainly to intercede.
☐ I stepped into a role that was not mine.
☐ I avoided a role that was mine.
☐ I am not sure.
Explain your role.
4. The Offended Person Reflection
Complete this section if you were offended, hurt, dismissed, betrayed, embarrassed, ignored, manipulated, or harmed.
What hurt most?
What did you want, fear, protect, or demand?
Did the offense begin to spread into Wildfire?
☐ Replaying the event
☐ Gossip or repeated retelling
☐ Assuming motives
☐ Avoidance
☐ Revenge fantasies
☐ Contempt
☐ Withdrawal
☐ Harsh words
☐ Spiritualizing anger
☐ None of these
☐ Not sure
What belonged to you before God?
What did not belong to you?
Was a boundary or firebreak needed? Why or why not?
5. The Offender Reflection
Complete this section if you caused offense, wounded someone, spoke harshly, gossiped, dismissed someone, avoided responsibility, misused influence, or acted in a way that damaged trust.
What did you do or say?
What harm may your action have caused?
What excuses are you tempted to make?
What would confession without excuse sound like?
What repair, restitution, or changed behavior may be needed?
What consequences or boundaries may you need to respect?
6. The Ambassador Reflection
Complete this section if you were near someone else’s conflict and tried to help.
What was your relationship to the people involved?
Did you have permission, authority, or responsibility to intervene?
☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ Partly
☐ Not sure
Did you become any of the following?
☐ Messenger
☐ Spy
☐ Rescuer
☐ Judge
☐ Gossip carrier
☐ Emotional manager
☐ Informal mediator without consent
☐ Pressure agent
☐ None of these
☐ Not sure
What was yours to do?
What was not yours to carry?
What boundary would have helped you stay in role?
7. The Intercessor Reflection
Complete this section if your main role was prayer.
What were you called to pray for?
Did your prayer remain surrendered to God, or did it become controlling?
Did any prayer request become spiritual gossip?
☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ Not sure
What could faithful intercession sound like?
What action, if any, might God be asking you to take?
What action is not yours to take?
8. Role Confusion Inventory
Check any role-confusion patterns you recognize in yourself.
☐ I try to fix conflicts that do not belong to me.
☐ I avoid confession when I have caused harm.
☐ I focus on the other person’s sin before examining my own.
☐ I carry private information between people.
☐ I confuse listening with agreeing.
☐ I confuse forgiveness with restored trust.
☐ I pressure peace because conflict makes me uncomfortable.
☐ I enjoy being trusted with inside information.
☐ I use prayer requests to talk about conflict.
☐ I become anxious when people do not reconcile quickly.
☐ I take responsibility for outcomes that belong to God.
☐ I avoid safety questions because they feel uncomfortable.
☐ I need clearer role boundaries.
What pattern most needs Christ’s formation in you?
9. My Personal Role-Clarity Statement
Write a short statement you can pray or remember when you are in or near conflict.
Example:
“Lord, help me own what is mine, release what is not mine, and refuse to spread Wildfire while trying to help.”
My role-clarity statement:
B. Formation of the Practice
10. Build Your Role-Discernment Tool
Create a tool that helps a person identify their role in conflict before choosing a next step.
Tool Title
Examples:
Peacefire Role Discernment Tool
What Role Am I In?
Conflict Role and Responsibility Map
Offended, Offender, Ambassador, Intercessor Discernment Guide
My tool title:
11. Opening Explanation for the Tool
Write a gentle introduction for the person receiving care.
Include these ideas:
The purpose is not to shame or label quickly.
Different conflict roles have different responsibilities.
A person may be in more than one role.
The goal is to discern one faithful next step in Christ.
Draft introduction:
12. Role Discernment Questions
Write three questions for each role.
Offended Person Questions
Offender Questions
Ambassador Questions
Intercessor Questions
13. Role Boundaries
Write one boundary statement for each role.
Offended Person Boundary
Example:
“I can tell the truth and seek wisdom without taking revenge or carrying responsibility for the offender’s repentance.”
My statement:
Offender Boundary
Example:
“I can confess and seek repair without demanding immediate forgiveness, trust, or access.”
My statement:
Ambassador Boundary
Example:
“I can encourage peace without carrying private messages between people.”
My statement:
Intercessor Boundary
Example:
“I can pray faithfully without using prayer as gossip or control.”
My statement:
14. First-Session Checklist
Create a first-session checklist for your Peacefire Ministry Practice.
Before the Session
☐ Prepare the meeting space.
☐ Pray for wisdom, humility, truth, and peace.
☐ Review ministry role limits.
☐ Review confidentiality limits.
☐ Have referral resources available.
☐ Have safety policy available.
☐ Have note-taking method ready.
☐ Know emergency and mandatory-reporting pathways.
Beginning the Session
☐ Welcome the person warmly.
☐ Ask permission before prayer.
☐ Explain the Peacefire Coach Minister role.
☐ Explain what this ministry is not.
☐ Explain confidentiality with limits.
☐ Explain safety and reporting boundaries.
☐ Ask what kind of help the person wants.
☐ Confirm consent to continue.
Listening and Mapping
☐ Invite the person to share what happened.
☐ Listen without rushing judgment.
☐ Reflect what you hear.
☐ Identify the event.
☐ Identify the interpretation.
☐ Identify the desire, fear, demand, or protection.
☐ Identify the response.
☐ Identify the spread of the conflict.
☐ Ask permission before using Peacefire tools.
Role Discernment
☐ Is the person offended?
☐ Is the person the offender?
☐ Is the person both offended and offender?
☐ Is the person an ambassador/helper?
☐ Is the person mainly an intercessor?
☐ Is the person carrying a role that is not theirs?
☐ Is the person avoiding a role that is theirs?
☐ What belongs to the person before God?
☐ What does not belong to the person?
Safety and Power Check
☐ Ask about threats.
☐ Ask about coercion or intimidation.
☐ Ask about violence or stalking.
☐ Ask about abuse or exploitation.
☐ Ask about sexual misconduct.
☐ Ask about child, elder, or vulnerable adult concerns.
☐ Ask about self-harm or harm-to-others concerns.
☐ Ask about criminal behavior.
☐ Ask about severe power imbalance.
☐ Ask whether private contact would increase danger.
☐ Follow law, ministry policy, and referral procedures when needed.
Discern the Next Faithful Step
☐ Prayer
☐ Lament
☐ Confession preparation
☐ Repair preparation
☐ Forgiveness reflection
☐ Boundary or firebreak
☐ Stop gossip or message-carrying
☐ Seek pastoral oversight
☐ Seek professional counseling
☐ Seek legal support
☐ Use emergency or crisis support
☐ Document concerns
☐ Wait before acting
☐ Schedule follow-up
☐ Other: ______________________________________
Closing the Session
☐ Summarize what was heard.
☐ Confirm the identified role or roles.
☐ Confirm the next faithful step.
☐ Clarify what the participant will do.
☐ Clarify what the minister will do.
☐ Ask if anything urgent remains unnamed.
☐ Pray by permission.
☐ Document appropriately.
☐ Schedule follow-up if needed.
15. First-Session Welcome Script
Write your own welcome script.
Include warmth, pacing, and care.
Example:
“Thank you for coming. I’m glad you reached out. We will move slowly and carefully today. My hope is to listen well, help you discern your role, and identify one faithful next step in Christ.”
My welcome script:
16. Permission-Based Prayer Script
Write a short phrase asking permission to pray.
My permission phrase:
Write a short opening prayer.
My opening prayer:
17. Role-Clarity Script
Write a clear explanation of what your Peacefire Ministry Practice offers and does not offer.
Include that it is Christian conflict-navigation coaching and formation support.
My role-clarity script:
18. Confidentiality-with-Limits Script
Write your confidentiality statement.
Include limits related to danger, abuse, threats, harm to self or others, child abuse, elder abuse, vulnerable-person risk, sexual misconduct, criminal behavior, and mandatory reporting.
My confidentiality statement:
19. Safety Check Script
Write a gentle way to introduce safety questions.
Example:
“Before we talk about next steps, I ask everyone a few safety questions. These help me care responsibly and know whether outside support is needed.”
My safety-check introduction:
My core safety questions:
20. Role-Discernment Conversation Practice
Use this scenario.
A participant says:
“I’m not really involved. I’m just trying to help my sister and her husband stop fighting. But both of them keep calling me, and now I know things from each side. I think I should sit them down and make them talk.”
Your Peacefire response:
Write a response that helps the person discern their role without shaming them.
21. Offender Confession Preparation
Use this scenario.
A participant says:
“I know I hurt my friend, but she is overreacting. I already said I was sorry. I don’t know why she won’t just move on.”
Your Peacefire response:
Write a response that helps the person move toward confession without excuse.
22. Offended Person Care Practice
Use this scenario.
A participant says:
“He humiliated me in front of everyone. I keep replaying it. I want to forgive, but I also want everyone to know what he did.”
Your Peacefire response:
Write a response that validates harm, avoids blame, and helps identify Wildfire spread.
23. Intercessor Practice
Use this scenario.
A participant says:
“I’m only asking for prayer, but I think you should know everything that happened between them. It’s really bad.”
Your Peacefire response:
Write a response that encourages prayer without spiritual gossip.
24. Draft Your Peacefire Ministry Covenant
Use the space below to draft a short covenant for your practice.
Include:
Christian purpose
role clarity
consent
confidentiality with limits
safety and referral
participant responsibility
communication boundaries
documentation
goal of one faithful next step
Draft covenant:
25. Communication Boundaries
Write clear boundaries for communication outside sessions.
Include:
When messages may be sent
What messages may be used for
When emergency or crisis resources should be used
Expected response time or limits
Whether screenshots or forwarded messages are appropriate
My communication boundaries:
26. Documentation Plan
Create a simple ministry-notes pattern.
What will you document?
☐ Date of session
☐ General presenting issue
☐ Role or roles identified
☐ Safety concerns asked about
☐ Safety concerns present or not present
☐ Peacefire tools used
☐ Next faithful step
☐ Referrals recommended
☐ Follow-up plan
☐ Other: ______________________________________
Where will notes be stored securely?
Who, if anyone, may review notes according to ministry policy?
What should not be included in notes?
27. Referral Readiness
List resources you should have ready before offering first sessions.
Pastoral or ministry oversight contact:
Licensed counselor or therapist referral:
Domestic violence or abuse support resource:
Emergency or crisis resource:
Legal or advocacy resource:
Child, elder, or vulnerable adult reporting pathway:
Church, Soul Center, chaplaincy, or parish safeguarding contact:
Other community support:
28. Final Practice Asset Checklist
Before adding this worksheet to your final portfolio, confirm:
☐ I created a role-discernment tool.
☐ I included the offended person role.
☐ I included the offender role.
☐ I included the ambassador role.
☐ I included the intercessor role.
☐ I included overlapping-role awareness.
☐ I created a first-session checklist.
☐ I included role clarity.
☐ I included consent-based prayer and guidance.
☐ I included confidentiality with limits.
☐ I included safety and power checks.
☐ I included referral readiness.
☐ I included communication boundaries.
☐ I included documentation practices.
☐ I drafted a Peacefire Ministry Covenant.
☐ I avoided therapy, legal, investigative, emergency-response, or formal-mediation claims.
☐ I kept the focus on one faithful next step in Christ.
29. Portfolio Deliverable
For your final Peacefire Ministry Practice portfolio, submit:
Your role-discernment tool.
Your first-session checklist.
Your welcome script.
Your permission-based prayer script.
Your role-clarity script.
Your confidentiality-with-limits statement.
Your safety-check script.
Your communication boundaries.
Your documentation plan.
Your referral-readiness list.
Your draft Peacefire Ministry Covenant.
Closing Prayer
Lord Jesus Christ,
Make my Peacefire Ministry Practice clear, humble, safe, and faithful. Teach me to welcome people warmly, ask permission, speak truthfully, honor confidentiality with wisdom, and take safety seriously. Help me discern roles without shaming people and guide each person toward one faithful next step. Keep me from overreach, confusion, gossip, pressure, and fear. Let this ministry return people to Your presence. Amen.