Video Transcript: Preparing Confrontation and Confession With Consent

🎥 Video 8B: Preparing Confrontation and Confession With Consent

Hi, I am Haley Steiner, a CLI presenter.

This course is taught by Professor Brian DeCook.

Many people enter conflict asking, “How do I confront them?”

But in Peacefire Ministry, we also ask, “Do I need to confess something first?”

Confrontation and confession are both gospel-shaped practices. They are not tools for control. They are acts of truth before God.

Confrontation says, “Something harmful, sinful, confusing, or unjust needs to be named.”

Confession says, “Something in me needs to be owned before God and, when appropriate, before another person.”

A Peacefire Coach Minister helps people prepare for both with humility, consent, and wisdom.

Consent matters because the minister should not take over the person’s conscience. You might say:

“Would it be okay if we look at both sides of this for a moment?”

Or:

“Would you be open to considering whether there is anything you need to own before you speak to them?”

That question must be asked gently. It should never be used to blame a harmed person for another person’s sin. Some people have truly been wronged. Some have been manipulated, threatened, coerced, or abused. In those cases, the minister must not rush them toward confrontation, confession, or private meetings.

But in ordinary conflict, many people need help seeing their own role. Jesus taught us to notice the beam in our own eye before addressing the speck in another’s eye. That does not mean the other person has done nothing wrong. It means we come with humility before we speak.

A Peacefire preparation process can include five questions.

First, what happened?

Second, what interpretation have I attached to it?

Third, what desire, fear, or demand is active in me?

Fourth, what have I done that may have added Wildfire?

Fifth, what faithful next step is God calling me to take?

If the next step is confrontation, the person can prepare words that are truthful, specific, and humble.

For example:

“When that decision was made without talking with me, I felt dismissed and confused. I would like to understand what happened, and I want to talk about how we can handle this more faithfully next time.”

That is different from:

“You never care what I think, and you always manipulate people.”

The first invites truth. The second spreads Wildfire.

If the next step is confession, the person can prepare words that are direct and without excuse.

For example:

“I spoke about you instead of coming to you. That was wrong. I am sorry. I want to ask your forgiveness, and I want to change how I handle frustration.”

Confession does not include blame-shifting. It does not say, “I am sorry, but you made me angry.” It does not say, “I am sorry if you were offended.” Confession owns what belongs to me.

The Peacefire Coach Minister also helps the person consider timing, safety, setting, tone, and support.

Is this conversation wise now?

Should it be written first and spoken later?

Should a pastor, supervisor, counselor, or qualified mediator be involved?

Is a private meeting unsafe or inappropriate?

Should the person pause and pray before taking action?

Confrontation and confession are powerful when they are surrendered to Christ. They can open the door to repair. But they must never be used as pressure, performance, or control.

This week, practice helping someone prepare words that are truthful, humble, specific, and free from Wildfire.

The goal is not to win the confrontation.

The goal is to take the next faithful step in Christ.