Video Transcript:Grief Moves in Waves, Not Straight Lines

Video 2B: Grief Moves in Waves, Not Straight Lines

Hi, I am Haley Steiner, a CLI presenter.

This course is taught by Rev. Henry Reyenga and Attorney/Pastor Brian DeCook.

In this lesson, we are talking about grief waves.

Many people expect grief to move in a straight line. They imagine that each week should feel a little better than the week before. But divorce recovery often does not work that way.

You may feel steady one day and then suddenly shaken by a song, a text message, a court date, a holiday, a school event, a church service, a bill, a photograph, or an empty chair at the table. You may think, “I thought I was doing better. Why am I back here again?”

That experience does not mean you are failing. It may mean that another layer of grief has surfaced.

Ecclesiastes 3 says there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” The Bible does not treat mourning as a lack of faith. Mourning is part of life in a world where love, loss, sin, disappointment, and change are real.

Psalm 13 gives us an honest example of grief in prayer. The psalm begins with the cry, “How long, Yahweh?” That is not polite religious language. That is real lament. The psalmist brings confusion, sorrow, and waiting directly to God.

A grief wave may include sadness, anger, fear, loneliness, exhaustion, regret, longing, or numbness. Sometimes it shows up in the body through tiredness, stomach tension, headaches, sleep disruption, or difficulty focusing. Sometimes it shows up in decisions, like wanting to isolate, over-explain, retaliate, rush into a new relationship, or make a major decision too quickly.

This is why stabilization matters.

When a grief wave comes, the first question is not, “How do I make this disappear forever?” A better first question is, “What helps me stay connected to God, truth, safety, and support right now?”

A grief-wave plan may include simple steps:

Pause before reacting.

Breathe and ground yourself.

Name what triggered the wave.

Pray honestly.

Contact a trusted support person.

Delay major decisions when possible.

Do one stabilizing action, such as eating, resting, walking, journaling, or reviewing your next step.

Lamentations 3:21–24 says, “This I recall to my mind; therefore I have hope. It is because of Yahweh’s loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because his compassion doesn’t fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.”

Notice that hope comes in the middle of sorrow. The grief has not vanished, but God’s mercy is still present.

This week, do not shame yourself for having grief waves. Learn to notice them. Learn what triggers them. Learn what support helps you stay steady.

Reflection question: What situations, dates, places, or reminders tend to bring grief waves for you?

Gentle next step: Begin a simple grief-wave plan with three supports: one prayer, one person, and one stabilizing practice.