Video Transcript: Divorce Grief Is Real Grief

Video 3A: Divorce Grief Is Real Grief

Hi, I am Haley Steiner, a CLI presenter.

This course is taught by Rev. Henry Reyenga and Attorney/Pastor Brian DeCook.

In this topic, we are talking about grief.

That may sound obvious, but many people going through separation or divorce do not give themselves permission to grieve. They may say, “No one died, so why does this hurt so much?” Or, “I should be stronger by now.” Or, “Other people have suffered worse things, so I should not feel this deeply.”

But divorce grief is real grief.

Separation and divorce can involve many losses at the same time. There may be the loss of companionship. The loss of shared routines. The loss of a home. The loss of family traditions. The loss of financial stability. The loss of a church circle or friendship group. The loss of dreams about what life was supposed to become.

There can also be invisible losses. The loss of confidence. The loss of trust. The loss of a familiar identity. The loss of being able to answer simple questions without pain, such as, “Are you married?” or “Where will your children be for Christmas?”

God does not dismiss these losses.

Psalm 42 gives voice to a soul that is cast down. Psalm 62 says, “Trust in him at all times, you people. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us.” Jesus says in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” And in John 11:35, we see Jesus himself weeping at the tomb of Lazarus.

Jesus does not stand far away from grief. He enters it.

This matters because Christian hope is not pretending. Christian hope does not say, “This did not hurt.” It says, “God is with me in the hurt.” It does not say, “I must rush through sorrow.” It says, “The Lord can meet me as I tell the truth.”

You may not know exactly what you are grieving yet. That is okay. Grief often comes in layers. One day you may grieve the relationship. Another day you may grieve the children’s schedule. Another day you may grieve a family photo, a holiday, a house key, or an empty seat at church.

This week, you are not being asked to solve all of that. You are being invited to name it with God.

A helpful phrase may be: “Lord, this is one loss I am carrying today.”

That is not weakness. That is prayerful honesty.

Your reflection question is this: What loss has been hardest for you to admit, even to yourself?

Your gentle next step is to write one sentence that begins, “Lord, today I grieve…” Then pause, breathe, and remember: God is not offended by honest sorrow.