Video Transcript: Digital Contact, Extended Family, and Shared Community

Video 7C: Digital Contact, Extended Family, and Shared Community

Hi, I am Haley Steiner, a CLI presenter.

This course is taught by Rev. Henry Reyenga and Attorney/Pastor Brian DeCook.

Boundaries after divorce are not only about direct conversations with a former spouse.

They may also involve social media, texting, former in-laws, mutual friends, shared church spaces, children’s events, holidays, school activities, and community gatherings.

These situations can be emotionally complicated.

You may wonder, “Do I stay connected with former family members?”

“Do I attend the same church service?”

“Do I respond to comments online?”

“Do I explain my side?”

“Do I go to the graduation party, wedding, funeral, concert, or birthday gathering?”

There is not one simple answer for every situation.

Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men.”

Sometimes peace means showing up with humility and restraint. Sometimes peace means declining an invitation. Sometimes peace means using a separate entrance, sitting with a support person, or leaving early. Sometimes peace means not replying online. Sometimes peace means asking a pastor, attorney, counselor, or safety professional for guidance before entering a shared space.

Digital contact deserves special attention.

Social media can keep wounds open. It can tempt you to monitor, compare, defend, accuse, or gather emotional evidence. It can also invite others into a conflict they do not understand.

A faithful digital boundary might include unfollowing certain accounts, limiting what you post, not checking a former spouse’s page, avoiding vague public comments, refusing to argue in comment sections, or asking friends not to send screenshots.

This is not weakness. It is stewardship.

Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”

That applies online too.

Extended family can also be hard. Some relationships may remain kind and appropriate. Others may become channels for pressure, blame, gossip, or unwanted messages. You may need to decide what contact is wise, what topics are off limits, and what events require support.

A simple boundary might be:

“I care about you, but I am not going to discuss the details of the divorce.”

“I am happy to coordinate about the children’s event, but I will not talk through accusations.”

“I am not able to attend that gathering this year.”

“Please do not pass messages between us.”

Shared church and community settings also need wisdom. A church can be a place of healing, but it can also become painful if people take sides, ask intrusive questions, or pressure quick resolution. You may need pastoral care, a different small group, a temporary change in seating, or a clear plan for what to say when someone asks questions.

A short answer can be enough:

“Thank you for caring. I am not discussing details, but I appreciate your prayers.”

This week’s worksheet will help you create a contact boundary and difficult-message plan. The goal is not to disappear from life. The goal is to move through life with wisdom, dignity, truth, and care.

Your reflection question is this:

Which digital, family, church, or community setting needs a clearer plan before you enter it again?

Your gentle next step is to choose one setting and write a simple boundary sentence you could use if needed.